~~Upon the banks of big piney slough,
I recall a picnic with old blue,
and my granddaughter at age two.
and many blood sucking critters too.
~For a very short while we did picnic,
then we would bait our hooks and pick ticks.
while the ants carried our food off in nit picks.
Gets no better than this, can’t beat it with sticks!
~Mosquitoes demanded their rightful share,
for of the blood of we humans they are an heir.
Some dudes have no flair for this type of affair,
after a day or two they would need repair.
~Moms who let babies grow up to be rednecks,
raise children who can fish and pick blood ticks,
and kill big water moccasins with little sticks,
while picking polk salet for supper on picnics.
~Having caught a big flathead cat or two,
I called granddaughter Sue and my dog blue,
for I remember quit clearly when Sue was new,
was the dog days of summer, ninety two!
For and in Honor of: Carol Brown
And Contest: Picnic
JOCK AND HIS DOG
Once knew a Scottish dancing geezer
Accidentally locked his dog in the freezer:
Seems the animal had just spilt
Some curds and milk all over his kilt:
Must have soaked right through his sporran.
(The dog of course was foreign .)
No Scots dog would do such a thing
As spill stuff mid a highland fling.
As Jock took stock of his tartan man-frock
The whole episode had been such a shock
The door of the freezer shut itself slam -
The dog was locked in with the ice cream and ham.
Oh but the key couldn’t be found,
Though Jock looked all around on the ground.
Turned out the dog had the key in his teeth -
He’d stolen it from the sporran sheath.
Poor dog got real cold till the police came,
Opened the freezer and on Jock placed blame.
But the dog hadn’t really suffered so cruel;
He’d eaten all the ice cream as fuel.
And the kilt was no worse for wear. . . .
But Jock’s sporran had lost all its hair.
Sorry For The Danettes
by Rick Rucker
I'm so sorry, neighbor Sun,
For what my little dog has done!
I don't see how it could even happen, that a dog that has to jump to pee,
Could impregnate a dog that, when standing, is five foot three!
Analyzing the "attack,"
Your dog must have been on her back,
Egging poor little Heinrick on,
Once started, I'm sure, he was gone!
Still, you must admit,
That they are quite a hit,
With all the local brats,
Who use them to chase the cats!
At two feet long, and legs real small,
They can hide behind a soccer ball!
Jumping out, running like the wind,
Those once-fat cats, are much more thinned.
Please accept my apology,
For Heinrick's lesson in Impossible Biology!
Rocky he’s a Cattle Dog
he’s coloured black and blue
He always lays around asleep
till work he has to do..
Two Preachers came walking up our path
to speak their line of spiel
They told me of their one true God
and did it with some zeal
At last they left just one sheep short
And headed for the gate
Then one turned to look around
Cos Rocky bit his mate
I thought to drive old Rocky off
With whip and curses rare…………."Stock whip good on cattle better on burglars in house"..
I cracked the whip and yelled a lot
But terrified the pair
They thought the Devil on their tail
This dog and madman too
They leapt in a Ford and did set sail
In a cloud of smoke so blue….
Don Johnson
Blue heel biting Cattle dog "heeler" or Australian Shepherd
great Aussie brown snake killers, some Dingo in em.....very economical watch Dog...
Doggone it! Can't you believe it, it's happening again!
Somone call off them dogs, because it's about to be a murderous sin!
My fellow poets, Andrea Dietrich is a poet I admire.
But in case you didn't know it, P.D. is a dog-face liar!
A few poets soup mailed me and said, "Let sleeping dog's lie."
But I just wanted to "Collabo" on a "dark fantasy" and be a poetic samurai!
You lie down with dogs P. D., and you'll wake up with fleas.
She laughed at my poetry then got strung by my poetic bees!
I just wanted to end P.D.'s poetic career, not her death!
But something is seriously wrong I fear and I think it's her dog breath!
So Nathan Dilts steps in the mix, but his bark is worse than his bite.
You can't teach an old dog new tricks, you poetic parasite!
I told P.D. , "girl you like my doggy-style."
But then again, it would be a sin to sleep with a reptile!
Let me seal this with a kiss, so P. D. raise the write flag.
I'm throwing Sidney in the abyss and sealing up my doggy-bag!
*Wrote for the lovely Andrea Dietrich and her contest...The title will remain the same;)
"Pet Sit"
When one is involved in “Pet-Sit Panic,”
And all goes wrong you become quite frantic.
Bull dog mated Pekinese,
The union contacted fleas.
Simple mistakes, but problems gigantic.
Just no way to hid all the evidence.
Pekinese scratching while climbing a fence.
The bull dog has swooned,
Barking at the moon,
Homesteading the front door, bolting against.
The only thing left in this race of mine,
Getting passed a swooning bull dog’s front line.
Female gnawing and scratching,
As embryos attaching,
Make haste to the vet. for a pill in time.
