Time is vertical in motels,
it travels red-eyed in elevators.
It’s an out of sequence conversation
you have with an ice bucket.
Barefoot hours drop their hairballs into air-ducts,
spindrifts of sweat drift unfiltered.
Morning lifts ears first,
they open eyes in your mind.
Early risers thump down hallways,
trundling wheels pulled by heavy hands.
Perched on a sagging bed,
one sock in hand,
drinking sour wine from a plastic cup,
you roll underwear into a ball
packing lost hours away
into a small suitcase.
You wonder how to leave this town,
how to check out of this wrinkled room
with the same face you came with?
[The Candyman]
Who can take a hairball?
Blame it on the cat
Flush it down the tank
And you laugh a lot for that
It’s the handyman
Yes, it's the handyman
The handyman can
‘Cause you pay him for the laugh
When the laugh is on you
Yes, the laugh is on you
‘Cause he took you for a fool
And he’s not done yet
(No, he’s not done yet!)
The handyman makes
Everything he breaks
Work again for just a minute
It’s your money-did he win it
Only when you hear him spin it
Now you got a problem
Who you gonna call?
Your handyman is gone
‘Til the late, late fall
But he’s your handyman
Yes, he's your handyman
And your handyman can
If you bought the monthly plan
And your boa gets loose
When your boa gets loose
Then your cat disappears
And the hairballs stop
(So the skids run dry)
Now, you can laugh again
Yes, you can laugh again
Give the man a hug
For a slime-free rug
'Cause he's your handyman.
the colorful, condescending cat sat on a meaty, meaningful mat while eating a repugnant, ruthless rat
the caring, contented cat sat on this a mangy, murderous mat while eating a remarkable, rough, ruthless rat
the clean, clear cat sat on a mellow, while coughing up huge horrific, heaved hairballs magical mat after digesting it…
3/4/2020
written words by James Edward Lee Sr. 2020©
after months
many moons
taking to my
hairbrush
pulling out
the hair that
my brush had
pulled out
from my head
and beard but
what to do
with it as it
seems a waste
to throw away
so pondering
thoughts thinking
recycle
so first i tried
to be a cat and
swallow then
throw up
but
hairballs
aren't any
fun so then
drying it out
trying to
push it in
as if lint
into my
bellybutton
but it was
too small so
next
puckering my
lips as to kiss
adding this
hair to where
my mustache
already
exists
it tickled
my nose
to sneeze not
wanting none
of this
so thus lit
the lightbulb
above my head
a great idea
super gluing
back where
it had
come
from
touche
toupee
The Soup's a great place to get away from it all
From life's wee hassles and occasional hairballs
Great peeps to boot
What a big hoot
Sitting in the sunshine under my pretty parasol
Uneasy and queasy cos my TV set
Is showing another celebrity vet
My legs are crossed tight, just as tight as they get
Has that little dog lost his testicles yet
While eating my lunch, or was it my dinner
The cat on the screen getting thinner and thinner
The head vet was busy, so here’s a beginner
On his second attempt to stick that needle in ‘er
My hunger abates as the scalpel cuts in
And the cyst on his throat splatters poor kittie’s chin
My two horrid teenagers sit there and grin
But my spag bolognese now resides in the bin
The very long glove, that is slippery and wet
Is meant for the cow, though they’ve only just met
The vet seems as happy as any I’ve met
Till the cow follows through and enshrouds the poor vet
With Flopsy’s guts broadcast in X-ray exposure
While Tiddles pukes hairballs inside his enclosure
I wish it was more like a nice glossy brochure
As another castration destroys my composure
Date: 30 May 2019
Contest: What Makes You Flinch
Sponsor: Julie Leigh Rodeheaver
I brush for fifteen minutes my kitty,
as she growls, wiggles and struggles and swats;
all I want to do is make her pretty,
I just need to get rid of a few knots.
Oh, all that shedding, moulting and hairballs,
she is very angry with me for hours;
I kiss her but no way- away she crawls,
I give her treats so she will not be sour.
But in time she forgives and she forgets,
we snuggle on the sofa together;
sweet joy, I got a knot out- no regrets,
except she bit me hard, oh whatever.
Kitty is silky and soft - an angel,
I love her although it can be painful.
_____________________________
August 27, 2016 (edit)
Poetry/Sonnet/Silky Kitty
Copyright Protected, ID 16- 1084-4010-01
All Rights Reserved. Written under Pseudonym.
