Hooked On a Feeling

That "FEELING" ... The one that makes you believe That everything in your life, No matter how messed up or negative, Is actually wonderful ... The feeling that, for a few hours, Chases every bad thing in your life away ... The feeling that gives you Endless energy to create, Even though you know it will be followed By some of the worst feelings You've ever known, And even though you know You've got to go to work in "the real world" In just a couple of hours ... The feeling that is the best feeling You've EVER experienced times 100 ... That incredible feeling, Only lasts for about ten months ... Period. It never comes back ... EVER. Even though it's so amazingly Powerful and life-changing That you chase it for years afterward, Hoping and praying that maybe THIS time you'll feel it again, Even for only a minute-or-two, Never returns. You think sometimes that maybe, Just MAYBE, If you stop taking the stuff that Gave you this feeling for a while - Months, maybe, or even years - And then start it up again, That you'll go back to the beginning And get "that" feeling - That amazingly intense euphoria - But the reality is you DON'T, Not even a tiny BIT. You see, there's this biochemical Thing that happens with the Receptors in your brain, This thing called "progression", And it basically means that The sites in your brain That those wonderful chemicals bonded To in order to give you those immortal, Invincible feelings, Those places have been filled ... Permanently. Even if you stop taking The garbage that you're so emotionally, Mentally, And physically dependent on, Even if you stay off it for TWENTY YEARS And then start up again, You will STILL never get That incredible feeling back. That feeling that's so powerful that You'd sell your soul for it, Ruin your life for it, Lose everything you ever cared about for it, Offend and alienate Everyone you love for it, Give up your sanity and health for it, That feeling will never, EVER be experienced by you again, And there's nothing you can do about it. But you'll keep chasing it, You'll keep hoping and praying and Pushing the boundaries of your habit, Just in CASE there's a one-tenth of one percent Chance that you may feel it once more - Even for an instant ... And you'll keep having to take More and more of the curse that Flows through your veins Just to keep from being sick, Cuz without it you're more sick In your mind and body than you ever imagined Was humanly possible, And you'll do anything to Keep from being that sick again. So you take more and more, And you feel less and less, And you hope for the chase, And eventually your Heart and kidneys and other organs Can just no longer process All the chemicals in your blood, And have been horribly damaged by the Years of pushing the envelope, No matter how "used" to it you've gotten, No matter how tolerant you've become. Eventually there is a Point of no return - A point where the checks and balances Outnumber the levels your body Has adjusted to over the years, And it can just no longer ... Adjust. For a "feeling" - All for a feeling ... A feeling that is so powerful It destroys your life, And you KNOW it's doing so, But the "feeling" overcomes every bit Of intelligence and common sense That you have ever pulled together. And when you share This nightmare about the "feeling" with Others, they shake their head, Cuz how could ANYone be so stupid As to give up everything for a goddam feeling?!? And you know, As they're shaking their head, That the ONLY reason they feel that way Is because they've never FELT the "feeling" themselves, Cuz if they DID, They'd be right where you are, And you hate them for it And love them for it All at the same time. If only you had never felt that feeling, You'd be where THEY are, Instead of on the sure and short path To oblivion that you're on now. All you can do is watch the world go by, The world full of people who FEEL, Flowing by you in Hell, The Hell that you created For the sake of a feeling, The Hell where you no longer feel ANYthing, Where you go through the motions With an emotional condom on, Praying and hoping that someday, By some sort of miracle, You'll feel SOMEthing again, Even though you know in your heart of hearts That you already DIED years ago. This zombie who now wears your face Is just buying time until the stuff That gave you that amazing "feeling" Comes to claim the final prize ... It already claimed your mind And soul and spirit and Ambition and dreams and LIFE, It's just waiting to take your body, But it keeps you around For a while to make sure you know, And everyone ELSE knows, The truth ... That the price of that amazing Feeling all those years ago, Is the lifetime void of REAL feelings That you WOULD have experienced if Not for the sake of those Ten months of intense euphoria. And the truly SAD ... And dark ... And horribly insidious thing about it all? Is that most of those Who have felt that "feeling", And have lost everything because of it, Would say, in their deepest And darkest heart of hearts, That it ... Was ... WORTH it.