Best Bipolar Disorder Poems
I was in the prime of my life on paper, I had
a lot to live for.
I came from a loving family, that were educated
I myself graduated with honors from Harvard.
I had an amazing fiance that I adored very
much,
However I was a phenomenal actress that
was very sick.
I had bipolar disorder and I hid it from everyone
including my family.
When I was high I was high, but when I was low
I was extremely low.
I thought about death every second and hour
of day.
I couldn't shake it , did I want to die?
Of course not but I felt like I had no choice
It was something that I had to do.
I planned the whole thing, I even picked
out my theme music on that melancholy
day.
I craved death and I was thirsty for it,
I wanted my death to remembered as
something beautiful.
Boy was I in for a rude awakening and a
big dose of reality.
When my loving man found my lifeless
body he wailed and convulsed,
He caused me to see that love does
not die.
But I didn't plan what he did next
He went and got the gun we had for
protection and took his own life.
I replay that scene over and over in my
head.
For I am stuck in between life and death,
It is pure hell and it is torture and far
worse than it was when I was alive.
Inspired by the “Death” contest
5-17-18
“Fear whispers worry into your ear, anxiety into your hopes and doubt into your faith… Love whispers hope and peace” – by poet
With a brain washed pale
By voices thundering
Silent screams echoing through me
Clearing away the debris
Of disappointment and disillusionment
My mind darkened on a clear night
No stars twinkled through my thoughts
And the blaze of my heart
Was smothered beneath the darkness
That was like a consuming fire
Shooting flames through my mind
Resonating fear and doubt
Clouding my soul with black suspicion
Breaking away all the hope and faith
Pouring disgust through my veins
Marking the way for desolation
Despair and waves of guilt
That sauntered across my emotions
Coloring me in hues of gray
Bipolar disorder screamed
Beneath a mask of whispers
And I cried – tears of desperation
Tears that flowed out of me
Relentless, unceasingly
And I prayed for peace
That only God could bring to me
Philippians 4:7 (King James Version) And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
March 23, 2021
A week ago I wrote a list of reasons on why I should take my life
Two days ago I have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder
Today I had major suicidal thoughts and cried for three hours
All of this happened in a span of time
Today is where I realized that I have bipolar but bipolar does not own me
I got out of bed
I made breakfast
I took a shower
I tidied my room
I drank tea and focused on my studies
I did some notes
I read my current book
But most importantly I moved
I did not stay in one place and let my thoughts take over my state of mind
My illness does not define who I am or who I will be
Anxiety, OCD, Bipolar are just a fraction of me
They are characteristics of mine that can be treated and tamed
Mental health is always so quietly put under the rug
Like clothes thrown on that chair in our rooms
If we have a cold we stay home until we get better
However, when we feel the slightest despair
Get over it
Is all we hear
When all we should hear
Is
It’s okay
Work on yourself
Get to know yourself
Learn how to communicate with yourself
Find help
Talk to someone you trust
Because getting over something
Is easier said than done
Until that exact person is in your shoes
Then there is no getting over anything
There is only denial, suffering, and finally acceptance
I will never let my illness get the best of me
Correction: I will try my best to not let my illness get the best of me
The darkest clouds will always rain
But we have the choice to whether use our umbrellas or not
Take your medications
Don’t keep thoughts inside
How devastating it is that we keep smiling our suffering
When all we want to do is scream
Scream
Scream loud and clear
Speak
Please Speak
Everyone thinks they know that girl. At
least they think they do.
You know that girl that makes everyone
laugh, and is a class clown. Who used
to be a star athlete. And had everything
going for her.
Yeah that girl that everyone thinks they
know
She became homeless at the age of 16
due to a house fire.
Yeah that girl everyone thinks they
know
Yet that girl is still laughing away and
making everyone laugh, but isn't the
same inside, No, Something inside of
her changed they way she felt.
Yeah that girl everyone thinks they
know
She became mentally ill, she was
diagnosed with major depression and
bipolar disorder. She was always under
medication, so you never knew what
side of her you where going to get.
Yeah that girl everyone thinks they
know
No one knew how much she hated
hearing sirens go off, or how she
couldn't stand seeing fire trucks. She
struggled living her life daily.
Yeah that girl everyone thinks they
know
She lost her closes friends cause she
shut them out and nearly lost them all.
