rural alarm clock
better hen-pecked than hand-picked...
fresh eggs on demand
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for the "Bird Haiku" poetry contest
sponsored by Tania Kitchin
written 03/15/2022
syllables (5/7/5) checked by HowManySyllables.com
peck, peck, pecka peck
no one is spared Death’s sickle
silence rules the roost
09.21.2021
Old Pattie just cannot stop talking
Voice grates like a mallard duck squawking
Can't you just be quiet ?
For once you should try it
Her hen pecked husband left walking!
Written after we went out tonight - this woman would not shut up and in the end her hubby just walked out of the room
6/10/18
great mind over matter to set brainy bedlam
in an organized queue
so while attention of your
might be moderately rapt, this rue
stirring, hen pecked spouse
best stop digitally squawking sew
the ethereal essence can beak comb
brought to cypher awareness too
and in a figurative nutshell,
when doth a scrivener know when to quit
or tubby pointed rhetorical question -
at what juncture does any artisan
more prolific than yours truly
reckon that his/her faux masterpiece
can no longer be perfected?,
cuz further rit
dick kuel us tampering, potche ing, footsing,
would induce dedicated followers of mine
to undergo severe urge to wanna spit
or throw FAKE nipples,
subsequently they would feel tit
till late head, find this schlemiel
to end this plotz to whit!
FINIS.
Men who like men join a gentleman's club
Hen-pecked husbands play rub-a-dub-dub
Men who like food go straight to the grub
So all the rest of us head for the pub
All Blacks enjoy squeezing pigskin
Yanks love their beer, the British their gin
The ladies prefer champagne Micky Finn
Sipped under a table at Peckers Inn
The morning after should never exist
But good times are rare and not to be missed
I seem to recall a kiss and a tryst
But all said and done, DAMN! Was I pissed!
Either Peace Monger or Dissident
My poems actually apply their own ammunition
At the same provide personal all competition
And adequately replacing need for any test
Already knowing mine are always the best.
(Notice accentuation of letter "A" for BEST.)
Subject each day should be current affairs
Standing out not having to dig through layers
Maybe bus, plane or perhaps train that wrecked
Politicians by wives who have become hen-pecked.
Now that my brain I have completely wracked
Wise jokes and comments constantly cracked
Need I with my poems have to further explain
Difference between drop in bucket and down drain.
Those are Bernie's plans I recently read about
Likelihood of happening there is much doubt
And if President wherever he would have went
They would call him peace monger and a dissident.
Chinwag Pies
A crowd gathers
Where the poor run wild,
Relentlessly taunting
An innocent child,
Scathing, scalding
Thieving eyes,
Scrimping, scraping
Chinwag pies.
Two a penny
For those that beg,
A clip round the ear
For your gammy leg,
Gossiping mothers
Cannot abide
The bastard child
Of the old dockside.
"Hello sailor,
Empty your pocket,
Got me shilling
For me golden locket?"
Ne're-do-well harlot,
Talk of the town,
Don't belong round here
In her five bob gown.
"What about me boy?
An urchin for sure,
Spare him the price
Of being poor"
Toss him a penny,
Toss him a pound,
We don't want his sort
Skulking around,
Shove him this way,
Shove him that,
Shove him in a coffin
With his begging hat.
The crowd disperses
Back to their lives
Of hen pecked husbands
And drunken wives.
Suburban gardens,
Plastic flowers,
Hair in curlers,
Nattering for hours,
Over the fence
Spinning their lies
With folded arms
And chinwag pies.
Lennie was a Hen-pecked pastry baker
Who told His wife He might forsake Her.
She nagged and was grossly obese.
He wanted it to quickly cease.
Whereupon He frosted Her Half-acre.
Feathered in fire,
a blood heat of
red stolen coals
under your wing;
soles calloused by
the mountain road
long as loneliness;
step after hot step
chicken-foot lurch
home - what home?
frigid nest of stones.
Come chill moon-fall
you will be pecked
half-way to a death
by the beak of love,
feathered in a grin.
Still Can Hear It
Youthful body had been so sleek and young
And some say that she was always among
The loveliest ladies which were to be seen
Even though she still was only just a teen.
She was becoming and beautiful at a ball
Danced smoothly although appearing tall
With a frivolous face seeming to shine;
To see her, men stood for hours in line.
