Best Gyp Poems
I visited Doctor Longdong
Told doc something’s terribly wrong
The pain in my hip
Is giving me gyp
He said it was caused by my thong!
I admit I’ve put on some weight
Can’t resist cream cakes on my plate
My ‘EX’ boyfriend was rude …
So I’m in a bad mood
Oh stuff it ….the diet can wait!
11~08~16
Categories:
gyp, body, food, humorous,
Form:
Limerick
Got a party coming up
I need to learn some moves
so I listened to the all-time greats
for tips on how to groove.
These music legends from times past
should know the moves to use
but what they say is conflicting
and now I'm just confused.
Curtis Mayfield sang 'move on up'
Dobie Gray sang 'get on down'
but someone else says 'get on up'
can't argue with James Brown.
'Let your backbone slip' says Otis Redding
(he sat on the dock)
but last time that I tried that move
the darned thing went and locked.
Chubby Checker did the twist
but that just gives me gyp,
Van Halen reckon I should jump
more likely that I'll trip.
On second thoughts, I'll sit it out,
ignore the dance floor action.
If I take on all of this advice
I'll just end up in traction.
Some dancers are pure naturals
it's how their body's wired,
in my case it's much simpler-
I'm getting old.
And tired.
Categories:
gyp, humor,
Form:
Light Verse
'Umbrella Jim' was the sneakiest scoundrel west of the Missisip'!
Usin' the shell game and sleight of hand, of yer purse he'd gyp.
He'd set up shop 'neath an umbrella whether inside or under an oak.
Usin' three thimbles and a ball he cleaned the jeans of many a bloke!
'Umbrella Jim' was a renown huckster as well as bein' quite witty.
He'd warm up his potential victims by singin' this delightful ditty:
"A little bit of fun now and then,
Is relished by the best of men!
Select yer shell! The one you choose,
If right you win, if not, you lose!
But I'll warn ye, yer chances are mighty slim,
Of winnin' a prize from Umbrella Jim!"
'Twas his regular trade to deceive the eye with sleight of hand.
He was very adept at what he did and his every move was planned.
The fate of 'Umbrella Jim' as far as I can tell is unknown,
But I'd bet some sucker saw him hung from an oak, if truth be known!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) 2014 All Rights Reserved
Categories:
gyp, humorous,
Form:
Ballad
The steely-eyed hombre stepped down from the stage that sultry afternoon.
He looked about with disdain, then swaggered to the Cripple Creek Saloon.
His hat lay low upon his brow and swung low was a pair of 44's on his hips.
He sported fancy duds and greeted a few loafers with a snarl on his lips.
Jeremiah Slade was the feller's name and gamblin' was his trade.
He sauntered up to the bar and stunned the bartend by orderin' a lemonade!
Then he strolled to a table in the back of the room with his back to the wall.
(This was his usual modus operandi just in case there was a free-fer-all!)
He announced, "Boy's, my name's Jeremiah Slade and gamblin' is my game;
Join me and ante up fer a round of poker, but, boys let's keep it tame!"
Three chumps took the bait and scurried fer Jeremiah's table to grab a chair!
He let the dudes win a game or so to assure that things were fair and square.
Now, unknown to the three suckers, Slade was a professional gyp!
The scoundrel was invited to leave umpteen towns west of the Mississip!
Slade had a few tricks up a sleeve that he soon entered into play.
Mysteriously, numerous aces appeared in his draws and were on display!
The trio got wise to his game and jammed three rods in Jeremiah's face!
He was quickly consigned to eternity fer playin' too many an ace!
Jeremiah was conveyed out of town, that no-good cunnin' knave,
And now lies at the foot of Mount Pisgah a-molderin' in his grave!
Categories:
gyp, humorous,
Form:
Rhyme
Two players were vying at darts,
there’s chaos when somebody farts
Both players deny
letting a fart fly
and suddenly the trouble starts
Maybe their gut gave them some gyp,
and secretly they just let rip
The smell of rotten eggs
wafted between his legs
This wasn’t deemed good gamesmanship!
The farting was done with precision,
and captured on the television
The stench lingered around
till the winner was crowned
It’s lucky it’s not smellovision!
