O, good. Just what I’ve always wanted to elect
a Senatorial candidate with a Nazi tattoo on his chest
What do you mean he’s dropping out of the race
~ depriving me of voting for one of America’s best
We cannot fight old age – So, when I get there… I’ll just embrace it with a big dollop of humour!! Quote by poet.
My decrepit body makes me cry
Growing old ain’t fun, I cannot lie
My bladder leaks, it makes me sigh
Pelvic exercises I will have to try!
I’m not so agile, I am way too slow
When I need the loo I HAVE to go
Cos I can’t control my urine flow
Pass me a nappy, I won’t say no!!
I piddle when I cough or sneeze
I’m chesty, got an awful wheeze
My boobs have sagged well past my knees
Do I want a new body - ooh yes please!
To hear bird song really loud and clear
I need a hearing aid for my deaf ear
Going totally deaf I truly fear
I’ll get ears checked again this year
My aching limbs sure give me gyp
Got arthritis in my knees and hip
No cure for wrinkles around my lip
Anti aging creams dumped in the tip!
I repeat myself, that’s no falsehood
Instructions can be misunderstood
I repeat myself, that’s no falsehood
Oops my memory is not very good
In this woke world I’d soon be hung
If I had had your spiteful tongue
How ironic that its wagging
Only stopped when you were gagging
And as I tried to grab the shard
Of chicken bone that was stuck hard
I grappled with what I could grip
And when you flinched… I heard a rip
You spasmed like you’d just been stung
And left me with your severed tongue
My sense of humour must be black:
Your tongue is mounted on a plaque
I’ve kept it from my wife and kids
To keep my marriage off the skids
So they don’t know that though you’re dead
A bit of of you is in my shed
So there I sat; my hide of choice
And thought about your nagging voice
And when your tongue began to jiggle
I won’t pretend it made me giggle
It made a move like licking lips
And flicked a few saliva drips
It looked ’round with its probing tip
Then sensed me… and it gave me gyp
It’s been a hard day but there’s no laws to say
That I can’t settle down with a gin
Late night R & R with an hour of TV
And then I will maybe turn in
The gin… that was easy, just spin that screw cap
Then tip up the bottle and pour
But what freaking demon has screwed G & T
It never was this hard before
This flaming recycling nonsense is mad
With screw caps that won’t separate
The cap and the bottle do not come apart
And boy does it make me irate
A one handed action to top up my glass
To sparkle and fizz as I sip
But that is no more because some lunatic
Decided he’d give me some gyp
Brute force is required to crack that first seal
But the cap simply won’t unattach
It sits in the flow and it will not let go
As it acts like a half open hatch
So now I need one hand to angle the bottle
Another to hold back the cap
It’s driving me nuts, I just want to relax
So much for this net zero crap
My bottle of tonic is sat in the cooler
But I settle down in my seat
The medics are worried about a big rise
In folk drinking alcohol neat.
Dasher was reluctant, and in a bad mood anyway
So, he let Santa try to push him, out of his way
Santa gave an elongated sigh as he pushed him up snow.
But Dasher weighs five hundred and two and refused to go.
What will I do with you? Santa asked his reindeer, the lead.
He might have to appoint another animal as North Pole steed.
I guess I will invite Vixen to be my new favorite, Santa said.
This made Dasher angrier; his cheeks turned pinkish red.
Prancer and Dancer were laughing at the situation at hand.
Rudolph was giddy, dancing to a Mexican tequila band.
Dasher ran off, showing his backside with a sassy flip.
Making Santa yell out “bleepy gleepy creepy gyp blip!”
Turn round around
Get me astounding
Wait for me
Do not disagree
Let us glue
Traces of you
Superb memories abounding
Which keeps funding
With kindest emotion
My hearty devotion
Playing thy guitar
But we are
Not to share
What duties ensnare
And the honor
Of great Connor
Shining so bright
How cognizance ignite
Like the TRUTH
Mixed with Vermouth
Land massive STARS
Yielding flavored hectares
Humans march upon
Earth's free cons
Awarding less duties
To foreign beauties
Pleasing young hearts
Praised enchanting arts
Teasing loyal minds
Eyes open blind
Lurking safe trip
How loyalties gyp
In fearful journey
Trading scornful honey
Dark souls morn
After trust warns
To savage peace
In lovely teases
With pretense borrowed
I rarely kowtow
With watery words
Keeping young birds
From eagles gazes
Forsaken reasonable promises
Carol’s naps are plenty with a puppy on her hip.
He’s romping fields, she is captain of a pirate ship.
Cat is curled up next to Carol’s swollen up top lip.
Deathly allergic, her eyes open with a whip.
Sorry apologizes new neighbor, his voice is a clip.
It is his wandering cat; he can’t yet make the pick-up trip.
She pops renegade cat into sleeping bag, gives it a zip.
Tells it as they travel, “Your daddy is a drip!”
Sarge thanks her profusely, her heart does a little flip.
He is handsome and sweet; his child is a boy named Pip.
She chastises love at first sight and tries to get a grip.
He invites her to dinner, serves her pie with cool whip.
She takes an allergy pill now, without having a fit.