Yeah that girl everyone thinks they
know
From what I hear it's been 3 years
since the fire and that girl is barely
getting her sight of her future back.
Yeah that girl everyone thinks they
know
She is talking to her lost friends again,
but just isn't the same for her, so she
has to make new ones. Which means
she has no one.
Yeah that girl everyone thinks they
know
She is happier now and is looking
forward to graduating and moving on
from this chapter of her life and letting
go.
How do I know so much of her?, well
"that girl" is me.Yeah that girl that
everyone thought they knew.
But im fine now. Sure I have my
downfalls, but I still get up and smile.
THAT GIRL IS ME, I AM THAT GIRL.
I hate sounding like a recorder
Knowing I am at the edge of my border
Always being served by a court order
Yeah, I have a mental disorder
Heck yeah, I suffer, I am bipolar
I stay up every night full of energy
Suffering from short term memory
My moods can last for days or weeks
I get so mad sometimes I can't speak
I don't even know what's "normal" anymore
Unexplained pain and my muscles are sore
I don't have the ability to concentrate
So I always yell when I communicate
I have unexplained sadness and crying spells
Feeling sick all the time and can't get well
Having a lot of guilt and feeling worthless
Everything around me makes me stress
Wanting to give up on my hopes and dreams
Just for the thrill, I go to the extreme
I hate sounding like a recorder
Knowing I am at the edge of my border
Always being served by a court order
Yeah, I have a mental disorder
Heck yeah, I suffer, I am bipolar...
God Has A Plan For Me
I came into this world August 12 1986 by the Grace of God. I was Two months early and was only weighting at four pounds then. I didn’t give up then My God has a plan for me.
When I was six months old I was diagnosis with juvenile diabetes and been living with it ever since. My God has a plan for me.
In 1987 to 1988 I would not walk at all I was almost two years old before I decided to started to walk on my own.
My God has a plan for me
At five years old my father died from a massive heart attacked on the same day of my kindergarten gradation I knew something was wrong but I also know that My God had a plan for me
At six years old I was Diagnosis with Major Depression, Anxiety Disorder, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Panic Disorder, Separation Anxiety Disorder, and Social Anxiety Disorder. But I knew My God Had a plan for me.
At seven years old a close family member sexually assaulted me and I kept that secret with me now. But I know that My God has a plan for me
At ten years old I got diagnosis with OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder). But My God had a plan for me
At sixteen years old I was diagnosis with Bipolar Disorder I used to fight and yell at any adults and teachers who talked to me and put holes into walls of my room. But I knew My God had a plan for me
At twenty-three years old I was diagnosis with hypercholesterolemia, MRSA but My God has a plan for me
At twenty-eight I was diagnosis with Inflammation of the Bronchial Tubes, Major Depression, Bipolar Disorder the one I have is the Rapid-Cycling, Schizophrenia and I am on Suicide Watch But I am Still here.
My God Still Have A Plan For Me.
Wild with unbounded energy tonight,
I eschew my med's; but I soon then hear
the frightful voices trumpet in my ear;
they haunt me into the stillness of night
as I transform into a monstrous sight
(a version of myself which I most fear,
and dread, as mania befalls me). Dear
God! why am I accursed with this dire plight!?
Life with bipolar disorder feels tragic,—
it's like a trial by fire, a hard test:
sometimes this dark disease makes me frantic
with madness, rapture, and profound unrest
so vile that I become full-blown manic;
then I am overwhelmed, and feel unblest!
There are days I don’t want to feel,
There are days I want to destroy all I’ve healed.
There are days that I sail,
Through the skies without fail
On a manic high,
I feel amazing without having to try.
There are days that I’m so angry,
Like a big cry baby
And I want everyone to hate me.
There are highs and lows,
The up and down is harder than you’ll ever know.
There are days I feel like a tornado.
There are days I’m nothing more than a couch potato,
Whose roots are mangled,
And my neurotransmitters are all tangled.
I have a chemical imbalance
And I’m the queen of this palace.
My kingdom is quite nice,
It’s like fire and ice.
The highs are great,
It’s the lows that I hate.
There are days this imbalance feels like purgatory,
Please don’t call me crazy though,
That’s derogatory.
There are days I want to scream,
On those days I can get pretty mean.