I couldn’t resist writing after reading this article in the press!
https://news.sky.com/story/darts-players-let-rip-as-they-accuse-each-other-of-farting-during-match-11557078
11/19/18
Categories:
gyp, humorous, sports, wind,
Form:
Limerick
Sending the tending to an unfriended ending,
yet somehow suspending from rending a newly offending recommending.
Logotype monotype linotype,
overripe stereotype,
teletyped an unripe heliotype.
Guttersnipe snipe,
stipe snipe ripe,
a wipe type a tripe,
unleash a withering hype.
Dip snip,
nip lip,
slip skip,
rip the apple pip
over a battleship Chip.
Clip,
airstrip,
blip,
scrip,
gyp,
flip,
dip.
Unsip, blue clip,
A warship, weathering stick.
To miche an itch,
to stitch a witch.
Rich a quitch,
Hitch a flitch.
Gabrilowitsch,
the grand son of a *****!
Pitched a ditch to flitch a niche.
Made a rich hitch lich.
The Thia tie thy tried to untie an unshy,
Spied a sny sty,
He ascribed a bribe tribe,
to dib drib, lib and sib.
A death pale,
dwaled and engrailed,
enjailed and bewailed.
The cocktale turned into a,
ginger ale stale.
A hobnail.
A pale kale.
The whale waled
a veil of wail.
The stale air,
railed the quailing sale.
Dipped the snip,
to pip the tip,
and baled the avail,
to the flailed snail.
Attract extract reenact,
saddle backed and subtracted,
the tact the pact
an unmistakable fact.
Swag the unsage,
the wage of the tutelage.
A coffee break
a bit of a cornflake
cupcaked the cake of the devil's flake.
Draked the fake fruitcake,
and hake the jake on the mellow lake.
Mistake the overtake.
A pancake sheik,
cried spake of a toothache.
Ack Ack!
Back, Bootblack Jack.
Pack the Pontiac rack,
sack the Hackensack,
hijack the leatherback.
Offtrack the outback,
rack the sack,
smack the stack,
stickleback the tictack track,
to the umiak Union Jack.
Twack the whack yak sack,
A mystical one eyed zodiac.
Bready a speedy,
deedy the weedy,
Reedy to leedy.
Unheedy indeedy.
Leda, Vida, Theda.
Sketched an etch,
itched a hatch.
So speechless,
breathless,
toothless.
The socialist,
the communist,
the theorist
the terrorist.
Bedded the bedding
in a dreadful beheading.
Weeded the weed,
leading the lead,
tended the teed.
The ready read,
the reedy reeded.
The seedy seeded.
The end is Ending.
Categories:
gyp,
Form:
Verse
I was working cattle with a crew a little south of Muleshoe,
When I watched a horse work with perfection and grace.
I said "pardon me gent, no offense is meant,
But your horse is the smartest thing on this place."
He broke out in a grin and scratched at his chin,
“Name is Bob, I'll tell you the story if you've the time."
I looked at the crew and said "We're about through,
You can tell me over tequila and lime."
"My grandpappy , Jason , was from the Permian Basin
And cowboy'd where it was dusty and hot.
And I'll tell you son when it's all said and done,
That bunch from Odessa was a hard gamblin’ lot
"Now three fingered Willy owned a stud and a filly
And played poker whenever he could.
One day Willy met Jason, from the Permian Basin,
And they locked in a game of seven card stud.
"Things had gone badly and Willy looked sadly
At the money he had left on the table.
He could ante it all, but couldn't raise or call,
So he offered the stud from his stable.
"Now the stud's name was Gyp, smart as a whip,
And he was standing just outside the door.
Willy treated him like dirt and hit him with a quirt,
So the thought of a new owner pleased Gyp for shore.
"And so there was Jason, from the Permian Basin,
Holding two Aces, two jacks, a Queen and a Four.
Willy wasn't saying which cards he was playing,
But Gyp could see three Kings through the door.
"He had to act fast if he was ever to get past
Being treated like an old worn out shoe.
He burst through the door, knocked the lamp on the foor
And nuzzled Jason as past him he flew.
"After Gyp was gone and the lights came back on,
Jason looked at the cards he was holdin'.
Gyp had given him a third Ace and he settled it in place,
And knew Willy would certainly be foldin'.
"So Gyp teamed with Jason from the Permian Basin,
And he sired many a colt in his time.
The one I am ridin', there just ain't no hidin,
Is as smart as Gyp was in his prime.
