Best Traffic Poems
I'm Rudolph stuck in traffic, and on this of all the nights,
and up to now my nose has matched each set of traffic lights,
the fat guy in the back keeps bridling at our progress slow,
why I get saddled with him each year, I harnessly don't know.
When other Reindeer used to help, back then boy, we could fly
but they've been made redundant since their running costs were high.
Dasher's now a quarterback for Minnesota Vikings,
and Dancer's in a chorus line, it's much more to her liking.
Prancer's found a new life with the Spanish riding school
and Vixen works the shopping Malls, which I think is pretty cool.
Cupid isn't stupid he went for early retirement
and Comet just lives off the land, Lichen his sole requirement.
Donner runs a kebab shop, he's doing pretty well
and Blitzen helped but left because he couldn't stand the smell.
So here I am, life can be cruel, it never reins it pours,
stuck in a line of SUVs instead of home indoors,
and Santa's whining at the fact I cannot be cold started,
and that is why I warmed him up, I clenched my cheeks and farted.
(All spelling intentional)
For contest 'Christmas Rhymes', sponsor Kim Rodrigues
November 27th 2017
bent over the wheel
the plumber rolls down his window
just a crack
Before yellow changes to red,
there’s only one thing in my head.
It’s to get through that light
for my time is so tight.
On the pedal my foot becomes lead!
But I did not judge too well today,
for that light was a tad far away.
Oh, why didn’t I stop?
If I’d just seen the cop,
I’d be richer with no fine to pay.
So to traffic school soon I will go,
like I do every three years or so
till the next time I’m caught.
We old dogs can’t be taught!
Wipe our slates- traffic school’s just for show!
Note: Traffic school is a 2 hour class that some Americans pay extra money for just to avoid a raise in their insurance rates when they get a traffic ticket. I stupidly did not do traffic school last time I got caught by a cop, so for sure, I have to do it THIS time. This limerick story was inspired by Jan's limerick about me!
I woke in the backseat ‘cause sleeping is what I did - -
I hid when we had a many state, family vacation ride.
Daddy said that this time, we would drive straight thru five.
Mama’s hair back was smashed headrest flat cause Sis
pressed against her and they were sleeping like that.
Brother was pressing his back window with his face,
his nose smearing glass, his amusement surely in place.
Dad was focused on a radio baseball game.
Seeing all was good, I found my travel toy case
for safe car play. In no time, pretending took me away.
Soon, noise-crazy frightening, sound attacked and blurred.
“WHAT IN THE WORLD!” was Dad’s first reaction heard.
A lot of horns HONKED with urge, several SWERVED,
two almost BANG converged, others FLEW off the road.
Sirens blared, well-lit, brakes were hit, Dad cussed a fit,
Mama and sis stirred. Mama murmured something like ‘absurd’,
While Dad let loose the worst of his really bad, ugly words.
Quickly, I let go of the toy I was holding out my window.
Who knew Slinky's at eighty miles per hour weren’t simple?
Then, without uttering a single concern,
I faked sleep as though I’d never emerged.
For hours my parents could be heard wondering
what had caused traffic to be so disturbed
and thanking God our family wasn’t hurt.
'Twas the night before Christmas, when...
Oh no, said Rudolph! Stuck again!
The sky is dense and techno-waved,
our path seems wild and misbehaved!
Poor Rudolph stopped in sky midair
and yelled to Santa, we can't fly!
Earth satellites have made a snare
of wireless currents in the sky.
You see, today's advanced machines
are human gadgets called 'smart' phones;
they shop the Web from tiny screens;
airwaves mess up our flying zones.
Of course, they seek last-minute deals
on Christmas Eve, worse time of all,
when we are here 'head over heels'
to bring kids' presents, big and small.
Then Santa answered, use plan 'B'
come down one level in the sky.
Take care and watch! Don't hit a tree
or steeple top as we zoom by!
