Long poem by
J.W. Earnings | Details
Verse 6: I've given up love countless times
I needed to pay up for my heartbroken crimes
I already repented for my sins that made my high hopes paper-thin
Don't you feel that envy from deep within?
Searching around, wondering where you've been
Wander with me in the forest of faith and hear me out if you are all ears
Trying our best to pass the test that we detest
Innocence clothed us before we lost it all through smiles and tears
Years later, we're still together, even when we rest...even though I act like a pest...
I'm impressed that you dealt with me so easily
I'm a smarter hard worker ever since you set me free
I'm a survivor
I'm so much wiser
I'm a giver, not a taker
I'm not a heartbreaker or a forsaker
I'm a creator of healing grace unlike any other, so much joyful fruit to gather
Positive auras is what I get from the wisdom of our mighty Father
Verse 7: I'm only human, so I'll be making my mistakes
I'm a lonely man, so I'll be praying for chances to belong
I'm only human, so I'll be drinking the liquor of lament
I'm a dog without an owner, so I'm writing this sad, yet from-the-heart song
All my life, I've sharpened the knife of Shame
Shadows consume me and reflections haunt me...my past is a hideous name
My high spirits can't be tamed...I'm not the one to blame...
You came to me, you came to me and gave me wings to break free
In the darkness of my oblivion to illuminate me...
Never exiting this ecstasy next to sea
Verse 8: Closing my eyes for the remedy of rest I've yearned for
Posing like a model next to a camera...snap pictures and explore
You are my drug of delight and I want you more and more
You picked me off of the filthy floor
I lay in clouds of regretless love that I covet
I can't get enough of it...so glad we met
You made me wet with pleasures so swell
Our kisses and hugs ring a bell...you were a friend that treated me so well
You're my heaven and I'm your hell...you forgave me for being selfish I can tell
Never should've drank that liquor of lament
That liquor, liquor, liquor of lament...not broken, just bent
Verse 9: I made that mistake that I can't undo...
Now I'm left to repent for the wrong I didn't mean to do
I didn't mean to do
I'll blame it on my luv floo
You made me love you too
How could you?
I said hello to you; but in return, I get a goodbye of rue
I aimed for the stars, but instead, I hit the moon
Take your time as you and I sing a most familiar tune
We are young in heart still...
Don't you act like a deadly pill...
Stop pulling my heart strings
Your rage is like a bee that stings
I engage in the sensuality of my soul
You're my lightingale and my clever tool
You're the bleak poison that makes me weak
I'm avoiding another glass of fake gladness...I want to be sober and meek
So, don't speak...
I don't want to hear your prideful greediness
I don't want to hear your madness, your sadness, your lack of progress
Take all of me if I'm the boy you want
Take all of me if I'm the boy you need
Take all of me
Take all of me
Before time runs out
Before hope turns to doubt
Verse 10: Life is card game
Strife won't leave me be
My wild child heart needs to be tame
Oh I see, you don't love me
Our sex wasn't enough
I didn't give it to you rough
I tried to act smart and tough
But I'm dealing with some difficult stuff
Take a bite into me
I'm the good apple that's pleasant for the eyes to see
Lick me up and down
I'm the tattoo mark on your skin,
I'm your lover, your beloved kin...that covers up your sin
I'm the bandaid on your bullet wound of glory
I'm the tourniquet to your broken leg of inability
You're the seed that planted itself in me
You're the greed that took away my humble me, you see?
Verse 11: Be considerate and keen for once in your life
Why do your harsh words cut like a jagged knife?
Oh no, I can't hold on to this anger, boiling in my blood
Oh no, your paradise was spent on someone better than me...what's up with that, bud?
Pin me down with your heavy load of appealing pleasure beyond measure
No kidding, you are the best compared to the rest that's for sure
My heads under the surface of hopelessness Your head is in the clouds of solace
What's wrong with that picture?
You don't appreciate the hardships that I endure
Your loyalty and patience is what I need
Your adoration is beyond sensation...I'm your top-notch weed
Verse 12: Your magical touch is too much to bear...you're the golden armor I wear
You're the surreal song on the radio - turn it up a hair
Everyone stops and stares at us as we run up the stairs
You are my dream of reality that I dreamt of During nostalgic nights without you by my side
You are the white dove of peace and pure love
Abide by my side, my darling devil...where do you hide?
Please don't hide...
Take me on a bumpy ride
Bridge: I'm the valley and you're the mountain
You're the flourishing flowers and I'm the fretful fountain
You're my muse that rings in my head so true...you're the happy blues
You're my black and white checkered rose in the field of gracious good news
The world of woe seems to beat me down
With mood swings and tragedy that burns on...
I'm a clown, wearing a frown
I'm the dusk before nightfall and you're the dazzling dawn
I make out with my mesmerizing sunrise right before my eyes,
Right before my eyes, yeah
Reminds me of you on your happy-go-lucky days
I'm sorry that we went our separate ways...oh, our own separate ways
Now, I'm gulping up liquor of lament
Liquor, liquor, liquor of lament
A guilt that overflows
Clearly, my shame shows
The wicked wind surely blows
When you and I express our highs and lows
Ooooh ooooh ooooh...
Ooooh ooooh ooooh...
Our highs and lows
(Spoken) You walked out that door
You left me with the one you adore
You pity yourself, but I ain't buying your product of insecurity
You belittle me with your rebellious spirit of nothing close to empathy
You're a rebel and a liar
I'm the hero and a warrior
Don't put a label on me
Because I will burst in flames of anger and hostility
I resent the person I've become
Now, I'm feeling empty and numb
Catch me as I fall and make me feel whole as well
Attach me to your passionate heart of titanium...can't help but be under your spell
Copyright © J.W. Earnings | Year Posted 2015
Long poem by
Gerald Dillenbeck | Details
I question my own interplay of psychology and political science.
