Long Keister Poems
Long Keister Poems. Below are the most popular long Keister by PoetrySoup Members. You can search for long Keister poems by poem length and keyword.
Spoiler Forewarning Alert!
This averred title announced straight
away so lingering fans
(hoop fully letting me abbreviate)
a short cut so ye
can up and evacuate,
while metered time,
not yet foregone and not to late
hence best heed mine caution
which can protect minimum damage,
asper gray matter within pate
or blithely ignore
admonishment, aye accentuate
hmm...okay,...you apparently
decided to forsake adequate
prophecy, resigning despite
honest to dog admission to punctuate
a most unpleasant prediction,
I did woof lee aerate
worst case scenario,
leaving disabling genetic trait
to effect generations,
where legions of lesions adulterate
causing future offspring to mutate
and closely resemble
teenage mutant turtles, this potentate
(albeit self declared
only mein kampf, thee only life,
his existence he can arrogate
he doth officiate),
hence proceed at your own risk,
to avoid unpleasant fate,
visited upon unborn sons and daughters
uttering imprecations
unintelligible expletive laced spate,
that would approximate
(a cross between duck and pig)
incoherently gutturally excoriate
ting tee, thus don't tell me, I didn't
forewarn ya, whar
yar heart might palpitate,
thus causing da ole
ticker to fluctuate
dem eyes of yaws
could severely dilate,
while sweat gushes out every pore
streaming like liquid useless tube video,
a salty sea would then perspirate
out every last drop of fluid,
erupting magmatic plasma
to pool agglomerate
right under keister,
a lovely bag of bones
delivered to Norristown State
which inability to hydrate,
hence resultant mummification
heroic measures futile
thus humane decision would necessitate
and remaining days
on Earth numbered
starting with zero, not very great,
now this extinct reptile
hoop heed dead gratefully,
express message, and clearly articulate.
Which is trickier, slipping or sliding?
The ice out there is a hard quarter inch.
Which is riskier, gripping or gliding?
I'm digging down deep in the workroom bench;
I remember they are in here somewhere.
The ice out there is a hard quarter inch.
I've got grip thingies for my boots to wear -
those with the sharp metal points underneath.
I remember they are in here somewhere.
Voila! they still have more than half their teeth!
I recall there's a trick - slogging in spikes.
those with the sharp metal points underneath.
With one step forward, I let out a "Yikes!"
as my keister says "hello" to the floor.
I recall there's a trick - slogging in spikes
A few steps more and I'll open the door,
Which is trickier, slipping or sliding?
as my keister says "hello" to the floor.
Which is riskier, gripping or gliding?
April 8, 2022
Beyond ice and snow, consider this trope
With smiles on your faces, hold on to hope.
There I was, a lonely soul, lollin' on a Bermuda beach soakin' up the sun,
Where the sand is pink and the rum swizzles will never be outdone!
Where college goils from New Joisey and New Yawk flock to each Easter,
To frolic on the beaches, find romance and display their comely keister!
From across the way I espied this beauty strollin' along the shore.
I mused, "Is this the steamy summer love that I've been pinin' for?"
The statuesque bikini-clad doll came towards me with a cat-like stride.
I could hardly quell the romantic notions that were wellin' up inside!
I leapt to my feet, pullin' in my gut and puffin' out my puny chest!
(After all! To impress this stunner wouldn't you want to look your best!)
"Hi-ya, big fella", she purred, "I've come to Bermuda for a little fun,
And my ten-day holiday in this lovely paradise has just begun!"
Well, what's a feller to do - I invited her for a Manhattan at the local pub.
Afterwards, we sipped champagne and played toesies in a heated tub!
Later, strollin' the beach, we noted that old man winkin' at us from the moon.
This was enhanced by romantic music serenadin' us from across the lagoon!
Things were goin' so well that I just could not believe my good luck.
Suddenly, it all ended as if I'd been dinged in the head with a hockey puck!
Alas, I had been dreamin' this romantic interlude that was far from borin',
When my spouse poked me sayin', "Wake up and stop that infernal snorin'!"
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved
Placed No. 1 in Sweetheart Of Poetry Soup's "Steamy Summer Love" Contest - Jul 2010
Lower gastrointestinal war civil declared
because sweet tooth (er...rather dentures)
craved absolute zero sum game yoking,
wickedly villainous, x'acting tummy
upsetting Pavlovian salivating, romancing,
quid pro quo woe pea pie us, orthodox,
conventional, nun habit forming (Lie),
mouth watering, lip locked, kickstarting,
Je Suis ill lust trios, hymn bracing, gob
stop ping, feasting immediate enema
inducing, decadent chocolate baneful
cake courtesy of adoring bubela, (the
same over stuffed ego freezer oft
mentioned counterpart), charming,
hugely overpowering tenderly loving
zee missus diabolically exuding
"FAKE" gracious humane insinuating
jabbering, knowingly loo man hating,
needful offal pestiferous quasi rip
snorting, tush under fire, violent
whooshing, expelling xyz lower
abdominal contractions, indubitably
kindling, jumpstarting instagramming
howling, fostering execrable, debilitating,
besieging posterior, automatically
clutching derriere, experiencing ferocious
gluteus maximus intractable jabbing, knifing,
lacerating, mutilating nameless oaf (me),
painfully quaking das simian, torturously
undergoing vicious wretched excessive
yawping worse fate than death!
