Best Rant Poems
"Rhyming poems have nothing of substance to say
They're childish! Ridiculous! Silly! Passe!
What's that - 'The Raven,' fine prose, you assure?
Pshaw, a talking bird is not Literature!
'The Road Not Taken' - how indecisively trite
'Shall I Compare Thee to a Summer's Day' ~ why, out of spite?
'How Do I Love Thee' - such female nonsense!
'She Walks in Beauty,' not even past tense!
'Oh Captain, my Captain' just repeats and repeats
'Death Be Not Proud' - indeed, no great feat
Rhyme is over and done, finite, dead
Give me a rambling run-on sentence, instead!"
Sure, it's easy to call Dr. Seuss poppycock
HIS books are world-famous, what have YOU got?
12/11/18
Entered in 'Living It Up for Laughter' contest
she was all like - there's something i have to tell you
but before she gets to say it
his ex wife shows up
he's all like - she's going to be staying with me
she says - for the weekend
he says - for the summer
as he walks away you see regret all over her face
you know if he knew
you know he'd give his eye teeth
that's the way they tell stories
life however is not a scripted story
it doesn't work like that
people in love
one's the fridge
the other's the magnet
you can't avoid that kind of attraction
your lips are locked before your mind even kicks in
love is like that
you don't walk around it
it is an a to b and it is direct
you don't walk through one door
just as she walks out another
you can be in a huge city
somehow you both walk in to the same restaurant
somehow you're both alone
less than a second later
you are glued to one another
super glued to one another
there is no where
no where else you want to be
you are stuck together
like a tongue on a frozen metal post
no matter how painful it is
you are exactly where you want to be
you don't ah and hum around it
you shout it from the rooftops
you use a bullhorn
you are anything but shy about it
you know what love is
love is EVERYTHING
no one
i mean no one
dances around love
love owns you
when they write stories
they feed their audience
the same crap they’re used to
me?
i'll play some games
you know 'suspension of disbelief'
but love
you have to serve me a five star meal
you don't settle for less
when love
when your EVERYTHING
is the topic
Our POTD is now black versus white.
We are going to see a racist rant in plain sight.
It’s sad when a poet, uses their pen as a stick.
This POTD has no merit and honestly makes me sick.
Why would we showcase hate and give racism a stage?
All skinheads are animals and belong in a cage.
I’m very disappointed with what this site has allowed.
It’s simply a detonation with a mushroom cloud.
I guess evil is at work causing more divide.
Maybe his parents were the same and now gleaming with pride.
Whatever the case, it’s a very sad day.
This makes me sick to my stomach and it’ll stay that way.
Could this be a simple glitch that admin has missed?
If not, they are about to see many backsides that can surely be kissed.
Someone needs to be ashamed of themselves, for allowing this pungent hate.
What has poetry become, and what was it meant to create?
I’m your eldest daughter, but I ‘m not for sale
Stop lying about my temperament and telling other tales
Father, this tradition is archaic and no longer necessary
You’re putting your wishes first and mine are secondary
The parade of pompous suitors really makes me sick
If they get to close, I’ll beat them with a six foot stick.
I already have title and wealth living in this house
Why would I marry and live with some stuffed shirt louse
I will not marry someone I don’t love and like
If you will not understand this, I’ll just take a hike
I will leave, like St. Joan, to find another war
The absurdity of this situation I can bear no more
What the daughter really wanted to tell her father in "The Taming of the Shrew" by William Shakespeare
You think me silly and verbose
When love is on my mind…
Fickle fickle full of fluff
Love sick, crazy, blind
Deviant...defiant
Sexually overcharged
Big picture oblivious
And from your life discharged
You read my lines and smirk a while
And think, “Oh dear, Hee Hee!”
But when it comes right down to it
You wish you were like me (Women)
You'd jump in bed with me (men)
It might have a one track mind
But of that I am glad
Life has enough to bring me down
Enough to make me sad
I write of love and passion
And feelings so sublime
You don’t need to read me
Nor be a friend of mine!
But of this I am certain
Of this I’m ever proud
Passion is my heartbeat
l let it beat OUT LOUD!
If you don’t like sultry
Want nature writes and such
There’s someone else to read
So, thank you very much!
Eileen
Started on this poem some time ago, but left it unfinished. Not in the mood for something new, so I picked this one up and finished it. I don't JUST write about passion and romance and love, but....it is what I love best. I've accepted who I am and I will fight to preserve my identity. I'm tired of a world of people who are judgmental and stuffy....people who don't know how to FEEL and CELEBRATE passion. Thanks for reading.
The message relayed by the computer generated
voice said my que in line would be
approximately 20 minutes.
