I catch my own eyes in the bathroom mirror
before I even turn the cold water on.
I watch every quiet, hopeful plan I made
get quietly picked apart and gone.
I wear this skin, I answer to my name,
I’m the author of every doubt I hide.
I pull down my own small victories
and stand my own worst foe, inside.
When 5 a.m. hits with its pale blue light
and promises a second chance to try,
I drag out old mistakes from years ago
just to give myself a reason why.
I tell myself I am not man enough,
that every step forward is a fake,
that the moment things get steep or real
I’ll bend beneath the weight and break.
I sit at my desk in the afternoon slump,
building a maze out of unread mail.
I lock the doors, throw away the keys,
and then wonder why I’m set to fail.
I dissect every single word I said,
turning harmless moments into debt.
I don't need anyone to tear me down,
I haven't even given myself a chance yet.
And yet I'm the one who holds the pen,
the one who keeps writing out the fear.
If I'm the architect of all this noise,
I'm the only one who can clear it from here.
I smile like an angel in the light,
But shadows whisper in my mind at night.
A silent war no eyes can see,
Two souls are living inside of me.
One speaks of love, pure and bright,
The other burns with hidden spite.
One wants peace, calm and true,
The other craves what it shouldn't do.
I walk with kindness in my face,
Yet darkness follows every trace.
Not a monster, not divine,
Just a human lost in time.
So if I fall or if I rise,
Don’t judge me by what meets your eyes.
Because the truth you’ll never see—
The greatest battle is within me.
I took a look into my eyes as I reminisce on this journey called life
In my reminiscing, I was lost from the physical world but was live in my thoughts
Just like waves, I was shocked by my findings, just as the hologram, the world is full of fake people
The taste for a better life kills the angel within, now it's here and all that's left are demons, how sad and bitter
What's trust? It's but a plate of potage, bought with my rights
In this ring of life, I've been beaten down but refuse to stay down, I want to be angry at the world but it's not the way
The anger boils hot in me, yet I smile as I walk through my thoughts,
The bitterness of my soul is likened to that of the hulk, but I chose not to be a destroyer
What's the way I ask, but the look in my eyes says nothing, the chaos in my head creates a secret order
The venom from the bite of the viper which I picked out of kindness try to corrupt me, but all mustn't suffer for the sin of one
As the drums of war beats and the chants of my brothers uplifts my moral, I preach love because it's the only way.
Who am I ?
A burning sensation to some,
For others, a cube of cold ice,
A tasteless element in someone’s life,
Perhaps, for others a rare spice.
I ruin their mood, they say,
For some, I fill colours in their palette of grey,
someone who appears out of nowhere,
a soul shaped by fear.
But who am I ?
I really want to know,
Am I a flower to preserve ?
or maybe a thorn to throw.
People here,
They have put me in the state of confusion,
One moment I hate myself,
The next moment, I sink into complete delusion,
But who am I ?
Many say that I have a kind heart,
But these same humans,
hate me and push me apart,
Who am I ?
That final stroke that makes the painting incredible,
Or the dried out, forgotten paint in the colour tray,
That is replaceable.
But who am I, really ?
Perhaps, someone forced to grow up before her age,
A childhood buried in silence,
still echoing within her as rage.
I no longer wait for you,
Yet I still find myself searching.
There isn’t an ocean’s depth here,
But I still wish to drown in your eyes.
Just once, if I could see you again,
I’d read the lines of the fortunate in my fate.
I don’t know if I could have kept you happy,
But I was happiest just because you existed.
A boy who didn’t even understand what a smile meant,
You taught him how to laugh wholeheartedly.
You untangled the chaos within me,
Removed the thorns from my path,
You gave me everything—
Yet in this war of love, I still lost.
Now there is peace, but you are not here,
My heart still cries, yet it no longer hopes for you.
I wish to be close to you again,
But not as someone special—only to be ignored.
— Lucky
They say she was a caring mum
and liked by all she knew;
but now she's jailed for killing folk
(and mutilated two!)
Never Safe
I’ve never felt safe, if I may be so bold,
No warm shelter from nights so cold
If walls were strangers, far or near,
This silent place was built from fear.
Their smiles were teasing, sharp and sly,
Their hug a blade, an unspoken lie.