Does this too facilely root analogy within ecology of climate health v pathology?
Intersections of sociology and psychology are at least academically commonplace.
I have a friend with a doctorate in something called social-psychology.
And, conjoining sociology with political power and its appositional marginalization reviews long too-familiar, uncomfortable, political and social pathology territory.
Most of us have experience of both elite and non-elite ecopolitical childhood memories;
elite as compared to younger children, on one hand, and non-elite compared to adults, on the other, more politically advantaged, side of our deep learning power-psychology spectrum.
From the more toxic disempowerment of non-elite embryonic experience, longing for the power-advantages of full-maturation, we can all empathize with life on the margins of a power-culture.
Living within these boundary-margins brings higher risks of political disinvestment, from others and from within;
including financial and sensory-nutritional disadvantages,
higher risks of co-arising disempowerment,
of active mistrust
internally rooted in chronic paranoia about the ultimate prospect of dying, and egocentric death.
However, the direct attribution of political power to nutritional powers of healthy fertility,
now increasingly known as positive evolutionary psychology,
or even positive-deviant revolutionary psychology,
is seldom explored as Positive Interior Political Psychology meets Positive/Negative Exterior Political Psychology,
where Positive is populated by a culture’s politically and economically empowered elite
while Negative climate-trending populations become increasingly at risk.
Non-elite status darkens and fades into vaporous margins of oblivion
as our ecopolitical cognitive-affective dissonance perdures,
cancerously producing paranoia co-arising within as non-competitive and value-less without.
When I awaken in the morning, sometimes I feel vaguely paranoid,
mistrusting of this day’s potential for politically healthy relationships and more economic nutrition than toxic dissipating outcomes.
At the end of this day will I feel more like I have been struggling against environments inhabited by viral scorpions,
or struggling with how to contain and sustain my non-paranoid sense of healthy ecological-ecopolitically cooperative-dominant elitism that feels and smells and tastes of co-empathic trust?
This cooperative v competitive, helpful v condemning, twist in resonantly positive, non-dissonant, psychology is about positive politically mutual-empowering elitism.
Positive political elite powers are always and everywhere in regeneratively evolving nature,
as contrasted to degeneratively devolving political natures and economic-nutritional/dissonant feelings, empathies fixated on antipathies.
Earth evinces a history of anthro-enculturation through revolving perennial time
accessible to both our LeftBrain Yang political-psychology power-over egocentrism
and to RightBrain’s Yin economic-nutritional power flow-with co-arising DNA/RNA harmonic extending-selves.
Our RightBrain knows nothing of Ego's Tree of Death.
Do I wake up to a political enculturation day seeking advantages over others
or co-investment abundance with others?
Psychological and political elites do our best to choose the democratically healthier abundance for multiculturally polypathic all
by letting go of paranoid baggage of WinLose ecopolitical advantage.
Both the psychological and political problems of LeftBrain competitive dominance trace back to two source-roots.
In science, regenerative WinWin evolutionary trends favoring cooperative organic norms have been presumed less powerful than WinLose survivalist norms under high-stressed environmental imbalance conditions.
What is ecologically normative cooperation has been psychologically and economically and politically usurped by a model of evolution that assumes ecological health is rooted in the dominance of power-over competitions.
Were this the actual historical case, then we have no way of explaining how natural ecosystems could evolve into self-regenerative biosystems of memory and increasing communication relational integrity;
organic systems of intelligent interdependent-sustainability.
The other root source goes back to the origins of religions as co-empathic trust in sacred powers.
Human nature has revealed divine powers as both helpful, benign, and as condemning, vengeful, jealous.
The gods and goddesses of love fuel further fertile cooperative empathic trust in Earth’s regenerative future.
The demons and unkind gods and unfertile goddesses of condemnation, too often re-enacted by tough-love parents, and monoculturally xenophobic politicians, and WinLose economists and financial investment/disinvestment assumptions,
provoke further cognitive-affective dissonance about our politically non-elite ego identities within,
and further terrorist supremacy theologies rather than regeneratively cooperative elite teleologies;
meanings and purposes for humane healthy relationships and transactions,
whether psychologically within
or politically without.
As many have said, but few have synergetically structured, as did Bucky Fuller,
it is easier to become psychologically healthy when we live in an ecopolitically regenerative culture,
but it is also easier to perceive a cooperatively regenerative ecopolitics of co-arising trust
when one starts each day of childhood through adult life
with positive evolutionary psychological assumptions that we are each here significantly to help each other by most resonantly and fully communicating who we are meant to become with full integrity of a helpful-healthy functional family,
within an extended family doing our Golden Rule optimizing best to achieve regenerative ecological balance
in both our interior psychological and exterior political EarthTribe landscapes and climates.
Copyright © Gerald Dillenbeck | Year Posted 2016
Long poem by
James Horn | Details
Be Embarrased by Arms
The right of a person to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed upon when in a
well-regulated militia necessary for the security of a free state. In other words, if
you are either in the national military, state National Guard, state police or a local police you are entitled to bear arms to provide for the common defense of our Nation. There is nothing mentioned about weapons being for personal use. When the British are coming, we will need a weapon to protect ourselves with provided by a nation, state or local supported form of government.
Our Constitution and Declaration were prepared in 1776 almost 240 years ago. We
are now living in the hear and now. Those three new entities are for us to be used
to provide common defense with.
We now survive in the local supermarket. This is where we now do all of our hunting for food in case you haven't noticed lately. Killing wild animals to survive is no longer
So why do people still live in the past and feel like arms and weapons are necessary for their existence? Only people who are not properly mentally balanced need defense mechanisms along with being paranoid and psychotic. I hope that you don't fall into any of these categories.
If I was a knight of the round table or protector of the crown I would have a need for
weapons. I would be entitled to bear arms consisting of lances, sabers and shields.
