If I said this is me trying,
If I told you that
Isolation was becoming
More of a destination than an action,
Would it be enough for you?
I know I’m too much,
Not enough to fit the mold that I once laid
Perfectly in,
I know I failed to flourish,
I know I faltered.
I’m sorry.
I learned to swim before I could run,
Because when you spend your whole life drowning,
Floating becomes survival.
The pavement hurt to fall on,
But at least I could patch myself up, heal.
The water takes everything.
It’s surround sound,
Sensory deprivation,
My lungs fill with the density,
And I sink deeper and deeper,
And I finally understand that it’s got me,
The darkness that doesn’t quite dissolve.
A lingering,
A taint.
I’ve learned to live with it,
I can’t remember a time it wasn’t in me,
But I can feel the level rising,
It’s consuming my entirety.
Each and every time I think it’s getting lighter,
The pressure doubles
And I feel myself condensing into nothingness.
I thought I could leave this all behind,
Until I finally understood,
This depth,
This ocean,
There will be no escape.
YOU’RE NO FRIEND OF MINE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh scale! You’re no friend of mine
a constant reminder of the weight I desire
You whisper secrets in my unwilling ear,
of all that's lacking, a never-ending quest for perfection.
Your numbers dance upon your face so bright,
a dizzying maze of digits that confound and confuse.
I resist your grasp, your hold so tight,
for in your depths, I see only an endless fight.
I see a battle to conform, to fit the mold,
to sacrifice my soul, my heart, my internal gold.
Oh, scale you’re no friend of mine, I cry,
for you’re cold and calculating with your digital truth.
You ignore the beauty of imperfection, the charm of flaws,
the uniqueness that makes my spirit unique.
You see only the surface, not my heart,
a shallow reflection of my beauty within.
Oh, scale! You’re no friend of mine.
feet tracing ruts
softened by the weight of others
the path was worn
polished
not by insight
but by generations
unquestioning the same direction
a weed split the sidewalk
where my foot hesitated
they handed us maps
already marked, folded
creased at the routes
they wanted us to traverse
walls hung with heirlooms
no one claimed
shadows
longer than the rooms
classrooms’ chalkboards of certainty
offices pressed flat with protocol
we learned the art
of veiling the eye behind the eye
we drank from vessels
lips like waiting mouths
etched with forgotten crests
believing the shape of the cup
taught us thirst
air rehearsed its return
like a tethered animal pacing
the same invisible circle
inscribed with grace
shaped like a cage
narrowing the limit
of knowledge
of wisdom
altars made from repetition
shaped our days
to fit the mold
filed down the splinters of doubt
until only smooth compliance remained
tell me—
what is awakening
if not the moment
your hand reaches
for a handle
no one told you was there
and the quiet moment after waking
my heart
uncertain
unshod
hesitates…
The outside is where I belong
The inside so filmiar
A constant stride to belong
To fit the mold of what a man should be
Weak I am cancered by self denial
When will it end for me
Alone I be
What a disappointment
A shaded comparison of where I started
I seek something
But back away
When it gets hard I blame all but me
I am the cause of no resolution in my dimise
It's hard to see past all the flaws when they seem to out weigh the successes
Torn apart from it all
Just dwell in the peices of insecurities
What have I become
Lost in the shallow of a hollow man
In a world built in expectations I fall flat everytime
What is the reason for this prison
It's all in the past part of my present
When will this future become bright
When all around this body is a dark mass
Haunted visions ghosts of remembrance
This is how my life develops
Within the carnage of love and hate I collide
Still beaten and battered but whos throwing the punches
Me a lesser verison of myself
Where do I go
Where do a belong
In the wasteland of failure for all to flourish except me.
I will not walk around you quietly
I will not be feminine I will not be grateful I will not be submissive
I will not fit the mold you want Be aware we are mad
I will no longer let you get away with hurtful comments
In my mind locker room talk and attitudes like it will be an attack on my well-being and life and all female life.
I will make your life
uncomfortable and unsafe as you did ours
Why must I cast aside
What’s precious to me,
Just to fit into a mold,
To appease a shadow, a whisper of expectation?
We all have a niche, a corner,
A place waiting somewhere,
But why do I feel like I’m always a step behind,
Watching the world race ahead?
This dayjob, a gilded cage,
Where dreams are stored away,
In a dusty corner, forgotten,
As I grind, a slave to routine.
I don’t want to connect,
Don’t want to share my pain,
I’ve had enough, working day after day,
Just to scrape by, while my dreams fade away.
The architects of this world,
They were no different than us,
So why am I shackled,
Sentenced to eternity in this loop?
This dayjob, it was supposed to be
The fuel for my fire,
But it’s become a prison,
A cage of my own design.
Petty struggles for a meager reward,
The wheels keep turning as I age,
Fear drives me to work part-time,
Fearing the hunger, the cold, the end of the line.
I am wasted, I am hate,
I am resentment, I am regret,
What if I don’t fit the mold?
What if I’m not held by luck’s embrace?
Ideas rain down, a deluge,
But when I reach out, they’re gone,
Vanishing like mist,
Leaving me empty, in this cage of dreams.