I’ve had to breathe without a sound,
Hid my tears, kept pain unbound.
At night I whispered to the skies,
That storms were gifts, not lullabies.
No answer came—just shadow play,
Ghosts in the light that wouldn’t stay
I held my own hand in darkest time,
Promised myself to rise and climb.
Not for anyone—just for me,
To prove to myself I could be free.
The days were heavy, nights were worse,
A silent cry, a muted curse.
Though never safe, I’ve grown quite strong,
A warrior with a quiet song.
I didn’t ask you to come.
You came anyway--
like sympathy could scrub
the blood off my breath.
Don’t you see?
My grief is mine.
You’re holding tissues
like they matter.
You’re speaking
like you understand.
You don’t.
Not the burn. Not the echo.
Let me fall.
Let me break and
crawl through it--
I need the splinters
to feel like proof
that I was touched at all.
And yet,
if you leave now
I will hate you
more
than I already hate
everything else.
Words rest on my tongue,
sharp and heavy,
like shattered glass,
aching to spill.
But as they press against my lips,
ready to slice their way out,
a voice pulls me back:
They are not worthy of your fire.
And I pause.
I ask myself—
what’s stronger?
The urge to make them bleed,
or the strength to walk away
and let their silence swallow them whole?
Living in the sunless cold hutch of till death do us apart, sits a chipping soul.
Never had he thought she did be a blotch of many shades.
Spitting and pouring scorn on his dreams of a happy home.
“What? Are you even a man? Your mates are out there...”
You hold a story of me that is not mine,
the version that smiles,
makes polite conversation,
tells just enough truth
to keep you satisfied.
But you’ve never witnessed the war.
How I fight against the silence,
how it curls into my lungs
until breathing is tantamount to failure.
I wake some mornings
to the sound of me thinking my own thoughts,
too loud, too sharp,
examining every small detail
I could’ve done differently.
They don’t teach you how to shed shame,
how to stop staring at yourself
as if something needs to be repaired.
You say,
"Talk to me."
But there’s no correct way to prepare
that I do not wish to be saved—
just sat with.
Just seen.
Without the expectation
of putting myself into words.
The battle in your chest
Would make a strong heart tremble;
But I braced against the test:
Survival’s not so simple.
We marched until the boots
Split seams from heavy wear;
My mother’s troubled roots
Turned gray with every scare.
The hand that gripped my arm
Was scarred from every fray;
At every step that harmed,
My heart would start to sway.
You beat time on my soul
With a weight I could not see,
Then led me through the toll
Still leaning close to me.
Balancing midst them both, two lives at once.
Split down the middle and torn at the seams.
Tiptoe the balance beam, pleasing the ones
who know only one side of things.
Confliction, a way of life down to the core.
From every angle, two people ‘twould seem.
Not yet discovered a way to be more,
so both lives are not but a dream.
Illusions, acts on stage, fulfilling roles.
Wondering how it would be.
Letting it melt to one, fill in the holes,
and finally just become me.
I wish it were simply that simple to do,
but both sides are set in their way,
and fully expect me to be the one who
they need at the end of the day.
But only so far can a double life go
before the stretch tears you in two.
And you cannot hide the blood, everyone knows…
but no one knows quite what to do.
You tell me to stop
How can I
When the porcelain play never stops
It has to keep going
For the crowd
Yet, the cracks...
They are slowly taking over
Slowly breaking
my so carefully built play
my life
my happiness
The cracks get bigger, can they see?
no amount of joy can seal them now.
The crowd, it laughs. I'm glad. They don't need to see my cracks
Yet...
Is this the end?
Is this where my porcelain facade finally shatters?
Will this be the final bow? The last act before it ends?
Will I be brave enough to take my last bow?
No..I cannot.
I try to gather my broken porcelain pieces back together, hastily.
I don't care how they are put, as long as they are hiding the scared, frail monster.
I look up at the crowd knowing, tonight won't be the last act.
The show must go on, for now and forever because of my cowardly behaviour. I don't bow.
I finish with a grin, a wide tooth filled grin that is the perfect finishing touch to my porcelain facade.
My perfect disguise.
My beautiful porcelain play
life tests by fire
finds soul tiring
rewire head-heart
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