Those days I feel weak,
From the guilt that I keep.
Just because I can’t control it
Doesn’t mean I don’t feel bad for doing it.
I don’t want to blow up,
I want to feel like I’m enough all of the time,
Not just when mania is taking me for a ride.
There are days I never want to comedown,
I wish I knew how.
There are days I’m on auto pilot,
Where I don’t fight it.
There are days I’m deep in a hole,
When I just want to feel whole.
There are so many sides to me,
So many versions of myself I could be,
There’s so much more than you can see.
I am Bipolar Disorder.
Voices in my head are telling me I'm worthless
Depression is telling me to overdose again as I don't have a purpose
Anxiety tells me to stop blaming him when I'm nervous
The voices in my head are telling me I'm worthless
I talk to myself, or maybe my Bipolar disorder, Anxiety and depression are talking
I try to smile, so people can't see them when I'm walking
But they come out for the world to see from time to time
I can keep it hidden for so long, but eventually I look crazy to most peoples minds
I just want a 24 hour period without any mental illness weighing me down
Weight of the world on my shoulders, how can you expect me to not go off the scale?
Depression has a control of me, but I try playing it down
It's difficult to trust when people only show you betrayal
I don't even like myself
My parents picking drink over me, left me feeling worthless
I attack depression but you just see me fight myself
When I'm alone I'm uncomfortable, when i'm in danger is the only time I'm not nervous
Not sure if I fell in love with pain or if I got used to the feeling
The pain was so addictive, Self-harm became my way of healing
I've made it further than expected, but I've got a long way to go
Will I make it to the end? I really don't know
Voices in my head are telling me I'm worthless
Depression is telling me to overdose again as I don't have a purpose
Anxiety tells me to stop blaming him when I'm nervous
The voices in my head are telling me I'm worthless
Sugar and spice, at what price?
Proper and prim, life is so dim.
Generously gifting, so uplifting.
Reliable and ready, I am steady.
Giving what I gain, never to abstain.
Helping honorably, always with no fee.
Charity charade, has become frayed.
Enviously eager, so sadly meager.
Loud with lust, pretending I must.
Dark with desire, raising me higher.
Rancid and rotten, I haven’t forgotten.
Weary and weak, you’re at my feet.
Gemmed with greed, fulfilling a need.
Mistrusting and mused, you’ll be used.
Manipulating minds, you are so blind.
Precious is my pride, to you I have lied.
Putrid ugly pleas, sorry but this is ME.
What it sometimes "feels like" living with bipolar disorder....
Angered by the smallest things
Bipolar disorder is my king
Conveying thoughts, hard to do
Distratctions overwhelm; I'm subdued
Energy level at an all time low
Frustration beyond reason is my foe
Going places; standing idle fast
Hanging onto, "normal" visions of past
Imminent danger, doesn't seem real
Justifying my reasons; unable to feel
Kidnapped my soul, without a fee
Learning to cope and trust only me
Manic depression, or so they say
Negotiating terms of a mindset betray
Oppressed memories, trailing behind
Paralyzing thoughts, not hard to find
Quaintly waiting for me to confess
Raging temper at its very best
Selective my hearing, taking my soul
Tearful manipulation is my goal
Unconventional ideals; lies I must bare
Venomously I have waited, for my share
Wishfully longing for your return
X-rays show a mental psychosis learned
Yesterday's genious, today's broken plea
Zanily awaiting for my turn to be FREE
In your eyes I am my illness; it’s all that you can see
I lack the courage that is needed to take root and grow me
Is it my bipolar disorder or anxiety that you fear?
That keeps you holding on so tight, you’re strangling me my dear
I’m grateful for your care while I convalesced
In your eyes you need to heal me, but I just needed rest
Feeling like half a person with you lying in your bed
I must be moving on from you, I know I’m being led
In your eyes the sickness is the only reason
You’re reminded of my brokenness and of all my demons
When I’m with you in nothingness my voice doesn’t make a sound
I secretly share myself with strangers when you’re not around
I cannot be my best with you and stand on my own feet
I must find my own meaning, I have challenges I must meet
I’m busting out; I’m breaking free of the doubts that have holds on me
I’m taking all my baggage; it’s time I set us free
The night was lonely when my pills called for me. Stock piling them, not knowing if they’ll ever be used. I told myself I’d take them if life still didn’t get better. So down they went, at least a couple hundred. I didn’t die, but I caused a lot of pain for friends, family, and my lungs, man.
