Short Piddle Poems

Sho' ain't no riddle
There’s no time to twiddle
So just for a diddle 
May I play and piddle
And then perhaps fiddle
Around with your middle?...

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A virtual classroom riddle:
Which of you just did a piddle?
The puddle is yellow
The teacher not mellow
Who's soaking wet in the middle?...

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Back when I was a wee kiddle
And in my dreams I would piddle
The Lone Ranger
Saved us from danger
Wear a mask like LR it's not a riddle...

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Wendy named her dogs Piddle & Poop
When she caught them in her chicken coop
Neither one would beg
For a Grade A egg
But they love her chicken noodle soup...

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My Christmas lights emerged a tangle
They twisted and turned at an angle
	toes caught the middle
	caused me to piddle
The shock caused my jingle to jangle...

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Hey diddle diddle
The dog did a piddle
Right in front of the groom
The bride’s dress was sprayed
But she wasn’t dismayed …
He’s a guest of the bride and the groom!

10~04~16...

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Hey diddle diddle, really need to piddle
Aim for the cat, hit her right in the middle
Sometimes I miss
My cat she does hiss
Our long lasting friendship has started to fizzle...

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Hey diddle diddle who wants to diddle
Or maybe play a tune on my fiddle
I may be quite old
But my body's not cold
Though I may need to stop for a piddle

© Jack Ellison 2013...

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Hey diddle diddle, need to piddle
Aimed for the cat, hit her right in the twiddle
Sometimes I miss
My cat she does hiss
Our long lasting friendship has started to fizzle


© Jack Ellison 2015...

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Often talk to myself during the day
Especially if I need expert advice right away
When life becomes intolerable
And you really need a piddle
Run, don't walk to the nearest relief center without delay  ...

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Beware the ol' Grinch, for it’s a cinch
Into your Christmas, he’ll throw a wrench
He loves to belittle
With poo-poo and piddle
Wherever he goes he leaves a stench.

written December 16, 2021...

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When I turn on the tap, why do I need to pee
Scientific studies haven't shown a reason for me
It reminds us of the ocean
Where we first made a motion
Is this a male thing or do ladies also need to piddle free<>...

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Listen to poem:

A mere mortal
I am to AI.
A demi tasse slurp,
a tiny thought bubble,
blowing in the wind,
pieced to pop with puny plunk,
just a pip spat out.
My brain drained to a pitiful 
paltry piddle, into
the insatiable sea 
of AI's knowledge bank....

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BLEMISH

Simple
Pimple

PAIN

Insane
Migraine

OOPS!

Little
Piddle

FIRST PLACE WINNER
Brian Strand's "Footle Finale" Contest
written July 25, 2021...

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Rum tum tiddle
You can fiddle
In the middle
Of the place where you piddle
In a skittle on the griddle 

Rum tum tiddle
It's a brittle little riddle
As you tell your tarradiddle
And we beat a paradiddle
Every kid'll want to whittle
And watch you as you diddle
Mrs. Twiddle....

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Piddle Paddle,Piddle Paddle 
shouldn't that child be asleep. Is 
there anyone down there that can 
here me....Piddle Paddle, Piddle 
Paddle its just me and mom 
place....Piddle Paddle,Piddle Paddle, 
I'm getting tired now....Piddle 
Paddle,Piddle Paddle...now we all 
can go to sleep....

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Was quite the lady that Tilly O’Grady
she plays the fiddle and tells you a riddle
but stops in the middle, just to piddle
she was fit as a fiddle, made waffles on the griddle
the cat ate the waffles and her paws would twiddle after she read the riddle
so there you have it, the cat and the fiddle....

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.

                      until 
                  night time

                      then
                   i'mz hern
                    spooky

                 fluffy   callz 
                       she
                       me
                widdle piddle
                    mons'er...

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Little yappy dog
why do you bark at the sky
and not piddle nor poo?
I let you out a time ago
but you will not go
yet sniff and foot it around
trampling over the flowerbed
and not doing what you ought to.
Still as I watch your skimpy
scrappy form, got to smile
and must love you.
You yippity-yappity mutt
you....

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A piddle of puppies, a pimp of johns,
A flood of plumbers, and a regatta of swans.

A charm of finches, a wriggle of sperms,
A sleaze of lawyers, and a sneeze of germs.

a gam of showgirls, a basket of buns,
a shrug of mechanics, and a groan of puns.

A fidget of boy scouts, a gross of farts,
A sulk of teens, and a valentine of hearts....

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Yep.....No one dun told me...
About that puddle out front....
No body bothered to warn me..
The truth I'd have to hunt...
I stepped in the middle,
Expecting, of water, just a little....
Of concern, a mere piddle....
Suddenly hit by this natural riddle....
HOW COULD THAT PUDDLE,
BE 16 FEET DEEP?
I'll pass my life being befuddled...
Even when I sleep!...

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River Grouper

Old river Codfish hit the bay,
 in sunny South Australia.
He said "that’s odd",
 "It’s salty Cod",
 "I’m seasick, not heart failure".

The boat came by,
 they stared a bit.
Say’s “Nah I’m not a Grouper”,
"Don’t want no hook",
"Don’t eat no Chook",
"Not now, I’m just a feeling crook",
"Piddle off now, no hoper"!




for Carolyn's "Attack" contest...

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.

              t'wuz mom'z huni
                   (chortles)
                        her
                 widdle piddle
                    mons'er

          "put your teeth in dad"
                "mom's what
                                what
                    monster"

                       yep
                 i'll get them 
                       huni
                        


...

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William Banana, the best of all the bunch
went into a restaurant to have a spot of lunch
he tucked into his consomme, fricasse and chips
along came the waiter and Billy licked his lips
"that was a lovely meal" he said "and now I'll have some tea,
oh have you got a toilet, I'm bursting for a pee"
the waiter said "I'm sorry son, there's only one for staff,
I'm afraid you'll have to go outside and piddle on the path....

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Paul was poking around in the pumpkin patch
Looking for a pumpkin to snatch.
The eerie sound of a fiddle,
Made him piddle just a little,
And his breath so hard to catch!

He ran as fast as he could
And hid himself in the wood,
When he turned to see who followed,
His tongue he almost swallowed,
Then he wet himself real good!

He could have been caught, I bet,
And  that’s what you’d usually get,
But certain physical laws,
Saved him here ..because…
One is quite slippery when wet!...

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