Long Keister Poems

Saul’s twinkling eyes took it all in – the platinum hair framing a first-class face, the silvery sheath dress wrapped around a figure that was out of sight, but in plain view. She was definitely...

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neither cleanliness nor godliness do I abide
rather yours truly doth thrive
on keeping the ethos, mythos,
and pathos of Pigpen alive
subjected to eternal
abomination, brutalization,
condemnation, damnation,
emasculation, humiliation, ostracization,
who one day envisions himself
as a decrepit solitudinarian
an aging long haired...

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End of summer countdown before school year...

countless decades graduating 
contemptible cum laude
hence same time frame every 
August since...the stone
temple pilot age, this beastie 
boy flashes back to yahoos
whose rawhide (mine) they 
miraculously never whipped!

Uneasy panic...

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Blech - impossible mission to savor mug of ginger tea...

When the entire mug awash
with floating leavings
by golly by gosh,
sipping said herbal brew
analogous challenge
to eat spaghetti squash
with one chopstick.

Earlier yesterday February twenty fourth
two thousand twenty four
found...

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Tick...Tock...Tick...Tock...

(Aye apologize for straying way
outside thee usual canon -
     a poetic souffle,
boot desperation
     finds me cent less,
     Thus i pray
for divine intercession, this...

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We've been having a "Bash Santa" week, but I wrote limericks this morning about Putin breaking his tailbone.  So, Tom suggested we have a "Bash Putin" week.  Here are three more from me....

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Sleeping Beauty move over, you got fierce competition

Ain't no vicious rumor,
but dead serious joke
cuz no princess
can kiss bajillion times

to get yours truly woke
ah... just one garden variety generic
Geico Frog Prince
(in actuality I
wanna be caveman bloke)

nothing...

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Biological parents minted circa December 1st, 1957

Amelie Beth Harris
fresh out womb blurted "ahoy"
melded as genetic
deoxynucleic acid alloy
awkward first time parents

natural affection did employ
Boyce and Harriet Harris
shed tears of joy,
and feted yearly birthdays,

thus much appreciation ye...

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Spoiler Forewarning Alert!

This averred title announced straight
away so lingering fans
(hoop fully letting me abbreviate)
a short cut so ye
can up and evacuate,
while metered time,

not yet foregone and not to late
hence best heed mine caution
which can protect...

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Tired of feeling sleepy today - August 17th, 2019

Lashed with fatigue,
eye cannot fend off lethargy
hazy, hot, humid weather zaps
mental physical, and spiritual energy
even men of cloth
various and sundry clergy.

Undoubtedly summoning Parson Brown
currently out of season,
though...

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Bottoms Up[


I was looking around for a new winter sport
Something rigorous but not a dangerous sort
A good friend of mine suggested to me
“if you can walk, you can cross country ski”

So I shopped around at...

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There I was, a lonely soul, lollin' on a Bermuda beach soakin' up the sun,
Where the sand is pink and the rum swizzles will never be outdone!
Where college goils from New Joisey and New Yawk...

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Lower gastrointestinal war civil declared
because sweet tooth (er...rather dentures)
craved absolute zero sum game yoking,
wickedly villainous, x'acting tummy
upsetting Pavlovian salivating, romancing,

quid pro quo woe pea pie us, orthodox, 
conventional, nun habit forming (Lie), 
mouth watering, lip...

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cuz poisonous toxins sting like scorpions
severely crimping ability to sit down absorption
radiating throughout every
cell guaranteeing abstention
against hidebound contract, no

ifs, ands, nor but tucks
whereby mood linkedin
to nihilistic abstraction
particularly as quasi pincers jabbed
like sharp serrated knives acceleration

guaranteed,...

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If you like big butts                              ...

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Which is trickier, slipping or sliding?
The ice out there is a hard quarter inch. 
Which is riskier, gripping or gliding?
  
  I'm digging down deep in the workroom bench;
  I remember they...

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The More That God

The more that God we are now following
More we will be worshipping and hallowing
And as our age increases in its accrual
We will start to increase amount of renewal.

Jesus never ever had His...

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Second Chances 2
Written: by Miracle Man
1-21-2019
Shortly after SCA
 Had kicked my keister,
I saw my cardiologist 
Just one day past Easter. 
He dubbed me Lazarus 
Upon entering the room,
Referring to my clinical death 
I had reason...

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Oh my gosh it’s almost Easter
Time to get off my fat keister.

To buy a dozen eggs, or more
Coz now there’s five kids over four.

And one of them always cries
Painting eggs with stupid dyes.

I almost forgot...

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Horn Haiku. 

To be culpable, 
You do not need to complete, 
Any obstruction. 

Trump is never nice; 
With his vice he does entice, 
And sins shall suffice., 

Truly a lost cause; 
Qualities not redeeming; 
Sets...

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Bums are funny, I don't know why
giggling 'til I nearly cry-

Silly nicknames are so much fun
like tuchis, tail, rump or buns

Some are dainty, sweet or cutesy
like heinie, cheeks, and petootsie

Timid hinting at their meanings
“back-end”, “behind”......

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