Otherwise ass hide from irritable bowel
syndrome this second July Sunday 2019
quite yawningly wonderful, uneventful,
sedate, quiet, ordinary, mundane, languid,
joyously humdrum, fabulously drab
characterizing local buffoon, i.e. yours truly.
Shall I cut thee a slice of outrageously
luscious, keister heavenly gourmet deluxe cake?
Bums are funny, I don't know why
giggling 'til I nearly cry-
Silly nicknames are so much fun
like tuchis, tail, rump or buns
Some are dainty, sweet or cutesy
like heinie, cheeks, and petootsie
Timid hinting at their meanings
“back-end”, “behind”... backward leanings
While some are spunky, full of sass
like keister, bum, or tush, (or ass)
Posterior and derriere
both spell it out with quite a flair!
But buttocks, butt, or plain “backside”
bare it all- with nothing to hide
Haunches, hindquarters, can or seat
the list goes on without repeat...
Rear-ends, bottoms, duffs, full moons
all leave me laughing like a loon!
cuz poisonous toxins sting like scorpions
severely crimping ability to sit down absorption
radiating throughout every
cell guaranteeing abstention
against hidebound contract, no
ifs, ands, nor but tucks
whereby mood linkedin
to nihilistic abstraction
particularly as quasi pincers jabbed
like sharp serrated knives acceleration
guaranteed, where bum rapped cheekily
prospective hemorrhoids increased accentuation
pro bono (cher red) bloody stools,
this tetchy, itchy, y,...
bard declined invitation,
nee I rejected outright asinine acceptation
within bowel running toward toilet trees
squeezing keister exhausting effort in vain
scheduled medical appointment
gave curled lipped grudging acclamation
acquiescing nod toward grim reaper
worth casting die i.e. permanent resolution,
nary one more infinitesimal fraction
of second, could bare witness re: acclimation
or spelling alternate spelling acclimatization
experiencing, idolizing, lurching...,
sought after emetic interaction
with commode preoccupation
nearly twenty four hours
'tween latter part of September eighth
and ninth laxative delivered accommodation
at long last me no longer tortured
relieved, overjoyed, belated...
rear (rare) accreditation
proffered prior to accretion
lest I forcibly axed to join acculturation
of medical anomalies, you better blivet!
Sleeping Beauty move over, you got fierce competition
Ain't no vicious rumor,
but dead serious joke
cuz no princess
can kiss bajillion times
to get yours truly woke
ah... just one garden variety generic
Geico Frog Prince
(in actuality I
wanna be caveman bloke)
nothing will disrupt me,
not even minor noose,
so hence go ahead
to get dude duke to choke,
or light a fire under my keister,
nsync with strong arms
issuing lances jabbing poke
but natural gas within me
will endanger nearby folk.
Now listen up,
cuz Zarathustra hath spoke
randomly selected Matthew Scott Harris
sitting prettily athwart
(think Boy George of Culture Club)
on his toadstool,
his (courtesy Zarathustra)
divine inspiration he doth not cloak
couched admonition forewarning
demise kisser will croak
unless he/she qualifies as
bonifide LGBTQ - okey doke
don't say, I did not give fair warning,
while going for broke
courtesy one gay (ping) small/medium
at large frog, usually found soak
king up sunbeams
nonchalantly taking toke
exotic blend comprising
flies, mosquitoes, moths
and damn dragonflies
after they did marinate and soak
within solution mainly egg yolk
to offer greatest smoke.
Oh don't be confused, flummoxed,
nor ill humored regarding mine
married status with tadpoles
totalling ahem... sixty nine
heterosexual biological reproduction
consummated as faux sign
unable to retrofit, reddit, ribbit...
no I honest got a short backbone (spine)
with large hip bone to support
powerful leg muscles taut as pine
yet smooth and glassy as River Seine
out true self before I feign to croak
purportedly rumor heard thru grapevine,
but twitch started by yours truly.
Postscript: my apology,
noah arked intent cited as offender
toward any living creature sexual gender
who might take objection regarding
unfairly labeled, hashtagged,
as duped pretender
cuz thy persona, karma,
charisma... genuinely legally tender.
Tired of feeling sleepy today - August 17th, 2019
Lashed with fatigue,
eye cannot fend off lethargy
hazy, hot, humid weather zaps
mental physical, and spiritual energy
even men of cloth
various and sundry clergy.
