Best Emergency Poems
Nurse: Briefly describe your pain
Me: Ouch
Nurse: On a scale from 1 to 10, how would you rate your pain?
Me: I dunno...where's your scale?
Nurse: No, no sir, on a scale...
Me: Okay!...180 butt-naked
Nurse: When was the last time you had a physical exam?
Me: Well, me and this lady went out the other night...
Nurse: We'll need a stool sample
Me: YOUR stool or my stool? I'll need a saw...
Nurse: We'll need to do some lab work
Me: I understand, it's hard to keep good help isn't it?
Nurse: Do you have a history of suicide?
Me: Umm...
Nurse: Are you having trouble urinating?
Me: Just a sec...nope, no problem here
Nurse: Sh-t!
Me: Just a sec...nope, no problem here
Nurse: Son of a...How many fingers am I holding up??
Me: Aha!...One in the middle and four bent ones, right?
Nurse: I swear to G... Sign this freekin' admittance form!
Me: Uh uh!...I deny the whole thing...
Nurse: (Sigh) Are you allergic to anything?
Me: Hospitals...
Twas the night before Christmas
Dressed in my red Santa pajamas.
Tap, Tap, Tap, and a whispered strain;
Santa knocked at my windowpane.
Dressed in a red velvet hat and suit,
Lined in white fur, a black belt and boots.
His hair, so white I had to stare;
His breath puffing white in the chilly air.
"Sorry, but you've no chimney, that's plain
To see, and I know this is insane."
"Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Hollered as we hung in the air."
"Santa, use your big magic charm bags
To deliver the gifts with name tags."
"It takes time to deliver gifts from dusk to dawn.
I emerged in a parachute to land on the lawn."
I said, "That's okay, Santa, I'm totally pleased
I'll give you a squeeze, I'm not displeased."
"I thought delivering you had different shifts,
I was wondering how I'd get my gifts."
11/28/2022
The Night Before 3 Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Joseph May
Donald Trump can't see debt as a threat
Its immigrants that make him upset
So we must build a wall
That won't stop them at all
And to Hell with the National Debt!
Economics Trump just doesn't get
For Trump, filing bankruptcy's, "No sweat"
Donald's morals are lax
So he'll never pay tax
Chalk it up to the National Debt!*
*Our National Debt was $19.95-trillion when
Trump took office, but now stands at $22-trillion
due to Trump and cronies extravagant spending,
with no thought at all of continuing costs to maintain
nor repair a monumental Vanity Wall!
Urgent Surgery, A C-Section in three seconds
Look lady!
I'm trying to save you and the baby
Nurse Fox prepare the Incision sit
Nurse D please hand me a scalple
To save the Mother
Science says its impossible
And I'll be lucky
To make it out the room alive
Whoosh! They rush past me
There goes the team and staff
Now it's just me
And I aint even a freaking Doctor
And inside these reactions
Creations are made in high rates of radiation
And inside my mind there is a Chemical Lab
It unfolds and rolls out straight
Now Lady Luck sit up you aint even pregnant yet
Now there you go
I speak the word... Poof! theres you a wishing well
I pull the lever down now
It's amazing! ain't it lovely how your wishes fell
And a kiss?
Yea on the cheek and not the lips
That always makes you naughty girls go crazy!
I'm like it's daytime
So lets take away the Nightmares
It's the same day
It's okay, you can hold my hand
Now I'm there in the nights
The knight that fights inside your dreams
And don't ask me why
These lights they just twirl into red and green
And when I say blue
I'm accomindating you by making changes
A snowflake Falls on the same site
where we just had basketball size hail
And another casket goes into the ground
No more suffering!
Another one of my brothers just fell
Zip the body bag up
I ain't got nothing on my team but a bunch of ignorant fools
And when I drop it's like a star goin off into a supernova
I toss em and they land into a pile of schizophrenics
And now these Two nurses Know
Ceratintly Life is taken serious
Together we're a Dream Team
Piss on some forensics
Cuase I cut you a slice
2 times Twice the psychic
I can take you to the body
But your furture use of me is undecided
E nter the waiting chamber
M oments seem like hours
E veryone stays away
R est on the gurney
G host of those that died here
E nter and brush the curtains
N ow here then gone
C ause that is all that one sees
Y earning to get answers
R emove to x-ray
O perative answers will come
O pen to options
M aybe
(I wrote this awhile back
nothing new has happened.)
So many emergency numbers to call
covering every situation under the sun
at the end of the telephone line
human helps there making one run
But these humans can't do it all
the spiritual is beyond their reach
only the supreme spiritual can do
that leaves mankind in total breach
This is where God steps in
clearly issuing his words 'call to me'
promising that he will truly answer
with our eyes great mighty things, we'd see
So this is our great God and saviour
the one who always answers his own
being at their side awaiting their call
sending his love from his heavenly phone
God's emergency call number
being Jeremiah treble three
ring it and receive a triple blessing
from the saviour who sets us free
('Call to me and I will answer you and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.')