I had complete control; of my weapons. I never heard of anyone being killed by a stray arrow, lance or saber before. I had to perform a deliberate act with a specific purpose in mind as well as more than likely pre-planned.
My castle had a moat around it. I controlled everything coming into and leaving my castle. I could account for everyone and everything I had.
Then the world started to expand, become more complex and go into oblivion. We now have no fly zones and tariffs along with weapons of mass destruction. We now
do carpet bombing caring less of what we just blew or burned the hell out of.
Come on now. We now have a constructive way of doing any and everything. We can
play a video game or watch a TV news program or a movie. We no longer need weapons anymore. The National. State and local entities all have more then enough weapons that we would ever need.
So now I hear the terrorists even had target practice before they killed all of those poor people. I sure would be suspicious of two people like that coming up to me
who wanted to target practice.
The three entities I previously mentioned should have complete control of weapons including their accountability and control. Look at what is required for you to check
out weapons and ammunition in the military. You need a weapons card for the specific weapon assigned to you including the rack and position number. You have
to be authorized to have a weapon and have had prior training regarding said weapon. The same applies to NBC equipment, grenades and ammunition. It all must be accounted for at the end of the training.
So what method is being used to account for all weapons and ammunition in the civilian world and who has them? Amazing what all of the military is put through
yet the terrorists can easily get away with. Truly amazing.
What happens when weapons are out of the control of those three entities? It is
either a five letter called CRIME or nine letter word called ACCIDENTS and not PUNISHMENT like in the title of a book I once read. I have to dust off its cover
when I want to read it. I even remember a Police Officer who was an Officer in
our local National Guard Unit. He came home from work and left his loaded
revolver on the dinner table. He came home from a weekend drill. He was standing near the railing in the back yard when his step-son shot him three times. Another time while at Fort Lewis, WA on weekend training an officer mis-aligned a howitzer. The round landed next to the roadside and killed five soldiers who were on weekend training.
I was in the military for 30 years before retiring. What do I have left to prove it?
I have ringing ears and headaches from having to hear weapons being fired. The best weapon I know of in peace time is the one that is locked up and properly accounted for.
Promote guns and you promote gun violence. The more you increase the amount
of weapons and the more you increase the potential for someone to be shot by a weapon or commit a crime while using one. Why is it that crime and hand guns seem to go hand in hand. Put weapons and hand guns into the hands of those
who are either psychotics, psychopaths or terrorists and you can guess what is
more then likely to happen. Something that you don't want to.
When Adam was born, he wasn't born with a weapon in his hand. Humans created weapons originally meant to kill animals and for survival. The more sinful was our nature, the more we had a need for weapons. Weapons are directly correlated with
vice which isn't very nice. Not only that, weapons have become one of our vices
according to the way I see it. How about you?
New addition.God will be my Guide and on Him I should have relied?.
I never saw Christ carrying a weapon. God shall be my
sword and faith in Him will be my peace. Guns are good
for shooting holes in things and killing. God is good for
removing the holes and saving our lives from sin. In God
we are supposed to be trusting in and not a weapon. We
trusted in God and survived each war. All of those people
you mentioned did not depend on the Lord and only on
themselves and guns. They are now in hell and someday
I will die and go to heaven. If God wanted us to have a
weapon He would have put Adam on earth with one.
Humans had to create guns and weapons as material
objects to ward off their adversaries and sins with. God
is a god of love and compassion and trust who we are to
have confidence in and not a weapon. God said that if
you live by the sword you will die by the sword. If God
is a gun advocate, why would he have said that.
Copyright © James Horn | Year Posted 2015
Long poem by
Laura Breidenthal | Details
I heard two distinct voices in the night,
Conversing amongst themselves most eagerly
They whispered like children in excitement
Their sardonic mouths sung many savvy tunes
It was Death I could perceive, defending me,
And he, a strange, distant friend
Seemed lost there,
In suspense and confidence
“It is endearing, surely that she should come before us,
A follower of the Way—once human, now spirit,
To flare her light into a roaring abyss of demons and daftness!
And our Prince—how willingly he hands her the reigns!
Tell me Hades, what wonders shall she show his gleeful eyes,
Shall they enrage them, or intrigue them?”
I could hear Hades grimace before his scoff uttered note:
“Death, if but her rotting flesh reminds me how quick—
How easy love dies in the face of righteous reason,
I would think her mad—idiotic, to even dream,
That she could deter his darksome mind
From the plans he has definitively set to
Against God above—against my lavishing earth!
I ruled its underbelly and smelt its most penetrating odors
It shall exceed its rot, I tell you—just as the armies
He assembles in his rancid reign
Shall find that they blend bitterly in the blood-soaked soils
Like her grandfather in warfare
Blending, old, dying, and definite!
The sodden, soiled world Whitman wrote of—
A soggy, reeking mesh of red, greens, blacks, bone whites
Ashen and Ashamed
Oh how I miss it—
And here only—only!
I regulate the soot, and you keep watch
Over those who have not yet resurrected!
Fleeting are our roles here, like dancing Time
As she, pretty in her prime,
Is promised forever young to the good!
And, we, we whom are not good,
Only lust for more of her
As she languishes in evergreen age!
What dreams do you imagine in these
Stupid, unresurrected bones?
She should be asleep amongst the dumbest skulls!
Can they not be as silly as her own?
How mad the Almighty must have been
To drag her like a mouse before us!
Throwing her into a well of raging dogs!
How cruel and unusual
That she feels she belongs in his jaws
I would love her better caressing her rotted flesh,
I would love her better digesting her bones
In the mouths of insects and worms!
At least in nourishing these creatures,
I give only straight answers,
If not, silence!