In case he calls to invite her out, dreams of muscle rip.
Man, boy and cat moved on, now a radar blip.
She stares at allergy pills, now an unwelcome gyp.
My country
Covid free
Ferry trip
causes gyp
Men arrive
Then they drive
To the shop
Where they stop
To buy drink
Didn’t think
They’d done bad…
Are they mad!
Their downfall
Alcohol
Contravene
Quarantine
Stupid fools
Broke set rules -
NO stopping
For shopping!
Put in jail
With no bail
Must conform
To OUR norm
Our law spurned
Lessons learned
Cross that line
Get HUGE fine
09/29/20
New place
Sounds ace
For lunch
Or brunch
Meets Dom
And Tom
Got new
Menu
Reveals
Good deals
Endorse
Three course
Deals viewed
Choose food
Veg soup
Vile gloop
Tastes off
Can’t scoff
I heave
Food leave
Await
Mains plate
Dead fly
On pie
There’s lice
In rice
Burnt fries
No lies!
Screams loud
Draws crowd
Staff look
for cook
He’s drunk
As skunk
My pud
Not good
On pear
Dog hair
Gets bill
Big thrill
It’s free
For me
For friend’s
Full spends
They'll pay
Their way
Won't tip
Get’s gyp
Waiter
Hater!
Return …
we’ll spurn!
09/25/20
Two players were vying at darts,
there’s chaos when somebody farts
Both players deny
letting a fart fly
and suddenly the trouble starts
Maybe their gut gave them some gyp,
and secretly they just let rip
The smell of rotten eggs
wafted between his legs
This wasn’t deemed good gamesmanship!
The farting was done with precision,
and captured on the television
The stench lingered around
till the winner was crowned
It’s lucky it’s not smellovision!
I couldn’t resist writing after reading this article in the press!
https://news.sky.com/story/darts-players-let-rip-as-they-accuse-each-other-of-farting-during-match-11557078
11/19/18
I visited Doctor Longdong
Told doc something’s terribly wrong
The pain in my hip
Is giving me gyp
He said it was caused by my thong!
I admit I’ve put on some weight
Can’t resist cream cakes on my plate
My ‘EX’ boyfriend was rude …
So I’m in a bad mood
Oh stuff it ….the diet can wait!
11~08~16
Out of the womb I slip
In fluids and blood I drip
The umbilical cord has a snip
My pulse does a skip
Hands all over me grip
In hope and faith I dip
But why do I sense a rip
My soul just had a strip
'Not a girl!' - on someone's lip
My heart feels a sharp nip
Worse than a leather whip
Sorry I did not gyp
My gender I cannot flip
I'm hungry, I need a sip
But I lay unwanted on this trip
Yes, I lay unwanted on this trip!
Got a party coming up
I need to learn some moves
so I listened to the all-time greats
for tips on how to groove.
These music legends from times past
should know the moves to use
but what they say is conflicting
and now I'm just confused.
Curtis Mayfield sang 'move on up'
Dobie Gray sang 'get on down'
but someone else says 'get on up'
can't argue with James Brown.
'Let your backbone slip' says Otis Redding
(he sat on the dock)
but last time that I tried that move
the darned thing went and locked.
Chubby Checker did the twist
but that just gives me gyp,
Van Halen reckon I should jump
more likely that I'll trip.
On second thoughts, I'll sit it out,
ignore the dance floor action.
If I take on all of this advice
I'll just end up in traction.
Some dancers are pure naturals
it's how their body's wired,
in my case it's much simpler-
I'm getting old.
And tired.
'Umbrella Jim' was the sneakiest scoundrel west of the Missisip'!
Usin' the shell game and sleight of hand, of yer purse he'd gyp.
He'd set up shop 'neath an umbrella whether inside or under an oak.
Usin' three thimbles and a ball he cleaned the jeans of many a bloke!
'Umbrella Jim' was a renown huckster as well as bein' quite witty.
He'd warm up his potential victims by singin' this delightful ditty:
"A little bit of fun now and then,
Is relished by the best of men!
Select yer shell! The one you choose,
If right you win, if not, you lose!
But I'll warn ye, yer chances are mighty slim,
Of winnin' a prize from Umbrella Jim!"
'Twas his regular trade to deceive the eye with sleight of hand.
He was very adept at what he did and his every move was planned.
The fate of 'Umbrella Jim' as far as I can tell is unknown,
But I'd bet some sucker saw him hung from an oak, if truth be known!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) 2014 All Rights Reserved
I must have a bad concussion
Or in some kind of confusion
Giving you another chance
At supplying me romance
Sending new feelings in my soul
I just hope you pay the toll
And not gyp me like before
Leaving my heart hurt and sore
Losing kisses and soft hugs
Romantic fires and warm rugs
Were not your ability
I need some stability
Knowing I could come home to
Loving gestures made by you
But all I ever found each day
Was you pushing more away
Like I was a bad infection
I just wanted a connection
Hoping this time I will find
Something that will blow my mind
A reaction so big and huge
I will want to take refuge
In this excitement now and always
As I wonder if there's more ways
To keep me this fulfilled
Each kiss I'll take off the bill
That you owed me from before
Hugs reduce it even more
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