Best Uh Poems
A signal to arise.
I saw it in your eyes.
Reveille.
In good company
Aroused in your bed
Reveling with you
Reveille.
A celebration of the bugle
Your eyes of blue
So close to sunrise
Alive with boisterous excitement
Reveille
Awakened in no time
Every day a new one
Yielding to your arms
Your trinkets with magical powers
Keep us not asunder
Reveille
Tis cold this time of year
Whispering sweet nothings in your ear
Aloud with temper
Under the covers
Consumed and alert
Daybreak for Saturnalia
Reveille
And should I sleep
Away the hours
Under Sun and Moon
My romantic muse
Your castles in the sky
Visions of you
My fool's paradise
And it's cool sheets.
Reveille.
A dream of a rustling
Amongst the flowers
Plumb dumb
With much attention
A revelation
Of our affection
Forever young
Is your fine
Devotion.
Reveille.
There is yelling and crying
Good.
There is screaming.
A loud wail. Great!
Uh-oh.
Dead quiet.
I creep up, quietly
To spy on them
Knowing something is
Up. They are four, six,
And eight,
Only quiet when they
Are up to their most
Dastardly deeds.
(Chorus - rpt. 1x): When you walk by its like
Uh-Huh, Uh-huh, Di da di da, Uh-huh, Uh-huh
When you talk
Uh-huh, Uh-huh, Di da di da, Uh-huh, Uh-huh
Ooh baby when you touch
Uh-Huh, Uh-Huh, Di da di da, Uh-huh, Uh-huh
That’s why its like
Uh-huh, Uh-huh, Di da di da, Uh-huh, Uh-huh
(Verse 1): I gave you my number, you hit me on your 2-way
Boy you so hot I gotta make you mine
Cause right now we got a good flow
I don’t wanna rush, baby take it slow
I see you been thinking maybe I’m the one
Trust me boy Im all what you want
Because its like
(Chorus - rpt. 1x): When you walk by its like
Uh-Huh, Uh-huh, Di da di da, Uh-huh, Uh-huh
When you talk
Uh-huh, Uh-huh, Di da di da, Uh-huh, Uh-huh
Ooh baby when you touch
Uh-Huh, Uh-Huh, Di da di da, Uh-huh, Uh-huh
That’s why its like
Uh-huh, Uh-huh, Di da di da, Uh-huh, Uh-huh
(Verse 2): Boy got style, you even got mind
Now one day you gotta make me yours
No boy it isn’t about the looks
It’s the way you handling me
And the way you talked to me from the start
You aren’t like the rest
So its like
(Hook (slow down beat)): Boy hold my hand, let take a journey through your mind
Let me see what you thinking
See if you thinking of me (Speed up beat) See if you really wannabe mines
Boy Im sure you feeling me just as well as Im feeling you
Come on, because its like
(Repeat till fade): Uh-Huh, Uh-Huh, Di da di da
Uh-Huh, Uh-huh (that’s why its like)
Uh-Huh, Uh-Huh, Di da di da
Uh-Huh, Uh-Huh (Baby, when you touch)
Uh-Huh, Uh-Huh, Di da di da
Uh-Huh Uh-Huh
They were nearing LaGuardia Airport when the pilot felt a sudden urge.
He told the copilot to grab the yoke saying his bladder he must purge!
He left the cockpit and wended his way to the lavatory in the rear.
Thus, a series of events unfolded, some of which remain quite unclear!
Things 'flowed' along nicely until the pilot attempted to exit the john!
Alas, the door was jammed and he mused, "Is someone putting me on?"
When he tried to escape from his predicament he discovered a catch;
He was alarmed to find that the doggone door had a defective latch!
In the cockpit the copilot was growing very uneasy about their plight.
The tower called to say they were 50 miles out and were cleared to alight!
To add to his consternation, some jerk was pounding on the cockpit door,
Yelling with a foreign accent - a serious situation he dare not ignore!
The tower operator, just to be certain there would be no later regrets,
Wisely called the Air Force and they alerted a squadron of their jets!
The copilot proffered a prayer saying, "Lord, have mercy on us please!
Help, Lord! Landing this bird alone will test my fortitude and expertise!"
In the meantime good Samaritans helped the pilot to escape his cell!
He scampered to the cockpit to take charge and all turned out well!
This mortifying escapade will be long remembered in airline lore,
About the pilot whose wings were clipped by a faulty lavatory door!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
(Based on an actual incident that occured on a flight from Asheville, NC
to LaGuardia Airport, 16 Nov 2011. Written with just a tad of embel-
lishment!)
He makes me do such silly things,
Terror and trouble he surely brings.
Gum in hair, and sticks in wheels,
No care for how everyone feels.
