I still think I do.
I honestly think I really do.
I don't know why but maybe these ideas are alive.
I might have accidentally lingered in my head reminiscing with the thought of you and I
I kind of wondered maybe I'm overwhelmed by the signs.
Meeting and seeing you again rekindled something close to fire.
I'm begging that it's due over time.
Afraid that I must have been losing my mind.
Though I know you were beautiful, no lies.
We've grown throughout the years and maybe I'm just stating whys.
The we could haves and the we might haves.
I do think I still miss you. Can you come and find me some other time?
It seems my thoughts have been
buzzing a long my skin,
a hollow being filled
with a sense of connection I had
fought for too long.
For being too much-
not enough-
always an in between within my own
conflict.
I have held hands with that inky blackness
that resides a side from my soul,
and I comfort it, I never push it away-
how could I?
Who would I be without it?
Nevertheless, it's tendrils swirl along my
cosmic essence and they blend,
into everything and nothing-
they sway me into seeing your gentle nature.
An aperture in my vision that was reserved for only you.
Your love that is so gentle it reminds
me of the cradling of a wary mother's arms around me,
a father's want to be present,
you remind me of a child who was left behind.
For that-
my love extends beyond being.
More than me,
more than I could be.
Is it deserved?
I'm not entirely sure but now,
I understand I was supposed to show you
something away from your previous existence.
and I hope the fire greets you as it did me;
burning and caressing.
I would love to speak to you alone,
No one could ever guess my aggressive tension.
I would like to call you a moron,
Years passed by, yet you are still in your reflection.
I would let go of my chain,
Oxygen creates a vague reaction in my infected brain.
I would let go of my disease,
The disease is heavier than my knees.
I want to cast off my memories,
The memories of you are nothing but a troublesome maze.
I want to ruin the faces in your art,
Bodies mean nothing when souls fall apart.
This will hurt me more than you could ever imagine,
More than I recall of my sins,
More than the air I breathe,
The more I let go, the more I believe.
I found it coursing through my veins,
I found it without pain.
I found the valid reasons to return to normal,
Abnormality cannot define the mortal.
amongst rubble, i see an old friend’s face,
her trip had separated our friendship.
she waves me over, but i was too late,
i needed her, and she chose to jump ship.
how could she do this to our long kinship?
anger boiled into dark rage and fury,
but that swift moment was no mystery,
the person to look down upon, was me.
my own pain, anguish, my own misery.
obvious it was me; who else could it be?
Mesmerized by the fire in his warm eyes
Love played over my soul, softly glowing
Beautiful alive, like glorious skies
Singing wonders to my life, hopes growing
Feelings so perfect I could not disguise
Love so tender. my whole heart was showing
Breaking through the darkness, hushing my fears
Stirring my best dreams, silencing my tears
With him, I could feel my heart skip two beats
Joy echoed the love living inside me
Where I found beauty so full it defeats
Every feeling of despair so I’m free
To be the woman who feels, in heartbeats
Sure that what has come is what’s meant to be
The best of the best, the most joyful kiss
Blended with gentle and filled with sweet bliss
I lost him to the past where he’s buried
Fate would reveal the truth, so heartbreaking
Through so many years, the pain I carried
Awaiting love that would be earthshaking
Felt like he could’ve been who I married
Now, I know it wasn’t love in the making
Sometimes I wonder about this lost love
Alhough I’m sure he wasn’t sent from above
My heart is beating passion
-waiting site of her beauty
She is hidden in my mind
Truly a true fine
2/12/22
Written words by James Edward Lee Sr © 2022
challenges in life
positivity wins race
music fulfills soul
Holly bragged to be awesome singer
fans believed she should be the winner
until joined acclaimed contest,
she tried to perform her best
heartbroken~ trophy eluded her.
playing harp with soft delicate fingers Holly's music came alive
January 21, 2022
Charlie Hai-Lim-Ku Poetry Contest
Sponsor: Charles Messina
Syllables checked by HMS.com
SECOND PLACE
There's something in Billie Holiday's voice
and sad searching eyes, it cuts...
through the core my soul!