Jeremiah 33:3 (ESV)
Called meeting of Flat Earth Society
The Enclosed Earth theory must refute
As well Hollow Earth theory to dispute
and that dag nab round earth futility
It's clear as dirt we must confute
That old thingamajig gravity
Which with not our abacus compute
So how can we on an earth agree
Such a problem the enclosed earth theory,
Where we are all living in a Truman Show,
And of the hollow earth so very weary,
To this silliness in the trash throw.
Then all scientists and fools will flock
To see us clinging to this flatty rock.
The Medical Emergency Bracelet
By Elton Camp
Many wear bracelets, others to apprise
What to do if an emergency should arise
“If you find me in trouble, please if you will
Under my tongue put a nitroglycerine pill.”
“I am extremely allergic to penicillin, you see
Just one injection could very easily kill me.”
“I suffer from an extreme form of diabetes.
Remember that fact when you treat me, please.”
LeRoy decided it’d be wise to get one too
For the one thing he needed someone to do
“If you find me lying helpless at your feet,
Before all else, my browser history delete.”
Horses parade
Marching band follows
What was that they stepped in?
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) All Rights Reserved
--WARNING BUZZER SOUNDS--
A moment of much worry!
Oh...friend's phone's ring tone
disturbing my sleep
the telephone rings
are you sick, ill, or dead?
My emergency
Can't breathe, Light headed, Doctor
Lay down... Beep, beep, beep
Yesterday, I had a little trouble breathing when I was out at soccer... I had to go to the ER and everything was
spinning and flying by me. It was scary, but I survived. Just like my favorite teacher says, "There's no point in
crying... you either die, and then your dead and don't feel it. Or you live to see another day and pray that this
never happens again."
World emergency prayer PII
Entered…..
I shout now to the whole world down to the orbit,
As now the darkness is geared and out for blood,
A human blood,
I gear the whole world with the blood of Jesus,
And I am sending this fire of the holly spirit to the world and space,
And I am sending fire inside every human being of this earth,
Sinners and righteous, healthy and sick in the name of Jesus,
I conclude that every human is the child of God not devil,
And each time when the darkness tried to temper with human,
They must find fire,
In the name of Jesus.
For I know about planned natural disasters,
Disasters to take human lives in bulk,
And a planned mysterious deaths,
In Jesus name, I declare all plans arrested,
And locked in the permanent hot safe,
Safe locked by padlocks and chains made of Jesus blood,
And I put Jesus on every move of human being everyday,
I destroy every mission of the darkness against a human being,
I again destroy and drain out every power and tool the darkness is using,
In Jesus name I declare to the whole world,
The death and injuries of any sort must come to an end,
Sicknesses must be healed,
Conflicts must find a resolution,
Marriages must be restored,
Economies must find their ways to revive now,
Time is now,
I Jesus name
Activated…..
After the wind stops blowing
We will pull down the shades
The thunder rumbles past our yellow, one story apartment.
Standing close to the foamy shores
I can hear the newscaster murmur its warnings of another flash flood watch.
I adjust my headphones, picking up a Vogue to pass the time.
World Christmas And New Year Emergency Prayer P1
I f you think i am crazy when writing this poem,
Think again,
This is your rescue, believers and non believers,
..........................Entered......................
In the name of Jesus, the Savior and the Lord,
From this day of 2014-November-05 South Africa standard time,
I am sending this fire of the Holly spirit to the whole world,
At the intersections, Interchanges, Bridges, Four-way junctions, T Junctions all kinds of road shapes,
To burn and destroy all the fake designs, webs and nets of the darkness,
The design made to destroy or injure the livers of the whole world,
And i am replacing all the evil tricks with the blood of Jesus,
And i am soaking all the world roads with blood of Jesus and protecting them with fire
To all the island, coasts and beaches i send fire,
And i am changing all the liquids and waters of the world into the blood of Jesus,
And i am sending spears of fire to all the evil meetings of the world,
To disarm and disperse the enemies and destroy all their powers in Jesus name,
To destroy all their tools forever in Jesus name,
To all gatherings of the world i am sending the Angels in Jesus name,
To arrest all the evil spirits and tricks and expose them in Jesus name,
I speak drying and healing of every sickness and wound of the world in Jesus name,
I am sending solution to every problem and difficulties in Jesus name,
I am changing every mountain of the world into the body of Jesus,
And i am sending Holly Ghost wind to blow away all the tools of the darkness and communication,
Holly Ghost wind, sweep and throw them into the bottomless pit,
And i am sending Fire Holly Ghost into the mouth of world devil worshippers and vampires,
And i say nomore human blood and flesh in Jesus name, your stomach will go thirsty,
All places known for accidents i speak life, protection and peace in Jesus name,
I am sending endless power of Holly spirit to protect every innocent soul in this world,
I am minimising all the powers and communication of darkness into zeros (0)
In Jesus name,
Praise the Lord..
..........................Activated..................