My Hell

I fall down deeper and deeper into oblivion nothing only darkness. the sounds of evil dripping into my ears slithering farther and sliding down into me filling me with echoes. terror courses through my veins into each cell turning them against me they are no longer mine they follow another a stronger being. icy breezes come they whisper to me they say I'm bad they call me to them the breezes dance hug me covering me hiding me from the light shielding me from hope. falling deeper only down my eyes are taunted I see people the ones I know love they are hurt hurting by me I have betrayed them left them I am hurting them it is me but I can't stop. my mind is plagued sick new thoughts every second comes a new terror a cruel joke all a prank. only deeper do I fall light is disappearing becoming dimmer fading fast. all a game for one person the puppeteer the ringmaster the man in the mask the one who is running the show the show that is me. he sees me falling he laughs I can't see him but he is there everywhere teasing my brain taunting my senses he hates me he wants to hurt me. he throws it the knife I feel the pain running up my leg showing my bones releasing my blood it is blue my blood is cold it splatters my face sprinkling my features dotting them with blue the blue liquid drips jumping onto my tongue I taste dirt my blood is dirt blue is all I see blue is all I become I am blue blue is me. a distant shout who is it? a cry for help surely the sound is mangled twisted young desperate hopeless mine the sound is mine I shut my mouth but I still hear it chilling my blue blood ringing in my ears shaking my breathing jump-starting my heart then it's over the scream has ceased and silence returns sounding more deadly than ever before. still falling only black do I see the evil the monsters' playground the demons' joyride and someone is hungry it wants me my innocence my purity it wants to take it it feeds on people people like me. weightlessness objects hitting me ghosts' fingers prodding me as I fall I fall down down into this never-ending hole this abyss for eternity restless empty yet full filled with misery my worst fears come back how did he know? he knows I'm afraid the darkness doesn't help me see I can't see why how does he do this? they cut me again spilling my blood oh, the blue I don't even feel it I am numb the sound of me my skin being sliced a quick slashing and they are done I am cut my legs my arms my stomach my face my neck I can't see my blood but I can see how evil it must look. the thoughts that fell fell down with me they too are damned they talk to me they tell me what they see they can see blue yes blue my cold blood it is everywhere I am pale white I look sick they say oh, no they say oh, no they see the bottom be ready they say be ready. I fall faster still slowing for nothing for no one being pulled down the puppeteer has me he's got my string and he's pulling with no sign of letting go. now I hear a song they all sing it the notes are cruel unforgiving they bump into the others struggling to be heard with no set order it is musical chaos he yells to me it is beautiful and he sings along to his song it's made for me musical notes are played they come up to me they greet me they jump right into my cuts surging into my blood they search inside me no mercy moving faster the drum keeping them steady pounds faster picking up tempo searching searching until they found it they found my heart my soul the music does the talking it says to hush hush now slow down my heart listens and I get sleepy just stop they say just stop the music is evil played by the man the man in the mask my brains sends a message one final request it says to my heart speed up it says speed up, can't you see? she is dying it says you must speed up! I still fall with no way up letting go of hope why dream? dreaming of being saved when I already know I'll only be dropped. I smell something burnt burning oh, no I know what that smell it is flesh not mine surely but belongs to someone else someone close they too they smell of dirt sinners burning dead they are nothing to me they are the stench in my nose nothing more the smell overcomes all all the other senses until it becomes me and I burn too. even in the dark the black I see something darker blacker than black they are shadows they mock me they play they sing they dance they laugh I fill with evil hatred a longing to hurt hurt the ones behind it all then without warning I hear him laughing my pain is his pleasure oh so dark it's over I'm at the bottom laying on the cold ground in a small ball too weak to stand in a pool of dark blue blood I hold myself tight I can't trust these creatures these beasts. he likes my weakness he tells me I am small I am ugly I am worthless I am nothing he laughs when I cry I thought that maybe just maybe it would be better down here instead of up there. it's not. hell is not a game. death is not an easy way out. do not try to visit me. do not try to rescue me. for I am more lost than I hope you will ever be. now that I am at my fate at the entrance to hell at the bottom of this grave of my eternity and if I am truly here forever, I'll have plenty of time to ask myself why did I jump?