I wish I could make you remember
Everything you used to feel
But…
I can’t
I wish I could turn everything back
And love you the way I could
But…
I can’t
I wish you would say you still loved me
As much as you used to
But…
You can’t
I wish I could be her, the one lying in your arms
While I sit here crying again
But…
I can’t
I wish I could erase your memories
And stop the rivers falling from my eyes
But…
I can’t
I wish I could hear you call me “baby”
And kiss me like you used to
But…
I can’t
I wish the pain would stop completely
So I would never have to cry
But…
It can’t
I wish the blood would stop pouring
From this open wound I have
But…
It can’t
Loving you is like breathing
And I want to stop
But…
I can’t
.
I want to scream but I dont,
I want to cry but I wont.
I want to be happy and smile,
but I just sit here with sadness for a while.
I know if I hold in my tears it would be worse,
but I'll hold it in with all my force.
I want to take my anger out but I stay quiet,
I want 2 throw things and start my own riot.
My passion is music and writing,
instead of throwing things crying or fighting.
Maybe ill show my tears, just maybe,
NO! Im a strong woman not a baby.
You ALL hurt me but I'll show no fear,
by the time you know it ima be gone forever, not just for 1 year.
I cant show you that im sad,
I cant give you that pleasure,
but its hard to hold this all in with all this pressure.
KARMA will get you for all the pain,
I will LAUGH once you hold your head down for all your shame.
Holding my tears back has coused ANGER & HATE,
but you would NEVER make it up,
its to mutha fuking late.
I will show you my AGONY, PAIN, and ANGER
and you would ask me "why?"
Its because
you didnt...... LET ME CRY
How far beyond the surface of life I shall receive my salvation? How much time would
you concede for me to earn it? Hundreds of agonies I shed and many more to come if I
could just gain your bless, harmless pieces of a heart surrounded by the chains of the
forbidden life, crumbs of a mind that once dreamed and mercilessly was crushed.
I walk lightly to you, my savior, burying all the pain inside, I look at them with a tearful
smile but their eyes just couldn’t hear it, the silence that came through my lips spoke a
lot, and the smiles they were painting on their faces reflected my tears, for the load I
was carrying was just too heavy to be embraced.
I walk lightly to you, my savior, as I’m cleaning out my deserted soul, longing for your
chaotic touch, anxious for the cold kiss, would you embrace me now? My savior, would
you save me from this brutal reality? Would you hold my hand and walk me to my
grave? Tears of joy drifted on my cheeks as I close my eyes tightly enough to see you
there walking to me heartlessly.
On the wings of an angel is where I have gone,
the clouds and the stars are where I belong.
Fear for me not although I'm not there,
cry for me not, please don't shed a tear.
At times you'll feel sad and empty inside,
alone with the world with nowhere to hide.
But I'll always be there holding your hand,
always beside you wherever you stand.
There for you, loving you wherever you go,
guiding you, helping you, I promise you'll know.
In thoughts and in prayers I will always be there,
giving you light in times of despair.
Just look at the stars in the sky up above,
I will always be there, for it's you that I love.
If I stay with you tonight
Will you help me see the light
Because every second that I fight
The feeling that I’ve been here before
Is a second that I don’t have anymore
If I dream of you tonight
Will you let me live my life
Because every second I lose sight
I’m seeing the mistakes I’ve made before
All the mistakes lying across the floor
it makes me pick
as i sit
its hard to git
its under my skin
make me grim
and its a small lump
this
HAIR BUMP
Murder.
My soul's contaminated with spit
and you walk all over me-
each and every single time-
It's like I blink
and you take one more slap
whack!
While my face red spurs out guilt of being a victim-
the one who always to blame
who is always wrong
and does wrong-
while you look down to me
expecting.
It's neverending
and i'm unsympathetic as we speak.
Now so vulnerable and familiar to your cursed speech
lucifer's lies-
becoming true between the lies
you just start the fire.
You don't know how to put it out,
gassing it, lighter at hand
yet you don't seem to care.
And my emotions,
they're toys-
broken, stomped on,
crushed.
Like my loyalty is not enough,
after I stand behind you,
strong and neutral-
while you whip my heart
and test me some more.
I've had enough.
And you've had plenty of chances before,
plenty of criticizing
and it's too much,
i'm not good enough
I'm the "bad" friend
i'm just not worth your time
so this is the end.
Sometimes you seem to be the
person,
I once knew and fell in love with,
And sometimes you just seem to
appear,
To be a perfectly stranger to me.
Which Causes me to wonder,
If I should be here or not,
Because it makes me wonder,
If this thing we have is really meant
to be.
In your heart and mind,
You never see what is wrong,
Cause you only see the green
pasture,
Instead of the thickets and thorns,
Our relationship will never get any
better,
If things don't change,
And we both work on clearing out
the painful parts,
Because it will keep us both cut up,
with hearts that are torn.