So I had twenty minutes to think about
what I needed to say.
I ran it over and over again in my head
All my rational arguments and opinions
Then twenty minutes later the voice returns
to say that due to the high volume of calls
we ask you to leave a detailed message
and an agent will return your call in the next 48 hrs.
So in my best computer generated voice
I give my name and say,
Due to lack of dealing with an actual human
please be advised
that I will be cancelling my insurance
with your lame ass company.
This phone call may be recorded
for training purposes
for the next time I want to dump
a crap company such as yours.
Do not call in the next 48 hrs
as I will be out shopping for a company
with actual humans on staff.
Some adults should go back to driving school,
those who seem not to comprehend red signs
at four-way stops. So many act a fool
and take my turn. Oh, there should be stiff fines!
Some licenses, I long to cut to bits.
Those jerks who chase me down, then ride my tail
or pass, then cut me off--all give me fits.
I want to see them languishing in jail!
But since there's nothing I can do to keep
these idiots from taking to the wheel,
I'll just drive on while hoping they will reap
what they deserve. I'll mask the way I feel.
My middle finger I will not hold high.
I'll watch for menaces as I but sigh.
Posted May 3, 2018
May 3, 2018, entered in Shadow Hamilton's Rant Contest Placed 1st
May 2, 2019, entered in Michelle Faulkner's Memories of May contest
I am your champion, I fight for your cause,
my love and devotion give some people pause.
When I saw you I knew you, just like with your dad.
I guess our deep happiness makes some people mad.
I work hard at my job, so that we can live,
and hear me now, son, when it's time to give,
I am the one who ups the amount,
I've done this more often than I can recount.
I also work so your dad will be covered,
for doctors and dentists and allergists and others,
and who do you think pushed him to go
to the skin doctor some two years ago?
From the moment I met you, you felt like my son,
but this is a battle that cannot be won.
When your dad and I married, I didn't steal him away,
he's just as devoted to you to this day.
I heard someone had told you that I was "controlling,"
(I can't even write this without my eyes rolling).
Who insisted your dad fly to LA to see you?
Who worked overtime to pay for this venue?
I encourage his freedom, I've not clipped his wings,
his happiness, above all, is the important-est thing.
I will not be silenced, nor be vilified,
and it just breaks my heart when you take HER side.
I am LOVING and GIVING and ALL THAT IS GOOD,
and I'm tired of being so misunderstood.
So, pardon my migraine, it wasn't intended,
my strength just gave out as your judgement descended.
I lost a whole weekend, I slept like the dead,
I was just too defeated to face down my dread.
I kinda' felt reality shatter, unsure what was real,
like in "Jacob's Ladder."
We're getting no younger, your father and I,
the older we get, the faster time flies.
I love you as if you were my own child,
I'll not carry this burden unreconciled.
©Danielle White
THE DUMB BLONDE
Our dumb blonde leader is a total buffoon
Living in cloud cuckoo land in his cocoon
His party's starved our N. H. S.
Now the country is in a mess
Thinks the flu virus will be over real soon...
OUR CRACKPOT GOVERNMENT
They wanted to create herd immunity
Run covid - 19 through our community
Now that's a war crime
They should all do time
Par for the course, they'd all get impunity...
(ON A LIGHTER Note)
TIMMMY MCGEE
There was an old man called Timmy McGee
Every day he'd drink a gallon of tea
One night forgot to do
His business on the loo
He woke up floating next morning in pee...
HAPPY BUCK
There was an old man known as Happy Buck
Loved loud music but he ran out of luck
Had earphones in each ear
Poor old Buck didn't hear
Approaching sound of a thirty ton truck...
JED THE KEEPER
At the zoo a big cat keeper called Jed
Instead of meat tried to give them stale bread
They roared in defiance
Poor Jed lost his balance
One saw his chance and bit off his head...
BILLY GILL
The dumb outlaws led by Billy Joe Gill
Bank and train robbery they had no skill
They tried to leave town
But they were tracked down
Now they all lie in a plot on Boot Hill...
Written 2nd April 2020.
