Best Shampoo Poems
If shampoo and soap
could wash away
the sins I may commit today
I’d stand for hours
beneath a shower
Anything so as not to pray
its bubble bath time
a mom scoops up her small child
home from work,set
What a tasteless and repulsive thing to do!
Using Adolf Hitler to sell shampoo?
This man was the most striking example of cruelty.
Millions died because of his savagery.
Now he is in a shampoo ad in Turkey.
Have you people forgotten your history?
Discontinue displaying this advertisement today.
To sell your product, there is a better way.
From a news story found on CourierMail.com.au
Imagine a woman peeking out from the shower curtain…
Accompanying captions on the side appear
“I asked 100 women what shampoo they preferred?
The #1 answer to my survey was certain,
How’n blankety blank did you get in here?”
Managed perception creates confusion;
the picture plays a neat trick on the brain.
There was no survey, just a joke that's offbeat.
The words and the wordster are in collusion
like men who have an image to maintain.
What appeals to men is her ballyhoo.
Are they looking for shock, dismay or fear?
In the photo, she's a picture of "discreet".
"Survey" has nothing to do with shampoo,
when in doubt, turn his question on its ear -
"Why do they put directions on shampoo bottles?”
If you are plagued with dandruff and oily hair,
then there is no need for despair.
The cure for it can be found almost anywhere.
Just about anyone would know what to do:
Go to the store and buy some shampoo.
inspired by another member's poem.
Mummy’s drinking shampoo
Though she normally drinks coffee
I just can’t understand it
Why’s her mouth not getting frothy
It's not a crack to the skull
But the yolk is prepared in a bowl
It is diluted with water
It's not a pint over the head
But the beer from a bottle
It is diluted with water
It's not fish n chips on the scalp
But the vinegar from a cruet
It is diluted with water
These are all genuine ways to
Hose down that shock of and
That riotous abundance of
Curtain-like congestion
Rainbow
Long
Drawn
Out
I love you
It is said in Oregon there is a legend that is very rare
Everyone who has seen it says it is all hair
It is quiet in its suburban surroundings
This poor creature in the seventies we were constantly hounding
The eighties came and the creature disappeared like a fad
Only to resurface with a smell so rad
We have left Bigfoot several gifts including films made by producer John Woo
Recently scientists have translated some Bigfoot drawings, they reveal that
Bigfoot likes Breck Shampoo
They say Slinky is fun for a girl and a boy
But experts say it's not something Bigfoot would enjoy
We gave Bigfoot and Etch and Sketch to see if that was a hum dinger
He sent it back to us with a drawing of the middle finger
We put a food display out with a Wal Mart employee to offer samples of Dinty
Moore Beef Stew
Bigfoot gave the employee an old flyer and pointed at Breck Shampoo
The employee commented that Bigfoot had a pleasant smell
And now Bigfoot wants some DEP10 GEL
The Goverment responds with a letter that reads boo hoo hoo
The letter further stated that they are rejecting Bigfoot's request DEP10 GEL and
Breck Shampoo
The letter reads sorry, but technically you are an American, we only help those
Illegals here and offer foreign aid, so there's nothing we can do
Bigfoot demands some equality, a fair shake from the Government too
All this contreversey could have been avoided by a donation of Breck Shampoo
So he shaves himself to better fit in and learns Spanish and become an Illegal
Mexican
Now endless cases the Government will send
Now there are Bigfoots everywhere some live next door to me and you
No wonder I can't buy DEP10 GEL or Breck Shampoo
Bar none, no shortage of soap shampoo, nor detergent
Courtesy food pantries
Saint Eleanor's Saint Mary's,
Our Daily Bread,
the missus and yours truly (her spouse)
well stocked with good n plenti of
soap, shampoo and detergent.
Spongebob squarepants
would be in seventh heaven,
where sudsy clouds (resembling
Mister Krabs, Plankton,
Sandy Cheeks, Squidward, et cetera),
would drift across celestial vault.
Gratitude bequeathed to prophets of virtue
benevolent good samaritans
who trend righteous true
to the calling of helping hands who renew
faith (mine) in goodness of humanity
assisting not only yours truly
and the missus, but people
from South American country named Peru
or even indigenous tribes
accorded recognition comprising
population of inhabitants occupying New
Zealand, offered reparations
under the Treaty of Waitangi,
a process of reparation allowed
Maori to be fully recognized
at political level in lieu
of unfair practices inflicted upon
original occupant loosely similar
to descendents of long lost tribes of Israel,
endowed with (pure tin) pride
wishing I too could call myself proud Jew,
nevertheless attraction manifests destiny
(mine) someday to learn Hebrew.
