Tomorrow, l'Il try my exercise bike.
No, not that expensive, complee doozy!
I'd fall down and be a fallen, poetic lollapaloozy!
My glory days of riding a real bicycle have long past.
But all our bodies need exercise, as do our minds.
Not too slow, nor too fast, respect your body, it’s one of a kind!
12/1/2024
~ Poem 1~
I can no longer touch my toes
Or stop an unexpected runny nose,
It has become an issue
To find a handkerchief or tissue.
My loo has moved
I am not sure
It seems farther away than it was before
I often have to try to run
Before I realised what I'd done.
I now have a shower chair
Where I bathe and wash my hair
I mutter to myself all-day
I hope nobody can hear the things I say.
My grey matter is fading fast,
I wonder how long it will last
My social life is up the creek
As I am at the Doctors every week.
A specialist sent me to the gym
To strengthen my muscles
To help improve the state I'm in
You would laugh if you could see
The aerobic ancient Old Duck me.
I now row a machine
That's never been
Near water
I walk on a treadmill
Although I falter.
The weights I can't lift very high
Perhaps next session,
I'll have a better try,
I love the exercise bike.
I can travel anywhere
I like.
Even though I don't move
My imagination improves
As I cycle down the country lane
I feel like a girl again.
It was a flash of inspiration
A truly brilliant solution
It would solve a pesky problem
A neat and tidy resolution
She'd been pondering for months
Constantly vacillating
When all along the answer
Was in the shadows waiting
There were way too many rolls
Gathering about the hips
Caused by cakes and biscuits
And massive portions of chips
An exercise bike was the answer!
You know.... the old one covered in dust in the back of the garage
that had belonged to a cousin who went overseas.... but I digress -
Being inherently lazy by nature
And reluctant to cut calories
This would do the job nicely
And also be kind to the knees
Stretching her exercise gear to the max
She resolved to start straight away
She felt sure she would succeed
And summer was on the way
But after ten pitiful minutes peddling
She admitted defeat and packed it in
Cycling obviously wasn't her forte
So she consoled herself with a gin
I heard of this snazzy new diet
It looked so good I thought I’d try it
You eat what you like
No exercise bike
Whatever you eat you can fry it
My pizza edge has cheese right through it
I eat cakes and puddings and suet
This diet is great
I haven’t lost weight
But I know that I can stick to it
Ate a bite of cake. Took a diet pill. It did not kick in.
Ate a piece of pie. Thought I would jump some rope.
Relieved I could not find the jump rope or my exercise bike.
Devoured a cold piece of pizza from last night. Feeling healthy.
My husband asked what is for breakfast. I admit I am full.
What did you fix me? We stare at each other for a second.
Then we both being laughing. We know I am no cook.
I am the worst one in the whole family of two of us.
Where is that cake? He is a diabetic. He can’t have it anyway.
I have no idea I lie, not admitting I ate a whole cake in ten hours.
He searches refrigerator. “Where is that last piece of pizza?”
Sophie Helen our cocker spaniel says “should have taken pill sooner.”
Tomorrow, I'll try my exercise
bike.
No, not that expensive doozy!
I'd fall down and be a fallen,
poetic lollapaloozy!
My glory days of riding a real
bicycle have long past.
But the body needs exercise
like our minds.
Not too slow, nor too fast!
Just sanely paced!
December 12, 2019
My wife thinks the birds need to balance their diet,
so when she puts food out, she mixes it well,
She puts apples and orange peel, nuts and raisins
with fat balls and breadcrumbs to clean their blood cells.
But the birds don't play ball, leaving what they don't like,
no apples or oranges or raisins they take,
That doesn't deter her, leaving things like fruitcake,
hoping one day they'll take it, for their health's sake.
I say, take it further, try to spice up their life,
try salads and tuna, maybe curry and rice,
give them roast beef and yorkshire,apple pie, double cream,
or a bottle of wine with strawberry supreme.
She laughs as she says, you can joke all you like,
but those birds will be fit and well, not pale and ghostlike,
I grin at her humour, her ways so dreamlike,
and think next thing she'll do, is get them an exercise bike.
The supposedly ideal woman's measurements
Used to be 36-32-36
That's no longer reality which the fashion industry
It's finally starting to acknowledge
We're seeing ads with slightly heavier models
Because a recent study showed
That 63% of North Americans are overweight
I'm definitely within that majority
Although I'm doing something about it
Have been riding my exercise bike
For 20 minutes every day for the past 2 years
One of my meals, either lunch or dinner is a salad
However as we age, the difficulty of losing weight
Becomes much more difficult to achieve
For a lot of us, the famous yo-yo dieting comes into play
Without strong perseverance, one must be dedicated
But it also must be a whole new life style change
And must include a steady exercise routine
It doesn't have to resemble an Olympic training program
As long as you're active in some manner or other
And of course, eating properly
No one ever said dieting would be easy
But the benefits far outweigh the dedicated effort
So get with the program people... it's all up to you!
