Best Gym Poems
I used to like barbells, enjoyed pumping iron,
my Nautilus* gym was one happy environ.
Those posters of 6-packs and marbled biceps
inspired me to start counting carbs, pounds, and reps.
My trainer would coax, "hold as long as you can!"
Doing deadlifts I felt like a WAS a dead man
The kettlebell, medicine ball - hated those,
since dropping 'em both on my poor little toes.
My dad-bod and willpower soon parted ways,
after only 1 set, I was shell-shocked for days
My back hurt, my knees ached, I'd injured my hips,
after grimacing nonstop, I'd sprained both my lips.
Oy! The sharp pain that shoots
through my quads, delts and glutes...
Now my game plan is shifting
no more power lifting.
To planks, it's "no thanks",
I'm expunging all lunging.
I feel stabs in my abs,
there's a hex on my pecs
and my lats shriek like bats.
When I tweak my oblique
I am sore to the core...
and I want it no more.
The rowing machine is no longer my scene
I loathe those squats lots and I hate crunches bunches.
Do sit-ups or push-ups? Do jump-ups or chin-ups?
I'm more inclined now to do lots of "I-give-ups".
My doc tried convincing me I'd be less tired?
I'm questioning how that poor man's brain is wired!
I felt half exhausted just WATCHING staff clean
the ellipticals, treadmills, and stair-climb machine.
Then... I found when I stood on the locker room scale
That my plan to lose weight was a sad epic fail!
I'm done! I have finished my very last burpee -
I just want a hot dog and super-size Slurpee.
What happened to wanting to feel fit and well?
When it came to workouts, I was just a dumbbell.
I've resolved now to walk more, or swim a few laps
maybe jog, ride my bike, play some tennis, take naps.
That's right, getting plenty of rest seems so plain,
it appears the most challenging muscle to train ...
is the brain.
* Nautilus is a brand of gym equipment
written 2 Oct 2022
An eloquent lady named Kim
works her Words at the Poetry gym
Limericks put on mass
while Haiku takes spin class
and her Couplets are healthy and trim!
================
This limerick was written for my
Soup buddy Kim Patrice Nunez.
Thanks for your positive input
and excellent support. Hugz!
Yo check it
I’m at the gym and I’m lifting weights
Getting more cut than Sharon Tate
Get big every day that’s my motto
My gym schedule is never staccato
Popping veins and rippling abs
I look like something cooked up in a lab
Cuz I’m a lifting machine
Running on chicken breasts and creatine
All those scrawny dudes getting jealous of me
Cuz my body so good at synthesizing ATP!
My favorite surface is one that’s made of glass
So I can see myself lookin like Charles atlas
You know I’m always looking for a reason to take off my shirt
But I’m so cut if you touch me you might get hurt
But that’s a risk that I am willing to take
So check out my guns
And my rock hard buns
I treat the bench press like it’s a dinner date
So I’m telling ya bae grab me two more fifty pound plates
Cuz I’m gonna scarf it down
Then go for three more ten rep rounds
Then when I’m done slam the weights on the ground
Now I gotta drop the mic because it’s time to tan
Then have a post work out meal of rice and salmon
Ode To A Gym Teacher
Amid brassiere and derrière
She strives to put her clothes on.
Her panties there, stockings here
The rest of it, she throws on.
At the mirror, shining bright
She struggles with her powder.
She holds her place with main and might
As others try to crowd her.
How can she dress so nimbly
In but five minutes of an hour?
The question’s answered simply:
She did not take a shower.
Barbara Dickenson
August 1966
the human brains -
- all start from zero
- is backup developed ?
20/10/2019
Sun :) - A-L Andresen :)
Copyright © All Rights Reserved
Get in touch with your Zen Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Richard Lamoureux
Questionku - 4-5-6- syllables
2nd place in the contest
Three times a week I’m in the gym,
keeping my weight and blood pressure
“within safe limits”….I count down twenty
minutes on the treadmill, in groups of
twos…shouting out 18!-16!-14! and
so on …until I reach Zero!
The girls downstairs, on reception were
built for sex…or so it seems, and when I
emerge from my place of torture…I imagine
them all (5)…squashed together with me
naked in the hot showers…it would involve
soap and giggles and skin and hair and the
exchange of pleasantries (and some lies?)…
then as I continue on past reception towards
the changing rooms, it strikes me that this is
unlikely to happen; and anyway, they would
never leave the reception unattended.
Hours of kick boxing
Eye lids on a constant sit up practice,
Blood flowing down through various yoga positions
Eye muscles are stretching
The lips lifting weights
Cells running on a treadmill,
After such a long boot camp
The mind ready for meditation.