Mud pies thrown through the sky,
Embarassed my sister in front of that guy.
Things i did i will not soon forget,
Uh-huh. the devil made me do it.
Sugar in salt, and salt in sugar,
Made my brother eat that booger.
Sorry is a word unsaid,
Hand in cup equals pee in bed.
I cannot say that i hold any regret,
The devil surely made me do it.
Sorry, I don't know what the heck you're talking about.
Sorry, I don't understand a word of whatever you may have been trying to say.
Sorry, I don't know that man, or woman, or children, or anybody else around here.
Sorry, I'm a stranger around here...
uh, no, not only in this neighborhood,
but everywhere on the earth.
You asking me since when?
Uh, let's see, for about ten, no, twenty years?
Uh, no, not that either....
Since forever, I guess.
I've always been feeling like a complete stranger on the earth ever since I was born, I guess.
Asking me why?
Because, uh, I don't know what I am.
I have absolutely no idea what humans are.
When I'm with people, even with my parents or siblings,
even when they seem to like me and even love me, I, uh, I don't feel at all the friendship or love that they claim to have for me.
Do I love them?
Uh, I don't think so.
Do I love my parents and siblings, you say?
Uh, not any more.
Yeah, I thought I loved my family and other people
when I was a kid or until I was a teenager or something.
But after that, I ceased to feel that way.
Ever since I was twenty or so,
I've never felt any love coming from others
or any love coming from inside my own heart.
I don't feel I'm real.
I don't feel I'm human.
I don't think I belong to people.
I don't feel I'm a citizen of the world.
I don't feel the people around me are humans.
But I do feel as if I'm in a huge zoo together with apes and pigs.
I feel as though I'd always been trying desperately to speak their pig and ape languages.
Their languages have always been horribly difficult to master.
Whenever I try to communicate with them,
they've always complained to me,
saying that I speak weird Japanese.
They've said they don't understand my language well.
They even get angry at me sometimes,
saying that I'm deliberately saying things
confusing to them, to make a fool of them.
I can't speak their languages well enough.
Nor can they understand my language well enough.
There's always been a huge, vast gulf
gaping wide between them and me,
which has always terrified me all my life.
I'm not human.
If I do belong to any place or any world,
I probably belong to the other end of the universe.
Definitely not here.
Uh-Oh, I think im falling for you,
the way your lips are always turned upwards in a smile,
how you can make me blush without even meaning to.
I think Im in love,
with the way my heart races when you come near me.
Uh-oh, I think Im falling for you,
how everytime I have to leave,
you hesitate just a second.
i think Im in love,
with they way you hung around whenever you could.
Uh-oh, I think Im falling for you,
the way you speak french, and I have no idea how to repeat,
the way you failed so adorably at speaking my language.
I think im in love,
and im scared you'll beak my heart.
uh-oh, I think im falling for you,
But are you who you say you are?
are you going to take my heart and crush it cuz you can?
I think Im in love,
But Im too scared to admit it...
*stupid teenage drama. why couldnt life be full of happy endings? :'(
speak it as it was to be
something for a world of
people to love and admire.
delicious and special.
she wanted something that was flavored naturally.
we determined that a sweet fruity flavor would
be best. because she was cooking chicken
and felt it was best to have as much chicken as vegetables
she decided to make it easier on herself by using
something large to marinate the birds in.
she was cooking twenty game hens, and wanted a mixture of flavor
to marinate the birds in.
she came up with this.
in a large roasting pan she added,
5 pounds of grapes (vines and leaves)
2 trouts (scaled and cleaned)
4 garlic bulbs (halved and unpeeled)
5 medium onions(quartered with peels)
10 lemons(squeeze the juice and and halved)
5 sprigs of rosemary
4 sprigs of thyme
2 gingerootz (chopped)
5 small chilis (halved)
1 cup of cilantro
roast for about one hour( to extract the pungent aromas)
you only want the juices that are extracted from the mixture
drain by using a colander, and a fine screen.
allow to cool.
in a blender add
2 cups of olive oil
1/4 cup of salt
2 green peppers
1 large red onion
2 small chilis (seeds removed)
2 cup of red wine
3 cups of lime juice
1 cup of light brown sugar
4 tablespoons of ground ginger
1/2 cup of white vinegar
7 cloves of garlic
mix smooth and add to the cool mixture
2 two five gallon buckets with lids
add the game hens and pour mixture to cover all the birds.
marinate overnight.
broil birds in the oven until done.
