If someone paints a picture
And names it nouveau art
Hunter will claim it's his
At five Hundred Large to start.
But Joe's still a Dipstick
he thinks oil is A La Carte.
Entered in
The Biden's poetry contest
sponsored by Anthony Biaanco.
December Thirteenth, 2022.
That old cattle rustler, called Moron Mick
boasted about his thefts near Sheriff Nick
A noon shootout was planned
Nick had the faster hand
Moron Mick was a boneheaded dipstick
May 6, 2022
High Noon Poetry Contest
Hosted by Joseph May
Del Boy Trotter
Money making plotter
Sells dodgy bent gear and smokes a cigar
Drives a yellow three wheeler T.I.T company car.
Rodney Trotter
Del's little brother, sidekick and cop spotter
A dipstick, a wally, a plonker or Dave
With two GCEs he feels like an under-paid slave.
(Trotters Independent Traders) (T.I.T)
Only Fools and Horses
Clerihew 2 Poetry Contest
Sponser Joseph May
Written 21.10.21
My guy is the man at the local garage.
He fixes cars for a living.
When it comes to making me feel good,
No other guy is so giving.
As for me,I raise and breed some bees
At my place on the edge of town.
Between the honey I get and the honey I've got,
It's the sweetest life around.
My buzzer is buzzing. It's 8 o clock at night.
I know he is there at the door.
I open it up and then I softly say,
Give me what I've waited for.
Sting me with your Dipstick tonight.
Sting me,Sting me with your Dipstick.
Your classy chassis really turns me on.
Your sleek lines make my motor race.
I'm so excited that I can hardly wait,
To put you in my wrap around embrace.
When our passions begin to merge as one,
We will fly through the clouds high above.
Blissful ecstacy will be our reward.
As we drown in the nectar of love.
Get over here! You big bad drone!
Come sit upon your Queen Bee's Throne.
When you pollinate with your V-8,
You put my hive into overdrive! Overdriiiive!!
So,sting me with your Dipstick tonight.
Sting me,sting me with your Dipstick.
With your Dipstick, Tonight,Tonight.All Night,All Night!
I’m a man of no great ambition
Often described as a proper
Piddly poof…
Piddly, poofy, Godawfully goofy
Shnickered and shnookered totally
Over the roof…
Being a bit of a dipstick, is my claim to fame
Not a hint of dignity
To my name…
To most men this would be… cause for dismay
But not for me
I like it this way…
I have no obligations
My days are totally free
I’m free as the birds in the trees…
I live like most men would love to be
Absolutely, resolutely, positootly
…free to be me…
Farcical characters of ill gestures,
they be no friends of mime
Mute clown suits
wearing viol marionette smiles
all of the puppet string time
I tell you, of a silent truth,
those pretzel-tongue jester troupes
are theatrical buffoons
spoofing on a global would trivial comedy stage
These ol' pantomime hucksters,
dipstick lip syncing on babble timer delay rage —
Crying out loud,
them cold quip cheeky blusters
never were any spoken for friends of mine
Just some dumb glow, dim enemies ...
who always pearly grinned a dumber shine
The redness that caused me agitation;
being cancerous was an aberration.
A letter stated it’s lipstick,
that smudged on my dipstick,
so deeply regret my amputation.
I live in Hazzard County and I am Deputy Enos Strate.
I'm a virgin because Daisy Duke is the only girl I want to date.
People like me because I'm Hazzard's only honest cop.
I had my own show over 30 years ago but it was a flop.
I work for Sheriff Coltrane and J.D. Hogg and if you deal with them, you will get conned.
I eat the General Lee's dust and I constantly drive my patrol car into the Hazzard Pond.
I wreck a lot of cars because the Duke Boys are who I have to chase.
People make fun of me because I always have a silly grin on my face.
I was humiliated when Bo and Luke hung me on the wall like a side of beef.
Rosco always calls me a dipstick and because of him, I've seen a lot of grief.
Daisy won't marry me even though I try again and again.
I guess that I'm doomed to die a sexually frustrated virgin.
(This poem was inspired by The Dukes of Hazzard TV show.)
A life of doublespeak,
Means I think you're weak,
Never mind, (you're a dipstick),
Means,"I don't give a blip,"
Blip happens,
Means, "You're crapping,"
Do stop moaning,
And all your groaning,
Dull contemplation
of ex manipulation,
Yes, doublespeak,
Means I think you're weak,
'Have a good day', so long,
Who carries why the ex carries on?
thinking too much
becoming a dipstick in flight
forgetting simple mathematics
missing you like mad
wishing in mounds of overkill
hoping in buckets of wasted energy
praying in multitudes of nothingness
missing you like mad
words can be the thorn with the poisonous tip
i want to pour some acidic breakaway in any size glass
i want to drink and drink and drink until i know not the definition of 'think'
for i was stupid to let you go
true love only comes in a particular first....and now i know
Dipstick Dan was no
sharp shooter,
which was such a
shame.
His firing range
instructor said:
“Dan, your method is
to blame.
You really need to
rethink your
sequence -
Fire, Ready, Aim…”
Sun Rays dance on my Bed.
Sunlight arrives early
A few friendly rays
Sit on my duvet warming it.
I pat the sunlight
Still half asleep
Trying to remember the night`s dreams,
It is difficult,
Before they slip under the radar
Of my alertness.
I do not write anymore deep poetry
Only light things enter my mind
Water in the car
checking the oil using the dipstick
And air in tires.
To think a week ago my heart stopped
But the ambulance people
Got it ticking again.
Spring and sunlight, yes this will be
A beautiful day.
Wanted to pen a Limerick
Needed a comedian sidekick
Nothing funny to wit
A pun to make sides split
Some ole' fashion humor dipstick
Inspiration: Black Eyed Susan' contest not an entry
I'm the sheriff and my name is Rosco P. Coltrane.
People in Hazzard know that the P is for pea-brain.
I work for Commissioner Jefferson Davis Hogg.
He hates the Dukes and he also hates my dog.
I usually get a cut of the take from my fat brother-in-law.
I love his evil schemes and I love to pinch his flabby jaws.
Everybody knows that I'm a bumbling sheriff, I'm sure not a genius.
I can't catch those Duke boys and neither can my dipstick deputy Enos.
After wrecking all of those patrol cars, I was pretty damn lucky to survive.
But my character came to an end anyway when the Dukes of Hazzard was cancelled in 1985.
(This poem was inspired by the Dukes of Hazzard TV show.)
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