I know you’ve shown me resistance,
But who knows? Maybe I’ll reveal my elegance…
You give me such a dismal distance
But who knows? Baby, I can go the distance…
I know you’re amazing just the way you are,
But I have been bitten by this feeling from afar…
It’s a lingering feeling like a burning scar…
I’m like a shooting star…and I will be with you so far
My eyes glow and you blow my mind
You’re so kind to be my kind,
But I’m left behind…a trace of a grace,
Then it disappears like your temporary embrace…
Deserted and alone again
Wishing I was a ten and zen
Then again, maybe not
I sought my soul, so rot
Astonishment made me feel once more
Resentment made me deal with grief to the core
Fragmented in my mind and mumbling with my chapped lips
Relapsed…collapsed…give me distance…trying not to cry over life’s hardships’ whips
As my mascara ran,
a fake smile was plastered.
I cannot keep trying
to wipe out every word.
The skills to mask? Plying.
As my mascara ran,
its streaks lit up my face.
Shattered cage now collapsed
set me free to find me.
Not once have I relapsed.
As my mascara ran
it was pure catharsis
that mixed with renewal.
Done with perfect poison,
going my way’s the fuel.
I fled away from your grasp
Confident till I breathe my last and my complacency isn’t vast
I have completely relapsed
Had to relax and satisfy me aside from my mindset of the past
I really have to go…
You don’t know me and you don’t care to
If you loved me so,
You’d be here with me and you’d be you
You trespassed my boundary space
You took away my saving grace…
In front of my face, I feel like a disgrace
I’m keeping pace on this race…
I really have to go…
I have been unappreciative lately
I’m not your sunlit glow
I haven’t let go and let live frankly
Severely slid backwards
I lost my track of words
My thoughts fly like a bird in the sky
I watch them catch clouds, passing by
I cry and I feel so high today
I’m feeling frivolous and full of dismay
I don’t know why I shy away
I’m feeling marvelous and I want that feeling to stay that way…
Mesmerized by your intimacy of illumination
I really have to go on the merry go round of misery’s company
Just to feel glad again…just to feel joy again
I really have to go home but I’m stuck in the bar’s captivity
The healers
Diagnosed the wrong ailment,
They applied the wrong medications,
They insist
On applying the wrong medications,
Their hailers hailed.
The patient relapsed into coma,
Loud murmurs in the land,
Silence,
Silence of the graveyard.
The healers strut,
Pretending to heal,
Their hailers hailed.
The loud murmurs prepare
To erupt into a revolt,
A bloody revolt,
A bloodbath.
The haughty healers
Strut
Pretending to heal,
The patient remains in coma,
Their hailers still hailing.
Dark clouds
Gather over our land
Like Damocle's sword,
Threatening to slay
The guilty and the innocent.
The healers still strut
Pretending to heal,
The patient remains in coma,
Their hailers are still healing.
On the night before Christmas got here,
Santa relapsed, got into the beer.
You might think he’s a saint;
after twelve, though, he ain’t.
On a rampage, he shot up the deer.
Only Rudolph did make an escape;
the elves bandaged him up with some tape.
To get out of the mess,
they called up UPS,
“Can Brown please get us out of this scrape?”
Now the judge found him guilty for cause;
gave him jail time, not one of those spas.
Locked him up till October
or until he got sober.
Because he was a dependent Claus…
it is the biggest obstacle isn’t it?
i’m talking about out minds, it hurts when you think you’ve overcame when in months you’ve relapsed
can’t finish that video? i’m talking about that lecture that you’ve been watching for days trying to get the most of it when in reality it is getting insane..
you get into that all or nothing mentality and it’s the hardest to get out.
you tried therapy after therapy but in the end did it work out?
well i’m not a procrastinator i’m just obeying my mind, it tells me to procrastinate so i do without a doupt, that what my mind is telling me might not be true but i listen anyway is there anything else to do?
for all of you who might be wondering what ocd is, all i have to say is that it’s very controlling if not professionally dealt with.
it is the all or nothing mentality that you apply to your daily life.
but it is all inside your mind it is all al lie..
you’re not alone in this i’m not too.
ocd is not known but i hear you.
Bayezid Bostami-
A caring soul , a devoted one, for his mom,
since he was a child,
On a moonlit night, at midnight , mom woke up
and called, “O My son!