Death’s gravelly laugh, low, and rumbly,
Pained the circling Hades,
Finding his way round the pool of water,
Where he could sprawl in what remained of his soot
Hades’ last word resounded
Just after the strum of Death’s bass
Filled the well with resentment, unrest
And rising, rising slowly, mysteriously,
A mass of shadow with the reddest blood-gushing eyes,
Facial features hidden in darkest fogs and mists,
Of confidence and strangest intention,
Death looked down upon Hades’ ashen frown
“You miss the point, grim Hades,
You needn’t be bitter of her mindboggling dreams!
The fruit must be shared—you see,
The fruit must be shared!
There is no shame in her arrival,
And no wonder in her departure
Just as flesh lives, ideals oscillate
Just as flesh dies, evil vacillates
He welcomes—welcomes a courageous,
Rectifying, challenging, rebellious
Disparate, diffident soul!
Surely you see she is drawn to the darkness
For a certain purpose?
And even if she catches its danger—if it is shouted out
In booms and downpour and punishment,
With the Almighty’s harshest Word—
She cannot stray from its sway,
Nor shield herself from her want
He consumes her like the plague
Among the ignorant!
Cruel—no, delicious Hades,
Irresistible is the fruit she must share!
And what she shall show them in their maelstrom,
Shall it be her ultimate dream of their union?
Shall it be he, a higher strength of he,
Repented, alive and well,
Rejuvenated by light!
Separated from the bonds of darkness…
Shall it seed in him everlasting love,
Shall it give him attainable peace—if not but an alternative?
Shall it give him merely rage or surprising reverie?
It shall give him— only agony?
I cannot believe it for a second!”
Hades spat and snarled, ceasing his scamper
To scoff and laugh low
“You are lofty, suicidal—wild!
To overjoy for anything more
For this ghost-ridden romance!
Where are you in all of this?
How can you even care!?
You destine only to be nothing,
In thought that you,
In your nonexistence,
May somehow, impossibly dream!
You are paradoxical—just as she is!
Desperate—just as we are!
This is how it will be—
He will return to his villainous placement
For who can leave his Lady long?
Just as you can never leave—though you may dare to dream,
He will be freed only to be bound again
She, only now in her present stay,
Finds a home in his darkest secrets
Like a snake to its caressing burrow
And she shall slither with us in its harsh oblivion
KNOWING LESS THAN BEFORE
(he whispered this—though I heard it as thunder)
Foolish infant she is!
Intolerably, stupidly sweet!
But it is our Lady—
His truest power,
The bitter lips containing the poisons
Of which he needs of her to thrive
The child shall awaken from her nightmare—
To know this bitter truth
And leave him alone once again
And in our time we will witness his wars
We will marvel at their numbers—
Like sands of the sea they say!
Only to watch them cave in,
As we prophetically die with him
Gehenna…the true Gehenna,
And I, merely the worms,
Shall fall away
And you shall do the same.”
Death remained solemnly quiet for some time,
Taken with Hades’ disparaging words
As the night drifted away into the day
He turned to me,
As I lay there,
Beholding these two beings
He stared into my eyes,
A paternal knowing in their glow
I blinked slowly into them
Into its red hug
“She awakens, to lighten his great wings…
Continue your circles of doubt, Hades
While I will bet on greater things…”
Copyright © Laura Breidenthal | Year Posted 2018
Long poem by
Allyssa Pate | Details
I fall down
deeper and deeper
the sounds of evil
dripping into my ears
and sliding down into me
filling me with echoes.
terror courses through
into each cell
turning them against
they are no longer mine
they follow another
a stronger being.
icy breezes come
they whisper to me
they say I'm bad
they call me to them
the breezes dance
hiding me from the light
shielding me from hope.
my eyes are taunted
I see people
the ones I know
they are hurt
I have betrayed them
I am hurting them
it is me
but I can't stop.
my mind is plagued
comes a new terror
a cruel joke
all a prank.
only deeper do I fall
light is disappearing
all a game
for one person
the man in the
the one who is running the show
the show that is me.
he sees me falling
I can't see him
but he is there
teasing my brain
taunting my senses
he hates me
he wants to hurt me.
he throws it
I feel the pain
running up my leg
showing my bones
releasing my blood
it is blue
my blood is cold
it splatters my face
sprinkling my features
dotting them with blue
the blue liquid drips
jumping onto my tongue
I taste dirt
my blood is dirt
blue is all I see
blue is all I become
I am blue
blue is me.
a distant shout
who is it?
a cry for help
the sound is mangled
the sound is mine
I shut my mouth
but I still hear it
chilling my blue blood
ringing in my ears
shaking my breathing
jump-starting my heart
then it's over
the scream has ceased
and silence returns
sounding more deadly than ever before.
only black do I see
the monsters' playground
the demons' joyride
and someone is hungry
it wants me
it wants to take it
it feeds on people
people like me.
objects hitting me
ghosts' fingers prodding me
as I fall
I fall down
down into this never-ending hole
filled with misery
my worst fears
how did he know?
he knows I'm afraid
doesn't help me see
I can't see why
how does he do this?
they cut me again
spilling my blood
oh, the blue
I don't even feel it
I am numb
the sound of me
a quick slashing
and they are done
I am cut
I can't see my blood
but I can see how evil it must look.
the thoughts that fell
fell down with me
they talk to me
they tell me what they see
they can see
my cold blood
it is everywhere
I am pale
I look sick they say
they see the bottom
I fall faster still
slowing for nothing
for no one
being pulled down
the puppeteer has me
he's got my string
and he's pulling
with no sign of letting go.
now I hear a song
they all sing it
the notes are cruel
they bump into the others
struggling to be heard
with no set order
it is musical chaos
he yells to me
it is beautiful
and he sings along to his song
it's made for me
musical notes are played
they come up to me
they greet me
right into my cuts
surging into my blood
they search inside me
keeping them steady
picking up tempo
they found it
the music does the talking
it says to hush
my heart listens
and I get sleepy
the music is evil
played by the man
the man in the mask
my brains sends
one final request
it says to my heart
speed up, can't you see?
she is dying
you must speed up!
