I am adopted and a single child
having a stammer since pre-school
I also loved soccer to play and watch
at 12, I got to go to my first game, real cool!
This was fab to go on my own
for the very first time just me
a real sense of freedom I stood there
on the terrace standing tall as a tree
That was the first of many games
throughout lots of years
many victories among many defeats
the atmosphere and thrill tingle my ears
Looking back now to a special memory
that first day lies special in my heart
feeling that sense of security but free
this was to mould me in no small part
That day prepared me for future life
whatever struggles of life would face
the grounding I made then framed me
to lift myself over every hilltop without a trace
When I look back on my childhood
the pre-school days were the best
living as an only child in the country
although adopted was treated as a guest
In my bedroom, I played with my toys
lots of farm figures were such fun
felt like I had my very own farm
took a break when I went out to run
One of my favourites is Betta Build
to build little houses just like new
also loved my Meccano set
spent endless hours doing all I knew
AS a loner I loved my own company
spending quality time with just me
such sweet contentment to enjoy
gives you a feeling of being free
Having a stammer caused to be alone
but don't regret it, no not at all
for learned such a lot about myself
years later, able to ride over many a fall
(This is about autobiographical account of my childhood. The life I remember from my pre-school memories which were my favourite years.)
A toddler in a stroller passed
And, looking at her face,
It seemed to me that she was
Merely staring into space.
Which made me wonder – could it be
She’d nothing on her mind?
If not, and I could read her thoughts,
What musings would I find?
I wish I had a lollipop.
I need some better toys.
My pre-school class has way too many
Mean and nasty boys.
My lunch today was yucky.
Why does Mommy have to work?
And why did Daddy come home mad
And call his boss a jerk?
I know, I might be way off base.
Perhaps within that stare
Were thoughts of all the happy things
She couldn’t wait to share.
Hiding my face at the gate
I wait
for something to pull me
from the inertia
of my fear.
Until it builds to breaking
through
and off I run
to join the fray
on this, my first day.
Sixty years past
I still remember
the wonder of pre-school
at our neighbor’s home
right beside the lake.
And so I think
you too will remember this
as the first thing
you really had
of your own.
(for Tyrome - 9/5/23)
The old stained coffee cup mocks me
It is old enough to protest
But fortunately
Cannot shout
Nor hold a placard.
We’ve been together
Through several generations
Of offspring
Thus, the PAPA
On its face.
We share many secrets
And as with my dogs
I know the cup can be trusted
The one who presented it to me
Has graduated from college
The one who now points to it
And says: “PAPA”
Is not yet in pre-school.
Thus, do I sit
Gazing into an empty cup
Overflowing
With memories.
Ignoring those slaughters,
as if there were none.
But one of your daughters
Were always son.
Simce pre-school,
hating all girl toys,
Even though he acted like a fool,
Always was one of the boys.
Confused child,
With mess in his head.
Worthless maybe kinda wild,
Fantasising about his death.
How lovely, I want to find peace.
Honestly I don't think I can.
I wish seken would not call me "miss"
I wish I could be 'real man'
Nothing. Just ignorance.
Humanity is organisation filled with idiots.
Cause they don't let me finish one sentence.
They ask questions, but in the end they write dots.
I'm tired. I want to cry.
Im not sane, can't see no consequence.
I think would kill myself, and die.
I think I would, if I had a chance.
I would drown myself down the river,
I would feel the cold water, as it soaks my clothes.
I would feel comfortable, I wouldn't shiver,
My hair would feel easy as it floats.
What? No I'm not writing about my own suicide.
It feels like speaking to the deaf people, that are dead.
So please, step aside,
And forget everything I said.
And thus it was
And then it wasn’t
He was my brother
Now he’s my cousin
Uncle Tom’s in bed with mom
They took my binky
But left my thumb
I’ve a cat that barks
a dog that purrs
a towel rack
With HERS and HERS
Mealtime is a freakin’ panic
One is Vegan but not organic
I’m growin’ teeth
And gettin’ tall
I’ve planned my escape
For early fall
I hope they know it’s for the best
I passed my pre-school entry test
John G. Lawless
©2/3/2023
The poems I never wrote are
all here on my page on this site
I mean it
I plagiarised every one of them
from some wannabe poet
that got expelled back in pre school
I’ve an excellent memory
and am a recalcitrant liar
But now I’m coming clean
No time for homework
I just wanted to play
Teacher beat me badly
for wasting my life away
I enjoyed my childhood
those were the days
Still to win this contest
a backhander I will pay
Poem below is my own
so now I’ll have my say
Ba Ba black sheep
have hue - buckled my shoe
Three four -the cow jumped-
everywhere a moo moo!