I challenge you to a rhetorical
to prove me wrong else be unconventional
‘bout a problem that’s gone systematical
everyone’s so radical and cynical
once burnt all swear to now be rational
petrified to be poetical and get physical
relationships always problematical
they start off superficial hardly practical
usually nonsensical and contradictional
end up analytical emotional or psychological
enigmatical fanatical or plain lethargical
sometimes as wild as satanical
yet sure enough it’s almost typical
it’s really absurdly comical
the inevitable becomes the eventual
you go and fall and it’s unconditional
starts off all angelical and sensational
turns out illogical and territorial
often becomes tyrannical
immoral and unethical
then cryptical and diabolical
there has to be something remedial
it’s just too tragical
how we now prefer to be online virtual
we might as well be asexual
because there’s no sense being sensual
we’re all too freak’n skeptical
to believe in the magical and supernatural
do you have a comeback what’s in your arsenal
or are you just too visceral
or too darn busy being metaphysical
AP: 2nd place 2020, Honorable Mention 2022
Submitted ton March 5, 2018 for contest QUICK FIRE RAPID RHYME sponsored by BRENDA CHIRI - RANKED 4TH
Naked Clowns Demented Brother
Alas one disaster follows another,
naked clown - demented brother
dancing for the heads of state
asleep with faces in their plate
and as the rubber chicken stretches
they send again the fool who fetches
red noses from downtrodden wretches
to decorate the wedding cakes
join the real to crumbling fakes
camouflage who gives and takes
shifting weight of global heat
melting shoes on city street
to shrinking ice caps tidal creep
rising under Al Gore’s jeep
clowns, they squeeze their bulbous horns,
geneticize the rose – no thorns
while warning us of sunless dawns
their seltzer bottles but a prop
sprayed on a fire that won’t stop
its cindering of nature’s crop
Alas, the clowns will all save face
disappear without a trace
disguise their noses as thorn-less roses
post naked “selfies” in heroes poses
Alas one disaster follows another,
naked clown – demented brother.
John G. Lawless
©7/13/2017
When did a lie become an alternative truth?
Why are parking spaces so small?
Do subway riders even know deodorant exists?
Why do jaywalkers ignore red lights?
Why do kids never wash their hands before they eat?
Why do people spell doubt and subtle with a "b"?
Why have twenty checkouts and only two cashiers?
Why are there no cops around when you need one?
Why do people peddle religion door to door?
Why didn't these annoying things bother me before?
A few more things to add to my list of gripes.
Why wasn't I warned that life could be so screwed up?
There are no washrooms around when you need to piss
and tips get automatically added to the cost of a meal
while interest rates on credit cards are outrageous.
And the deliveryman won't deliver to my apartment door.
I know I've been ranting a lot, but there's so much more:
like roads that never get plowed,
people who pay for groceries by check,
and double parking on a narrow city street,
all things that add to my anxiety and frustration.
Oh, and what about coffee that's too hot to drink?
I was running up the mountain,
Just dog tired,
Suffering,
My mind drifting
Between the Infinite Rift.
My Aumakua (spirit animal) stops on a branch nearby.
He starts to chirp a mile a minute.
I cannot understand him.
For a second I imagine his chirps as something other than sounds.
This is what the little bird might have said,
"If Friends come and go
Enemies must
Stay and stop
Or what happens
If I don't think?
Does that mean
I am not?
Could I just fizzle away
into the immaterial matter in the air?
Become one with the universe,
Dissipate like the wind
Which has a pulse and a spirit
And a really bad temper.
The wind gets really pissed
If you break its rules.
For every reaction
There is a bell that goes off in a parallel universe
And two porcupines make love very carefully
Until one of them pokes the other
In the way that poking is bad..."
I put my finger in my ear, and realize the bird is still chirping and chattering, But for some
reason I can't understand him any more. Maybe I never could.
-Joseph DeMarco
Like whatever you like,
hate whatever you hate,
all this stuff is subjective,
who knows what makes it great?
My doctors, by omission, lied to me.
They had me take a drug I didn’t need.
It does no good; that drug’s a travesty.
Injections twice a year I’d get for free,
so to their “sage” advice I then agreed.
My doctors, by omission, lied to me.
Rare side effects I never could foresee,
but they’re online for anyone to read.
It does no good; that drug’s a travesty.
I trusted men because of their degree.
They’re full of crap. How could I ever heed
those men who by omission lied to me?
Their drug is used in chemotherapy!
That fact withheld from me was their dark deed.
It does no good and is a travesty!
To make bones strong?? I rant like a banshee
from Prolia’s effects – that demon seed!
My doctors, by omission, lied to me.
It does no good and is a travesty.
Dec. 23, 2018 for the Let 'Er Rip #2 Poetry Contest of John Lawless
If you or any woman you know is considering this drug for her bones, please read the parody of the Prolia commercial I put a link to above my poem. If only I had seen that parody before two years ago!! The greedy company Amgen is doing much more harm than good and the FDA just lets this "wonder drug" on through the gate. Denser bones, yes, but stronger no. A class action law suit has been won by people getting fractures months after going off Prolia because it makes holes in your bones and once you go off, you could get this horrible "rebound effect"!