For: Pet-Sit Panic
In Honor of: Sharon Tideswell
“Hi, hi, how are ya?” Bowser seemed to say
When Jake came home from work each day
Work went fine, but when Jake stepped inside
He turned from Doc Jekyll to Mr. Hyde
Clean laundry was scattered about the floor
Silk curtains weren’t hanging anymore
The lid on his crock pot had been removed
All over the pot roast Bowser had drooled
Paw prints left scratches on the toilet seat
Holes in his waterbed doused the torn sheet
Jake had lost women because of the stench
Of dirty old dog in the couch entrenched
And hairs that stuck to black, sexy attire
Had proved a sure way to quench gals’ desire
Poor Jake had now reached the end of his rope
Unforgiving, he no longer could cope
The dog had been bored, but that’s no excuse
He’d caused more havoc than a herd of moose
Jake stayed calm, Bowser didn’t hear him grouse
But he was sentenced to life in the dog house
I took my doggy for a ride.
She looked so cute sitting by my side.
And then she gave a little cough
And couldn't seem to turn it off.
She was sick on the seat, but it got worse
She threw up into my open purse.
She was just as sick as a dog can be,
And oh my word, she's been sick on me.
Should I call 911 or find a vet?
I sure needed help for my little pet.
I saw a veterinary sign.
I hoped he could fix this dog of mine.
The vet was a very handsome guy.
I was such a mess, I wanted to cry.
His amusement, he didn't try to hide.
Being laughed at I cannot abide.
"She's just car sick," he said with a smirk.
"Give her these pills, I'm sure they'll work."
I had the last laugh when I heard him curse.
I had paid with money from my stinking purse.
I used the line "Sick as a dog>"
For Andrea's Doggone conterst. won 3rd
It's not my fault, I didn't do it
I'm telling you it simply wasn't me
That dog ate something nasty
That's as stinky as can be
I tried to teach him better
He thinks it's some kinda game
He usually says that you did it
But it was him, I'm not to blame
I'm innocent til proven guilty
And you have no proof
That dog has eaten an evil troll
I'm telling you the truth
I know you think I did it
But I will show no shame
Cause that dog's out to get me
And soil my innocent name
Let me tell you a story
About man's best friend, the dog
It's wrapped in a world of mystery
And maybe a gas-like fog
You see I'm a dog person
But my wife prefers a cat
That's how this whole thing started
Well maybe something like that
She said my dog was nasty
And he needs to sleep outside
He jumps in the car with muddy paws
Whenever we go for a ride
Then I saw the funniest thing
I've ever seen in my life
For my old dog had cut the cheese
And blamed it on my wife
Women will never get it
A dog is man's best friend
If he could cook and clean the house
Then marriage would come to an end
This write is for you I hope that the humor comes through...
See
Rocky
As he greets
Pot Belly Pig
Named Porky__short legs
Rocky sport show dog stance
Abnormally long legs proud
Rocky meets Porky question what
Is this animal?__Sniff butt__Hum__Sniff mouth
Sniff butt__what has he been eating__sniff well
(We went to my other daughter's home on Sunday for lunch..She has cows, a donkey, and
now a potbelly pig...Rocky our dog has seen all the others before but his first encounter with
the potbelly pig...He could not figure out what this animal was...Buffy, I hope that it is
funny..)
Some dog taught me this,
your head sinks and your butt floats.
It’s called cat paddling!
For “Primal Instinct” contest. And the dog says’ “Oops, My Bad!”
Now I know you've heard the stories
About animals who are smart
But here's a tale of a dog named Jake
Who was a genius from the start
Now, this dog could do anything
He could even add and subtract
He even starred in a broadway play
And, man, that dog could act
Now, nobody ever had to feed him
For, he was even a gourmet chef
Did I mention he was a teacher?
He taught sign language to the deaf
Now Jake was not just an ordinary dog
He remembers everything he sees
He has a photographic memory
And he even knows the names of his fleas
He wouldn't just bring your slippers
He would put them on your feet
That dog would even remember to flush
And put down the toilet seat
Jake even took the children to school
And stayed with them, all day long
He heard every word the teacher said
And corrected her, when she was wrong
Now, you probably think I made this up
And, everything I've told you is fake
But I'll bet you'll be surprised to know
That this poem was even written by Jake
Give a man a wife, say goodbye to strip clubs
Wife, give the man a meal = endless foot rubs
If the meal you cook goes to the dog, slap him hard
If the dog also refuses, send it to the yard.
Give a man a car, see him iron his new shirt
If you burn his collar , he’ll be looking for new skirt
That new bit of skirt will be young and wild
That bathroom to be done, will never get tiled!
Give a man a dog and he’s a shared man
Take away the dog, you’ll never be his biggest fan.
The dog he possesses is his second wife.
Unlike you, the dogs no trouble, or strife!
Men are simple beings, easy to please
Pleasing him can be done with ease
To upset a man, can be hard if done with intent
He would be more upset with how much you spent!!
My father searched
both high and low
where did our black and white
puppy dog go
He searched the streets
he searched the lanes
he even found the water main
but when at last with tired feet
he climb the stairs
to go to sleep
with covers pulled
back on the bed
our little puppy dog appeared
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