So Rudolph did as Santa said,
though still, they'd be a little late;
made headway now with deer and sled
where techno-waves had low flow rate.
Sandra M. Haight
~4th Place~
Contest: The Night Before
Sponsor: Joseph May
Judged: 12/08/2018
~1st Place~
Contest: Christmas Rhymes
Sponsor: Kim Rodrigues
Judged: 12/18/2017
Snowflakes are falling, it's late on Christmas Eve
Poor Rudolph’s sleigh is stuck fast in the snow
It’s gridlock on the roads and Rudolph can’t leave
The traffic lights are green, but no vehicles can go
Tears run down his nose and it glows bright red
His sleigh has gifts, which Santa needs to give out
to good children who are asleep in their bed -
Rudolph must not be late, or Santa will shout!
An old man winds down the window of his truck
Then he whispers to Rudolph to quickly dry his tears
He produces a snow shovel; Rudolph is in luck
Santa has promised him one for the sleigh for years!
They worked quickly and soon the sleigh is free
Rudolph took off high into the evening sky
He heads for the North Pole and crosses the sea
Under cover of darkness, no one can see him fly
Santa is delighted when the sleigh comes to land
Soon the other reindeer are hitched to the sleigh
Rudolph tells Santa a stranger gave him a hand
And how he helped to clear all the snow away
Mrs Claus chooses a gift to repay his kindness
And Santa delivers it to the old man’s front door
There’s no note on the gift but the man can guess
As the sleigh’s runner marks were not there before!
N/A in original Christmas Rhymes Contest
Sponsored by Kim Rodrigues
submitted into a stunner 2017 by Line Gauthier
11-27-17
Rudolf is stuck in traffic
This is simply tragic
What will he do with the toys
Eagerly awaited by girls and boys
It's that flock of geese causing the commotion
Flying in the v formation
Blocking the skies so no one can pass
Tried pushing his way through.. but alas
They pecked at him was not nice
Their beaks were as cold as ice
He sent a message to Santa Claus
Sam sparrow woke him up from his snores
Relayed that Rudolph was stuck
That the children will be out of luck
Santa then with a flash .... thought
Of asking the starlings for the help he sought
Off they went to go find the poor Reindeer
Whose red nose was looking much paler
Each took some presents off they flew
Delivering to all of the children something new
Christmas morning smiling faces all aglow
Will never know that Rudolph didn't show
That Santa said thank you starlings I am sure
Children will leave you nuts galore
For helping Santa this night
Poor old Rudolph did look a sight
Face was red with cold not just his nose
Santa sent him to bed with socks on his toes
Penned December 1st 2017
Contest:. Christmas Rhymes by Kim Rodrigues
.
Traffic Jam Slam
Who dresses them up and puts them in cars
gives them their keys as they leave the bars
these drivers who sit at the red light and grin
preachers out practicing Sunday’s big sin.
Somehow they think we can’t see inside
as they dig in their noses and ogle with pride
something they found that they should probably hide.
She’s putting on make-up, He’s combing his hair
the kids in the back seat wish they weren’t there.
As the light changes they make that left –SLASH
while plucking the last of their graying eyelash.
They’re texting at red lights so they tend to linger
and when you disturb them they give you the finger.
Then there are those who ride on their bikes
who haven’t matured since they fell off their trykes,
riding on sidewalks and running stop signs
dressing in outfits that require fines.
Who leaves the slow people alone on the street
stuck in the crosswalk – rush hour - dead meat.
Now we have turkeys and the Canada Goose
invading the country, just plain running loose
crossing the highways, honking at us
and if you should hit one – oh what a fuss
PETA will come with a camera and crew,
let the whole world get a good look at you.
So put on your make-up and straighten that hair
your fifteen minutes of fame is frighteningly near.
For SKAT A slam the slam contest
John G. Lawless
5/31/2014
Copyright © 2015
11.12.2015
9:18pm
This crazy rush hour traffic, traffic
like swimming the Caribbean Sea,
in these streets you don't wanna be.
