am i alive?
what classifies something as alive?
respiration
i am breathing
but just barely
trying to capture any air i can between sobs
growth
i am growing
it becomes increasingly difficult
recognizing myself in the mirror every day
and believing the next age i'm turning
excretion
i am excreting
i sweat when i do pretty much anything
even though i'm always cold
is there something wrong with me?
or am i just overthinking again?
reproduction
i am not reproducing
i can
but i'm not sure i want to
i wouldn't be a good mom
i'm worried i'd be too much like my own
metabolism
i am metabolizing
i always claimed it to be fast but maybe
it's since it doesn't have much to work with
movement
i am moving
my body does it without me knowing
or being conscious
it just moves
response to stimuli
i am responding
i respond too much
too dramatically
too sensitively
i fit all the criteria
so i guess i am alive
i'm just not living
Ultimate purpose
Of a woman is to be
Good mom, good hostess.
I was holding strong and steady
It was time and almost ready
For a new life to be born
On a bright and sunny morn'
Doctors and nurses all around
I wanted to hear the sound
Of my newborn baby's cry
There was no way to deny
The feeling I had deep inside
Holding her I'm petrified
I will not be a good mom
There's so much that could go wrong
I made a promise years ago
My children would never grow
Without knowing love and care
I would always hold them near
In my heart--no hurt of any kind
As they grow they will just find
All the joy and happy laughter
They'll keep inside and after
I am gone they will see
How much they were my destiny
Showing how much I can be
More of a parent than mine were
They'll never wonder--that's for sure
I was abused
Only five years old
So very confused
It's a game
We will play
Shh. Don't tell anyone
He would always say
I was abused
Only fourteen years old
Still so confused
Mom was so cold
You ****. You whore
Sleeping around
My heart is sore
I was abused
Thirty three years old
My whole person, bruised
A mom to six
Twice married now
I will be a good mom
I made that vow
It's quiet at night
The children all Sleep
I lay in bed awake
The fears flood, I weep
Today the sun shines
I awake from laughs
My beautiful children there
I am not my past
I was afraid if I would
Be a good mom.
With a broken home.
That had no love.
That had no support.
I never learned what a
Family was.
Never had a family to help.
But I had you and
Fell in love with you.
Then everything just clicked.
I taught myself
How to be a good mom.
And try my best
At being a good mom.
It wasn't always easy,
But I think I was good at
Being a good mom.
Sitting in the sand,
Toes in the water
As the tide touches the land.
She looks over her shoulder
And I catch her,
An unsuspecting click of a camera,
An unforced smile,
That’s karma
For all the pictures she snapped on the way
I smile,
As she helps the kids scoop sand into a pile.
She’s glowing as she laughs,
She’s such a good mom,
She does more than her half
And does her best to stay calm.
I sit here in awe,
With her hair tucked behind her ear
She has no flaws,
Her skin is so sheer,
As she scoops up our youngest
And splashes me where I sit on the shore,
If she has wings she’d soar,
I can’t help but love her even more.
God is all-righty.
She keeps you wet
in a dry nightie.
She fills your shorts
with hope.
She alone don’t .
She don’t have agendas
quit whining;
enough with the complaints.
God is all-righty
and even when you blame Her
She loves your crap
as if it were Her own.
You-all need to pray like this:
Good God All-righty
thou art in me like Aphrodite.
You are a star bursting out of me.
Twinkle on good Mom,
twinkle on.
I was stuck inside the eye of the storm.
No shelter nor blanket could keep me warm.
I knew not how to rescue myself from distress,
only how to keep living a life such a mess.
I was depressed and alone, I must confess.
I surrounded my mind with thoughts of pain,
then only scars on my heart did remain.
No matter the day or week I was down and out,
and I shared nothing with my soul except doubt.
I would take out pillows and in them would shout.
Medication trials for years without darn relief,
and that insecurity and shame was my thief.
I laid in bed for days without showering or food,
for I guess I just couldn’t get in a good mood.
I wore nothing in my soul except a negative attitude.
So here I am now almost ten years later in life,
I am healthy and happy being a good mom and wife.
I see how mental illness stole my sister from me,
and I definitely know it is her I do not wish to be.
I am moderately safe inside my essence so free.
