They called the "Buff Boy" to clear my table.
He winked, said I'm ready, willing, and able!
I was eating kumquats after a couple squats,
And ran screaming back home to my wife Mable!
The following week, I was doing some curls,
On the Thigh Master, was some pretty girls.
Their nostrils flaring, cuz they caught me staring,
I must have looked like a swine casting pearls.
After that, those long walks to the gym were over!
Get a new hobby, Mable said, ambition drove her.
Wasn't no conductor, so became an instructor,
Now, I own that damn gym, walking in tall clover!
Gym goer hits the gym—me,
A dumbell slipped wild and free,
He fell on his mouth,
A tooth out, a shrill shout,
Oops! He realised—the gym hit me!
This limerick is fiction
There are a few people who motivate me
When I walk in the gym to workout I see
Balances of challenges a sea of humanity
Some with limbs that don’t move normally
The woman in wheel chair with a green smile
She’s moving and meeting her own goals now
The man using his walker has courage so loud
That inspires the lot of us even the small child
In the pool they are free to move
Silly me too embarrassed to try to
I can’t swim and once had lessons too
I’m watching them as I do what I do
You may not know who you indigo inspire
Just by being who you are you lift higher
Yourself and others despite dilemma's red fire
You are an earthly star press on towards desire
Yesterday I thought of going to the gym
for a minute considered going for a swim
then I remembered I had better things to do
convinced I could come up with a thing or two
Today I was thinking again of going to the gym
but soon gave up on that reckless silly whim
instead stayed home to bake a chocolate cake
planned our supper and thawed a ribeye steak
Tomorrow I'll likely consider going to the gym
but save myself the trouble and just pretend I'm slim
afterall life's too short to waste it breaking in a sweat
while cocktail glasses await to be filled with somethin' wet
AP: 1st place 2025
The neophytes
The hunks, the hulks
The curbs, the bulks.
He's on a health kick,
Running until he's feeling sick.
No alcohol or flavoured vapes,
Sleeping eight hours with closed drapes.
Chopping up veggies with brown rice,
Drinking green smoothies with cubes of ice.
Avoiding French fries and burger meals,
Measuring his blood pressure when he feels.
Chicken is his only meat,
Especially eaten as a treat.
He has decaffeinated tea and coffee,
And natural sweetness in his banoffee.
Enjoying pasta with basil oil,
Some sourdough pieces, quite small.
Swimming daily fifty lengths,
To keep up his body strength.
He's a regular at the gym,
His personal trainer looks up to him.
Because he's on a health kick,
And exercising until he's feeling sick.
sparrows spare...ow's...
with their
wing-s-eyes for full-light...
and...
bird brain differ-andt-says...
that their spe-sees well
past human percept-shuns...
so that...
their ups-downs and spirals spun...
show
wings without any attend-shuns...
stan sand
I took a long look at him:
Body of user of Gym
Wants muscles, not to seen trim;
His Agnes might remain The Slim!
There a Tim trains, so does Kim;
Then, why can't he Mister Jim?
Yeah! About time Jim went to Gym
Or Gym does reverse for Jim.
While training follows his whim:
No Rock Music: sings God's Hymn,
Glass of juice filled to the brim,
Eyeglass with Coppery rim...
But Jim for Gold not Copper
His choice of bike A Chopper...
"Tomorrow, another Gym
Remember that Jim."
Who came up with gym class?
Literally nobody asked…
The athletes thrive,
While all the others die.
Gym is my first class of the day,
This teachers should have no pay.
He just sits there and watches us suffer,
I just want to call my mother.
It’s impossible to fail gym,
But in the end, I’d rather swim.
I go to the gym
so I can fit in
the pants I bought last year
Though I must admit
it's nice to sit
and study the leotards there
Yeren for a long winter
when the abdominable
snowman just sasquatch
of his feet yeti
chowed down another
bigfoot long hotdog
Towering
Heavenly wood
Mount Olympus
awaits
Hermes hustles
Wings flailing
Seeking higher ground
Elemental gossip.
Aphrodite's eros oozes
bombastically from the cargo net
onlookers salivate.
Poseidon glares from the pit
monitoring his realm
for rapacious rambunctious rascals.
Apollo's mirth emanates
atop the monkey bars
emotions elevate.
Ares hangs by fingertips
below
scanning for signs of his
next blow.
Persephone checks herself
slide in-view
wandering if she'd ever get that
tattoo.
Hades peers up through the cracks
from down bellow
Lamenting on his bad boy role.
Artemis finds her center
in no time stat
balance beam barely buckles.
Sticky quicksand
swallows my feet.
The arena's stacked.
Better get a move on
Mom's sure to call
grape juice slurped
bugger all.
Another day at the gym,
Pumping iron for the swell.
Aching muscles feeling grim,
As I put myself through hell.
Boneless chicken that I bake,
Egg whites keep me lean.
Protein powders in a shake,
With a dose of creatine.
Heavy squats inflate the quads,
Bench presses for my pecs.
Arm curls to increase the odds,
In the mirror just to flex.
Pull-ups will expand the lats,
Back with snatch and grabs.
Cutting out excessive fats,
And crunches for my abs.
Stretching to protect my calves,
Dumbbells for bulging traps.
Smearing on more greasy salves,
For running more than twenty laps.
After many hours dripping sweat,
My daily workout finally done.
Don't you know I won't regret,
While basking in the blazing sun.
You can’t kill nor hurt Jim
For Angels are singing his hymn
Only risking a filling to the brim
The Fatal Cup that would your own life trim.
You can neither silence him;
I have this discussed with Athletic Kim,
Who the same thing said like Tim
And cherishes him more than a gym.
Of course, you can’t intimidate him:
Luckily, he is not at all slim
His alert eyes shiny, not dim
And can see through a whim …
They had all these tried cleverly,
Enemies’ ditching attacks heavily
But what in the end happened?
Doors of progress still opened!
The third-grade students are squealing like pigs
being chased by axe murderers waving bloody machetes
I smile as their voices bounce off the gym walls
I hear the coach’s voice now; squealing is interrupted.
For a few minutes while she speaks.
Beginning again; louder now.
Is there a roller coaster in there?
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