The ablulance took me to the emergency room in my town. There aren’t enough recourses to save a stupid suicidal teen, so they sent me hours away in a helicopter. The last thing I remember was going to sleep. When I woke up I had tubes in my throat and doctors and nurse telling me to cough so the pills would pump out of my body. How can you cough with a tube in your throat though?
A day later, I was sent to a mental hospital where things only plummeted even more. There were about twenty people there, but I only made friends with two. Eventually more came and I had new friends for a few days. They had therapy dogs to help us psychos feel a little better until you’d go to art and be criticized by staff and become more suicidal. yay!
I was put on antidepressants which made my bipolar disorder peak. They eventually made me lose 80 percent of my memory, so your girl stopped taking them.
Then I got better. Believe me, I too, was an “it never gets better” person. I still was for months after leaving that mental hospital because the experience was so bad, but if you focus on the negative, how can you get better. My old cringy poems from years ago are a great example of how I thought things would suck for ever.
Now, it’s been a bit over a year, and my perspective on life has changed. No longer am I a pessimistic angry teen who hates everyone. I found little things to hold on to so I hade a “purpose” until bigger things that gave me a bigger purpose came along. I wish any who has “it will never get better” ingrained in their head will find a way to make it bearable for them to keep pushing until they realize things do get better.
If I would’ve died, I would’ve lost so much that I didn’t even know I’d gain.
HIT ME ONCE YOU'LL HIT ME TWICE:
THIS MENTALITY WAS DISCOVERED ON DATE
NUMBER TWO ATTEMPTING TO HIDE BEHIND
YOUR WORDS OF FLATTERY LAYING A SNEAR
FOR MY FEET AND THE BEAUTIFUL WORDS
OF POETRY........
YOU TRIED TO INTOXICATE ME WITH THE IMAGRY
OF WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE YOU AND I OPERATINING
IN MINISTRY
HIT ME ONCE YOU'LL HIT ME TWICE: YOU ALLOWED
THAT UNCONTROLLABLE BEAST TO PUNCH ME
HERE AND PUNCH ME THERE YOU DID NOT CARE
DISPLACEMENT ANGER FLYING EVERYWHERE
HIT ME ONCE HIT ME TWICE:I RECOGNIZED THE WARNING
SIGNS OF POTENTIAL DOMESTIC ABUSE ENCOURAGING
YOU TO UTILIZE COPING SKILLS NOT FOR THRILLS BUT
TO HEAL THE INTRICATE PIECES OF YOUR MIND
THAT STRUGGLE TO FUNCTION DUE TO TRAUMA AND
ABUSE FROM THE MULTI-DYSFUNCTIONAL RELATIONSHIPS
HIT ME ONCE YOU'LL HIT ME TWICE:EXHIBITING SIGNS OF
BIPOLAR DISORDER BORDER LINE SCHIZOPHRENIA
TEMPORARY INSANE YOU'VE CAUSED ME SOO MUCH PAIN
HIT ME ONCE YOU'LL HIT ME TWICE:WALKING ON
EGGSHELL IM TIRED OF THIS HELL WELL I MUST
TERMINATE THIS UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP........
PLEASE GET SOME HELP
HIT ME ONCE YOU'LL HIT ME TWICE STOP MAKING
EXCUSES FOR THE ABUSES OF THOSE YOU'VE
PSYCHOLOGICALLY INFLICTED......
HIT ME ONCE YOU'LL HIT ME TWICE:EMOTIONAL
MENTAL AND PHYSICAL PAIN MUST BE DEPLETED
OF IT'S NEGATIVE ENERGIES......
HIT ME ONCE YOU'LL HIT ME TWICE:
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE MUST END.....
PLEASE DON'T HIT ME................
To Character Ethic,
to core ethical values:
go with personality -
think with personality.
Show your inner values.
Basic principles of effective living
are in the Character Ethic -
impress with personality.
When you are in depression,
success is a function of personality
Do not immerse in depression -
think, positive mental attitude.
Maniac or Bipolar disorder
you can overcome it
with core values of integrity -
success is personality.