Undoubtedly summoning Parson Brown
currently out of season,
though stratospheric demand
for his person now
unprecedented as summer
dog days force physical slowdown,
nonetheless he would
experience immediate meltdown
booked solid throughout
"Winter Wonderland,"
when deep freeze
doth make clampdown,
no matter sung by masses
with uncertain reason
caroling 'bout said enigmatic figure
heard in every hamlet
or sprawling boomtown
belted clear as bell
o'er nor'easter howl
undeterred by polar vortex windblown
chilling atlas shrugged
off undaunted facedown
weathering arctic blast
making snow angels
comfortably numb jollity reverses frown
even elderly folks
sport about though grown
spry stick figures shoveling tunnel
courtesy white blanketed lockdown
"careful ma am" not
to fall on keister or crown.
Presence of said parson
linkedin with spate
of blizzard conditions and
Frosty the Snowman,
whose power to bring society
to standstill will not abate
proof positive to commander
in chief who cannot extricate
whether from climate, and trumpets
what he doth cogitate
dismissing global warming -
calling out "end of debate"
twill usher doomsday, cuz he
and trolling henchmen skate
on thin ice, and whose
dawdling crass, base
actions only accelerate
day of wreck conning
when most species will
lack mien ways to acclimate
all the more rhyming reason
to bid mortality adieu
and slumber permanently
battened down hatches
with me sigh ease oompa loompa mate.
Tick...Tock...Tick...Tock...
(Aye apologize for straying way
outside thee usual canon -
a poetic souffle,
boot desperation
finds me cent less,
Thus i pray
for divine intercession, this may
day call sent out, far
chump change moo nay
(near zero dollars
in checking account)
this near crack 'o dawn
to rescue me - okay?
----------------------------------
aye yie yie,
aye ham awake
at two o'cock
in the morning
ye yie yie,
aye ham awake
at three o'cock
in the morning
ye yie yie,
aye ham awake
at four o'cock
in the morning
keenly aware of major
appliances conversing ad-hoc
no doubt conspiring to sock
this dirt poor dada
directly in ma keister,
where i take flight
amidst a flock
of seagulls honking
at my unintentional
"FAKE" chutzpah to block
their instinctual migratory path
from swift tailored kick
in the buttock
as iterated above
from energy guzzling
electricity trapping shock
king lee vengeful
Peco powered accouterments,
whence this air
born papa chock
full of anxiety, asper
no where to
turn and jock
key for getting,
perhaps stealing myself
as a stowaway aboard
an unattended ship at dock
or as a las resort resort
to a life of crime
with deliberate intent,
where "the fuzz"
take me to lock
up, no way most certainly
not a place
to sing sing about,
and most likely end up
a scape goat kid
ding lee bullied a knock
on me noggin will
find me seeing mock
believe stars, which warrants
emergency medical
treatment by "Spock"
of star trek fame, whose
Vulcan antidotes wok
like a charm and find me
well on the Scottish peck
road less traveled,
which sends me Bach
to the future,
where i encounter
my pluperfect self
(barely recognizable
richly adorned other self),
with many a golden lock
compared to mine limp hair
resembling plastered schlock.
Blech - impossible mission to savor mug of ginger tea...
When the entire mug awash
with floating leavings
by golly by gosh,
sipping said herbal brew
analogous challenge
to eat spaghetti squash
with one chopstick.
Earlier yesterday February twenty fourth
two thousand twenty four
found yours truly (me)
blithely consuming delicious
La COLOMBE DOUBLE LATTE
cold iced latte, complete
with a frothy layer
of milk and a touch of sugar.
Lower gastrointestinal war civil
immediately declared
because yours truly beleaguered
by lactose intolerance.
Courtesy veritable sweet tooth
(er...rather dentures)
craved absolute zero sum game yoking,
wickedly villainous, x'acting tummy
upsetting Pavlovian salivating, romancing,
quid pro quo woe pea pie us, orthodox,
conventional, nun habit forming (Lie),
mouth watering, lip locked, kickstarting,
Je Suis ill lust trios, hymn bracing,
gobstopping, feasting immediate laxative
inducing, decadent chocolate baneful
cake courtesy of adoring bubela, (the
same over stuffed ego freezer oft
mentioned counterpart, who unwittingly
prepared spot of tea), charming,
hugely overpowering tenderly loving
zee missus diabolically exuding
"FAKE" gracious humane insinuating
jabbering, knowingly ill loo man hating,
needful offal pestiferous quasi rip
snorting, tush under fire, violent
whooshing, expelling xyz lower
abdominal contractions, indubitably
kindling, jumpstarting instagramming
howling, fostering execrable, debilitating,
besieging posterior, automatically
clutching derriere, experiencing ferocious
gluteus maximus intractable jabbing, knifing,
lacerating, mutilating nameless oaf (me),
painfully quaking das simian, torturously
undergoing vicious wretched excessive
yawping worse fate than death!
Otherwise ass hide from irritable bowel
syndrome approximately
twenty four hours ago
from Saturday February twenty fifth
two thousand twenty four
me quite yawningly wonderful, uneventful,
sedate, quiet, ordinary, mundane, languid,
joyously humdrum, fabulously for
two whit tuss lee drab
characterized local buttuck blaster
also hashtagged endearment
as bubble butt.
Now shall I cut thee a slice of outrageously
luscious, keister jump/kick starting heavenly
gourmet deluxe cheese cake?