a jolly and crusty old fisherman
into the water, he threw his line in
with lots of hope and wishing`
he wanted to end his day grinning.
but all he caught was a cold
and soon told a tale so bold
a tale that he had caught a shark
a tale told as a joke, a bit of a lark.
now it`s written down in folklore
the fame he never really asked for
how the shark battled as if it was in war
and was as big as a dinosaur.
the fisherman became king and monarch
with his tale of the day, he said he caught a shark.
We were all on a turquoise moped on Interstate 635.
Mr. P.U. Fancy Pants Panda of course, got to drive.
He is arrogant, and thus is always the boss.
This was stated firmly by my pal Ross
Ross cannot drive, he is way too nervous and tall.
His hooves also land on both pedals, no help at all.
Meerkat is hanging on the fender by his tippy toes.
Snowy owl is getting exhaust fumes up his delicate nose.
Wait! Someone said, doesn’t an owl have a beak?
This made panda angry, he had given no one permission to speak.
Quite a day on the road with the gang who escaped from Michigan.
If you call me up on the phone, I can tell you this whole story again.
My pet giraffe is called Tiny
although he is extremely tall
He towers above a huge sunflower
that's growing along my back wall!
One day Tiny appeared to be poorly
The vet climbed up a ladder to see
He said Tiny had a bad infection
I must make him a scarf urgently!
So I busily knitted with lamb's wool
My fingers worked all day and night
I coiled the scarf up his long neck
It was perfect and fitted just right!
Tiny now wears his scarf in our garden
And it's cured all the pains in his neck
The vet praised me for my speedy knitting
My home made remedy wasn't hi- tech!
I’m thankful that Tiny is better
And we go out on rambles and walks
But if strangers see us out walking
their eyes often pop out on stalks!
O Camelot! O Camelot!
The winds have changed, the land got hot!
Though dromedaries are quite neat,
A bactrian's hard to unseat,
And so the knights still joust a lot.
At banquet feasts, the men are found,
And like the table, they are round.
The reason they are heavy-set:
Girls now see knighthood as a threat;
Who lives life chaste and honor-bound?
Sir Galahad, a handsy lad;
His boasting made the maidens mad.
Now saddled with the cursed #metoo,
Chivalrous days of riding through,
He gardens, in his armor clad.
And then there is Sir Lancelot
Sad, as he aged, he weirder got.
Exchanging quests for lowly toils,
He traveled far just lancing boils,
Relieving pustulence and rot.
And Arthur lost what he held dear:
His lovely bride, his Guinevere
The evil witch, Morgana Fay
Transitioned her without her say,
And as a knight she does appear.
O Camelot! I just cannot
Believe the damage time has wrought.
And now the lady of the lake:
A charlatan, a fraud, a fake!
Ran off with Merlin, on his yacht.
,A Skunk’s ‘Tale’,
Twas a puzzling mid-summer’s eve
When I became acquainted with Steve
Bear with if you can
For Steve’s not a man
He’s an odd little skunk who won’t leave!
I was driving, unwinding that night
As my headlights swam over his sight
On two legs he stood
Like he owned street and wood
I slammed on my brakes out of fright!
When Steve began talking, I stared
As he jumped in my car, I just glared
This skunk, quite verbose
Let it rip, smelling gross
“LORD HAVE MERCY!” I loudly declared!
How I wish I could tell you things changed
Not so fast when your skunk is deranged
I tried to play nice
But his heart is pure ice
Let’s just say his farewell’s been arranged!
1st PLACE!!!
Submitted For: Tall Tales 1 Poetry Contest
Sponsor: Jeff Kyser
Date Written: 03-18-2022
Format: HowManySyllable.com
I’m upset with smug Peter Pig
Who’d promised we could dance a jig
But spies my bent trotter
Gets nasty - the rotter
I call him an ignorant prig!
