may have something in common:
bipolar disorder.
She became something.
“Great balls of fire!”
I am still trying.
An agent on an assigned order,
Suffered from bipolar disorder,
Her sister helped with the drug,
Gave an adversary a hug,
Which led to a bond and tie wonder.
TV Series: Homeland.
April 18, 2022.
What I’d like to give you, is an ounce of my perfume
So you can feel this presence; my presence
Even after I inevitably leave
Profound in my apology to thee
Destined to become absent
From life’s apparent joys
I step aside from your podium
To be alone; to be coy
An illness, I’m told
Of the body, soul and mostly mind
One minute I’m ecstatic
The next, uncontrollably static
Born with it, I was
Control over it, I’ve never had
So when I leave
Make me one promise
To not forget
And never leave
You must bring me home
Until when, my perfume will have to be
Not to be
Miles asunder
Don’t give up on my fleet
Bring me home to thee
*This poem is about those who suffer from Bipolar Disorder and how they are benefitted from a strong support system.
“Fear whispers worry into your ear, anxiety into your hopes and doubt into your faith… Love whispers hope and peace” – by poet
With a brain washed pale
By voices thundering
Silent screams echoing through me
Clearing away the debris
Of disappointment and disillusionment
My mind darkened on a clear night
No stars twinkled through my thoughts
And the blaze of my heart
Was smothered beneath the darkness
That was like a consuming fire
Shooting flames through my mind
Resonating fear and doubt
Clouding my soul with black suspicion
Breaking away all the hope and faith
Pouring disgust through my veins
Marking the way for desolation
Despair and waves of guilt
That sauntered across my emotions
Coloring me in hues of gray
Bipolar disorder screamed
Beneath a mask of whispers
And I cried – tears of desperation
Tears that flowed out of me
Relentless, unceasingly
And I prayed for peace
That only God could bring to me
Philippians 4:7 (King James Version) And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
March 23, 2021
problems are many
but with the pen my problems are semi
living life one page at a time
trying to stay in a straight line
consider me after you know my problems
with God I’m stronger, and my mind softens
he makes me not a monster
helping me to be somewhat smarter
was south bound straight to a dark place
was going north erasing my mind staying in space
counting the pain in chronological order
defining my bipolar disorder
flip a switch and I see red
unrational fears in my head
pouring my soul to a higher power
time after time my prayers got louder
sometimes crying in mental pain
but my reasons are not in vain
never really showing emotion
because inside I know something is broken
but not all is lost
man if it was not for god my life would be tossed
realization is the key to empowerment
and empowerment is the key to betterment
until I’m gone and over
I remain a soldier
Polar.
When I write a new poem I wonder how much should I share?
In this world, hate comes often but love is rare
If I could be there
Then I would be there
Where's there? Anywhere but the place I'm at
I can't take it back
Mistakes made, regrets last
But i face the facts
Strong enough to admit i'm not inside my right mind at the moment
I'm fighting a war and the World is my opponent
I find it so Hard to see them as a threat
Because they act tough, but by the time I've told them I'm bipolar they've already left
They Get scared when they see I'm not a sane man
Maybe being different is part of my game plan
Bipolar disorder combined with depression and anxiety is one hell of a mixture
My pen cries on the page and I fell in the river
Almost drowned myself trying to express my life in rhymes
You'd be scared if you had to live inside my mind
These were just some of my most simple rhymes
To Character Ethic,
to core ethical values:
go with personality -
think with personality.
Show your inner values.
Basic principles of effective living
are in the Character Ethic -
impress with personality.
When you are in depression,
success is a function of personality
Do not immerse in depression -
think, positive mental attitude.
Maniac or Bipolar disorder
you can overcome it
with core values of integrity -
success is personality.
Wild with unbounded energy tonight,
I eschew my med's; but I soon then hear
the frightful voices trumpet in my ear;
they haunt me into the stillness of night
as I transform into a monstrous sight
(a version of myself which I most fear,
and dread, as mania befalls me). Dear
God! why am I accursed with this dire plight!?
Life with bipolar disorder feels tragic,—
it's like a trial by fire, a hard test:
sometimes this dark disease makes me frantic
with madness, rapture, and profound unrest
so vile that I become full-blown manic;
then I am overwhelmed, and feel unblest!
In your eyes I am my illness; it’s all that you can see
I lack the courage that is needed to take root and grow me
Is it my bipolar disorder or anxiety that you fear?