Date written: 01/22/2021
To a man I've been loving
more than ten lunar eclipse,
In a cold morning and in a tranquill nights.
You just never know, the most heartbreaking
this is still twelve me.
My unattainable sweetheart,
you're my favorite book I forget the way to read it.
Your face is so warm for me while I'm a stranger in your eyes.
But,
It won't be as loud as it was.
It will even meet its silence.
For every risks I have taken is rest at peace.
she was right--I've lost my heart
for a man who doesn't want it.
I was with her when she left this earth
had been sitting by her bed (for days)
the curtains stirred and she gasped her last breath
it was 6-26-2015 and it was 7:43 pm
I felt an emptiness within my heart
an aching in my soul
the "death of a friend" is always hard
especially in one so young
cancer claims one more . . .
the days passed so slow until the funeral
I recall standing at the door
there was a serenity with all the flowers
at the end 71 people had come to bid farewell
and 28 came to the cemetery
in a row of cars following a winding road
____________________________________
July 5, 2020
Poetry/Free Verse/''Heartbreaking Death''
Copyright Protected, ID 20-1266-318-03
All Rights Reserved, 2020, Constance La France
inspiration poem-
"death of a friend" posted 6/26/2015 at 7:43 pm,
7128 views, my highest viewed poem as of July 5, 2020
Written for the PREMIER contest Views on Poems
sponsor, Funom Makama
Second Place
"U.S Attacked: Hijacked Jets Destroy Twin Towers And Hit Pentagon In Day Of Terror," The New York Times
even if it works like clockwork, it can still break.
shattered worlds petrified passerby,
People as hungry as bears, for explanations.
What does this mean?
What is next?
Why us?
"Wall Street Crash!" The London Herald
the world plunged out of its tranquil decade
into a worldwide depression.
affluent people became the precariat
The working class fell deeper into the umbrae
Poverty was the new normal.
"Martin King Shot To Death: Gunned Down In Memphis," Daily News
An icon in civil rights, Baptist minister, incredible father
not accepting the tragedy was many forms of mourning
The mystery of "Will equality ever exist?" still stood
he still had a dream.
all hope isn't lost if carried on through ideology.
aches
heartbreaking
i have been misunderstood
mistakes
breathtaking
I never said I was good
pancakes
lovemaking
I will never attain sainthood
moments
so brief
Filled with loneliness
ailments
of grief
Plagued by emptiness
His existence is my bane
A fate I hate
poignantly
He leaves again
I wait
patiently.
A stray chocolate Weimaraner
On the left side of the road
Scooped up, yet lovingly licking a face
Whimpering in pain, yet wagging its tail
Poor thing's been struck
By a car. And it looks...bad.
Date: 07/18/2019
All my dreams I need to follow
For a clear brighter tomorrow
But my head is in confusion
There has been a big intrusion
In my brain saying not to go ahead
Stay right here with me instead
I don't know how I should feel
Trying so hard to conceal
All the feelings in my heart
Not wanting me to part
From this great new world I'm in
Leaving it would be a sin
Since the day we first met
Your loves something I wont forget
Should I leave or stay right here
Its so wrong, not right or fair
That this choice is gonna be
Leaving us in misery
Both of us have been so touched
By this love that means so much
We need to be really strong
Either choice I make is wrong
But my dreams are waiting for
Me to pack, walk out the door
To a future destiny
That is waiting there for me
She broke my heart
Every piece, shattered
All I wanted was her love
Real, as she promised
True, as mine for her
But she walked away
Right in the middle of paradise
Oh Buddha I sang and cried in my love
Every beat of my heart
Aches for her love
Keeping the flame aglow
I will wait by the light
Never losing the hope
Buddha will send her back to me
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