Best Bub Poems
Those BURMA SHAVE signs used to give us kids something to do,
As down the highways and byways in our 1935 Dodge we flew!
The chef-d'oeuvre from the quills of very creative poets flowed,
Nailed to fence posts for our cultural enlightenment along the road!
Take note of this sign young reader as you pass this way!
In just a little while you too will be hoary and gray!
And like your Pa with steady hand be true and brave,
As you wield that straight razor usin' BURMA SHAVE!
She told her beau, "You remind me of a thug,
With that scraggly stubble sproutin' on yer mug!
If its my hugs and kisses that you crave,
Best ya start usin' BURMA SHAVE!"
The feller tried over and over to get a job,
But potential bosses thought him a slob!
Never apply for work looking like a knave!
Use gobs of BURMA SHAVE when you shave!
With her feller Mabel had a beef.
Claude's stubble caused her grief!
Said she, "Yer wreckin' our romance!
Ever thought of usin' BURMA SHAVE by chance?"
If on your mug you are well endowed
With stubble of which you're not proud
In the mornin' after yer kisser you scrub,
Liberally slather with BURMA SHAVE, old Bub!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) All Rights Reserved
A cuddly Harp Seal, when just a bub,
Swam further south and slipped into a pub,
The barman gave a wink,
Have this whisky to drink?...
“No way known, it’s Canadian Club!”
This may sound a tad bit strange
But I can promise you it's true
It all took place in the fishing town
Of Pleasant Valley one sunny afternoon
All of the sudden fishing line started popping
Out of the lake onto the shore
Not one or two lines, expect as you might
But lines tossed out by the score
Each and everyone had items attached
Some candy bars while others had cans of beer
There were even a few diamond rings
The kind the ladies love to wear
People in surrounding towns soon heard about
All the hub bub down at Pleasant Valley Lake
They all jumped in their cars and like shooting stars
Shot out across the state
They arrived there in time to each grab a line
And give that line a slight tug
Realizing to late, dragged into the lake
Rub a Dub Dub straight into the tub
Just as quick as this whale of a tale got started
All the fishing lines were drawn away
The only ones left were the few who got tossed back
Because the fish had reached their limit that day
I saw an old man with a hard hat on
Walkin' down the road as the sky turned dawn.
I said, "Howdy Bub, where you headed to?"
He said, "Don't much matter - just west will do.
I been roughneckin' seems like all my days -
Got to thinkin' 'bout how little it pays.
Then I thought hard about this drizzlin' rain -
Whether the sun would ever come again.
An' then I remembered last summer's heat
With the oil soaked boots that ruined your feet
Well, I broke my glasses and swore THAT"S IT !
Stormed off the floor and fell in the mud pit.
I got back on dry land, drippin' and soaked
The young rascals just laughed, pointed and joked.
Well, I just shrugged and said 'send me my pay'
Hiked up my britches and went on my way."
I said,"Well, Friend. have you figgered it out
Are you gonna make money or do without ?"
He said,"Yessir, there's somethin' I'll espouse,
Play the piano in a bawdy house."
Well sir, I laughed so hard the tears ran down
This mudsoaked roughneck was surely some clown
I let him out when it came to my stop
He told me his name - he looked more like "Pop"
Years later I saw that name in newsprint
In the Obit section - his life was spent.
Seems he was famous, jazz played at its best
Got his start in a whorehouse, somewhere out west
All I could see was that muddy roughneck
Leavin' that rig headed west sure as heck
Mudpit to cathouse ain't a new story,
But it's a long road from cathouse to glory
April, 2013
Rhyme AABB
What nursery rhyme's gayer, I'm asking you, bub,
Than the one that has three grown men sharing a tub?
Was it their sexual orientation,
Or merely water conservation,
And they were all charter members of the Sierra Club?
I once had a geeky friend named Lance
Whose sex life never had a chance
We went to a strip club
Where a gal said, “Hey bub”
He yelled, “Alright, my first lap-top dance!”
Sitting around smoking dope,
is this silly lycanthrope.
Toking is always fun,
Now I want food by the ton.
Laughing and looking around,
but no food in this house can be found.
I guess I'll have to go out for some grub,
I guess I'll find some unexpecting bub!
So I head to the local village,
for someone's bones to pillage.
I creep around,
looking for someone tasty in town.
Oh look someone too fulfill my appetite,
walking alone through the night.
The hunger making me much crazier,
I pick my teeth with James Fraser.
He looks like a meal that can't be beat,
a great poet is a yummy treat.
I creep up and leap,
knocking him from his feet.
Ripping out his lily white throat,
in his blood I do gloat,
Thanks for being a delicious meal,
my belly you did fill!
Cloven hoofed I am striding across sanctuaries lands
Not what was expected in their sanctimonious plans
Have I ever existed or am I a figment of their imagination
Or am I simply more perfect which angers their frustration
Me, I'm cloven hoofed and one thrown against their black
Is it I whom lacks belief or am I an excuse for their lack
But it's always me that's ostracised, or do I actually exist
Do you really know who I am to continually persist
Good or bad, black or white, like left and right we're twinned
Hey, let's open our eyes and smell the air, who has really sinned
Is your mind in the gutter,
full of what you shouldn't utter?