It was funny at first
But now after further investigation
I think the bubble has burst
And it's not that funny after all
And we can't change it
We are stuck with it
And it
Is irritating
It's like a New Year's resolution 24 month Gym contract
Direct Debit on your Bank Account
You wish you could take back
Like the Exercise Bike and Treadmill
But you can't
Because they are passed the point of no return
And the only burn you feel
Is the raw deal
There it was at the door
the package ordered from the store.
I dragged it in and tore it open
the answer to my dreams once only hoping.
Piece by piece I took each out
assembly needed the ad failed to tout.
Determined and self assured
the instructions I procured.
Twenty, thirty minutes of time
and then i'd be set just fine.
Taped they were, each and every piece
and the packaging reluctant for release.
An hour plus later with anticipation
I still read the directions with hesitation.
One part appeared to be missing
calm I remained still persisting.
Mechanically challenged I suddenly felt
while upon the picture I still dwelt.
Success at last, two hours in
as I sat to admire my win.
There it stood, assembled in place
and I too tired to enter any race.
Perhaps tomorrow i said to myself
tossing clothes upon the bars like a shelf.
Sue got wedged on the exercise bike
And she doesn’t look so lady like
With both legs akimbo
She looked like a bimbo
Told the trainer to go take a hike!
20th July 2015
Supposedly the ideal woman's measurements
Used to be 36-32-36
That's no longer reality which the fashion industry
Is finally starting to acknowledge
We're starting to see ads with a little heavier models
Because a recent study showed
That 63% of Americans are overweight
I'm definitely within that majority
Although I'm doing something about it
Have been riding my exercise bike
For 20 minutes every day for the past 2 years
One of my meals, either lunch or dinner is a salad
However as we age, the difficulty of losing weight
Becomes much more difficult to achieve
For a lot of us the famous yo-yo dieting comes into play
Without strong perseverance one must be dedicated
To the cause but it also must be a whole new life style change
And must include a steady exercise routine
It doesn't have to resemble an Olympic training program
As long you're active in some manner or other
And of course eating properly
No one ever said dieting would be easy
But the benefits far outweigh the effort
So get with the program people... it's all up to you!
© Jack Ellison 2015
When they married he was as thin as a rake
But his wife she loves to bake
She thinks the way to his heart
Is to practice her culinary art
He’s been eating all her pies
You should see his thunder thighs
He’s in love, this he cannot disguise
Now his tum is as wide as his eyes
His wife puts on a good spread
Has his fill then he falls into bed
He’d love a bit more bedroom action
But he can’t get no satisfaction
Apple pies make him tired and sleepy
His mum thinks he’s looking quite peaky
He would love to go on a diet
But his wife wont let him try it
She says cooking is her passion
As for sex that’s now on ration
He can’t live like this any more
Packs his bags and heads for the door
Moves out and joins a new gym
Loses weight and starts to get thin
Meets a girl on an exercise bike
Tells his wife she can 'go take a hike'
Now he’s happy with the girl of his dreams
And his clothes aren’t bursting at the seams
10~08~14
Contest:-Plentitude of Pies
Sponsor:-Sheri Fresonke Harper
~awarded 15th place~
The pounds are just melting away
You might think I'd be a bit concerned
Well actaully I'm on a mission
To lose 30 pounds before the snow flies
There's no particular reason why
I set that particular number as my goal
It just seems within my reach
Given my age and life style
One thing I've always had is “sticktoitness”
But when I get on a mission, I tend to over indulge
Up to now it hasn't caused me any great problems
I must remember I'm not a young chicken anymore
But as the old saying goes, “use it or lose it!”
And this guy's not ready to cash in my chips just yet!
Started out riding my exercise bike
Once a day for 20 minutes
Recently I've upped it to twice a day
Totalling 40 minutes and am even thinking
Of making it three times a day if I can
I told you I'm on a mission!
Wish me luck my friends... I once heard it said
“No one ever died from TOO much exercise!”
Sure hope that's right... wish me luck!
© Jack Ellison 2014
Hanging clothes on your exercise bike, driving to the corner store
Taking the elevator up one floor, snacking while watching TV evermore.
Eating ice cream out of the carton, overloading the dinner plate
Eating sweets and drinking sodas, always wanting to exercise just a little more?
I'll diet tomorrow. Hospital appointment and you get examined by a young nurse
half your age. The dreaded words take off your shirt-no sucking in the
belly flab now. Your fat and exposed and somewhat embarrassed. The room is
cold and your sitting fat and old. Professionalism is not to comment on the
subject at hand. She's done and you race to put on your shirt blaming the
coolness of the room. The doctor comes in and reminds you that even losing a
few pounds will be beneficial. On the way home you stop by a fast food drive through
and order a mega size meal for lunch with the big BIG soda. Driving home
sucking up that bubbly sensation of sweet sinful satisfaction you make
a mental note to self. I'll diet tomorrow.
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