For my thirst unquenched, have thy grace to save me, your holy thee!” She said,
Before she relapsed , in a deep sleep ,
eyes closed
The young soul gazed around the room,
a room, where, only to be found a pitcher, empty, and barren,
An intrepid one, he, determined to be, a heroic effort,
to fetch water from the remotest fountain, alone
When I Stopped
the familiar crest of clean cold air
draws gently in
and the unlocked open stillness
flowing out
poison and cure in harmony
so much for thinking
nothing else surrounds us
now the wishing void
collapsed
the shore of a lake opens
with evening relapsed into night
all illusion merges into gray
down and down till
even the water's edge gone
into that fertile ignorance
headfirst
fragile beneath this brittle skin
burning always
not knowing the sacred promise
without substance
has begun
Thoughts mend, bleed and blend.
Peace of mind I can't defend.
Another pill to pretend.
Sh**! I relapsed again
Complicit mind, blind.
I am fine.
Repeated phrase.
Meanwhile, dazed.
lost in haze, afraid.
Another pill, clear the fog.
Sh**! I relapsed again.
Every time I think I'm fine.
I need to go back in time.
Fix, fix, fix broken thought.
Another me can't be bought
For a moment we were in a pleasant place,
I was happy and everything was fine,
'til I relapsed on a thing called anger,
When thoughts of you crossed my mind,
It's tricky this thing called forgiveness,
So many grudges that I can't let go,
They're holding me down and burden my spirit,
Until anger is all I behold
We barely talk anymore guess the honeymoons over, this would be the time I relapsed if I was sober, but I'm not upset with you I'm upset with me, I was the one that fell in love with you knowing you had a family, it was the conversations that held both of our interest, but that's fading away as I aforementioned, now I know how the girls I laughed at feel wishing for more, knowing good & damn well we'll probably never live behind the same door, I really wanna do right by you & be better than your girl, I ask myself everyday could we be happy & I think that we could have the world, but I don't think I'm good at playing second fiddle, to be honest with you I'm used to being the lead singer not one of the girls in the middle, my mind wants a answer but my heart wouldn't dare ask you to make a choice or a decision, when you hold me in your arms is one of the two times I feel like I'm living, when the world tries to break you up I'll be there to hold you down, when your shoulders get heavy I'll be around we have Bluetooth you don't have to make a sound, damn guess I'll do my slide & shimmy back to the middle, I don't know if this was a poem, conundrum or a riddle
Peace love and hope
Said brother, kick the dope
I might have relapsed a time or two
But never thought I’d kick the booze
Was love so misguided that I
Sought peace in a semi-permanent
Disillusionment and drunken haze
And hope that there was still
An aspirin on the floor
And beer left for a hangover cure
Amazing agony
of years to what degree?
Pain is a comfort,
for it bears the fruit of tears
normally stifled by life.
People have me
up against walls,
avoidance
a social disorder
made by their design,
unable to detect
their motives of dishonesty.
I hide my hearts sleeve.
Living in an acid trip of fear
trances dominate my brain.
Wires crossed
haphazard,
relapsed today
and yesterday
this whole past month
a blur...
as are countless years.
Trying to focus
on the words heard,
find their meaning
keep it all straight.
My hand brushes
the hair from my eyes,
and I'm told
they're just seizures,
seizures that make you write.
My tears disagree
shaking my head
no that can't be true,
because I love to write,
deceived again.
Setbacks Contest
Sponsor: Nayda Ivette Negrom
missing link unknown
her death my pity hindrance
lessening of growth
regressed innocence
before successful progress
life’s impediment
severe frustration
defeated bloodline mourning
extinct from her loss
thirsty for closure
beyond my intelligence
woe relapsed from strength
prayers heal my heart
yesterday’s setbacks bring hope
struggle gains freedom
~1st Place Winner~
Date Written: July 6, 2016
Punctuated by the virtual fifth degree,
he placed his neck on the line,
the sucking, pinching tidal wave to slip away from the soft comforts and relapsed boredom.
The new, energized voices, never spelling the conventional way,
the pages of books he'd read, once or twice, erased and reread, compounding and retreating back to proto-motion.
The motion that is now, clear to him, a cog in a single machine.
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