Twice the Man

I once was one twenty, now I’m two fifty three I’m twice the man that I used to be I gave up smoking because they said it lacked taste Now I can’t see my feet because of my waist The doctor said my lifestyle might kill me I said I’d live longer if he didn’t bill me He said try to bend over and touch your toes How about I stand straight up and scratch my nose My wife says I don’t understand why you are so hard to reach My parents were the ocean and shoreline, I’m a son of a beach You need a colonoscopy is what the doctor said If I were a politician they’d have to remove my head We may be equal as we walk hand in hand But you’re still in my shadow when we lie in the sand Here’s a flower not bloomed so what’s new I guess I should say this bud’s for you Don’t tell me you’ve heard my excuses before I just made it up as I came in the door Yes I’m much more heavier than I used to be I’m twice the man when you look at me.