The end
The Poems I Never Wrote Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Craig Cornish
Hue gave this an N/A
I got six endearments in life as far as I could recall
From my pre-school to a working staff of a school
My uncles and aunts called me Darling in Kinder
An apple of their eyes especially to my father
My father gave me a small gold ring engraved, Darling
I won family’s attention by declamation, dancing or singing
When I was in grade school I was very sickly
Despite frailness and vulnerability, I was still happy
For speed recoveries my mom called me, Sunshine
For I was born at sunrise, then finally I felt fine
In high school, I was slim but still looking cute
Some cousins called me Thumbelina - still soothe
Cousin-boys carried all my stuffs while holding my hand
“Let’s go Thumbel!”-caring gestures made me feel grand
When I’ve grown older and found someone
He called me, Sweetheart or Love -- so sweet and fun
I turned into a busy beaver losing time with my love
He surprised me with “Muffin”, so I quitted the job
April 24, 2022 8.36am
There was a day my life changed
when I was adopted at 6 weeks of age
what if that hadn't happened? left myself!
where I'd be today? maybe on my last page
But in God's providence never left alone
placing me in a family where I receive care
throughout life felt God's touch many a time
no matter how hard, never said it's not fair
After birth, move into kid's home
left to wonder about life's future
but no memory of my infant thoughts
or days ahead, I may have to endure
Six long weeks it probably felt
till adopted parents came my way
then papers signed so all's legal
moving out to country was I to stay
My dad worked on a farm nearby
while mother kept the house in check
so grateful to live out in fresh air
for pre-school days were my top deck
(Just thinking about my early pre-school days getting adopted and events around these early events in my life. )
My life has been hard at times
struggling to speak since pre-school
stressful situations got you down
working life also felt excessively cruel
Took on therapy at various times
but stammer never improved very much
progress was short-lived never to stay
but always felt I needed a special touch
Even went to spiritual healing meetings
but they proved a waste of time
hypnosis helped in my mid-twenties
but took it only so far failing to rhyme
In conclusion, I learned one key thing
God made me to be what I've become
accept myself speaking as I do
learn to do that, beat my own drum
My healing is in letting me go
believing to just be what I am
remind myself to be kind to me
content yourself this I truly know
What does healing and letting go look like and feel like for you?
(I've written this as a poetic expression of solutions on healing and letting go of a struggle or struggles many of us may have.)
When Jesus was teaching Pre-School
He taught them all The Golden Rule
But none would comply
Since the other guy
Was much more in need of that tool!
I contemplate endings and beginnings, as the globe turns much more times than my
Better chances have burned, I feel eternity's intent to smaller or larger affairs is
Almost democratic In it's indifference, also i pick up inferrance of certain change
Yet life & death are quite unmoved, still intransigent binary bedfellows trencher men
Swallowing our life's days nights efforts, in what cause? The cause of freedom? the
Cause of consumerism? One thing I feel it cannot be for love' or honour; or equality
So if its none of the above what can we gain? What do we count as gain? Division?
Derision? Knife crime tension fear, we have the one parent familys the children in
Pre school all day, women at risk at when alone; prolific drug use, the hostility to
Creation and God' The stifling of free speech? We have all these as part of our reality
Yet more is required it seems' to redress the balance? Or should that be
Imbalance.?
I contemplate endings and beginnings, as the globe turns much more times than my
Better chances have burned, I feel eternity's intent to smaller or larger affairs is
Almost democratic In it's indifference, also i pick up inferrance of certain change
Yet life & death are quite unmoved, still intransigent binary bedfellows trencher men
Swallowing our life's days nights efforts, in what cause? The cause of freedom? the
Cause of consumerism? One thing I feel it cannot be for love' or honour; or equality
So if its none of the above what can we gain? What do we count as gain? Division?
Derision? Knife crime tension fear, we have the one parent familys the children in
Pre school all day, women at risk at when alone; prolific drug use, the hostility to
Creation and God' The stifling of free speech? We have all these as part of our reality
Yet more is required it seems' ore will redress the balance? Or should that be
Imbalance.?
In all my days here upon earth
from day one as I remember
I've stammered pre-school and beyond
and even joined its association member
But through all my time it's been a battle
through school, work and now being retired
most words were really difficult to say
making one to think my tongue has expired
When becoming a Christian in year '82
becoming earnest in prayer to daily access
then pleaded with God to touch my tongue
but nothing occurred finding no success
They've been times I felt God saying
leave it alone my grace meets your need
but then at other times, He spurred me on
to try new approach and see where it'll lead
But now during covid, it's bad as ever
believing Jesus is Lord but can't get through
feels so helpless words as hard to say
dries up throat feels so hoarse all so blue
But I won't give in before God's throne
I'll persist as the widow seeking bread
for God answered her just to have peace
always pray and don't lose heart Jesus said(Luke 18:1)
('And he told them a parable to the effect that they ought always to pray and not lose heart.')
Luke 18:1 (ESV)
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