Or perhaps it's your conscience
which eats you alive with slanderous nonsense--
about your ex, matters of sex, or your neighbor's pecs?
Heh-heh, join the club, bub.
You're not going to drown in this tub
--Glub, glub, glub--
You won't necessarily be snubbed
Or flub the proverbial dub.
There is a solution to all this pollution
of your most precious resource,
your mind,
of course.
Just take a deep breath, heave a huge sigh;
Look up at the sky; LOL, "My oh my."
Then flip the switch,
Count your blessings;
That'll get rid of
What is depressing:
Fuming over how much your ex hates you and you her?
--Start counting the days since you had to occupty the same space with her.
Now there, don't you feel better already, your load a bit lighter?
Seething because you haven't had sex since the passing of Tyrannosaurus Rex?
--Start counting all the partners who you avoided who'd have cursed you
with a hex.
Whew! Aren't you happy now that you didn't bite off more than their fair
necks?
Jealous of the shape your neighbor's in? Plotting to undo his diet & do him in?
--Start recalling all the meals you've enjoyed that you've have had to skip:
I'll bet in a minute or two you'll be convinced that life for him is a gyp.
The grass is always greener on the other side:
When we start rolling in the mud, we slip and then slide
into negative thoughts and soul-poisoning contemplation,
at which time what's called for is refreshment and rejuvenation,
starting with a change of the the mind's diaper, to rid it of a load
of toxic pollutants and misdirected fury untold.
April 16, 2018
yo dawg yo
yo
yo
yo dawg yo
f*ck a fat b*tch who dont wanna see a playa fro' wut he be
yo
yo f*ck a ugly b*tch who dont wanna meet a gangsta haffway
yo yo
f*ck a snobby **** who not tryna see me in my clown suit
yo
met this chick
at the club
bought a bottle
fulla bub
drank it up
she said wuddup
das all it is
Sunshine undulates across verdant plain
casting dark shadows ushering twilight zone
ringing athwart tree trunks
invigorating, joyously kickstarting,
and plenti revitalizing
bountiful nature buzzfeeding
vim, vinegar and *****
caressing, massaging, and palpating with
soundlessness inducing bub bully giddy,
and sudsy spongy schmaltzy
harmonic livingsocial kerplunk
also intoxicating this perk o' late
ting teetotaler, no longer ginger
who doth oft times ale
with melancholic funk,
whereat imbibing nectar
of the Gods with fulfillment
temporarily quicken ends euphoric,
albeit 'pon firm meant soberly drunk.
Ah...nothing more uplifting
than (Anita Bryant raisin eyebrows)
plugging sunkist orange treat,
this sensate being privy,
sans front row seat
agog at orchestral, festival, viz
choral paean courtesy sweet
flora and fauna feat
bequeathed to Mother Earth,
a requiem pulsating with heartbeat
pitch perfect exultation
glorifying spring days soon obsolete
ethereal, ideal, and
sensational tonic to gin
prestidigitation, qua
natural psychological helpmeet
pleasant distraction with intent to read
temporarily placating, needling craving
for Pete sakes daily
fix this news junkie,
trembling when complete
awareness he doth accrete,
where quite glum, how
civilization didst mistreat
planet, hence feeling downbeat,
especially haunting ghosts of
Native Americans drumbeat
signal harbinger debacle
i.e. environmental doomsday
soon fated extinction
sealed and complete
inexorably inching closer to reality
necessitating superman to defeat
global warming rendering vast swaths
uninhabitable as Gaia global
temperature packs tremendous heat!
Running in the yard
Splashing in a pool
Squishing mud with toes
Dashing here and there
Playing everywhere.
Dad picked you up
Mom kissed the hurts
Sis hugged your neck
Bub mussed your hair
They loved you much.
What it was
to be young,
Full of life.
No cares,
No strife,
Free.
There once was a fine hacker named Bub
who whacked what he hacked with a wood club
each whack a divot
his hips wouldn't pivot
you should see what he did to the shrubs!
U K minus queen, where All's not as it seems; the crowds Will Gather, there will be much piety and blather, shoulders
To be rubbed, as people dive into the hub-bub at the
Shop restaurant golf club or pub, has something been
Forgotten? that prior was reported ; of ad-nausem top
To bottom, covid nineteen! prevelant on radio TV screen
Of an era with the Queen, remember; don't go getting it '
Is it still on the scene.? Or is just I'm confusing it with
The prevelance of reports on the dying of a queen?
Of course you will not catch it.' Socially if you mourn
The British Queen.! I mean how could a dose of covid
Ever so tasteless be regarded important; next to the wake
Of the reigning queen? So go, out to the highway and
Gather on the strand; wave your flags don black cry on
Others shoulders, in some anti-quarrantine.' And how '
The Devil stopped to visit
last night in a dream
He was not alone
Lucifer and Beelzebub
came along too
I was not afraid
They looked odd
Satan had a bushy tail
Lucifer had been drinking
Beelzebub drooled
They would not speak
They kept hissing
I took him by his fangs
Stuck them in Luci’s ear
Kicked the Bub downstairs
They won’t be coming back