Roses are red and grown by my own see-ster
Violets are just a pain in my keister
Though I came here to say
Happy Valentine’s Day
I long to kiss your tulips come this Easter
Spring Sun blessed her right on Easter
~ Summer Sun tanned her on her keister
Which is trickier, slipping or sliding?
The ice out there is a hard quarter inch.
Which is riskier, gripping or gliding?
I'm digging down deep in the workroom bench;
I remember they are in here somewhere.
The ice out there is a hard quarter inch.
I've got grip thingies for my boots to wear -
those with the sharp metal points underneath.
I remember they are in here somewhere.
Voila! they still have more than half their teeth!
I recall there's a trick - slogging in spikes.
those with the sharp metal points underneath.
With one step forward, I let out a "Yikes!"
as my keister says "hello" to the floor.
I recall there's a trick - slogging in spikes
A few steps more and I'll open the door,
Which is trickier, slipping or sliding?
as my keister says "hello" to the floor.
Which is riskier, gripping or gliding?
April 8, 2022
Beyond ice and snow, consider this trope
With smiles on your faces, hold on to hope.
Hey Mr. Fireman, save him but not her.
She’s mean and horrible, and she has a bee up her keister.
Which one? He asks me, pointing from one to the other.
Good grief! He cannot tell a man from a woman?
They cannot train firemen any better than that these days?
This is nuts!
The big one! I yelled. “Don’t save the big one!”
The big one was rescued unfortunately, and
Gave me the horrible algebra test I was hoping to get out of on Thursday.
It was freezing so, and cold winds did blow
As I walked slowly through the fallen snow
But I slipped on some ice
My keister paid the price
Tried getting up, but down again I'd go
12-29-2020
Winter Snow Or Ice Limerick Contest
Sponsor: Tania Kitchin
When was the last time I scampered
About six years ago Thursday, a disaster
Fell on my keister
My buttocks or beeper
Scampered one more time when I got plastered<>
Bums are funny, I don't know why
giggling 'til I nearly cry-
Silly nicknames are so much fun
like tuchis, tail, rump or buns
Some are dainty, sweet or cutesy
like heinie, cheeks, and petootsie
Timid hinting at their meanings
“back-end”, “behind”... backward leanings
While some are spunky, full of sass
like keister, bum, or tush, (or ass)
Posterior and derriere
both spell it out with quite a flair!
But buttocks, butt, or plain “backside”
bare it all- with nothing to hide
Haunches, hindquarters, can or seat
the list goes on without repeat...
Rear-ends, bottoms, duffs, full moons
all leave me laughing like a loon!
Horn Haiku.
To be culpable,
You do not need to complete,
Any obstruction.
Trump is never nice;
With his vice he does entice,
And sins shall suffice.,
Truly a lost cause;
Qualities not redeeming;
Sets poor example.
Trump lied while we cried;
He had killed figure of speech,
Being blasphemous.
Trump has been lazy;
Always sitting on keister;
Never getting off.
Sri Lanka so sad;
Once was country of Ceylon,
And now death does part.
He fought off our foes;
We know that Jesus arose,
After death He chose.
You should think about,
All of the things that I wrote,
Then read them again.
Jim Horn
Second Chances 2
Written: by Miracle Man
1-21-2019
Shortly after SCA
Had kicked my keister,
I saw my cardiologist
Just one day past Easter.
He dubbed me Lazarus
Upon entering the room,
Referring to my clinical death
I had reason to presume.
I can't forget this meeting
Nor why I didn't die,
He told me I shouldn't be here
And couldn't explain why.
He told Ernestine too much
Was going against me to survive,
But God had other plans
Prayer kept me alive.
Being referred to as Lazarus
Still brings tears to my eyes,
My leaving the hospital
Was to many, a surprise.
But God didn't want this
To be the end of the story.
He wants me to tell others,
“It's my story, and HIS Glory”
Number 12: Bet you just realized that was downright silly
Twelve comes after ten by about two or three
Failed mathematics
Also acrobatics
Once fell on my keister ripping my pretty silk saree
By Angeline Vine
He went through the morning
ritual
Scooping spoons of coffee
One . .
Two . . .
Three . .
Four . .
and one to grow on!
Suddenly, his keister felt
a slap
Keister and Easter
Will have to get off my kind keister;
Write some more poems after Easter;
What I found in poem to be surprising
was there was no mentioning of arising.
Many problems we may have to face;
Kids left egg shells all over the place,
And after more and more surmising
Christ's death started a civil up rising.
Jim Horn
Wow. Five limericks in one hour.
Can you beat that?
The More That God
The more that God we are now following
More we will be worshipping and hallowing
And as our age increases in its accrual
We will start to increase amount of renewal.
Jesus never ever had His curiosity caught
Not making His Father become over wrought
Even went on a mountain top for forty days
Talking to His Father and giving Him praise.
This fact to the attention of choir did bring
We could hear it in a song that they did sing
Even though I have become an old keister
I still will talk and sing eloquently at Easter.
My whole body tingles from head to toes
Know that I know my beloved Jesus arose
Said in Me and my Father don't have doubt
Which is what I am writing this poem about.
James Thomas Horn
Retired Veteran and Poet
If you like big butts Hippopotamuses have big baabottomuses you may say, that’s just asinine A tall tale, you horse’s derriere but I can, so I’ll fanny the flames of posteriority **** thou off-ended take a seat you say Bullocks behind my back but I say buttocks subsequently Haul keister you bum
They said, "his bark is much worse than his bite"
So, I opened the gate, without fright
But the beast would outwit me !
In the keister, he bit me!!
He will feast on my trousers tonight !
.................................
5/4/15 For John Freeman's Contest : Dumb and Dumber Quotations
(Never trust someone who says "his bark is much worse than his bite".... !! LOL !)
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