All the gym's a stage
And all the pale boys merely players;
Unconvincing ones, too.
At the theatre entrance
I part with pride
For a curious form of Vaudeville.
The maxims of inertia invert.
No longer are the masters
Of the ruling class.
To make up for their deficit,
They perform:
Cackle, strut, and prance disgustingly,
Strive insensitively to sound “street,”
To be street.
(Street actors.)
It must be black magic
To float over concrete,
To steer balls
Into circles.
Audience: the girls and I,
But especially
The dark magicians themselves,
Who either sponsor their imitators,
Or disapprove and sneer.
Cheated of my cash again,
I hurry backstage
And recognize the actors
Without their costumes,
Sporting familiarity: Hollister, Jansport, Abercrombie.
The bell rings; they exit;
The shoe polish
Washes off their faces;
They morph
Into rich white boys
Once more.
That old ugly Frankenstein,
always loved to wine and dine.
Now he had a fat behind
couldn't waste any more time.
He decided to join the huge Monster Gym,
all that fat he gained, now needed trimmed.
He had given each mean machine a try,
by the end of the night, was ready to die.
Every muscle screamed out in pain,
wouldn't give up, more weight he'd gain.
By the time Halloween came,
he sure didn't look the same.
He just had to give that Elvira a call,
and invite her to the Halloween Ball.
Frankenstein's hard work had paid off at the end.
He lost his weight and now gained a special friend.
Anguish,
fear,
infidelity,
caution,
heroism,
exoneration-
death,
discovery,
attitude,
angle...
Here I come,
angle your beast,
here I am on the run,
peddling with the mean-
I don’t need to hear words,
I can cause them to erupt,
that’s a better way to feel pleased,
I am a skunk,
a deliverer of the priests,
jumping in a jump-
common common man learn to jump!
She’s only gonna be here until morning,
and that’s not a real guarantee,
i'm jumping man!
Common man jump!
If you were at a feast,
you’d be gone all day and all night,
peddling with the mean.
Common man jump!
Get away from the please,
it’s a terrible scene,
a monstrous plan,
a baby in a sink!
Its there all day and all night,
waiting for a ween.
It’s a serious coast-
we all play parts of the scene,
bounce bounce-
pump pump-
it’s a really big bug going
rump a pump pump,
So take her within your hand
and deliver all the sand,
layin’ waters across lands,
unknown and under manned.
creaking rust
spread to my tissues
am growing masses of
bulges appear out of hi-
ding sweat trickles odour
of yesterday humming like
tropical mosquitoes escalati-
ng the growth of surreptitious
microorganisms girls on the bikes
giggling and gossiping i watch like
a saint middle aged mamas perspiri-
ng ammonia and urea swirl in artifici
al air black clad masters instructing lov
Dumbbell, dumbbell
Arc and drop
Clanging bell
Of start and stop
Stretch
Flex
Bow and weave
Wretch
Sex
Split and cleave
Pump
Push
Perfect tush
Jump
Rump
Clang and thump
Another day at the gym,
Pumping iron for the swell.
Aching muscles feeling grim,
As I put myself through hell.
Boneless chicken that I bake,
Egg whites keep me lean.
Protein powders in a shake,
With a dose of creatine.
Heavy squats inflate the quads,
Bench presses for my pecs.
Arm curls to increase the odds,
In the mirror just to flex.
Pull-ups will expand the lats,
Back with snatch and grabs.
Cutting out excessive fats,
And crunches for my abs.
Stretching to protect my calves,
Dumbbells for bulging traps.
Smearing on more greasy salves,
For running more than twenty laps.
After many hours dripping sweat,
My daily workout finally done.
Don't you know I won't regret,
While basking in the blazing sun.
My heart aches
I am fat
It's already too late!
The workout kills
The instructor is hunky
My stomach churns
I am overweight
It is not even funny
The weights are stuck to the floor
The stretch ribbons won't stretch anymore
My jiggly parts burns
Screw this, I'm out for the door!
Let's go out and have a food war
walking in I see I'm not the only one thinking,
1,2,3,4, every rep every set the body pumping,
rock in the speakers so no one starts screaming,
from the treadmills to the dumbbells every ones pushing,
we go to the gym to get away,
here we find our thoughts of the day,
no one knows no one can sees it's our way,
all our troubles in millions of sets whats there to say.
with every calorie we burn every sweat that falls,
bills are paid,all is forgiven,no longer crawling the walls,
it's how we release how we let go it's our peace of mind that is all,
we walk in with so much on our minds,
we walk out with the smile we couldn't find,
we don't find it in abuse in a bottle or looking for signs,
we find our thoughts here in the gym that is how we unwind.