Best Snore Poems
He was asleep on his stomach.
His snoring could wake the dead.
She glared at his sleeping back
wanting to push him out of bed.
She covered her ears with a pillow
trying to block out the sound.
An evil thought ran though her head,
"There were no witnesses around".
She crept out to the kitchen
She could have stomped ... he wouldn't hear.
With the largest butcher knife
she returned to her husband dear..
Right between his shoulder blades,
one thrust ... he snored no more.
She gathered the blankets around him
to keep the blood off the white shag floor.
Then the snoring started again.
She let out a startled scream
and sat bolt upright in her bed.
It had all been just a dream.
He was asleep on his stomach.
His snoring could wake the dead.
She stared at his sleeping back
and wanted to punch him in the head.
10/07/2012
Pet Rocks Don't Snore
Every ten years or so I rewrap my pet rock
In tin foil to keep it safe and secure
Then place it back in freezer storage
Unwanted guests visit after midnight sometimes
They steal my rock from cold storage while I sleep
Night stalkers think, it is a roll worth buttering and eating
Place it in the microwave to thaw it
But it won’t thaw
At breakfast they complain to me
I tell them to dip it in their coffee
Go ahead! Dunk it! Dunk it some more! I say
After breaking teeth
A dentist visit is in order
Unwanted guests leave my rock in peace
Learning it is not a treat
Pet rocks don’t go to war
More importantly, they don’t snore
They are kept in the refrigerator
That is what pet rocks are for
cars at mountain high
join a helicopter ride
take a scenic flight
March 25, 2015 1.05 a.m.
Lying here beside you dear, I turn and watch you sleep,
So blessed I am to have you, a love so strong and deep.
You always say you love me, but I really love you more,
That is till’ I’m startled by the most god-awful snore!
The noise is so outrageous, that it vibrates in my head,
I’m shaken like a rag doll, like an earthquake hit our bed.
I know in any relationship, there’re highs and there’re lows,
But what’s that awful whistling sound coming from your nose?
I stare at you in utter shock, your mouse is gaping wide,
A sound like spaceships exploding is coming from inside.
I throw the nearest thing at you, an empty coffee cup,
I throw a plate, a lamp, an egg, but you just won’t wake up!
You told me that you wouldn’t snore, well I guess you told me fibs,
So I sharpen up my elbow and I smash you in the ribs!
You groan in pain and I believe, that silence will return,
I push your shoulder strongly in the hopes that you will turn.
Alas you are still sound asleep, although you fart and cough,
With a noise that’s reminiscent of an Airbus taking off!
Your snores renew with great force and grew louder than before,
So I kicked you off the bed and you crushed onto the floor!
I can’t believe it! What the f***? How can you sleep through that?
I’m really, really angry now, I want to sleep, you ****!
I lean across the bed to where you’re lying on the floor,
Oh, you landed on your back I see, and still I hear you snore!
I yell your name, there’s no reply, it’s like you’re comatose,
So I reach out my hand in the dark and grab you by the nose.
You splutter and you’re drooling, still sound asleep, no cares,
Oh screw this! So much for some sleep, I’m off to sleep downstairs!
there was a boy named Cory
one night he claimed great glory
his moniker came
he arose to fame
his snoring laudatory
There are many things I need to do
yet nothing's getting done
I think I'll sit around awhile
pretending my to-do's are done
Could there possibly be a single topic
I haven't as yet explored
The love life of the lowly earthworm
Or why most chickens don't snore
And have you ever considered this
Why dogs and household cats
Never wear off the shoulder evening gowns
Nor do horses as a matter of fact
Now that's absolutely outrageous
But not quite as much as this
Two ostriches locked in a warm embrace
As they try to figure out how to kiss
Another one for the books my friends
A basset hound drinking beer
Staggering around drunk outside a bar
Grinning from ear to ear
Okay okay I know what you're thinking
What's in the coffee I'm drinking
Six lumps of sugar, a squirt of cream
And an unknown substance you're thinking
Could there possibly be a single topic
I haven't as yet explored
Methinks that these pretty well sum it up
Till I come up with a whole bunch more
© Jack Ellison 2013
Have you ever pondered why chickens can't snore
Or why elephants can't jump all four feet off the floor
Chickens don't have noses
In fact they don't have toesies
And if an elephant could jump, it would destroy the decor
There was this old man who slept on the floor
Like the roar of tiger he used to snore
Sensing danger on the life
The house cat ran to his wife
Snoring stopped when the sore nose his wife tore.
I love every hair upon your head
Although you've hardly any left Fred
Oh, those silver strands
I stroked with my hands
Are appearing all over the bed.
I’m peeved that you complain Eleanor
I am hearing from you when you snore
And you talk in sleep
To a guy named Pete
But admit I award it a Cor!
Have you ever pondered why chickens can't snore
Or why elephants can't jump all four feet off the floor
Chickens don't have noses
In fact they don't have toesies
And if an elephant could jump, it would destroy the decor
Saint Patrick slept in stupor self-imposed
in the back of the pub with the door closed
they sang out for him
to silence the din
but he snuggly snored on indisposed
In days of yore
her husband snored
Her nightly grief
knew no relief
But then by chance
she learned to pole-dance
which promptly cleared his sinuses
~ Though that had its plusses and minuses
snore
she,s in bed sleeping
she,s in a room of four
she told me in fun one day
how the others around her snore
and she just smiles
as she described it all
she likes to call it her little
adventure in the hospital
so then i said to her
to make her smile a little more
from all the way in america
i can hear you snore
her eyes lights up
and she starts to laugh
as the nurse close the window
because she felt a little draft
if we all just be kind
to everyone we meet
just imagine how wonderful it will be
to take a simple walk down the street
i am lucky to meet some kind people
and will thank them for ever more
so i wish them all a very good night
sweet dreams and have a very good snore
she is resting at home now
but she still has a lot of pain
the surgery was a success
and in time she will be well again
and the doctors told her
don't push yourself no more
and make sure to get plenty of rest
and as she falls asleep she starts to snore
the next day when she talks to me
she said i snore a lot last night
i said omg that was you
i thought it was a ufo ship in flight
i like to make her smile
she is my best friend
and she will always be
until the very end
so it's time to end this poem
someone's knocking at my door
so good night you all
sweet dreams and have a good snore
It's been some time
I wrote a rhyme
Pen up as before
But now I snore
I read another's lines
Hoping to inspire mine
Even just a bit
I don't wanna quit
For people wait on my light
Some lives hung on it
I must again write
My gift not delete
©Ibe Chidiogo Radiant~ May 2014