I’ve got a disability
But nothing will ever stop me
I’m a feisty young sow
So I'll never kowtow
Swing dancing makes me so happy
How quickly I'd learned how to dance -
Six lessons from my cousin Lance
When I dance Lindy Hop
I just don’t want to stop
My dancing may lead to romance
Young Percy took me by the hand
Well trotter; but you’ll understand
When we danced the pig jive
He made me feel alive
We’re dating now, life is just grand!
8,8,6,6,8 checked with how any syllables
Tall Tales 1 Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Jeff Kyser
03/13/22
A young boy who was smaller than small
wanted only to grow very tall.
Any progress he got
his mom marked at the spot
where he’d stand next to their kitchen wall.
By thirteen, he’d grown barely an inch
since age ten, so he felt like the Grinch.
He drank milk to bestow
extra inches and grow
like the guys who grew tall in a cinch.
At age sixteen occurred something grand.
At his wall he can no longer stand.
He’s now seven foot, four
and must stoop at the door
to get into the kitchen. My land!
March 6, 2022
for Jeff Kyser's Tall Tales 1 Poetry Contest
Long ago and far away
Folks still talk of this today,
There was a place called Mount Y'all
Everyone there was incredibly tall
Anyway, that's what they say.
The buildings there seem to touch the sky
Everything was tall and high
People there were over ten feet tall,
They did not know a word called small
And they never told a lie
It was cold, in Mount Y'all,
No spring or summer or autumn (fall)
Just one season every year,
They never saw the sun appear,
Only used to the winter's squall.
There is much that isn't known,
Of this place, no map shown,
It's known to have had many waterfalls (fools)
River beds and limpid pools
Did Mount Y'all become OVERGROWN?
My big old dog had no tail
He laid around because he was frail
He ran away with June
Frisky living on the moon
Dinner is fried green and blue quail
Date Written:2/28/2022
HowManySyllables.com
How he wanted a poetry prize!
But no luck after seventeen tries.
Seems if he's a poet,
then few to none know it,
And his ego has come down in size.
He wrote poems in all forms and types,
and attempted to earn legit stripes.
For his Vogon and Grook,
he got labeled a kook,
but the rest drew no praises or gripes.
He created a contest and then
took a second account for a spin.
With a new nom de plume,
there was finally room
for a top-of-the-leaderboard win!
————
(Example for the “Tall Tales 1” Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Jeff Kyser
Syllables checked by: HowManySyllables.com 9/9/6/6/9, 9/9/6/6/9, 9/9/6/6/9
Date written: 02/25/2022)
I think the spaceman tells tall tales I allowed.
Others were excited by his stories; I was not wowed.
Today he told me about a planet that he caught.
And an interplanetary catfish that was full of red snot.
They might be true, a girl said to me; her name is Naïve.
She was aptly named by parents who had grieved.
Because her sister Common Sense had died at birth.
I had no words for her, but I felt some mirth.
*this was inspired by 'tall tales' that were collected and written by Zora Neale Hurston...this is meant to be humorous*
I knew a woman
who loved a man
so much she
couldn't hardly
take his touch
she would faint,
wake up, and such
Trump and Tall Tale of Betrayal
Knew that it would be without fail;
Trump was telling another tall tale;
Everyone believes,
That he deceives;
To others actions were a betrayal.
Jim Horn
I worked with a lady called ‘Titch’
Though tiny, she was quite a witch
So bitter and twisted
Her faults can’t be listed
We re-named her the office *****!
Total fiction… I did have a boss we called the dodecahedron… let’s just say she was more than two faced lol
04~17~17
A long time ago in a very distant past
A tall tale my remembering mind yet holds fast,
An intriguing story and it'll be a blast
Indeed, it’s a surprise that it should this long last.
Promise, I will begin right after the breakfast
And I say, I’ll get it off my chest at long last,
Tighten your belts and grab your seats, the die is cast
to experience ride on a magical craft,
Oh, yeah! Very much like Aladdin's flying mat
that will leave you all, ha, shuddering and aghast!
But let's go at an easy pace and not jet fast
So stay put, I'll be back after a light repast.
~12 by 12 Monorhyme contest by John Hamilton
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