Headlights brighter than spaceships,
spaceships, these drivers make you
wanna flip, rush hour you'd wanna skip
Many hurrying and rushing, rushing
sending many to hospitals with blood
gushing...Driving down these streets,
never know what crazies you'll meet
On roads with deep potholes, potholes
and speed...speed is their creed,
think you're bold, ask that stiff
he's cold. And remember, bigger the
car makes Dominicans a star
And, motorcycles like bubble bees, a blimp
is all you'll see...their weaving and
bobbing ahead of everyone hopping
So, on these roads don't close your eyes,
got to be like an eagle, everyone tries,
Dominican traffic can be anyone's demise
Dominicans don't have rules, they aren't
cool, with do as you wish out of school,
school that too ain't cool. Got old folks
cursing, with all their pimping and hustling
And, to drive, you will need an eagle's
eye on these bumpy roads to get by, get
by many who seem to be mentally ill
behind the wheel
No tail-lights, tail lights?
not even head-lights...hard to
see around high beams at night,
nearly everyone runs red-lights
it's HOT and no police in sight.
So, where's the police, police?
hardly any don't you see, pay is lower
than fish in a sea...Yes you'll see,
Dominican traffic will make you run
for the sea. Driving isn't pragmatic,
just frantic, hectic and chaotic.
by: LP
10:13pm
Edited: 26.12.2015
2pm
**(on Facebook w/photo/theme: North Coast Poetry Society)
Oh noble cone, knight fluorescent.
Rooted, proud and irridescent
Soldier, friend, stalwart defender,
Stood firm betwixt chaos and fender.
Your pedestal, foursquare foundation. Beacon bold stood at your station.
The wizard's hat sent to protect. Calm, aloof and circumspect.
A cone, a clone, in columns prudent. The holy grail of drunken student.
So we salute you pointy friend, our angel to the journey's end.
Magnificent, little band of brothers. No thought for self, only others.
So much more than shimmering plastic, you are the one true light fantastic.
Oh traffic light, oh traffic light
Why do you keep me waiting so.
Oh traffic light, oh traffic light
With your red light glaring and your ominous glow.
Oh traffic light, oh traffic light.
Do please hurry, I'm going to miss my show
Oh traffic light, oh traffic light
Time passes so slowly, as I await your green signal, to go.
Written November 2021
Sitting on the soft cushion seat
Start of turtle movement
The advert on the bus
Is the only catchy appeal
The drumming of the engine
The grunting of the taxi
Dusk getting crisp
Dull glow of the sun
The glance at the sky
With a wish to fly
The buttocks begin to get sore
I see my finger nails
Then back to the next lane
I feel my eyes burn
A long ribbon of taillights flashing
The next lane is fast moving
Taxi driver snoring
The turtle movement
Develops anxiety
Feeling thirsty
Phone rings
Good news
Another party
Feeling oozy
Glazing outside the window
Another turtle movement
Nerves rest - feet asleep
With an effort
Feet wake up
Anxiety rising - start to walk
I'm waiting for it, the news, and I bow my head
Murder, rape, corruption, affliction
Honesty, integrity is only fiction
By greed and deceit, the people led
The fires of hell are being fed
Government and ethics a contradiction
I'm waiting for it to change
She sure can shake that thing, what a pretty sight
Traffic and life move at different paces
Seems I played jacks and he drew aces
Nothing is moving today, sitting at this traffic light
I'm waiting for it to change.
Fingers tapping show impatience
Urge the red to turn to green
Precious seconds go by slowly
Till the amber glow is seen.
This is it … the feet are itching
The gear lever is clutched tight
It’s the calm before the tempest
Then it’s there – a change of light!
But what’s wrong? There is no movement
Horns are blaring. It’s too much!
Right up front she holds the lipstick
And applies the final touch.
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Contest: Any poem that makes you smile.
Sponsor: Poet Destroyer A
Placed 6th