all the gadgets on the doctor’s wall
are tempting me, calling me honey
I want to play with them, and I mean all.
But if I break them, they’ll cost me money.
girl and her daddy are in the doctor’s waiting room
neither of them appears to be sick
she looks especially well.
Her eyes are bright, and she is moving around like a bubble
She smiles at me and waves.
I wave back, glad to see her.
Maybe they are here for a camp check-up?
She turns and regurgitates all over the seat.
Her father takes his time noticing.
He has been looking at his phone.
Touching this postal stamp shaped just like a sponge
How many more of these stamps would be launched
The beautiful colors and the humor of animation
Cheering up a heart through this line of communication
The hues being used could moisten the stamp
Cute little stamps to use by those in summer camp
It has to be an honor to be featured on a stamp by USPS
SpongeBob swimming through the post office is the best
Sailing solo is unsafe
and it's not much fun
one winds up talking to oneself
before the day is done
but a bad day on the water
or so someone said
beats a good day at the office
(and I would know)
snug in my bunk bed
so gentlemen here's a tip for you
as all good sailors do
(when they want to wee believe you me)
remain seated throughout the performance
when you go to the head (loo) or WC
A spacious office was big and bold
Now it is an unused space, painted bold
There is a hut-like cubbyhole with mold
To get in there, your legs have to fold
The air is on high, so this space is cold
Hoarder-messy, it has never sold
Oh, my gosh, I’m freaking and feel such dread.
What the hay is this nonsense on my head?
I can’t go to work, can't enter the office!
I will be seen, visible to peers and bosses,
be the fool who provided entertainment gossip.
God, please, send help, I am stress-nauseous.
I do not care about appearing faultless,
but I'd rather errantly tuck a dress in my hose
and walk through the office cluelessly exposed
than have everyone think this is what I choose.
I wonder if I should call in with a case of ugly,
hire someone to gently, but effectively mug me?
Perhaps I'll get pulled and cuffed on the roadside
for publicly exposing the ugliest hair ever dyed.
Shame a wig class wasn't at business school:
"How to Avoid Looking Like the Office Fool."
I look like a horrified, horror movie hostess.
Even my own mirror is refusing to focus.
Here I am, paler than even fresh new snow,
with midnight black hair grooving to and fro.
My very first dye and, oh my, I could just die!
Box said ‘brown’, now I'm so down, I might cry.
Universe, please – send a natural disaster,
nothing fatal, it's just one repair day I’m after.
Computer say’s no!
We are trapped in the gloom
Software is broken
The office is a tomb
American tech to you we plead
Save the day and our voracious greed
Look out! Here comes the tumble weed!
We have become a dormant seed.
I wonder how addled your brain has to be
to want to suffer the slinging insults of buffoonery
Tv news showing how cartoonery
reality has become
Each reporter is up to tomfoolery as they
dig to the bottom to find something newsworthy
like a skeleton hanging in the closet of your nursery
Or a pirate lover with scurvy
What a pervy
They will dig and dig until they find your sin
If you didn’t do it they will make it up
Like, way back when he was only ten,
his great grandfather once stole a watermelon from Farmer Ben.
His dad found out and made him
work it off in chores
made him promise not to do it again
but that won’t make the evening
news because sensationalism is the only values
that matter to us all.
Lucky Day
As luck would have it I:
put on the last pair of clean pants
spilled cereal on them
realized I was late for a meeting
ran through a stop sign
did not see the state trooper sitting there
got a hefty fine
rolled into an empty parking lot
fell into a pile of mulch
ran into the office
found out that it was Saturday
in a fit of peak ran back to the car
and fell into the same pile of mulch
sped home as fast as I could
forgot about the state trooper sitting there
got another hefty fine
got home and breathed a sigh of relief
and said to myself this is my lucky day.
A young man would strut round the office block
Thinking he was god's gift, come from fine stock
But his hip wiggle
Made the girls giggle
If only he'd known how the staff would mock.
Plainly seeking some office romances
But the fool of a man spoilt his chances
At an office do
He was stuck like glue
To the boss's wife, making wild advances.
There and then the idiot got the sack
Ordered to buzz off and step the road Jack
He went in a huff
Forgetting to strut
When told to send his last pay packet back.
Manslaughter, murder and massacre is one
But a visit to the dentist is another
The eerie smiles hidden behind the masks
The twinkly eyes filled with plots
To offer they have lots and lots
Oh… those dentists I wish I had never met…!
Rubbery gloves and broken headlights
Red sinks of blood
The dirty water or is it mud?
Disgusting pastes and painful syrups
Tweezers, hammers, and drills
Certain of our deaths!
Oh… those dentists I wish I had never met…!
Every visit every time
Oh.. the noble hearts..
put on their smiles and say
-“it is just another month or two!
Have a Good Day”!
Oh… those dentists I wish I had never met…!
HAIKU MAXIMS FOR EVERYDAY OFFICE AND FIELD WORKS
Clerical errors
Must be on the part of clerk
Unless you’re the boss
Hastiness leads to
Unproductiveness of work
Thus, leads to disgrace
Never say “I can’t”
For doing it is your call
Thoughtless man says it
She left me.
I’m getting groceries by myself.
I don’t like it, but I don’t like to starve.
Announcements make me jump.
I want to leave, but need to survive.
My therapist is out of the office.
Trust me, I called.
Candy sounds good.
I forget the olive oil.
And the chicken.
But I guess I’ll live.
My therapist is out of the office.
Still, she’s in my head.
She cares a lot so she gets in my head.
I’m alone in my house.
There’s nothing in the fridge.
I lie on the floor.
I tried.
My therapist is out of the office.
was skipping through my bathroom one day
about to land in my office, when an inner voice yelled hey!
Turn on the light first, which I had never done, but did it this time.
Saw a six foot black rat snake, stopped my bare feet just in time.
If I had landed on the snake, he would have no doubt taken a bite.
Rat snakes are not poisonous but being bitten is not a delight.
I have been bitten by a snake once before.
I shuddered at having this creature in my house; shut the bathroom door.
cost of snake-remover eradicating this creature is five hundred dollars.
An exterminator came out, then we heard his hollers.
Roll the credits on what's-his-name,
walks like Eastwood, talks just like Wayne,
saddled up on his trusted steed,
pistol packing, sure he'll succeed,
stealing the sunset, final frame.
Red carpet ready, for acclaim,
didn't notice the spotlights change,
when he signed up, to take the lead.
Roll the credits.
Movie critics called it a shame,
a bad luck draw, no-one to blame,
for the box-office franchise creed,
but paying punters have agreed,
spiralised westerns aren't the same.
Roll the credits.
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