The Soup's a great place to get away from it all
From life's wee hassles and occasional hairballs
Great peeps to boot
What a big hoot
Sitting in the sunshine under my pretty parasol
WESTERN WINDS
Alaskan huskies
sense the breeze combing the park ~
tumbleweed hairballs
9/26/2017
I brush for fifteen minutes my kitty,
as she growls, wiggles and struggles and swats;
all I want to do is make her pretty,
I just need to get rid of a few knots.
Oh, all that shedding, moulting and hairballs,
she is very angry with me for hours;
I kiss her but no way- away she crawls,
I give her treats so she will not be sour.
But in time she forgives and she forgets,
we snuggle on the sofa together;
sweet joy, I got a knot out- no regrets,
except she bit me hard, oh whatever.
Kitty is silky and soft - an angel,
I love her although it can be painful.
_____________________________
August 27, 2016
Poetry/Sonnet/"Soft and Silky"
Copyright Protected, ID 16-823-550-0
All Rights Reserved. Written under Pseudonym.
For the contest, English Sonnet
First Place
I brush my cat for five minutes daily,
But she just wiggles and struggles and swats;
All I want is to enhance her beauty,
All I need is to get rid of those knots.
Oh darn the shedding, mating and hairballs,
She is very angry with me for hours;
I try to hold her but away she crawls,
I tempt her with treats but she looks so sour.
So I decided to give her a short cut,
Oh so baleful and upset and angry;
Now she is a lion on my blanket,
She sure looked mad as a hornet to me.
Staring with those eyes saying I bite,
Oh poor kitty you do look quite a sight!
__________________
October 24, 2015
Poetry/English Sonnet/"The Cat Is Mad" as a Hornet
Copyright Protected, ID 15- 720-797-0
All Rights Reserved. Written under Pseudonym.
My Persian LICKS with abandon
A cat with a mission in hand'en
When suddenly he chokes
HAIRBALLS stuck in his throat
And upchucks over me where I'm standin'!
Written on 5/20/2015
For turning my eyes into shallow Pacific blues,
because nobody likes Chocolate.
For transforming the freckled clusterbomb on my face,
into baby skin smoothness!
Because freckles are humanity’s alleged worst enemy
and I refuse to allow my self-confidence to stay Pro-Activ.
Thank you, Photoshop
for giving me that liposuction I ALWAYS wanted
in less than 10 minutes!
Working out is BENEATH me!
And I’m too busy dating these "5 Guys".
Thank you for bathing me in your Black & White Fountain of Youth!
60 is the used 25!
I refuse attempts in removing this fallacy
crawling under my lifted eye sockets.
My wisdom wrinkles shall stay imploded under pretentious needle.
Otherwise, I can’t continue to be fed
flirtatious appetizers by horny sheeple
and bi-curious copycats
hocking hairballs at the sight
of my airbrushed collagen lips
while they dry hump my computer generated thighs.
Their retinas grope my artificially inflated Grand Canyons
which are really only peaked valleys.
Yet, they won’t look at my defaults…
So, I thank you Photoshop
for being unable
to crop my misery.
© Drake J. Eszes
"Dedicated to those who are unable to look within themselves." -D.J.E.
(The kitty hanging in overalls shown for Francine Roberts' contest
inspired this one but it won't be entered in the contest.)
Just wait 'til I get my claws on the jerk that left me hangin' here!
You suspend me in these ridiculous overalls and then you disappear!
You would never do this to your darlin' pet, that pugnacious pug,
That slobberin' slob, that arrogant beast, struttin' around so smug!
So, I broke that fancy vase and ripped the curtains with my claws.
This ain't no way to treat a pretty kitty - this really tightens my jaws!
If I ever get down from here, I'll take pleasure in seekin' revenge!
On this awkward situation you've put me in, I surely will avenge!
I'm gonna leave hairballs all over the place - on your favorite chair,
And on your fancy couch and in your food, you'll find my silky hair!
I ain't gonna catch that mouse and I hope he eats all your cheese,
And that you become so allergic to me that all you'll do is sneeze!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
i like dogs
but not cats you see
they get on my nerves
'cause they're just too finikee
Dogs like to play
and cats like top sleep
It's not hard to decide
which one to keep
I like to hear
the bark of a dog
not the meow of a cat
I'd rather have
chew'd up furniture
than hairballs resembling
a 3 day old dead rat!
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