I had blood on my face. Dirty. Gracious. And… disgusting. Blood dripping on my face. Didn’t know it. It just smelled bad.
When I looked at my face in the mirror, I thought… that the mirror had the blood.
I kept cleaning it. Cleaning it. Rubbing it. With my arms. With my palms. With my fingertips.
At the fatigue, I could get in my fingertips until that blood dripped from my face onto the mirror.
And now I understand that I had a problem. Who caused problems on both me and the mirror.
Now I can clean the blood on my face. But what about the mirror?
," I felt my fingernails digging into his back during a profoundly charged moment. It was striking to see tears streaming down the face of this strong man—he was unguarded! He sighed deeply and reached his climax again and again.
This was not just a display of sportsmanship; it was a clear expression of inner turmoil
Heart, what do you want?
Is it in front?
Uttering those whispers,
You show me hopes of glimmers.
Heart, are you confused?
While my soul is used.
But you, be at ease.
As the divine will show you peace.
.Past the estrangements
Witnessing profuse isolation
Fidgety deep the listless eyes
Conjures up hallucinations
Suffering the incagement
Dreams of touching the skies
Tainted sphere
Smothering her hopes
She breathes in poisoned air
Much like gloomy saprobes
Mistful lashes
Memory on flashes
Fabricated smile
Loaded on heart so fragile
Fails to hide the bedlam
Regret clustered in lump
Can't help but succumb
Yet she dreams high
In ambiguous sigh
Why is it so hard? I wonder,
To have myself figured out.
Me, whom i have known about
Just well, since forever.
And if i cant do it myself
Then how can i blame another?
Who is also just a self
Not very unlike any other
Who has his own worries,
Troubling pasts and memories.
What would Christ do, I wonder,
If He was in my stead?
He would just entirely surrender
It all, i guess to His Father.
I don't know why i falter
And i don't know why i'm bitter
But i know God wants us to be helpers
Of ourselves and one another
To uplift spiritually, each other
And get through storms together.
So i'm just going to surrender
All my worries and sorrows
And wait patiently as this ember
Slowly illuminates my tomorrows.
When you look at your reflection in a mirror, what do you see?
I see a failure, and that failure is me.
I feel like I’m stuck yet I pace up and down.
My face is etched with a worrying frown.
The problem is I tend to fester and then over-think.
At times It’s so bad I feel like I need a drink.
My stomach’s in knots and my mind in a different place.
There’s just so much that I simply can’t face.
But this analysis paralysis will not be the end of me.
First steps needed – deep breaths and a cup of tea.
Music helps me to relax and to calm.
I know that I have support so I’m safe from any harm.
I’m loved by others which makes me warm inside.
I will keep on going – one day I’ll hold my head up with pride.
I watch closer
as it's a hard time to feel lonely
I come back to a bad home
that smells rot
I smile as if nothing happened
like the voices weren't raised
like snide remarks weren't heard
like it's all forgotten.
I struggle through the pressure of consumption
I am caught in the riptide of my mess
I wonder if he loves me
I wonder if he doesn't
I sleep through the pain
as my mind scrawls a vivid love story on the rusty chambers of my sinking heart
I wish for a new process
New holidays, new traditions
Old friends, new fiends
New lover, same scars
I wish to walk out with my head high
I wish to stand up for what I'm worth
I wish for a place of no hatred, no bigotry
I wish to break out from the bottomless void of my mind
I am sick of others stealing reasons from me
not anymore.
I follow the sun
I am warm
I am harsh
I am lovely.
Quite disdainful I due regret to be punished within one's own mind,
The silence of the screaming,
The happiness its loathing,
Each one hitting you at the same time.
And i cant quite believe how i ordinary i can seem,
When im dying on the inside.
I used to let such things escape me,
Now i find them bottled without any try,
Without any need.
And still theres no warning that I can heed before I consequentally fall in love,
Those wide blue eyes attracting me.
I wont let this be can you not see,
I dont want this in my life.
No not now, nor ever will I bow down to that knife.
This inner rage, anxiety,
This floating little microscopic me...screaming,
Crying, living, dying, breathing, waiting for me....to be..
To want....to make....me....-screams-
I cry so loud, yet you never hear me weeping
I stand so tall, though I feel like falling down
I must go on though, life is so worth keeping
As tears now gather, could make a person drown
My existence questioned, seldom ever answered
My thoughts then turn to the faces of the young
My wife she looks to me for strength, so absurd
For in my heart there are songs just never sung
Yet, I must smile and move so steadily ahead
While my body’s weak, with dreams to stay in bed
I know so well that I must shake these feelings
But each day just brings so much more new strife
My inspiration lies within my loving family
I give them praise, my children and my wife
Without them there I’d forever be so vacant
As dreams and goals would never take a shape
So, actions now are ones I must just warrant
And from depression I must then escape
My family keeps me going as best I could
For them I’ll reach the goals just as I should
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