“How did Gyp get that Ace that he put into place?
I get asked that question wherever I go.
I think you'll agree that Gyp was smarter than me
So I always answer "How the hell should I know?' "
Well, I listened to the story in all of its glory
And drank my tequila with lime.
I live in Texas, it's true, and I think like you do,
Now I guess I've heard it all in my time!
August 26, 2016
For Contest Unhinged
Categories:
gyp, horse,
Form:
Cowboy Poetry
Is your mind in the gutter,
full of what you shouldn't utter?
Or perhaps it's your conscience
which eats you alive with slanderous nonsense--
about your ex, matters of sex, or your neighbor's pecs?
Heh-heh, join the club, bub.
You're not going to drown in this tub
--Glub, glub, glub--
You won't necessarily be snubbed
Or flub the proverbial dub.
There is a solution to all this pollution
of your most precious resource,
your mind,
of course.
Just take a deep breath, heave a huge sigh;
Look up at the sky; LOL, "My oh my."
Then flip the switch,
Count your blessings;
That'll get rid of
What is depressing:
Fuming over how much your ex hates you and you her?
--Start counting the days since you had to occupty the same space with her.
Now there, don't you feel better already, your load a bit lighter?
Seething because you haven't had sex since the passing of Tyrannosaurus Rex?
--Start counting all the partners who you avoided who'd have cursed you
with a hex.
Whew! Aren't you happy now that you didn't bite off more than their fair
necks?
Jealous of the shape your neighbor's in? Plotting to undo his diet & do him in?
--Start recalling all the meals you've enjoyed that you've have had to skip:
I'll bet in a minute or two you'll be convinced that life for him is a gyp.
The grass is always greener on the other side:
When we start rolling in the mud, we slip and then slide
into negative thoughts and soul-poisoning contemplation,
at which time what's called for is refreshment and rejuvenation,
starting with a change of the the mind's diaper, to rid it of a load
of toxic pollutants and misdirected fury untold.
April 16, 2018
Categories:
gyp, anger, change, jealousy, pollution,
Form:
Rhyme
Out of the womb I slip
In fluids and blood I drip
The umbilical cord has a snip
My pulse does a skip
Hands all over me grip
In hope and faith I dip
But why do I sense a rip
My soul just had a strip
'Not a girl!' - on someone's lip
My heart feels a sharp nip
Worse than a leather whip
Sorry I did not gyp
My gender I cannot flip
I'm hungry, I need a sip
But I lay unwanted on this trip
Yes, I lay unwanted on this trip!
Categories:
gyp, abuse, child, courage, dark,
Form:
Rhyme
Your clothes are flimsy as rags
With dirt’s that stench the air
Your skin are dry and creaky
Like a bread that lost its touch
Your mouth always quick to speak
With a voice sounding like drums
Despised in the land of everywhere
Wanted in the company of no one
Oh harridan avert from thy ways
Your heart is like the moon
borrowing the light of the sun
You feed on the happiness of men
Just because you hunger for war
You thirst for the blood of a child
So the mother will feel the ache
You wonder in the valley called pain
And find rest in the waters of gyp
Oh harridan repel thy doom to come
Your path leads to a destructive end
That smitten the lives of the innocent
Your thoughts are like soured milk
Leaving a tart taste to the soul of a lass
I cry out to you oh deceitful woman
Your end will be as bitter as gall
I bawl out to you oh vicious one
Your pit is as deep as an abyss
Oh harridan deter for your ruin is near
Categories:
gyp, sad
Form:
Free verse
~Gypsies Tramps and Thieves~
Gypsies what do we think, the word is coupled with hate
But were the original gypsies - aware of their fate
The Egyptian forebears were exiled from their home
Supposedly for hiding Jesus so too other continents they did roam
The Romaine Egyptians, were then exiled they had to cross the sea
And became a shortened version -the word we use gyp - sy.
A gentleman of the road the romanticised tramp was named
He didn’t look for work but for this he was not shamed
He begged his way across the land, begging for a crust
You leave him out a plate but be careful which you trust.
To deprive someone of their goods, and keep them for their own
The thieves of this world are the scum we do not their actions condone
Unlike the old time gypsy or the gentleman of the road
Those that commit acus reus, are lower than the toad
Unlike a toad we will not hurt, the thieves need to be caught
Unlike the tramp or gypsy - lessons need to be taught
Our trust we should be careful where ever we do place it
Gypsies tramps and thieves are not the best bet - let us fact it.