I still fall
with no way up
letting go of hope
dreaming of being saved
when I already know
I'll only be dropped.
I know what
it is flesh
but belongs to someone else
they smell of dirt
they are nothing to me
they are the stench
in my nose
the smell overcomes all
all the other senses
until it becomes me
and I burn too.
even in the dark
I see something
blacker than black
they are shadows
they mock me
I fill with evil
a longing to hurt
hurt the ones behind it all
I hear him
is his pleasure
oh so dark
I'm at the bottom
laying on the cold ground
in a small ball
too weak to stand
in a pool
of dark blue blood
I hold myself tight
I can't trust
he likes my weakness
he tells me I am small
I am ugly
I am worthless
I am nothing
he laughs when I cry
I thought that
it would be better
instead of up there.
hell is not a game.
death is not an
easy way out.
do not try to visit me.
do not try to rescue me.
for I am more lost
than I hope you will
now that I am
at my fate
at the entrance to hell
at the bottom of this grave
of my eternity
and if I am truly
I'll have plenty of time
to ask myself
why did I jump?
Copyright © Allyssa Pate | Year Posted 2014
Long poem by
Crow thepoet | Details
It only started as a misconception, a misunderstanding
then like grass fed rain, it grew...grew into this
A eulogy, maybe this could be it
about you? For once, this is about me
How can it be...how can it be?
Dreaming, a dreamer am I
I've been dreaming since I was five
What age am I? 13?
Sorry, I felt like I was just a little older
I've had a rough life to live through
Lately I've been on edge, a steady step away
from jumping headfirst off a bridge, off a ledge; yeah
My life, a disarray of scattered promises
some broken, some kept
Emptiness, sorrow; all I seem to understand
everything has swept under me too fast
and I have nothing to hold onto to help me stand
Help me, I'm stuck on a roller coaster
I've had to teach myself how to react, how to attack
how to be stronger than me
while an unconscious thought screams, "WHERE'S MY DAD AT?"
but unknown training left me to mimic
the things I've seen on TV or the reality set before
and where are my parents: working and away
Unknown and unheard of has my father been
till I was out of kindergarten
No one told me anything yet again I asked no questions
maybe I was just too young to understand
like a good boy, I just fell in line
while the innocence took over, leaving the oblivion
and my mother..somehow I've found 3 more women to call mom
They've treated me as part of their pack, their family
while in my own home, I'm the black sheep
while in my own home, I'm the outcast
When did home turn into high school part 2?
I shouldn't have to teach myself anything
I shouldn't have to change colors to satisfy anyone
so why do I feel I need to be a rainbow to be noticed
cause I'm so sick of being clear, of being me
How can it be, how can it be?
All I've ever known up until 4th grade was knowledge
knowledge only got me so far
I didn't know the stage beyond friend
I didn't know how to make friends, how to be one
Socially awkward, is this my disease
Misguided and divided I am
Is this what all Geminis face or is it just me
Did I remind her so much of my father
that my punishment is to live in my island of a room
and never return to shore
Everyone wonders why I'm the odd one, why I'm the distant one
why not since I know I'll never be enough
I know I've been more than a little harsh
I might have everything all wrong
but have you ever been taken away from your father
kicking and screaming while he stands defeated
switched between parents, back and forth
switched between states, off and on for years on end
Growing up yet you are absolutely oblivious
the only thing you know to be true is the sky is blue
the only thing you know to be true is the one place you hate
From 4th grade on, I've been a vortex
spiraling down, becoming gradually worse
guess where I'm bordering now
In 5th grade, a poor reaction from confused feelings
lead to a breakdown and a halting of tears I couldn't stand
6th grade, I was a walking time bomb
fueled by rage, quelled by romance but all was fleeting
all I saw was red
All my judgments went so poorly
and every other day I hadn't the strength to move on
almost becoming a part of the in-crowd
that little kid dream of fitting in
Isn't it fun, caring so much while losing yourself ends friendships
funny, I never wanted to leave that year behind
I had my childhood friends, a girlfriend
I knew these people for years, I was content
until I went home, packed my bags
not breathing a word of goodbye
giving up everything it took years for me to have
whisked away to a new life
a new life I want nothing apart of
7th grade, what a maze
I stood on my heels, pacing, a loser
Fitting in with people I know I'll never see again
showing a side of me I never knew existed
while becoming confused with a different attitude
towards this new life I've been chosen to live
education still my dictator
but that summer changed everything
I grew into myself, making new friends along the way
somehow I was someone everyone claimed to love
8th grade is where my life started, apparently my best year
Popularity, I reached my goal; I was thinking for myself
finally feeling like I was more than a face
but everything fell apart too quickly
Everywhere I looked up, we had to pack and move
there was too many questions and stress
while I just wanted to survive the year yet I survived nothing
Like my walls, I withered and crumbled
Why must I always be taken away from the things
the things I love the most
It's like breathing in cancer to remember
so I try to forget but I meet irreplaceable people
yet I know we'll grow of touch
Life just loves to see me suffer
Insanity is just sitting there, laughing away
while music tries to calm me down
with the aid of friends, the people I've come to know and love
and the one I'm chasing after
Somehow through the dark clouds
I find beauty in the unseen life of the world
I care too much, fall too hard, love too seriously
I try to be more than myself when I really just want to be...me
I admit I'm selfish yet selfless
This life has proven an obstacle I cannot conquer
My heart is strong but my bones are weak
I think too much
and all I've been through just made me older
just made me wish for a better life
wish for something beyond this
yet I just needed some relief tonight
from my shattered wasteland of uncharted feelings
Let the waves calm to halt and the sunset fall
A tale for time to read and weep for the misery of...me
Copyright © Crow thepoet | Year Posted 2016
Long poem by
Demetrios Trifiatis | Details
“I am certain that I have been here as I am now a thousand times before and
I hope to return a thousand times after.” GOETHE
Once upon a time,
The Lord of spiritual consciousness was sitting peacefully on His blissful throne
Ceaselessly contemplating upon His equilibrium
T’ was the era of no moon, no sun, no stars, no earth, no oceans, no rivers
Just a motionless, timeless and deathless entity it was happy with His existence
Suddenly the thought of sacred motion was felt deep down in his essence
Seeking the chaos to be stirred from its core outwardly
Consequently separating the light from the darkness and all the other elements
That constitute the Cosmos
Thus giving birth immediately to old mighty time
When Time: This wizard of celestial art found himself alive
His expert hands stretched in advance, wanting to create
For that the plastic energy he took, that was everywhere around
And skillfully and patiently the Cosmos carved according to the Logos
Creating thus, the nebulae, the galaxies, the stars and all the other planets
Then God looked at times creation and marveled with its beauty
But as there was no life to be seen in all of this creation
The thought of desire was born in God to inhabit every place
For that out of himself he cut myriads blazing souls
Which like shooting stars he sent downwards to animate nature,
In this way, to manifestation’s cosmic sphere, the souls were beamed
Radiating their luminosity to reality’s lower planes
Bringing with them the sacred principles to denser forms of life
As they were passing from the spiritual, the mental and the astral
And finally materializing, themselves on the physical solid plane
Where life began on earth, with God’s will and grace!
