Calling over a blurry video,
As much emotion as static would allow,
Natheless I knew you missed me; your kiddo
I can see it in your eyes and wrinkles now.
Ever since I boarded the plane for distant lands,
Venturing zealously for a better life
Excitement eclipsed the price of my plans;
Repenting now I didn’t kiss goodbye.
Recalling sweat and all the pain endured,
Even as I build another life anew,
This house lacks warmth and I'm insecure-
Underneath it all I long for you.
Rooted to home only in the tongue I hold,
Now I'm counting the debt which I've long owed.
The empty corridor of distance
stretches long and dark between us.
Silence, like a deepening shadow,
lengthens as no words redeem us.
Time, an ancient kindly neighbor,
promises a light will come;
a dawn to break the bonds of night,
and love, your love, to take me home.
i want to return to my home,
my paradise my home away from home,
my HOME,
defining home the place we feel most comfortable, loved, and protected,
my home is my family,
i feel distant and lost far away from home,
i feel deserted and abandoned,
i feel dark, disoriented, and too reserved,
i want to be known , discovered, and mingled with,
i want friends and connections,
i want waves and bumps , i want love but i dont, i want sleepless nights and endless talks, i want midway adventures,
i want life ,
i want home.
She’s awake, though, wide awake, her mind miles away, spinning stories she knows aren’t true, dreams she knows will never come to life. She imagines, with a kind of detached satisfaction, what it would be like to touch someone else. Not him. Never him, but someone else. Maybe the neighbor’s wife, his her golden hair and too-long lashes, always standing by the door, ready to smile, but not really seeing anyone.
She imagines it, the way his hand would feel tangled in the hair of someone else’s husband, someone who’s more than a man, someone shaped by her mind and her desires, someone customized to every inch of fantasy she could dream up. She’d be touching him, in a room far away from here, somewhere in a world where the sheets don’t smell like stale promises, where the blanket doesn’t suffocate.
There was a time when they talked about everything. They talked about their dreams, their fears, the things that made them laugh until they couldn’t breathe. They talked about their plans, their future, and the life they were going to build together. Now, there’s silence. She wonders if it’s her fault. She wonders if she could’ve done something different, said something that would’ve pulled him back into her world, back into their world. But no matter how much she reaches out, no matter how many times she asks, “Are we okay?” the answer never comes. It’s not that he doesn’t care. She knows that he does. It’s just that he doesn’t know how to care for her anymore. And she doesn’t know how to care for him, either.
It was their choice to stay, wasn’t it? Neither of them said the words out loud, but somewhere along the way, they both agreed that living together in this hollow space was better than letting go, better than facing the emptiness outside of these walls. They stayed because the thought of walking away, of leaving everything behind, was too much to bear. They stayed because they didn’t know how to find their way back to something that made sense. And maybe, that’s the hardest part, that they’re both here, in this house, surrounded by all the things they once shared, and yet, they’re miles apart. It’s like they’re two people walking through a crowded room, brushing shoulders but never turning to face each other, never stopping to ask, “Where are we going from here?”
Once a free happy man enjoying the outdoors
Surrounded now by jail bars that don’t bend
Inmate correction to society
A life that totally went apart, and have no name but a number
A place an inmate lives and slumbers
Among the multitudes of other inmates
A Heaven’s sake
No money nor a dime
This is what you get when you commit a crime
Behind the jail cell an inmate could lose their mind
No windows showing a view
Jail time to pursue
No family wants to be bothered in contact
No fact as it is just like that
Prison is no place one should be
Take it from an inmate
No luxury to see
Attitudes high
Fights often break out
An inmate must watch their back as they move about
No decent food to eat
No changing of clothes only what the jail provides
Correction Officers look the other way in being estray
Inmate voice
Having no choice.
