Best Faxes Poems
I Thought This Was So Cute And Just Wanted To Share It.
Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer. They had been going at it for days and God was tired of hearing all the bickering. Finally God said, "Cool it! I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours and I will judge who does the better job.
So Jesus and Satan sat down at their keyboards and typed away.
They moused. They did spread sheets. They did reports and graphs, sent faxes and emails and emails with attachments. They downloaded and did genealogy
reports and made cards. They did every job known to man but ten minutes before time was up lightening flashed across the sky and thunder rolled. The rain poured and of course the electricity went off.
Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.
Jesus just sighed and sat back.
The electricity finally flickered back on and they restarted their computers.
Satan started searching frantically screaming ,"It's Gone! It's All Gone!"
"I Lost Everything When The Power Went Out!"
Meanwhile Jesus started printing out all His files from the past two hours.
Satan observed this and became irate.
He screamed, "Wait! He Cheated! How Did He Do That!?"
God smiled and shrugged and said, "Jesus Saves."
PASSION FOR FASHION
We live
We continue to pretend
We copy
Because that’s in fashion
Painted Face
Leaving no trace
Fiftyish women,
Pretending to be
Forever Thirty,
Obsessed by age
Not finding grace
Men from Metro-sexual
To Retro-sexual
Proving Substantial,
Gizmos Essential
Looking Influential
Faking Credentials
Doubting Potential
Half-Truths
Outright Lies
For motives of profit,
The lies of materialism
Succumbing to manipulations,
For notions of happiness,
Financial Strains
Come with long term Drains
Eligible Singles
Readily Mingle
To Romance and Jingle
Then come Expectations,
Anger and Frustration.
Lousy sex
Eternal vex
Killing the Passion
Divorces and Affairs
Becoming a Fashion
Relationships are broken
Through SMS and Faxes
Marriage then Fixes
To save on Taxes
The key to Liberation,
Is not in “Passion for Fashion”
But in knowing that
What does not contain LOVE
Is only an Illusion!!
I'm no good at setting clocks,
don't enjoy sending faxes
but if you'll bring your info,
I'll calculate your taxes.
I scream at my computer,
could take a hammer to it
but give me a tax problem,
I'll work my way through it.
Can't program my cell phone,
don't even want to bother.
I'm busy doing tax returns
for everyone's big brother.
Kids’ve joined the work force,
brought me their W-2's
wanting all their money back,
"Mom, see what you can do."
Now they own businesses
I'm preparing Schedule C's.
I want out of this trap,
I'm dying by degrees.
Grandkids’re growing fast,
beginning to earn dough,
and Grandma's growing old,
lazy, decrepit, and slow.
cfa ? 3/14/2010
[Entry in Poetry Contest sponsored by Carolyn Devonshire 2-2-11]
Got a letter in the mail today
Right from the good old U S of A
I opened it quick
With my pogo stick
While wondering what it would say.
A citizen too often relaxes,
So much he forgets to pay taxes.
So pony up today,
Don’t blow this away,
Or we will hound you with dunning faxes.
With IRS and their undue threat,
They have placed their bet on a roulette.
I’ll acquiesce
When they confess
Otherwise they can sit there and fret!
Many returns are sent by faxes
Declaring our earnings for taxes
When they don't work it out
Please give me a shout
Next time I'll send them some laxatives
Words are slowly entered into computer word processors
Words are slowly photocopied into ebooks as are magazines, newspapers
Disappearing into text messages, faxes, emails _
Soon every one will have to use an electronic device to reach words...
What if?___Satellites start to fall from the sky...
What if?___The satellites images fail; no longer reach earth?
What if?___Total black out from the satellites?
Will people be able to communicate with each other..
Or won't they have a clue as how to speak to their fellowman?
Just some really weird random thoughts that has been bouncing in my head__
Kill him
His sin.
Taxes
Faxes.
Not his
Your biz.
One gov
Above.
One state
To hate.
One state
To slate.
One state
To wait.
One state
To mate.
Not two
To sue.
Not two
To glue.
Not two
To woo.
Not two
Not you.
Kill him!
Fine him.
His sin
Big din.
Our win
Your win.
If given a choice
Or had my own way
My current address
Is not where I’d stay
But rather I’d opt
For nautical terrain
And dwell along
The coast of Maine
No more meetings
Or phones or faxes
I’ll dig for clams
To pay the taxes.
I have heard all your excuses
I have listened to all your pleas
It is time to pay the pipers
With the sweet tears of your misery
Ahh the suffering
You have to surrender all your taxes
Now it is time for me
They always say the only thing IN life
That is inevitable, is death and taxes
And you have paid your fees
So hold still my friend, please
As this sliver slices so clean
I’ll collect your words
Your memories
Your soul
All your sins
To add to my collection
Tokens for the many apocalypses
While the ancient moon eclipses
As minds of man flee, as the doors
Of this damned nation swing free
To let the doom light shine across this land
Of madness and mystery
You are the key, don’t you see
To all the delicious misery
Someone once said, “The only assurances in life are death and taxes!”
I’ll let you read the fine print, I’ll send the faxes
All there is; is death and taxes!
Let me grind my sliver axes
Watch the blade gleam in the slow moonlight
I like the way it sparkles in your fearful eyes
You have paid your dews,
Now I’ll have to collect my fees
Now your pound of flesh for his glory,
This is only part of my story
Fury for the masses…
Ahh yes my wages are dark
And your taxes are spent
Time to take a ride with me
As we watch as eternity passes!
