Best Waddles Poems
There was a fussy bovine named Flossy
who was snooty and always so bossy
her udders would droop
when she took a poop
She bellowed until her eyes got glossy
Flossy had teeth like a barracuda
Her biting habit just made her ruder
She's not very sharp
She spit when she'd harp
So I called a few friends and we shewed her
Then she threatened to have me arrested
Thought she'd beaten me and had me bested
Knocked her on her duff
She wasn't so tough
Alas, she kept right on and protested
I saw her on the street the other day
Her monstrous butt sat on a bale of hay
Stuck her tongue at me
Mooed, "Hello, ducky"
She trotted off when I aimed pepper spray
What a chunky hippo she has become
I think Flossy secretly sucks her thumb
Waddles when walking
Ranting and squawking
To senility, Flossy has succumb
Bovine creatures can be quite abusive
When they should be a closet reclusive
The more that they speak
The more that they reek
My findings are all justly conclusive
Polly Wally waddles all day
She's running for office in LA
She wastes time doodling
Enjoys a daily noodling
But she never earns her pay
Polly Wally was once quite a looker
before politics she worked as a hooker
now she dresses with power
doesn't get paid by the hour
now she's aging no man would book her
My auntie wears 'Bridget Jones' knickers
But last week at tea at the vicars
She’d purloined MY lace thong
It was morally wrong
T’was the cause of very loud snickers
My thong’s wedged between her butt crack
Stuck firmly between front and back
But it’s not a surprise
As it’s not in her size
There’s no room to cut any slack
Aunt waddles around like a duck
Like a chicken she begins to cluck
‘Yes I took her G-string
Get me out of this thing’
Stop gawping, help me get unstuck
The Vicar say’s I’ll get my pliers
On reflection it’s what this requires
The vicar doesn’t shirk
As he gets down to work
But after an hour he tires
My auntie’s visage is not pale
(Her embarrassment is off the scale)
When my G string gets cut
It pings clean off her butt
It’s a shame she’s the tush of a whale!
For a ‘sweet’ friend BB xx
07/22/21
In Sherwood Forest Friar Tuck
Fell down a ditch where he got stuck
Astride a broken branch
And, yes, I have a hunch
He waddles now like Donald Duck!
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Contest: Make Me Laugh
Sponsor: Tania Kitchin
Placed 3rd
Posted 25th November 2020
Stoplight Fireflies
Stoplight fireflies blink yellow
over vacant intersections
Owls whisper on the mist
mime-like field mice listen
Soft surf muffles side step
clatter of crab legs
Feral eyes swallow
waning moonlight
A possum waddles beneath
blinking yellow fireflies.
©John G. Lawless
4/3/2017
Small little Molly
Waddles around in the yard
Center attention
Birth of two children changed things
We forgot, Molly!!! Outside!!!
1/4/2015
Contest: Dachshunds
Sponsor: Rob Carmack
Against a moonlit sky
alone upon the deck
Afflack waddles among the boats
searching for some food to peck.
He’s a fine specimen of a duck
exclusive to our marina
he lost his partner years ago
and pines for her for no good reason.
His lonesome quacks, his grunts and sighs
betray the sadness in his eyes.
I know he truly can remember
his own duck love, his mate forever.
So I make sure to come prepared
to give him food, he is not scared
we’ve formed a friendship, he and I
he's welcomed here, he will not fly...away.
Here comes big Aunt Clara,
those arm pits really stink;
She uses all the paper,
leaves her dentures in the sink!
Wearing out her welcome,
attention's what she seeks;
For her to stay the night,
somehow becomes a week!
I can't go to the bathroom,
she's always locked inside;
Boy, I'm such a jerk,
when I'm forced to wait outside!
I wake up extra early,
a little bit after four;
I have the bathroom to myself,
that's what I thought before!
"Nephew",... Are you in there?"
"Auntie gotta go really bad"
I try my best to keep my cool,
by now I'm gettin' mad!
Ever since she lost our uncle,
she's always been alone;
I can sense her solemn grief,
but our bathroom's not her home!
Each time we have a visit,
our heads are held in shame;
She waddles into the bathroom,
and blows our poker game!
"FFLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOPPPP!!"
oh, what a gruesome sound!
One by one, they ease away,
their smiles replaced with frowns!
One cold October evening,
the skies were dark and black;
Clara sat on the toilet,
and had a heart attack!
We called the paramedics,
five minutes already passed;
What we thought was a heart attack,
was nothing more than gas!
We started CPR,
compressions across the heart;
A poot was what we heard,
she unleashed a vicious fart!
Aunt Clara's alive and well,
she'll be seeing us all too soon;
Our latest plans for progress?
Build another bathroom!!
Now kicked off the warm spot on the bed where I had been
it's time to watch my owner going through his dawn routine.