You
You opened my mind to a fantasy
You walked in, unbothered, cigarette in hand
You take a few puffs, put it out, light one again
You leave it open, naked, unfinished
You place your kisses on its forehead
You give
You take
You rip my heart out
You took me from a place of comfort
You placed me in a train wreck
You walked out, unbothered, cigarette in hand
You take a few puffs, put it out and light one again
You answer, you ghost, you take you darn time
You feel, you surpress
You engage
You let go
You left, unbothered, cigarette in hand
You take a few puffs, put it out and light it again.....
Our cocker spaniel Sophie had a stroke
She could not lift her head or drink water
Even after we poured some out onto the floor
We had no choice but to take her to a vet
And have her put out of her misery
Our other dog Buddy looked for her for awhile
Buddy now sleeps where Sophie used to sleep on the floor
When I am in my bed, I often feel an animal curl into the small of my back
I reach around to give a pet, but this is an angel dog
This is where Sophie always used to sleep when she got up on this bed
So even though she is supposedly gone
She is still here; I have the feel of her as proof
It gives me comfort as I feel her push into the small of my back
Death has separated no one
The appearing
Brain
Tells a story of
Objects and spaces..
In another story
The appearing
Heart
Tells a story of
Longing for home..
Two stories
Not separated...
LIES.. It's very Tricky
A deceitful
crafty craft
Too Sucky
ingratiating and obsequious.
Picky is the teller
fussy, faddy and choosy
a picky eater
Pick the MOUTHS Up
The teller
Leaves the EAR Down
The told
And the BRAIN fooled
Living you
Vulnerable and vandalize
Living in absolute
Deceits and fear
LIES... Very bitter
When the TRUTHS
Prevails
Nothing can be
Hidden forever
LIES... It blocks your
Chakra
The consequences
Spiritual!!!
LIES... It brings you
Instant gratification.
be the victor
Physically!!
LIES... Some are illusion
For survival, Being
Told for GOOD reason
And others for
Manipulation just
to Destroy another.
In the process of
Knowing you
He came to talk
So interesting
With speech
While my mate walked
...with you
Alone, it seemed
Uninterested in me
He lodged with beasts
I preferred beauty
And the questions
Hanging on trees
...forbidden
I reached for fruit
You said nothing
As I communed
You are too
Companion to me
Though both doomed
...to death
The creature violated
Me, again and again
As I yelled your name
I knew you would come
For one purpose
To clothe violence in shame
...for being human
You abandoned me!!!!
You left me with judgment
And a prophecy that bound my body
To an earth filled with
My children's blood
Godless...no LOVE
No pain is greater....
Wait
Is that you
Wailing in the corner
With bound hands
As my roots are being
Bound to a barren ground
He's a liar...He's a freakin' liar
None of this is TRUTH
Daddy God's name is LOVE
And nothing can separate us...NOTHING!!!
Written by Trudy Schrader on 05-10-2024
How could I have known,
How could I have seen?
I listened, but I didn't hear,
We dreamt of different dreams.
And now it seems the end is near,
And all we feel is pain.
The mask of strength has disappeared,
Empty, we remain.
Time will pass, and time will clear,
If you and I were meant to be.
No room for love when hearts have fear,
No room for dreams when you're not free.
Days will come of clear feelings,
Days of growth and understanding.
Days of sun sound so appealing,
For now, my heart for you is standing.
When I worry I gather myself
I become a cat
A cat playing in pure instinct
Perched on a limb gazing
I become a tree
The blind growing skyward
Reaching high by millimeter
I become a leaf transpiring
Breathing drops of water
Rising with the morning air
I become a nimbus
Drifting far above cares
Till I rain down upon me
I become a sting of wetness
Reminding me I am the world
Worrying too much about me
The cat, the tree, the clouds
In me a quaternity
Banished by worry
Till I return to ok-ness
Separated by the sea they say, separated by the water, but that will never be true as love can’t be slaughtered!”
“Love can’t die! Love always stays alive! Love is everywhere you go, love never lies!”
“Love is always there, you can feel it even if I am not there!”
“In my heart you will be, no matter how far you are, no matter if we are even separated by the sea.”
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