Each soul an ambassador was and is of God’s will and grace
A ray of divinity, a guardian of the Holy Law
Each with a specific mission: to learn or rather to remember
How to find the way of return throughout space and time
And with the divine, again, to be seen in perfect equilibrium
The day I was born, as every man alive,
I found my immortal self bound to the wheel of time
That around eternity’s circumference took me, in very heavy chains
Asking to follow obediently the unswerving path of fate:
This endless trip of return where the only constant thing is change
Since then I have died once and many times after
But death's dark palaces to hold me were unable
As my soul’s perpetual desire to follow my destiny
Brought me back to this ephemeral world of fleeting dreams
With a new body, new hopes, new goals but always with the
Thus I journeyed back and forth the plains of oblivion
Choosing the best conditions I could, according to my karma
Trying to find endlessly the golden middle way
That unmistakably between the extremes is only to be found
But since from the river of forgetfulness each time I was drinking
I was obliged, unfortunately, to start over again
So, I was born once a king and another was I born a beggar
And in turns I was born a coward, a hero, a holy man, a vicious man,
A Christian, a Muslim, an atheist, an idolater a strong man and a woman
And healthy and sick I was born and intelligent and witless
And was I born to love so much the things I once detested
And to hate passionately the things I once held dear
And I was born once to laugh and another just to cry
And I drunk successively from joy’s cup and that of sorrow’s
And was born to make friends out of my enemies
And enemies out of my brothers
And was born to realize the impossible dreams and fail the very easy
And I was born to slay and to be slain alternatively for thousands of years
Thus I lived continuously the extremes of both good and evil
Striving to find endlessly the balance in my soul
Through the wisdom that was endowed upon me by the Great Spirit
That like a beacon, luminous, to guide me waits
To my supreme destiny that GOD for me has traced
So, as was passing from life unto death, from darkness unto light
With a speed determined by me, I don’t put on GOD the blame,
All my lessons have I learned through trial and error
Up to the very last reincarnation, in body’s mortal temple
Now free, AT LAST, from all earthly desires and every karmic blame
Radiating with holiness and glowing with grace
My immortal soul, HER divine wings unfolds and soars upwards the heavens
White light blazing in perfect equilibrium
And pure now to her glorious creator returns and with
11 DECEMBER 2013
“A little while and my longing shall gather dust and foam for another body.
A little while, a moment of rest upon the wind and another woman shall bear me”
* This poem because of its length I was unable to post it in one piece for I was not a
member for life at that time therefore I published it in two parts as: “CREATION” and as “REINCARNATION.” Here is the entire poem as it was originally written.
Now, my friends know that apart from my epigrams I write... long poems as well!
Copyright © Demetrios Trifiatis | Year Posted 2013
Long poem by
Laura Breidenthal | Details
The great Sabbath day descended, though not in my heart and mind
On this new day,
I imagined rays of God’s light shining generously upon the mountains,
Pools of living waters gurgling, and winds gently rustling trees
Wishing for the simple to come rescue me from this troublesome pit
The demons watching me from afar,
Talking amongst themselves in low tones and whispers
The dark is temporary,
And the light is everlasting . . .
How could such hate emanating from his very pores,
Transform, translate into this burning need for me?
Did he truly love me?
Is his heart capable of such a thing?
Or was he lying, playing deceiving chords on my weakening heart,
Was he desperately searching for a way inside?
And had he succeeded in the search,
Reaching inside to the core of me, grabbing on, holding me firmly?
“Your Lamb, dear light, sacrificed for sin,
What need does He have of you now?
Light permeates through you, in you,
What desire do you have for joys so long felt?
For eyes having seen the most glorious majesties,
Overcoming every trial, every glorious plight
Have you no need for the precious tears you have once shed
For me, in me?”
He spoke from behind, a soft, low tone only slightly louder than the demons
I sat upon the balcony on my knees, fighting for the Spirit to thrive
As he crouched nearer to my ears, the force of his song weighing me down
“You used to be so in love with those impenetrable sorrows,
How they rippled through your skin,
Throbbing through your entire body
You embellished in my hate,
You ravaged my night with your hope for needed light
I never needed you in that moment in time,
The weak human that you were,
Trapped in my weaving rainclouds,
Lost in sin’s oblivion, and stuck in pain’s posture
Just as I need you now, oh spirit, oh teacher of light,
Why must you now turn your back to me?
How are we to sing together in harmonies you dream of,
When your heart cannot fathom the prosperity of our promising union?
Have you no faith in me?
No trust in me, to realize I may change?
If I were to show you change,
Would you then stay with me?