Sometimes I really wonder if you,
Want this to work out or not,
Cause you say one thing but,
Your heart isn't really in this,
Like it used to be,
And hasn't for a really long time,
Which brings me back to the
question,
If this is meant to be?
I feel so hurt
And so much like a jerk
For I have lost my dream
Just let it out and scream
What did I do
Can I ask you
Am I to be alone
All I can do is groan
I ask God will it ever be
Does she really want me
Please Lord let her call
For me to be that is all
I am so stuck in a rut
Do I just give up
Can not hold back the tears
The return of all my fears
I hope to see
That she really needs me
I will never know
For she will have to show
Can you give me my best friend
Or have I lost her again
Tell me did I sin
Should I just give in
I am at my wits end
Knowing not where to begin
I sit here and moan
At me just throw the heavy stone
Please, oh please hit the mark
Then I know it will break my heart
I always feel the use
Finally I remember the abuse
My feelings inside
Will never subside
Why not go ahead and fall
With my life just end it all
Does anyone really care
That would be so rare
For all I feel is lost
And in the end that is the cost
You look me in the face
I look you in the eye
You cannot distinguish
Between truth or lie
I tell you that I love you
I can make you smile
I can make you happy
Even if it's for a little while
You trust me wholeheartedly
You always believe
Until you find a clue
And realize you've been deceived
You quickly confront me
I tell you I'm not lying
You see my tears
You see me crying
Your guilt consumes you
You apologize
You bid me to cease
My tears and cries
And just like the first time
You believe me, your friend
Only to be proven
Wrong yet again
Confrontation resumes
My words don't reach your ears
I've changed from your biggest dream
To your biggest fear
You lose communication
We don't talk for years
And after time passes
Everything becomes clear
Except you see me years later
I tell you I've changed
You smile because you're happy
I smile because I'm insane
Hate, depression, and sorrow
wrap me in a shroud of darkness
suffocating me, making me feel empty
it hurts not knowing happiness
yet there is light, hope to help me through
why is this little light
this tiny bit of warmth
in all this cold
how does it survive
why does it stay
is it trying to help
is it love, is that why it's warm
is it hope
is that why it's bright
or is it a person
I love in a manifestation of light
It's the girl I love and always will
MY LOVE
I know that taking my life is a sin,
But you don’t know how much pain I am in;
Death is better than this hell I’ve been through,
God Grant me mercy for what I must do;
My tortured soul robs me of breath,
All I seek is the release of death;
Requesting redemption in the gun I cling to,
God Grant me mercy for what I must do;
I’m considering briefly the life I must end,
Nothing is left but the chance to transcend;
And this decaying body that I pass through,
God Grant me mercy for what I must do;
Raven they named me, but now they are gone,
I’m all alone since they both passed on;
Soon I will see them, it’s long overdue,
God grant me mercy for what I must do;
I beg for forgiveness as I let myself go,
Tears trickle down as I feel my heart slow;
Hopefully now I’ll get to see you,
So God grant me mercy for what I must do.
Tirzah Conway
~For the contest "Among the Dead"~
The gloves are drawn
audience in deep silence
the chill of the silence arises and it becomes a scream;
you’ve won
you’ve shown me what you want
what you expect
but i cannot yet grasp that train of thought,
why is there always a specific way
to burn and drag me away
along the carpet, rug burns
but i can make it stop.
It’s the key i haven’t found,
must i move to prove i found
that key, that potential
or will it ever be enough,
will anyone.
The fact is you’ve won
I’ve heard this one before
i make the choices, you chase them
trying to change me,
rearrange me
and strip me from my pride,
which really just gets thrown on the ground?
stomped on, crunched,
like a fragile piece of paper,
that silhouette of pride,
confidence
it’s shattered within the milliseconds
when true desire to please is thrown out
attempt so worthless
I feel nothing but this frustration,
Agitation and in reality, I’m going mad.
this need for impressing,
need for making everyone else happy
Has gone.
It will be me first from now on.
The Sins I commit
I admit
You know it all
Punish me your way
I’ll bow my head, I accept my fate
Have no doubt, I have true faith
Though unfortunate, I know there is no alternate
But do not deprive me of my dreams
They are, My life line
At times outrageously profane, delirious, vengeful
But they are my most beautiful
alone
i cant remember where Ive gone
where ive gone
I tried to forget
you tried to pretend
you loved me, alone, alone
alone
you left me fighting
feeling the pain
the shame
I tried to ignore
you ran out the door
one more mistake
alone
and all at once
all the hurt all the pain
found me again
alone
I tried to forget
you tried to pretend
you loved me, alone, alone
I tried to ignore
you ran out the door
one more mistake
alone
Related Poems