The I of the Storm Contest
Maureen McGreavy
November 25, 2018
“From now on, I’ll be good, Mom,” my son said.
This came after not too few tears for him I'd shed.
It used to be once he got out of bed,
my boy would get in trouble! He was led
by some strange drumbreat pounding in his head!
While other children liked to have books read
to them, he’d throw his to the floor instead!
He wasn’t treated cruelly or underfed,
yet often out in public, I would fill with dread
from his behavior or when he saw red.
He broke his toy cars, his bike and sled.
I felt like I was hanging by a thread;
I wondered if my boy would ever wed!
The year he started changing, my fears fled.
"From now on, I'll be good, Mom," my son said.
May 25, 2018 For the "From Now On" Contest of Nayda Ivette Negron
Note: This is only marginally fictionalized. Later he joined the Marines,
put himself through law school and wed!
I was holding strong and steady
It was time and almost ready
For a new life to be born
On a bright and sunny morn'
Doctors and nurses all around
I wanted to hear the sound
Of my newborn baby's cry
There was no way to deny
The feeling I had deep inside
Holding her I'm petrified
I will not be a good mom
There's so much that could go wrong
I made a promise years ago
My children would never grow
Without knowing love and care
I would always hold them near
In my heart--no hurt of any kind
As they grow they will just find
All the joy and happy laughter
They'll keep inside and after
I am gone they will see
How much they were my destiny
Showing how much I can be
More of a parent than mine were
They'll never wonder--that's for sure
M-irthful mother and daughter,
O-n the third of January
T-ake a ride on a bus,
H-aving time to visit me.
E-ffort of mother and daughter is truly beyond measure;
R-aquel is a good mom who wants Jen to have bright future.
A-s they arrive at the terminal,
N-o moment is put to waste;
D-elightful food from Jollibee brings joy to our face.
D-uring the very first meeting
A-ll we do is take a picture;
U-sing our phone cameras,
G-reat photos are a pleasure.
H-ours pass they travel again
T-o see another friend later;
E-very minute I get is precious
R-ight from the mother and daughter.
One clings on breast,
The other in lap,
Two crawl on floor;
Yes I am,
Their destitute mom;
Like a woman of stone age,
Live for food,
Bear babies and raise,
Until are grown enough,
To live their own;
None cares who am I,
What I wish,
Am a woman,
Have no dreams of own;
Kids and husband,
Are my karma;
My dedication rewards,
A good wife, A good mom;
Don't have life of my own;
Live for mate, live for kids;
© sadashivan nair
My mother was my teacher she gave me her all.
So when I had troubles she's the one I'd call.
If I needed her help she was always there.
To help me through life and teach me to share.
I was the middle child four girls and three boys.
We brought my mom so much love and joy.
When I was little she taught me to walk.
My first words were"I LOVE YOU" as she
taught me to talk.
If I cut my finger or fell and scraped my knee.
She'd kiss it and say now it's better baby.
She helped me with my homework no matter
what it was.
She's the best mom at no matter what she does.
As times got hard and as I traveled through life.
She led through example how to be a good mom
and a good wife.
She was the best at everything she did.
Even though I wasn't her only kid.
My mother made me the person that I wanted to be
Standing proud,truthful and strong for her to see.
Teresa Skyles
Famous
I want to be famous someday,
I got my wish,when my kids came my way.
I may not be rich or a movie star,
With my kids by me,I know I will go far.
I Don't have a mansion,or a big limousine,
To hold my kids,I feel like a beauty queen.
Don't have any fancy style clothes,
I love my children,and want the world to know.
I don't have a thirty thousand dollar ring,
To be a good mom,is more then anything.
I have never been to Hollywood or on tv,
All I need is my kids in my arms and tell me they love me.
My girl and my boy are what makes me famous without being a millionaire,
For being their mother,nothing can compare.
Dear mamma i promise to make you proud
i promise to take your advice to heed
as you lie in the grave i will never forget you
mama you are the best mom i could ever want
you have been there for me feed me milk
put clothes on my back took time to love me
you are a true mother
you done what a good mom would
i hate the fact that you are gone
never to return
you will always hold a special place in my heart
many a tears have i shed now that momma is dead
it feels like the weight of the world on my chest
dear mama i love and miss you you are the best
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