Do not shutter, woman, beautiful spirit, mighty majesty,
Do not tremble at my tempt, my offer, my plea,
Rest assured, your hope of me
Leads my miserable mind to a foreign path,
A path more exhilarating, but less clear
Though disobedient in nature, my love for your potentials are foreseeable
Attainable, and I daresay agreeable
If I may solo in song all my days,
I will be miserable in the possibility of so many duets we could have shared,
Torturing me with the dark truth that I can never turn to a lie—
That you are indeed my own, and you have me,
That I have fallen in love with a distant light that I almost wish to be
But you pull away,
And refuse me!
Because I worship your fire,
And I see what you can be,
You crucify me!
You jab nails in my wings,
You call for me to shove me backwards
Your long silences make way for my speeches,
That you listen to and grimace upon
What if we were to be equals?
What if we were to be masters?
Foul and fruitful,
Dark and candid,
Why not let me be taught?
Tell me why not!
Your God would not soon cast you away the moment you choose this way,
Is that what you fear?
See how His condemnations haven’t killed me, but strengthened me!
I may be mad, but I am genuine, real and yours if you will have me
Fierce, resilient and right are the rebellious!
Artistically, mightily and beautifully we suffer!
I promise you pain,
I promise you immense sorrow,
But I promise you freedom,
In it I promise you distain, anger and war
But these things do not come for naught,
There is something hot and ready to fight for!
If not to sacrifice for eternal light,
Why not sacrifice for our love?
And do not tell me you do not love me,
Or cannot love me
Do not tell me with your signature nobility
That you wish me to be saved and free
Do not tell me to get behind you,
Like an angry Lamb near to the slaughter!
I refuse, yes I refuse
To envy you from afar…”
His voice grew intense as he circled round and in front of me
His eyes were focused strongly on me,
Determined and confidently he sang,
“I will not lead you to death and destruction dear soul,
You will lead me to what I was meant to be,
And I you!
Do you believe you have come here for nothing?
Has the demon spoken to you, warning you of my seductions?
Crushing you with pleas for redemption,
Did she, the wretched demon, give you hope for me?
Do you wish to rise with me,
Or die in eternal life?
As the beautiful, unattainable solo widow,
The lonely perfection?”
I turned my face away,
My heart beating violently like days of old
“I hear your heart wildly,
Cease this grieving for me!
Celebrate, be joyous—does not your Spirit give you this?
Sing with me, at least sing with me!
Before the last days hurl over us, through us, and past us.”
I opened my mouth to sing,
But nothing would come out
I became lost in his abyssal eyes,
And contrary to what I believed
I saw change there,
I saw that he no longer hated me,
That he really did love me
“You see it in me,
But you grieve it, I know. . .
You were once a daughter of Eve,
But now you are a separate spirit of truth
So sing me your truth, and I will sing you mine…”
March 26, 2016
Copyright © Laura Breidenthal | Year Posted 2016
Long poem by
Gregory R Barden | Details
That "FEELING" ...
The one that makes you believe
That everything in your life,
No matter how messed up or negative,
Is actually wonderful ...
The feeling that, for a few hours,
Chases every bad thing in your life away ...
The feeling that gives you
Endless energy to create,
Even though you know it will be followed
By some of the worst feelings
You've ever known,
And even though you know
You've got to go to work in "the real world"
In just a couple of hours ...
The feeling that is the best feeling
You've EVER experienced times 100 ...
That incredible feeling,
Only lasts for about ten months ...
It never comes back ...
Even though it's so amazingly
Powerful and life-changing
That you chase it for years afterward,
Hoping and praying that maybe
THIS time you'll feel it again,
Even for only a minute-or-two,
You think sometimes that maybe,
If you stop taking the stuff that
Gave you this feeling for a while -
Months, maybe, or even years -
And then start it up again,
That you'll go back to the beginning
And get "that" feeling -
That amazingly intense euphoria -
But the reality is you DON'T,
Not even a tiny BIT.
You see, there's this biochemical
Thing that happens with the
Receptors in your brain,
This thing called "progression",
And it basically means that
The sites in your brain
That those wonderful chemicals bonded
To in order to give you those immortal,
Those places have been filled ...
Even if you stop taking
The garbage that you're so emotionally,
And physically dependent on,
Even if you stay off it for TWENTY YEARS
And then start up again,
You will STILL never get
That incredible feeling back.
That feeling that's so powerful that
You'd sell your soul for it,
Ruin your life for it,
Lose everything you ever cared about for it,
Offend and alienate
Everyone you love for it,
Give up your sanity and health for it,
That feeling will never,
EVER be experienced by you again,
And there's nothing you can do about it.
But you'll keep chasing it,
You'll keep hoping and praying and
Pushing the boundaries of your habit,
Just in CASE there's a one-tenth of one percent
Chance that you may feel it once more -
Even for an instant ...
And you'll keep having to take
More and more of the curse that
Flows through your veins
Just to keep from being sick,
Cuz without it you're more sick
In your mind and body than you ever imagined
Was humanly possible,
And you'll do anything to
Keep from being that sick again.
So you take more and more,
And you feel less and less,
And you hope for the chase,
And eventually your
Heart and kidneys and other organs
Can just no longer process
All the chemicals in your blood,
And have been horribly damaged by the
Years of pushing the envelope,
No matter how "used" to it you've gotten,
No matter how tolerant you've become.
Eventually there is a
Point of no return -
A point where the checks and balances
Outnumber the levels your body
Has adjusted to over the years,
And it can just no longer ...
For a "feeling" -
All for a feeling ...
A feeling that is so powerful
It destroys your life,
And you KNOW it's doing so,
But the "feeling" overcomes every bit
Of intelligence and common sense
That you have ever pulled together.
And when you share
This nightmare about the "feeling" with
Others, they shake their head,
Cuz how could ANYone be so stupid
As to give up everything for a goddam feeling?!?
