Best Tush Poems

Ted’s libido has now gone astray
He refused a quick roll in the hay
So what could be the cause -   
It’s the male menopause...

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For a man of the cloth, our dear vicar
is not very partial to clothes
He is almost allergic to trousers
and y-fronts get right up his nose.

Ev’ry...

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Olivia Newton John
A stunning sex bomb
Starred in the film Grease
Talk of ‘ those pants’ never cease!

I wonder how she managed to dance
In skin-tight shiny black...

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Whom the horse is looking for
Every day in the scarlet breeze
It comes and taps at the door
Have you forgotten your blue cheese

Is it the one...

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So, I heard you don’t like my poetry style
Well,  I don’t give a toss
It’s water off a turtle’s tush…
(Forget the duck cos it's too...

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Ted was a professional farter
and at his windy recitals he’d boast
that could even toot Moonlight Sonata
If his wife fed him baked beans on toast!

There was...

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This boogeyman was scared of the dark
But tried frightening kids in the park
When dusk started to fall
For his mummy he’d call
He'd go dashing home quick...

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(after Edgar Allan Poe's "The Angel of the Odd")

It was a tidy day and I sat, replete, under vellux blankets.
Sadly, my tea was weak, the...

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Satan in my bowels
All I can say is 'ow'
Cringing and churning
My biscuits are burning
I’m praying for relief
Some sort of lanolin leaf
Wondering why I wasn’t born
Before...

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Luloo was in a terrible rush 
Shovelled snow then fell on her tush
It isn't a joke - 
Her ankle got broke
But the snow's now turned...

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Thomas was a tosser of the caber
Loved to practice in front of his neighbour
Oh boy how she would blush
When he wiggled his tush
For his caber...

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My auntie wears 'Bridget Jones' knickers
But last week at tea at the vicars
She’d purloined MY lace thong
It was morally wrong
T’was the cause of very loud...

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A politician called Ronald Dump
Loves to pat pretty girls on the rump
At a peachy pert tush
All his brains turn to mush
His wife floors him –...

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If you would like to have your limerick(s) posted, soup mail them to me.

Ms. Rude is still writing her snide remarks
She sounds like a mad...

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There once was a young man from Peru
Who ate a cactus plant he couldn't chew---
  With a grunt and a push
  It came...

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