©
acus reus : the act of theft to deprive some one of their goods
Categories:
gyp, education,
Form:
Verse
I wonder how it whips the zephyrs that flee
In a churlish yet blissful den
Throttling though the gushing of glee
And seized a million mirth like a wee ben?
I wonder how the flowers bloom
In a precise moment of a single day
Glaring it's beauty to the groom
Whom she pleased all the way?
I wonder how a tyke titillating
In a shallow way of enjoyment
As nobody could cling
Even for just a moment?
And how I wonder to a damsel in distress
Who trapped into peril
But a knight in shinin' armour caress
Rescuing decisively with a thrill?
I feel the zippy breeze of cold December
Creeping up to my veins the sensation
Why thee to remember,
Yuletide season with applause fascination?
Aristocrat, oh my dearly!
Amending my appetite of love
Trampled my primitive sanctuary
And animate me like a dove?
My glistening eyes on you
Gnawing the fear deep within
My coy heart sough,
You're my inspiration in this domain.
Amid the abyss that divides us
With your finicky type,
And vile manner you showed
I grope but a love without gyp.
As a college student I'm old enough
To spill out one word as I vow
You build me authentically tough
Tossing the allurements that sow.
Murmur of my voice you listen!
Come to my dale words of word
In my studies you are my inspiration
The Romeo that dispense my world.
Categories:
gyp, inspiration, love,
Form:
Dramatic Verse
We cannot fight old age – So, when I get there… I’ll just embrace it with a big dollop of humour!! Quote by poet.
My decrepit body makes me cry
Growing old ain’t fun, I cannot lie
My bladder leaks, it makes me sigh
Pelvic exercises I will have to try!
I’m not so agile, I am way too slow
When I need the loo I HAVE to go
Cos I can’t control my urine flow
Pass me a nappy, I won’t say no!!
I piddle when I cough or sneeze
I’m chesty, got an awful wheeze
My boobs have sagged well past my knees
Do I want a new body - ooh yes please!
To hear bird song really loud and clear
I need a hearing aid for my deaf ear
Going totally deaf I truly fear
I’ll get ears checked again this year
My aching limbs sure give me gyp
Got arthritis in my knees and hip
No cure for wrinkles around my lip
Anti aging creams dumped in the tip!
I repeat myself, that’s no falsehood
Instructions can be misunderstood
I repeat myself, that’s no falsehood
Oops my memory is not very good
Categories:
gyp, body, life,
Form:
Rhyme
New place
Sounds ace
For lunch
Or brunch
Meets Dom
And Tom
Got new
Menu
Reveals
Good deals
Endorse
Three course
Deals viewed
Choose food
Veg soup
Vile gloop
Tastes off
Can’t scoff
I heave
Food leave
Await
Mains plate
Dead fly
On pie
There’s lice
In rice
Burnt fries
No lies!
Screams loud
Draws crowd
Staff look
for cook
He’s drunk
As skunk
My pud
Not good
On pear
Dog hair
Gets bill
Big thrill
It’s free
For me
For friend’s
Full spends
They'll pay
Their way
Won't tip
Get’s gyp
Waiter
Hater!
Return …
we’ll spurn!
09/25/20
Categories:
gyp, conflict, food, humorous,
Form:
Footle
Turn round around
Get me astounding
Wait for me
Do not disagree
Let us glue
Traces of you
Superb memories abounding
Which keeps funding
With kindest emotion
My hearty devotion
Playing thy guitar
But we are
Not to share
What duties ensnare
And the honor
Of great Connor
Shining so bright
How cognizance ignite
Like the TRUTH
Mixed with Vermouth
Land massive STARS
Yielding flavored hectares
Humans march upon
Earth's free cons
Awarding less duties
To foreign beauties
Pleasing young hearts
Praised enchanting arts
Teasing loyal minds
Eyes open blind
Lurking safe trip
How loyalties gyp
In fearful journey
Trading scornful honey
Dark souls morn
After trust warns
To savage peace
In lovely teases
With pretense borrowed
I rarely kowtow
With watery words
Keeping young birds
From eagles gazes
Forsaken reasonable promises
Categories:
gyp, care, change, class, confidence,
Form:
Rhyme