That keeps you holding on so tight, you’re strangling me my dear
I’m grateful for your care while I convalesced
In your eyes you need to heal me, but I just needed rest
Feeling like half a person with you lying in your bed
I must be moving on from you, I know I’m being led
In your eyes the sickness is the only reason
You’re reminded of my brokenness and of all my demons
When I’m with you in nothingness my voice doesn’t make a sound
I secretly share myself with strangers when you’re not around
I cannot be my best with you and stand on my own feet
I must find my own meaning, I have challenges I must meet
I’m busting out; I’m breaking free of the doubts that have holds on me
I’m taking all my baggage; it’s time I set us free
People are still hurting because of the blow they've been dealt.
Sadly, you decided to end it all by hanging yourself with your belt.
You suffered from Bipolar Disorder and Depression, that wasn't a good combination.
People are very sorry that you died, your death has brought about devastation.
You starred in many movies, Popeye was your very first.
Your death was so horrible, to me it feels like a curse.
In 1991 when you starred in Hook, you portrayed Peter Pan.
Eight years later you starred as a robot in Bicentennial Man.
You entertained us when you portrayed Patch Adams and when you starred in House Of D.
You also astounded us with your performances in MRS. Doubtfire and RV.
Your performances were unique and extraordinary.
They were outstanding, they sure weren't ordinary.
Everybody knows that your acting was a wonderful contribution to mankind.
It will be a long time before your wife, kids and fans can find peace of mind.
[Dedicated to Robin Williams (1951-2014) who died on August 11, 2014.]
Misbegotten pair,
two-faced accusation,
the seduction of sweet solace
or the inarticulation of despair.
Either uneasy 'neath the spell of peerless rapture,
false respite from the ravages of fear,
or defenseless and imperilled
by a sadness that is too extreme to bear.
*A statement about bipolar disorder...
I hate sounding like a recorder
Knowing I am at the edge of my border
Always being served by a court order
Yeah, I have a mental disorder
Heck yeah, I suffer, I am bipolar
I stay up every night full of energy
Suffering from short term memory
My moods can last for days or weeks
I get so mad sometimes I can't speak
I don't even know what's "normal" anymore
Unexplained pain and my muscles are sore
I don't have the ability to concentrate
So I always yell when I communicate
I have unexplained sadness and crying spells
Feeling sick all the time and can't get well
Having a lot of guilt and feeling worthless
Everything around me makes me stress
Wanting to give up on my hopes and dreams
Just for the thrill, I go to the extreme
I hate sounding like a recorder
Knowing I am at the edge of my border
Always being served by a court order
Yeah, I have a mental disorder
Heck yeah, I suffer, I am bipolar...
Sugar and spice, at what price?
Proper and prim, life is so dim.
Generously gifting, so uplifting.
Reliable and ready, I am steady.
Giving what I gain, never to abstain.
Helping honorably, always with no fee.
Charity charade, has become frayed.
Enviously eager, so sadly meager.
Loud with lust, pretending I must.
Dark with desire, raising me higher.
Rancid and rotten, I haven’t forgotten.
Weary and weak, you’re at my feet.
Gemmed with greed, fulfilling a need.
Mistrusting and mused, you’ll be used.
Manipulating minds, you are so blind.
Precious is my pride, to you I have lied.
Putrid ugly pleas, sorry but this is ME.
What it sometimes "feels like" living with bipolar disorder....
Angered by the smallest things
Bipolar disorder is my king
Conveying thoughts, hard to do
Distratctions overwhelm; I'm subdued
Energy level at an all time low
Frustration beyond reason is my foe
Going places; standing idle fast
Hanging onto, "normal" visions of past
Imminent danger, doesn't seem real
Justifying my reasons; unable to feel
Kidnapped my soul, without a fee
Learning to cope and trust only me
Manic depression, or so they say
Negotiating terms of a mindset betray
Oppressed memories, trailing behind
Paralyzing thoughts, not hard to find
Quaintly waiting for me to confess
Raging temper at its very best
Selective my hearing, taking my soul
Tearful manipulation is my goal
Unconventional ideals; lies I must bare
Venomously I have waited, for my share
Wishfully longing for your return
X-rays show a mental psychosis learned
Yesterday's genious, today's broken plea
Zanily awaiting for my turn to be FREE
I let a strident scream escape my lips.
Life feels less relevant at this point
No optimism in panoramic view
Any future seems undeserving of effort,
Existing for yesterday is not living
I let a strident scream escape my lips.
I am aware of all relevant statistics,
The chances of becoming one are excessive
The reality of it not just forming there,
Causes the apprehension that it has always lived,
Within me
I let a strident scream escape my lips.
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