One day I'm in the Post Office the sales lady comments "your hands are rather large"
So I respond for my height I also have big feet
Ooh !! She replies we'd better not go there
You really should try to be much more discreet
I really am quite puzzled
If there's some misdemeanour I'm sure that I am innocent
I describe the conversation to my dear beloved wife, she is much more up to date than me
and thus she tells what the postal mistress meant
It refers specifically to the dimension of your manhood
Hell! Now I'm feeling rather silly
You mean it's all to do with dimensions of my willy ???
Wee Willy Wink ran starkers through the town
Upstairs and downstairs he forgot to wear his night gown
We all know Frilly Willy has a crush,
his face shows it with a big blush.
Red was painting his face,
hoping to get to first base.
With the man who drives the city bus.
Now this might sound rather silly
But "do not play with your willy"
If you do you will find
That you're sure to go blind
And won't see over the next hilly.
Gene Wilder's Willy Wonka
Seemed sturdy as a *Tonka-
Yet he gave kids minty sugar blades of grass
While fizzy lifting drinks made them rise with gas!
Willy Wanka & The Chocolate Factory: Book Author: Roald Dahl.
1971 Film Screenplay: Roald Dahl and David Seltzer (uncredited).
The man in the elevator was all a flush
A lady just told him pull your zipper up
He hadn’t noticed his fly was open wide
For looking at a woman he thought a DD breast size
He turned facing the rear to quickly zip it up
But then unluckily dear his Willy got stuck
He let out a scream and then passed gas
The people weren’t mean but all had to laugh
Wee Willy Winky creeps about the town
Into children’s bedrooms he’ll be peeking.
Sometimes if he finds an open window,
into that child’s room he will go sneaking.
He fancies himself a Sandman.
But nothing like the Sandman is he.
No peace does he bring the sleepless kid
as he creeps about in hours that are wee.
He sprinkles no sand into sleepy eyes,
but he slides like a ninja beneath a child's bed,
then mutters low sounds that he thinks are soothing,
but he frightens most children instead!
“Go to sleep; go to sleep,” he sometimes whispers.
Children who hear this are filled with fear.
Too terrified are they to leave their bed.
They think that the boogeyman must be near.
Wee Willy Winky, you do nobody good
as you creep all around in your nightgown.
Some of those you visit get PTSD.
You ought to be jailed and banished from town.
Call me what you will
but no my name's not 'Bill'
so don't be such a silly billy
as to think I am a 'Willy'
and tho' you may say
“Here's what's his name'
to me it's all
one and the same
yet as I'm losing too much weight
have the need to feed
and don't dare be much thinner
I have one task to ask of you
please don't wait hesitate
or call me late for dinner
donkey kick dance dobba dee dobba doo
monkey picks France with lots of fru fru
hunky dory whickety vee whickety voo
I like making up new words like schmickety schmoo
come play with me said the ink pen of light blue
I did it gladly, singing willy wiggly wag woo
Willy the wannabee Wallaby went
To visit his sweet, sick aunt Millicent
He met a dingo who said,
Don’t look for Millie in bed,
Relish her in my belly with free rent!
My friend called Willy
he is real silly
he wears a hat
that is so frilly
A coat of leather
a big pink feather
to keep him warm
in the cold weather
He wears a skirt
and a purple shirt
Willy does not care
he is so overt
Wish I was him
dress on a whim
but alas, I am
too neat and prim!
Willy, a wild mammoth lives in my yard
Shedding head all over in clumps
Neighbors come by and collect it in bales
Making comforters, pillows and plush cushions
They bring casseroles, carrots, croissants and canapes
Willy has the best life, and he knows it
Milking it for all it is worth
Willy Wee Walldorf warbled wonderfully
We watched Willy’s whacky warbling, willingly
Waketa Wobblemaster wiggled wondrously
While weird Wormy Wishman watched wistfully.
We used to go to grandma’s for Christmas
She had bubble lights on her tree
Dangerous ones that will burn your fingers
We all learned it the hard way
We had one cousin who was awkwardly mean
Everyone did their best to make him happy
Willy was an unhappy guy; we finally learned to leave him alone
Because he liked being a bully
Many Christmas days we visited Willy in prison after we were grown
I thought it was a waste of my time; he did not seem to want us there.
But after our grandparents died, I continued to go
Because I wanted to please them and I knew they knew I was there.
Willy never changed; he was surly and bad-tempered.
After awhile I stopped going on Christmas, because it made me sad.
But I did go once a month, because I felt sorry for him.
Incarcerated for fifty years must have been hard.
Sadly, he deserved it though.
I knew a wee man with a claim to fame
Who was on stage, Wee Willy was his name
He could do the splits
As well as high kicks
But wearing a kilt put his name to shame.
One doesn't need to explain reasons why
All is revealed when he kicks his legs high
What’s out on display
It swings either way,
Some ladies may cry, yet others sigh.
Once I remember he fell on his back,
The audience heard his scream and the crack,
But we were in luck
Wee Willy stood up
With his cracked back strapped to an ice pack.
As ice does, it melted there on the stage
Which had Wee Willy dancing in rage
But not only that
His ardour went flat
And his performance went down a grade.
Johnny was quite a leader
And best pet of the teacher
Puberty hit him so fast
At the head of the class
His little Willy stood up, second feature
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