One day handsome husband she would meet,
And completely knocked him off of both feet
And when the two finally had hit the ground
He ended up being completely spell bound.
He could tell it was love at very first sight
Danced with her throughout whole night
Future husband discovered ruling rapture;
Was beautiful bride who him did capture.
Long love lasted forever and another day;
Fine life was full of fun with not any dismay;
In heaven we presume is her precious spirit;
Him back here hen-pecked and still can hear it.
C'mon!!! Laugh a little.
James Thomas Horn
Retired Veteran
DECADENT = ten teeth
CONFUSION = against melting with intensity
DEDICATION = a vacation in the afterlife
PURPOSE = Kitten posing while purring
INFORMATION = soldiers on parade
DELETED = Getting rid of Ted
FEATURED = An adventure about walking barefoot
SYLLABLE = Funny antics of a bull
CLASSICAL = A student eating a popsicle in class
MORNING = A lot more ning
PREVENTING = Before letting out air
PERPETUATE = Average for each pet you ate
ASSOCIATED = Your bum has social skills
BEAUTIFUL = Beauty filled to the top
REPRESENTED = Announce Ted is present again
PARTICIPATE = Average part in your hair
CONSISTING = Against your sister's hurtful remarks
WEAPONS = Small chess pieces
DEPARTMENT = Leaving your apartment
SENTENCE = Uptight delivery
PUBLISHING = Getting drunk in a bar
THOUSAND = Your beach
CANTALOUPE = Unable to run away and get married
IMPORTANCE = Buying ants from another country
DEFINITIONS = Hard of hearing finitions
EXPECTED = Ted who used to be hen pecked
GOVERNMENT = Vote for Vern election ad
POPULAR = Dad's favourite pew at church
© Jack Ellison 2014
A Cat's that's Bullied
Wussy
Pussy ;)
Farm Animals that Enjoy the Classics
Dicken's
Chickens
A Corn Farmer with Turn off Jokes and Turn on Passion
Corny
Horny
A Humorous Song
Witty
Ditty
The Fastest "Gun" in the West
Quickie
Dickie ;)
Monica's L's nickname for the President
Billy
Willy
My Belly Dance MODE
Wiggle
Jiggle (Ah...you got to see it! ;)
So...As the story goes...Poor Wussy Pussy hen-pecked by Dicken's Chickens
went to Farmer Corny Horny for help, but he was busy laughing at his witty
ditty about Quickie Dickie and Willy Billy who were staring at my wiggle
jiggle...THE END!
Eileen Manassian
Many Times I would often wonder
Why there is turbulence and thunder
Big waves which around will whirl
And tornadoes which seem to swirl.
Weather to me always does amaze
Do you think it is a form of praise
Which we offer to God we love
Even from below or else up above.
Avalanches at times also will occur
And people can create quite a stir
Disturbance followed by a commotion
Especially with my shaving lotion.
I presume all women with their perfume
Knows that overhead our doom does loom
Women by God were the ones manifested
To upset things men should have digested.
Women and weather we must put up with
And someone once asked was it a myth
A man on a ship may have been decked
When he told his wife he was hen pecked.
James Thomas Horn
www.poetrysoup.com
Oh fine little sheep
why must you bleat?
When your manger’s piled high
with strands of wheat.
Think you of the cock
hen pecked by his flock
who must awaken at dawn
to crow from the rocks.
Or the cattle that lo
in their pastures of snow
Could use your fleece coat
when the icy winds blow.
And the pigs in their sty
should borrow your cry
For their mud saddled backs
must itch as they dry.
But I know why you weep
oh wise little sheep
For you count off the days
‘til your wool they will reap.
The Rooster Leads the Hens
By Elton Camp
Way back in history, to time untold
It’s males who have always controlled
To take the lead, most hens don’t care
Rooster leads them from here to there
Talk of gender equality is just fluff
For the hens never believe such stuff
When the going is dangerous or rough
The males alone are sufficiently tough
The hens deal with hatching white & brown
You won’t see the lordly rooster sitting down
The hens scratch a living from the ground
Move for him to eat when he come around
Human males his tricks should come to know
They too could learn how to strut and crow
Maybe find that not to be a hen-pecked fool
He must show from the start he means to rule
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