although the snail’s response was sluggish
it was the slug who was moving at a snail’s pace
although the wasp made a beeline for the jam jar
it was the bee who became waspish after arriving too late
although the bedbugs were as fit as fleas
it was the fleas hoping the bedbugs wouldn’t bite that night
although the fly had opened up a can of worms
it was the worm who wished he could fly
although the ant quietly beetled away after the party
it was the beetle who kept dancing like he had ants in his pants
although the moth had butterflies before the fashion show
it was the butterfly who was a moth to the flame for the cameras
Ants can play havoc in your bridal night
Ants in his pants
There is a guy named lance
who loved to dance
moved to America for his chance
off the molly he had ants in his pants
raves and rants
ecstasy cramps
drunken broken lamps
licking acid stamps
having sex with tramps
stuck in a trance
you see lance was from France
until he took an American stance
getting high off all types of plants
feeling like a champ
getting all amped
until one night he felt his shirt was damp
there was blood coming from his nose
his vision started to close
trance
lance lance wake up lance
he saw a bright light and a voice that said this is your last chance
guess what happened to lance
lance that loved to dance moved his ass back to France.
A wonderful fellow was Lance
Always acting with utmost vigilance
By day drove an ambulance
By night stayed home to water his plants
Never expressing much exuberance
Or given to any extravagance
Then one day by the oddest of circumstance
Lance attended a workshop on the topic of finance
Him that is, with two dozen other participants
Who wanted to learn more about grants
The speaker was lecturing with much arrogance
And the topic seemed to lack much relevance
But there she was at the entrance
She had the loveliest stance
And her voice had the warmest resonance
For Lance it was love at first glance
Without hesitation he made his advance
He discovered her name was France
And that they both loved to dance
Instantly they developed a steamy romance
It was only later that Lance learned by chance
All along that meeting was concocted by his two aunts
Both gifted with the power of clairvoyance
Now all are happy Lance has ants in his pants
And his nights no longer lack luster and radiance
AP: 1st place 2021, Honorable Mention 2020
Cunningly swinging
On the trees of life
Playing his pranks
Winding up the wife
Enjoying every challenge
Using his brain
Owning it. Bossing it
Playing the game
He's a Chinese Monkey
- a little bit spunky
A little bit of attitude
A little bit of grit
Dashing, darting
With daring and drive
Top of the tree
And feeling alive
Dancing with spirit
Fire and wit
Not at all annoying
- well, maybe just a bit(!)
He's a Chinese Monkey
- can get a bit funky
A little bit of attitude
A little bit of grit
Friendly when he wants to be
He'll pat you on the back
Can get a bit competitive
Never one to slack
Ants in his pants
Fire in his belly
Gregarious. Free.
Can give it some welly
He's a Chinese Monkey
- Full-speed junkie
A little bit of attitude
A little bit of grit
Nimble on his feet
Able with his hands
Confident and up-beat
Always with a plan
Charming little fella
Curious too
Has the metal and the dignity
To get himself through
He's a Chinese Monkey
- can get a bit funky
A little bit of attitude
A little bit of grit
Little bit of attitude
Little bit of grit
Little bit of attitude
Little bit of grit
By waters edge sat John Muir
His wish for us all, preserve what's pure
He twisted and wiggled, his butt did a dance
It occurred to him, he had ants in his pants!
12/28/14
© All Rights Reserved
Is that writhing really a dance
Or does he have ants in his pants
You have the answer perchance
He’s taking his Can Can to France!
An Italian once courted my Aunt
Who was bitten by ants in his pants
So he screamed, "Mama Mia!"
"I got the gonorrhea!"
That's when he learned the frying pan dance!
Timothy I. Brumley
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