When wonder of my worth erupts
and threatens everything I know
Volcanoes of emotion rush
imparting such a mighty blow
Oh why, to be so insecure
to feel unwanted and alone
Assuming, surely it’s my fault
When no one’s calling on the phone
It must be me, not smart enough
no college gave me a degree
Perhaps, it’s just now I’m too old
There's nothing left for them to see
So unattractive I must be
Perhaps, I sing the same old song
I try too hard to fit the mold
to finally feel that I belong
I’ve wasted oh, so many tears
of my existence on this earth
To try to know just how it feels
to never wonder of my worth
You are not wrong
So please don’t feel blue
But people, belittle
They’ll manipulate you
You are not wrong
Just because you’re unique
But people will judge
As they love to speak
You are not wrong
If you don’t fit the mold
Forget what they say
They’re naive and bold
You are not wrong
For just being you
You are one of a kind
And your heart is true
You are not wrong
Please don’t forget
Wherever you are
You’ll always fit
“Nothing ever changes
In the city of stone”
The city of mountains
The city of bones
The city of deaths which nobody mourns
Saluda is the city in which we die alone
Especially those that don’t fit the mold
I am one of those and I hate to be alone
And so when I saw the darkened sky
I hit the road in the dark of the night
I am the best me
The best version of myself
And I will never, ever become someone else
How are you my pet?
Have all you need?
Are you all set?
Have all your wants and needs met?
Good, now it’s time to pay
With your vote for me today
Prove your loyalty and appreciation
To further our political masturbation
Of you my obedient pet
Just obey
And please don’t fret
We need your mindless conformity
As we employ our brand of deformity
Time to keep quiet and do as your told
As we bring you to heel
If I may be so bold
It’s the same story
That’s old and retold
We prey
You obey
And fit the mold
Of soulless servitude
To the heartless and cold
Surprise, surprise
Your existence has sold
To the lowest bidder
Is what I’m told
Now come my pet
And submit to the F. O. L. D.
(Follow Our Logic Deviant)
Eric (and sometimes not)
Sitting here reminiscing
About what my life is truly missing
The passion and warmth you feel from kissing
I see myself needing to be bolder
Or my nights will continue to get colder
I need some love that appears to be stuck on hold
The whole thing leaves me feeling like I don't fit the mold
Treating them all with a heart of gold
Why have so many of them sold their souls
Don't they see I got game that rolls
With one goal to love not control
So many of them put on such a good show
Thinking it's not possible for you to know
Like being online makes you blind
So many of them using the same mo
Their intentions known from the word go
Sharing their hard luck life
cutting through your trust like a double-edged knife
Shame on them for taking advantage of my lust
Not knowing that it all leads to one big bust
When they lie to gain my trust
They leave me no choice but to look at them with disgust
What must I do to find a love that is true
One that exists just between me and you
A love that grew together from the very start
One based on a truth that won't keep us apart
The kind love that mends a lonely heart
From the one who calls you sweetheart
Am I Your Brother In Christ?
You say you’re my brother,
yet pretend I’m not there,
You shut me out of your life…
And you tell others you care.
I don’t quite “fit the mold” of what you
think a brother should be,
thinking of yourself,
and less of me.
I tried to call you, and didn’t answer the phone,
Then tell me I’m not invited to visit your home.
You hypocrite! You fool! Who are you kidding?
You’re no representation of Jesus,
by the way you’re living!
The Bible says love is patient, gentle and kind.
You can’t love just the 99, and leave me behind.
If you continue to “choose”
whom you’ll love and avoid.
Then true Godly love in your life will never be
enjoyed.
By thinking and dwelling on that
what was done in the past,
You’ll miss out on a freedom in Christ,
that will always last!
By Jim Pemberton 08/20/15
Am I Your Brother In Christ?
You say you’re my brother,
yet pretend I’m not there,
You shut me out of your life…
And you tell others you care.
I don’t quite “fit the mold” of what you
think a brother should be,
thinking of yourself,
and less of me.
I tried to call you, and didn’t answer the phone,
Then tell me I’m not invited to visit your home.
You hypocrite! You fool! Who are you kidding?
You’re no representation of Jesus,
by the way you’re living!
The Bible says love is patient, gentle and kind.
You can’t love just the 99, and leave me behind.
If you continue to “choose”
whom you’ll love and avoid.
Then true Godly love in your life will never be
enjoyed.
By thinking and dwelling on that
what was done in the past,
You’ll miss out on a freedom in Christ,
that will always last!
By Jim Pemberton 08/20/15
I Thought You Were My Brother?
You say you’re my brother,
yet pretend I’m not there,
You shut me out of your life,
And don’t even care.
Do I “fit the mold” of what you think
a brother should be?
Are you thinking just of yourself,
and a lot less of me???
I tried to call you, and you hung up the phone…
Then tell me I’m not invited
to your home.
You hypocrite! You fool!
Who are you kidding?
You’re not an example of Jesus
by the way you’re living.
The Bible says love is patient,
gentle and kind.
You can’t love just the 99,
and leave me behind.
If you continue to “choose”
whom you’ll love and avoid…
True Godly love in your life
will never be enjoyed.
By thinking and dwelling on that
which was done in the past,
You’ll miss out on a freedom
in Christ that’ll last!
By Jim Pemberton 07/19/15
I am me, then there is he~
He, who is fragmented, un-whole, dirty~
He, who sees only incompletion and regret~
He, who hears naught but whispers of lack~
I am me, then there is he~
He, the odd one who can’t fit the mold~
He, who feels smothered by his own skin~
He who’s feet can’t touch the earth~
I am me, then there is he~
He, who is small, frail, girlish at best~
He, who is shunned, shamed, chosen last~
He, who is never enough, enough for me~
I am me, not the other who casts shadows~
Day and night shadows come to play~
I cannot gaze into my own reflection,
for I know not the mirror’s depth,
or the boy I will find within~
I am me , then there is he...
Copyright © Satprem 2015
Written age 14~
Sub Categories
Looking for the formal definition, structure, and history of this poetry form? Visit the Poetry Dictionary entry below. Then return to explore how PoetrySoup members bring the form to life through their own poems.