And you know,
As they're shaking their head,
That the ONLY reason they feel that way
Is because they've never FELT the "feeling" themselves,
Cuz if they DID,
They'd be right where you are,
And you hate them for it
And love them for it
All at the same time.
If only you had never felt that feeling,
You'd be where THEY are,
Instead of on the sure and short path
To oblivion that you're on now.
All you can do is watch the world go by,
The world full of people who FEEL,
Flowing by you in Hell,
The Hell that you created
For the sake of a feeling,
The Hell where you no longer feel ANYthing,
Where you go through the motions
With an emotional condom on,
Praying and hoping that someday,
By some sort of miracle,
You'll feel SOMEthing again,
Even though you know in your heart of hearts
That you already DIED years ago.
This zombie who now wears your face
Is just buying time until the stuff
That gave you that amazing "feeling"
Comes to claim the final prize ...
It already claimed your mind
And soul and spirit and
Ambition and dreams and LIFE,
It's just waiting to take your body,
But it keeps you around
For a while to make sure you know,
And everyone ELSE knows,
The truth ...
That the price of that amazing
Feeling all those years ago,
Is the lifetime void of REAL feelings
That you WOULD have experienced if
Not for the sake of those
Ten months of intense euphoria.
And the truly SAD ...
And dark ...
And horribly insidious thing about it all?
Is that most of those
Who have felt that "feeling",
And have lost everything because of it,
Would say, in their deepest
And darkest heart of hearts,
That it ...
Copyright © Gregory R Barden | Year Posted 2017
Long poem by
liam mcdaid | Details
Once so loyal and always true the gargoyles watch everything now
During their stony slumbers with their careful one-eyed open view,
As evil red-eyed demons rain down upon us in their dark-sprit forms,
Whilst our unsuspecting mortal Earth is flush in an aura of confusion
And a cloudy haze of unrepenting sin that symbolizes Lucifer’s work.
Malefic shapes of Hellspawn emerge now from an unholy alliance
Where venom and hate merge in a dark chamber of “The Damned,”
All the while their scowling and fiendish stares pierce us deeply,
And unrelentingly as they beckon our inner spirits backwards with
Their tinge and terror of true malediction and feverish desire for all
Things uncanny and unclean that bespeak of macabre pure.
Reasons dance upon slivered tunes and silvern tongues of the demons,
As they grotesquely mount the battlements with their smiles of true evil.
The hideous grimace on their faces is a devilish upside-down nasty-smile,
That can only be possessed by the cruelest of creatures who are charged
By Lucifer himself, as a perverse group of miscreants who welcome all
Misguided visitors who arrive at this unholy and forlorn earthly cavern,
To cross the River Lethe into a state of oblivion from whence they shall
never return to see and bask again in the brilliance of God’s eternal light!
A radiantly beautiful mermaid entices her unsuspecting victims into a
Menagerie she maintains as one of Lucifer’s most favorite disciples.
After entertaining each victim, she turns her deadly Medusa-like gaze
On them whilst sending icy-cold shivers through their dying heartbeats,
As red-eyed demons anxiously await each victim’s painful demise.
There can never be any mercy shown to a visitor who unexpectedly
Enters Lucifer’s Kingdom of Eternal Darkness and Damnation!
In this continuous unending maze of debauchery there are also other
demons who are specifically assigned to entertain the deceptive and
Spawning lies of those unusual aliens who co-exist on mortal Earth
With human beings and are hidden in plain open-sight among them all.
These aliens, devoid of all human emotion, who show up unexpectedly
Are there to capture a glimpse of Hell’s eternity under the dais circle.
Endlessly as death comes—there is an aura to the emotional immorality
As Centaurs, Sphinxes, and Harpies transform themselves into a kind of
Ghastly, ghoulish, and deliciously evil group of dancing shadow shifters
In the realm of half-lived lives whose mendacity is the main dish now,
Served where the only menu choice is a one-line trick possessed by the
Specter of Death, the mythic eternal Footman himself—who doubles as
A most trusted prophet of imprecation and fear for Lucifer!
Self-appointed Demon Guardians of this lost world seeking fulfillment
Of Lucifer’s masochistic imperatives rule the roost where those shells
Of former human beings who were once viewed as members of mankind
Are, indeed, viewed in contempt now as depraved hosts of the once great
Human Race deprived of any hope, shorn of dignity—now soulless figures
At the beck and call of everything that’s truly evil in Almighty God’s Eyes.
Entering this final gruesome portrait of undying hellfire and unmitigated
Evil in this Bohemian Maze are monstrous apparitions from bygone times,
Who come alive and take real form as Minotaurs, Echidnas, and Chimaeras.
All are profoundly frightening creatures who are ready and willing to do the
Horrible bidding of Lucifer at the very flick of his finger—as such creatures
With this unbridled power and force of nature find their true home in this evil
This ancient covenant of evil and moral deception is symbolically cast
As a vicious coiled snake—who bespeaks an aura of poisonous venom
And an odious degree moral depravity beyond normal description where
Black Phantoms reign and freely haunt the consciousness of all mankind
As it hopelessly trembles ignorantly fretful, whilst all the while being
Truly unaware of the undeniable and unlimited power of Almighty God
In this instance!
To those who harbor their fears of the darkness, the unknown, and the
Evil intentions and machinations of Lucifer and his minions, they should
Understand that Almighty God’s authority and power are omniscient, and
That His divine and radiant heavenly light shall forever crush the horrid
Impulse of darkness to shine, and shall conquer creatures and things
Presenting themselves as truly evil, uncanny, and unclean! Amen!
Deus miseratur! Deus tecum!
Donna Loughman, Gary Bateman and Liam McDaid
A Collaborated Poem, Copyright © All Rights Reserved
December 23, 2017 (Narrative)
Copyright © liam mcdaid | Year Posted 2018