Courtesy atheism more so Unitarianism,
I need not adopt
an explicit dogmatic, fanatic, humanistic...,
lunatic, narcissistic, puritanic... paradigm,
but only tout poetic justice (mine)
to recognize laudable traits
linkedin to orthodox faiths,
albeit rationalistic rubric
that caters to selflessness
for no other reason
than allowing, enabling, and promoting
random acts of kindness
without any forthcoming great expectation
downplaying remuneration,
no matter destitution begot mein kampf
hard times living within bleak house
slight hyperbolic exaggeration
poor as a cheesy church mouse poet.
Lemme coast to a fitting conclusion
bringing reasonable rhyming blather
originating courtesy me noggin,
within which wool doth gather
thus I a halt and
dial down philosophical lather,
cuz most likely
ye dear reader would rather
experience palmolive oil slather
preparatory to full body massage.
I invented what I thought would be a fantastic shampoo.
But when people try it, every one of them decide to sue.
If you try my shampoo, you will be appalled.
If you wash your hair with it, you will go bald.
It makes people's hair fall to the floor.
Now millions are out to settle the score.
People tar and feather me and put cherry bombs in my pants.
I would've liked to have fathered some children but now I can't.
People have no pity, when they see me, they always decide to attack.
Don't use my shampoo unless you're an actor who is auditioning to be Kojak.
Thought this up today in the shower
I can’t help but think of you as I smell your scent
You left your shampoo at my house
A daily reminder of you
Moments lost in time rain down on my skin
The soap rinses away
Thoughts of your touch remain
turn on the hot water faucet let it run
add the cold water faucet for a warm one
make sure the bath mat is down so no slipping
get nude it's a shower like skinny dipping
wet wet get drenched and soaked
lather up with that bar of soap
wash here and there everywhere
don't forget shampoo your hair
pour it on and rub it in
wash that hair thick or thin
let the shower wash out the soap
rinse your body and you are dope
big fluffy cotton towel
dry your self and how
now that you are new and clean
put your robe on before your seen
so it one of a kind
has a glow and shine
you clean it too
so much this cleaning will do
treat it fair
its
HAIR AND SHAMPOO
Relationships can be so much fun,
The inside jokes, the secret ways you
Tell me you know I am coming
For your heart, that all pathways
Have been cleared of debris
From last night's storm
And the many doors to your love
All open, expecting me.
Yes I am he that waters,
That fertilizes orchids,
Tendrils flowing with your hair,
Tasting the nectar
Of every blossom,
As I go though door after door…
Seemingly without end…
So open are you to me.
I braille every curve,
Explore every shadow, every line,
Breathe in the fragrance
Of your laughter, your smile.
There's so much yet to tell you,
And your music to swim in,
That I hardly even notice,
The shampoo in my eyes.
ALAFFIA EVERYDAY COCONUT SHAMPOO
Yours truly (me)
just an ordinary primate from the human zoo,
who while ambling along
the boulevard of broken dreams on a Green Day
(just me and my shadow)
I experienced unexpected lionizing flattery
courtesy Pink Floyd,
he went ape and shouted "hey you"
out there in the cold
getting lonely, getting old
but honest to dog,
I took the road less traveled
unexpectedly encountering
fire breathing creatures
imagine dragons puffing
at these lovely bones
that constitute a generic guy,
a madding crowd qua at least one
with multiple talking heads
quite frightful harried styled beastly yahoo
primitive creature obsessed with "pretty stones"
popularized by Jonathan Swift
in the fourth section of Gulliver's Travels
trying their damndest to woo
yours truly, an aging baby boomer
and long haired styled pencil necked geek
he/him even extended
an invitation to their next venue
to frolic in the autumn mist
in a land called Honah Lee,
hence methought to spruce myself up
to undergo a major makeover
courtesy Salon Nova beauty technician,
and in one fell swoop
off went approximately a dozen inches
of mine lovely brunette locks of love
(tinged with natural gray),
and upon getting
to the house at Pooh Corner
I swiftly tailored mine appearance
showering and sudsing hair
with aforementioned product
(videre licet title of poem)
suddenly unconditionally loving
the new Matthew Scott Harris
immediately accepting an awesome
handsome kickass transformation
awash with true value,
especially after liberally appling
Eco Style Olive Oil Styling Gel
with damp hands quite a challenge,
but cap I did eventually unscrew
ready to rock and roll with the Monkeys
(with other artists... Guess Who)
at a rave in Timbuktu,
whereat paparazzi snapped pictures
asking me to stand still as a statue
encased within a stone wall
(think Andrew J. Jackson)
unexpectedly espying my likeness
in the next issue
of classy fashion magazine
nothing but accolades
with stunning breathtaking photographs
populated the Harris review.