Mouth wide in a quiet miaow, I can almost see his supper
Brown stain dribble on his chin from that last midnight cuppa.
Limbs stretched out to form a star, claws clenched then slowly flexing,
eyes blink, lips smack in concert , it all seems to me perplexing.
Comes off the bed at right angles, half stumbling half rolling
puts on two covers for his paws and one has a big hole in.
Pulls up the outside skin over his legs and bum as well
don't know what for – it doesn't stop that noise and funny smell.
Top skin now on, one button wrong, it's twisted at the neck
and finally his outer paws in gruesome tartan check.
Walks slowly to the little room, that noise comes out the back
for animals with a nose like mine, he's so easy to track.
Door shuts, more noise then water splashing, then electric hum
all accompanied by tuneless 'dum-ti-dum-ti-dum'
Finally he waddles out and smiles, expects applause?
Not from me, mate, I'm spruced up from just using my paws.
Now wide alert he bounds downstairs, an energetic new man,
Stuff all of that, it's too much grief-
who'd want to be a human?
Beneath a starlit sky
of an early tranquil night
A solo pianist sits
in the middle of a quiet valley
A lost swan,waddles by
in a forbidden lake
Seeking reflections
as moonbeams cast their glow
upon the lone man's silhouette.
'Pull off your mask '
He heard her say
as She glided towards him
in a smooth and graceful way.
''I need to see what lies behind
those once upon a glistening eyes.
I need to hear you play again
I yearn to hear you sing
I want to waltz in ballet
to your voice against the wind.'
His lifeless mask fell slowly to the ground
Into a thousand pieces without making a sound.
His youthful soul revealed
Like a splash in calm beauty
His fingers were released.
Knocking on her heart-chords
He composed new symphonies
Dark feathers drifted by
like tragic memories
He did not let another yesterday
Steal all the joy, take all the bliss
He bathed in fresh waters
and showered with her kiss.
...And the pianist plays again
A found swan ,pirouettes
Her wings She opens freely
He rests in her embrace.
Inspired by music ,and a disney movie
I watched awhile ago with my girl called
'The Swan Princess' :)
Dappled sunlight filters
Through emerald green leafs
Some of them translucent
And hang like summers eves
I lean against a tupelo tree
And whittle on a stick
Alone at last it seems
But the cacophony of sound
Is deafening in the woods
For life is all around
A box turtle waddles through the grass
A fox is on the run
A wood thrush shuffles among the fallen leafs
A hawk is on the wing
Yet peace is all I feel
Because God is everywhere
Priss As A Peacock
Priss as a peacock
proud as I am,
I prance ore the garden
waving my fan.
Proud Senorita
crown all in tact,
waddles and wades
train trailing back.
Glorious gait
eyes all a glow,
regal and royal
she puts on a show.
Till one small flaw
Her neck stretched up high,
She screeches an opera
Like one who has died.
For two weeks, at all hours, I watched FIFA games
Familiarizing myself with all the players' names
But I won't be viewing the World Cup anymore
after the favored U. S. team was unable to score
Too much drama was promoted, so it would seem
over not singing the National Anthem, but I'd deem
their focus was on winning, as I think it should be
and not on patriotic agendas, "My country tis of thee."
A penguin (mascot) waddles so he can't play football
If he had tried, he'd have stumbled and taken a fall
Not once did I hear his name, Tazunis, mentioned
I don't think that slight of him was well intentioned
The U.S. team was defeated by Sweden in overtime
Their goalie, Zecira Musovic, played a game sublime
Time after time her heroic efforts prevented a score
No goals had been made, but the game was not a bore
U.S. women won the first tourney game by one goal
but wouldn't "Do it Again" and lost their favorite role
They didn't play, "Beyond Greatness," not even close
It was time they fly home and to Australia say, "Adios."
The Lost Girl ...
Through the eyes of a little girl she watches you and sheds a tear as she stares
Her little fingers reaching out yearning for someone to care
Her minute heart shaking beneath her undeveloped chest
As she waddles down the streets of loneliness in her tattered forgotten vest
Dreaming of the times that her feet were warm
She rubs her tiny knuckles against her blood shot eyes as her smile turns into scorn
She flicks the gravel from the newly grazed skin on her broken knees
Her voice stolen in the ice cold chill of the world as her composure she fights to keep
I am the lost girl she whispers as she quivers trying desperately to breath
Hopelessly searching for belonging as the wolves soundly sleeps
Can you see me for who I truly am …..?Can you see the beauty of my scars?
Can you see me drowning …? Would you reach out and touch the girl going insane behind her own bars?
I am the lost girl …. Now a women in a broken world
And I have watched my life slowly agonizingly out the window being hurled
Through the eyes of the little girl I sit and stare
Of all strangers I will always be perpetually aware
.
Fat armadillo
Waddles into garden ...
Sweet potatoes gone