Long Colonoscopy Poems

I met a proper woman in a proper pub on a Monday in Peoria. It was noon, time for lunch, and we were sitting stool to stool over very large burgers at a long mahogany...

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Ace colonoscopy doctor Kellen Karl Kovalovich

revisited January 23rd, 2024
on the evening before yours truly
(the one and only Matthew Scott Harris),
a stand up comic wannabe, who
historically heartily hales 
from Schwenksville, Pennsylvania
undergoes oh joy rapture colonoscopy.

Three days...

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Absolute deafening silence...

during and after a moderate snowfall
today January 19th, 2024,
within Southeastern Pennsylvania
and elsewhere across the Eastern Seaboard,
whereby blanket of whiteness
muffles sounds of civilization.

I hate a spoiler alert
regarding weather forecasters prediction,
especially when meteorologist
wannabe spouse doth...

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Fraught With IBS Irritable Bowel Syndrome...

today – late morning of November 4th 2022
sudden onset experienced whereby
whooshing waste naturally flushed out
ala mine body electric performed colonoscopy
diarrheal gangbuster instigated
maybe Machiavellian microbe
with powerful rectal surge
analogous to invisible plunger
forcing...

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Ace colonoscopy doctors Kellen Karl Kovalovich
and Larry Borowsky

Though necessary to down: 
four Dulcolax laxative tablets, 
quaff half 238 gram bottle of Miralax 
over span of eight hours, 
and if necessary even one Fleets Enema, 
I...

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Plagued with lifelong lower gastrointestinal Sturm und Drang

Ever since a young lad
irritable bowel syndrome
in my humble pinion wracked
lower abdominal area 
gurgled and ballooned gastrointestinal tract
(similar to following Colonoscopy preparation
slated for January 24th, 2024
at Phoenixville Hospital)
posterior...

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G;Geico commercials   B;(you knew this was coming); Billy Mays commercials U; 
hour long imfomercials
G;Big, juicy homemade hamburgers  B;White Castle belly burners
G; Best fast food place;by far;All American, Massapequa N.Y. (check it on...

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Another Saturday of middle men gathers, save one, be another weekend passes, mumbling about, till I spoke out, forgive me, this be the truth of it.

'Tis but a few words, that I lent to friends...

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'Pon gleaning lasses,
     and sir really not alright
not "FAKE" lads
     grievousness doth bite
Love's Labour's
     (Romeo and Juliet)
     Lost sequel...

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I have a special interest in telling about my colonoscopy.
The doc cheerful, secure in his specialty, colon cancer being
the second leading cause of cancer death after lung tumors.
They can snip the precancerous polyps right out...

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A lot can change in 10 years,
Especially in the reliability of your plumbing,
When it comes to flushing out your system,
In preparation for a Colonoscopy.

My first while a bit of a mission,
The pipes were soon running...

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I feel I have appendicitis,
Or a bad case of bursitis,
And I think I need another tonsillectomy.
I'm sure I got a staph infection
From a tetanus injection
While I was prepping for a hemorrhoidectomy.
I've got cataracts and shingles,
When...

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I stepped in for my first colonoscopy. I was nervous everyone could see
I had a choice to be awake or put out if I was skittish...but no not me

I chose the former so I could...

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I must fess up
That I have messed up
I’ve eaten to much sin, 
the desert pleasure from within
Entertaining my lust and desires
My thoughts, mind were on fire;
Fell down, fallen on the earth
But instead of eating dirt
I...

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Do you want to live or die?
Think of this as you seek a reply
Wouldn't you try and find a cure,
Just so you could be sure?
Listen to your inner voice,
Then make the right choice
Because life is...

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Not sure if this would be consider taboo
To even mention the view
Did I just hear her say the word touche 
When the doctor proceeded to do what she had to do

With stage crew and camara...

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A serial of haikus, all addressing the same topic with 
a hint of humor; but advice that could save your life
or that of a loved one.  New to PoetrySoup, so I hope 
I'm not...

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Firstly the alligator belt has to go.
The highly polished pearl handled pistol
should not be on my slim hips 
in a kindergarten.
I’m swearing of sugar and rum.
Blue suede shoes were never that cool anyway,
I have left...

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Now that I'm in my 50's and over the hill,
I'm getting more and more medical mail,
lots of it pertaining to a certain ailment,
this one being in the can't poop department,
claiming that some people have it...

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I once was one twenty, now I’m two fifty three
I’m twice the man that I used to be
I gave up smoking because they said it lacked taste
Now I can’t see my feet because of my...

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I feel like an antiquity
some relic from the past

crumbling at the edges
eroded over time

aging has arrived
There are fissures in my proud steel plated armor

once invincible
reality is bringing with it a heavy blow

it creeps upon you
like...

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I passed a colonoscopy
that gas was asked to free
When all about my head went dead
and smell was left to be

That all my senses cried for help
embarrassed for the cause
That every doctor bared the sound
of what...

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I asked God (That who abides within the within of me -
'me' being only this transient construct of ego/self}
I asked about an upcoming colonoscopy outcome.
I have had colon cancer, so naturally was feeling
a bit leery...

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I went to the hospital and they said they were going to shove a camera up my ass.
I told them that I didn't want that to happen, I told them that I was going to...

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Tiger me growls, kicking the dog on the floor.
She yelps, giving me the “I love you no matter what” eyes.
That makes Tiger me mad, so she wakes up Trixie.
They start wrestling around, growling and biting.

Trixie...

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