Second in Series of Many Mysteries
When out from politician's brain
there was a protrusion, we had
come to a far gone conclusion
it was all a mere result of her
mother's erotic elusion of
daughter discovered to be in
a mental institution for which
there was no substitution.
Saw all of that in one breath.
But you can't. If you can you
better join the church choir.
When we saw that their domicile
Looked like trash in a big pile
Who in Carolina thought it to
be quite the style dialed T to
take away it all so some say
a new TV Program now do
start to play.
Which way may dismay go today
to wash away my sins and also
keep my bill collectors at bay.
More easier can start to swing and sway
Now that my many bill collectors are all at bay.
All of those who had hoped that Hilary can
Stood by her husband when he was the man.
If your brain by Texas it truly taxes
Might send more emails and also faxes
Which on a fact is highly predicated
Deserts all appear to be desecrated.
To you who are many this is no lie
Many candidates are standing by
not only in but with open wings
To give President a try among many things.
Some more of my proverbial poems for
to readily read and then try to figure out.
James Thomas Horn
Required Veteran and Poet
River Re-Seed Plantation
Bolivia Newton John, NC
Your Taxes
Reality had been run over by a car
Look and hands and feet to see the scar
There He was with arms spread out wide
On splintered cross where he was crucified.
Two other men were killed at the same time
To there name didn't have a Nichol or dime
When in heaven you will have everything
Where God's great bank is always bulging.
Why on earth would you want to stay here
Cliffs and catastrophes are always so shear
So rather then reaching a drop off point
Come to heaven a jumping and jiving joint.
All they do is much dancing and singing
And beautiful bells are constantly ringing
Won't find computers or picture of you in faxes
When troubled, God is there to pay all your taxes.
James Thomas Horn, Retired Veteran
Sitting upon the rocky outcrop,
Where the black eagle flies.
Your love for this land,
Burnt clearly in your eyes.
We heard a troop of baboons,
Although they could not be seen.
The yellow, winter highveld grass,
Was turning a virgin green.
You spoke of the rare wild leopard,
That roams the hills with grace.
Pride at your african heritage,
Etched so clearly on your face.
Now back in the the city,
Telephones and faxes screaming.
I long for the other life,
Where the birds are forever singing.
You let me into your secret world,
A beautiful, tranquil space.
Untouched by man or civilisation,
A very special place.
(A repost from 2019)
My favorite aunt is dying.. cancer, quiet and consuming as a flame..
Seven short weeks ago she was easily doing an hour of step aerobics, unaware of this intruder, this murderer within. Now she's lifted from bed like a rag doll.
She is my mom, well, a near twin—only smaller, funnier, serpent sly, more heavenly childish, sapient with sweet attractive grace and modest pride.
I am in total awe of her. We're kindred spirits, two sillies among the dull and endlessly serious.
I feel her, see her, day by day, slipping away like the hastening angel of heaven foretold.
This is too big for me, too awful and too close.
I am struck helpless, nothing moves, I sit, hardly feeling, and watch her sleep. Death's cruel process suddenly made visible.
I silently rage at the loss of it—my loudest vehemence pointed to this ravenous, lurking enemy pursuing her inwardly like a swarm of deadly hornets accidentally composed.
40 and still stunningly beautiful, she lies surrounded by computers, iPads, phones, faxes, intercoms, notepads, friends and care-givers. Her life reduced to escaping pain and making arrangements for her soon to be orphaned children 4 and 6.
Fentanyl and other pain blockers are her nourishment and seem to work better in the daylight as lawyers garner powers of attorney, bankers conjure trusts and estate planners build foundations to protect small children from a mothers loss.
As if they could replace a single hug
.
.
Songs for this (gospel):
Order My Steps by The Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir
Angel by Sarah McLachlan
Jesus Loves Me by Whitney Houston
Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer. They had been going at it for days and God was tired of all the bickering. Finally God said , "Cool It. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours and I will judge who does the best job.
So Jesus and Satan sat down at the key boards and typed away.
They sent faxes, e-mail and e-mail with attachments. They downloaded and did some genealogy reports. They made cards and did every known job that can be done on computer.
Then 10 minutes before their time was up lightning flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured and the electricity went off.
Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed and sat back and waited.
The electricity finally flickered back on and they each restarted their computers.
Satan searched frantically screaming, "It's Gone! It's Gone! It's All Gone! I Lost Everything When The Power Went Off!"
Meanwhile Jesus quietly started printing out all of His files from his work on His computer.
Satan screamed," He Cheated! How Did He Keep From Losing All His Work Too!?"
God Smiled and said, "Easy. Jesus Saves."
Someone once said
“The only assurances in life is death and taxes!”
I’ll let you read the fine print, I’ll send the faxes
All there is; is death and taxes!
Watch me grind my sliver axes
Watch the blade gleam in the slow moonlight
I like the way it sparkles in your hooded eyes
You have paid your dews, your pound of flesh for glory,
Fury for the masses…
You have been taxed & now all you have is me
Here too reap my rewards
As your vain opens, crimson flows like wine at the Eucharist
Unholy is my communion, your blood is my life!
As I watch your eyes go relax
All you have now is me at last
What a trip, as I wander to the holly-caust
The people I meet, the things they say, and do! Oh, My!
What a wonderful thing his Creation is…
This life you mortals live
As I have mentioned before
I’m the one assurance that some say is inevitable
As death and taxes, and your taxes have been paid.