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1 and one half cups of lemon juice
1 cup of coconut milk
1 cup of grapefruit juice
4 tablespoons of cayenne pepper
1/2 cup of honey
8 tablespoons of crushed garlic
1 cup of minced shallots
1 cup of coconut flakes
1/4 cup of light brown sugar
6 tablespoons of rum
4 tablespoons of grounded cumin
1 and 1/4 cup of olive oil
1/4 cup of mint leaves
3 pounds of deveined shrimp
marinade.
in a large roasting pan, add 1 cup of butter
and a half cup of olive oil
sautee about
6 cups of chopped eggplants,
6 cups of diced (cooked potatoes)
1 cup of green onions
add shrimp (cook shrimp underdone!)
add marandae and thicken with cornstarch
A Netflix and chill night with Karen Speld my sister,
then a ridiculous game of that ludicrous Twister-
Hands awry and bent, Sam's manhood she did touch,
she did hit her head, but died from laughing too much!
A Funny Epitaph Poetry Contest
Jesse Rowe
September 17, 2018
A milkmaid in the town of Nome
Never found time to write a poem
She woke up Randy
Amos and Andy
And squeezed them 'til the cows came home
She was making love with him the other night
Without protection she felt alright
Yesterday she found herself worried instead of proud
Cos she was sure that she hasn’t got IT this month
Today doctor said, “Congratulation. You’re going to be a mom.”
“Uh-Oh”, that all she could say
Realized she only is sixteenth just today!
Contest: Mom, I'M PREGNANT!
Sponsored by: Gwendolen Rix
*Teenagers who become pregnant before marriage, dealing with problems of psychological
pressure. Namely fear, disappointment, regret and low self-esteem. Psychological impact on
teen pregnancy hardest part is when couples who knocked up does not want to take
responsibility. Feelings of guilt made them did not dare tell the truth to parents.
(http://healthmediconline.com/psychological-impact-on-teenage-pregnancy.html )
An Inupiat "slow-grower"
Believed he could sink no lower
When an icicle rose
On the tip of his nose
He won "Number 1 Snow Blower"
* * * *
A cold polar bear did stutter
And folk thought he was a nutter
But God loved him a bunch
And dropped off his lunch
With buckets of peanut butter.
He is a schizophrenic.
And of course, which expert is saying this to me?
A person who has never met a schizophrenic, of course,
She might not even know a schizophrenic if we made them
Wear donkey tails, and let them bite dramatic people.
The same drama queen runs into my office
Two hours later. “She is emotionally disturbed.”
Same expert, naturally.
I try not to laugh, keeping my mouth straight. “The five-year-old?”
Head nod.
What did she do?
She put red lipstick all over her mouth like a clown.
What else?
Isn’t that enough?
No.
HE MADE REFRANCE TO THE INVISIBLE MAN
FOLKS SAY YOU CAN'T SEE HIM
HE SAID " YES YOU CAN"
WE JUST TURNED OUR HEADS AND SMILED
HE LOOKED UP FIRST TO RESITE A VERSE
BUT GOT CAUGHT UP ON WHO CAME FIRST
HE SLIPPEDUP AND SAID THE mISTER CARRY'S A PURSE
THIS MADDEN SEVERAL OF THE OTHER MEN
ONE SPOKE UP AND SAID "YOU THINK YOU RICH"
YOU'RE JUST ONE LUCKY SUM-A b$TCH
AND THAT AINT THE BEST THING FOR YOUR FREINDS
THEY'RE HALF FOOLISH
SOME SAY THEY'RE DUMB
WE ALWAYS WONDERED WHERE THEIR IGNORANCE COMES FROM
I SEE RIGHT IT'S MORE THAN LIKELY TO COME FROM YOU
IF SWANS ARE LARGE CHICKENS
AND BUBBLE GUM COME FROMS COWS
PIGS ARE ROOSTERS
AND ALLIGATERS ARE SOW'S
THEN MAYBE THEN YOU'RE THE SMARTEST ONE
BUT I DON'T THINK THING'S ARE THAT WAY
IT JUST ONE OF THOSE THINGS FOOLISH PEOPLE SAY
AND IF GOD HELPS FOOL'S
AND MAKES WAYS FOR DRUNKS
THAN YOU'RE BLESSED
AND ONE LUCKY PUNK
JUST GET YOUR STUPID SELF OUTTA MY FACE!
From the grave he's torn,
the cow was milked and adored,
from her womb he's born,
her sister is barren and forlorned.
Deep is his mother's sorrow,
long ago before his tomorrows,
forgotten from,
the one called son.
Twisted his roots they grew,
well watered and spewed,
dig, dig, dig,
those dirty shrews.
She ponders in silence,
there is no alliance,
their skillful contrivance,
assisted by her connivance .
I hear what they all say,
you see what they all do,
then one day,
there's no more memories of you.