Best Dipstick Poems
Wanted to pen a Limerick
Needed a comedian sidekick
Nothing funny to wit
A pun to make sides split
Some ole' fashion humor dipstick
Inspiration: Black Eyed Susan' contest not an entry
Categories:
dipstick, funny,
Form:
Limerick
The redness that caused me agitation;
being cancerous was an aberration.
A letter stated it’s lipstick,
that smudged on my dipstick,
so deeply regret my amputation.
Categories:
dipstick, humorous,
Form:
Limerick
since maintaining a diet
of exercise heeding "yo dude"
(you look like a lady)
the inner fitness maven against
the temptation of high caloric junk food
and nightly snack king
on a flexible fitness routine,
this LIX aged body electric feels good
these myopic eyes and
well-calibrated hands measure less dense hood-
winking bosom, that if I feigned being
a "bared naked lady" -
as per this chest lewd
city in reference to "man boobs"
that seemed to materialize overnight
now appear to decrease as well
that unwanted "love handle,
this chap more inclined
tubby in a greater mood
to parade around
this noncrowded house shirtless
AND definitely NOT in public,
BUT no weigh Jose
would this generic guy go completely nude
cuz being self-consciousness of my physique
might prompt outsiders
to consider me a prude
and even during closed bedroom door
sexual exploits deter me tibia rude
fellow (with average go daddy long legs)
and my dangling dipstick smallish
(concluding biology screwed)
a chap worthy tube he more endowed,
though gratitude proffered
to same divine cosmic consciousness
but as the year's pile up appreciation
of functional faculties alter matts' at tee 'tude
accepting physical characteristics
more or less static
hoe ping belive mass elf ya wood.
Categories:
dipstick, 10th grade, 11th grade,
Form:
Personification
We suffer in silence yet our hearts bleed out loud
We hope our hearts, keep our feelings sealed yet our eyes reveal what our heart tried to conceal
We Fight for Strength
We Battle for Bravery
We clutch our hearts and threaten to die for the pain that builds inside
To say we miss you would be a lie, for that in itself is an understatement
We feel emptiness creep upon our souls, as winter does an autumn tree
We are like flowers waiting to bloom, like a light bulb in a dark room
We stand still in different places waiting.....
We wait for your sweet kisses to clear away fallen tears
To hear you call to tattle on your little sister for beating you up.
Or just to say "I Love you Mom, and I miss you."
To hear you say "Hey dipstick" (a crazy nickname you gave me).
To listen to you go on and on just to say "Alex these girls be crazy."
We watch for your shadow to emerge as you walk about in our shops to chew da fat with Dad, and listen as he gives words of encouragement and wisdom
You spread your love like birds in flight
You flashed those pearls and made everything bright
To countless you touched for many called you family
But, to us you were our HEART, the missing link to our jig saw puzzle
Your presence was made, Your absence is surely missed
SLEEP WELL EL NINO
Categories:
dipstick, brother, death, family, feelings,
Form:
Free verse
Del Boy Trotter
Money making plotter
Sells dodgy bent gear and smokes a cigar
Drives a yellow three wheeler T.I.T company car.
Rodney Trotter
Del's little brother, sidekick and cop spotter
A dipstick, a wally, a plonker or Dave
With two GCEs he feels like an under-paid slave.
(Trotters Independent Traders) (T.I.T)
Only Fools and Horses
Clerihew 2 Poetry Contest
Sponser Joseph May
Written 21.10.21
Categories:
dipstick, brother, money,
Form:
Clerihew
I'm the sheriff and my name is Rosco P. Coltrane.
People in Hazzard know that the P is for pea-brain.
I work for Commissioner Jefferson Davis Hogg.
He hates the Dukes and he also hates my dog.
I usually get a cut of the take from my fat brother-in-law.
I love his evil schemes and I love to pinch his flabby jaws.
Everybody knows that I'm a bumbling sheriff, I'm sure not a genius.
I can't catch those Duke boys and neither can my dipstick deputy Enos.
After wrecking all of those patrol cars, I was pretty damn lucky to survive.
But my character came to an end anyway when the Dukes of Hazzard was cancelled in 1985.
(This poem was inspired by the Dukes of Hazzard TV show.)
Categories:
dipstick, funny, humorous,
Form:
Rhyme
Dipstick Dan was no
sharp shooter,
which was such a
shame.
His firing range
instructor said:
“Dan, your method is
to blame.
You really need to
rethink your
sequence -
Fire, Ready, Aim…”
Categories:
dipstick, funny, humorous,
Form:
Light Verse
The Greatest Gift of All?
(A Finite Human Lifespan)
There is pleasure in 'knowing' this life will be ending,
the space my flesh occupies 'opening up' for 'not me(s)'
though my life has been great (I'd say fun for the most part!)
'Term limits' get my vote (more moral than murder most days
(though this option considered gives pause to some poopheads?))!
Short lives can be shorter than most fools may dream is their due
with no gold tubs (or fixes that snake oil can proffer),
wh*res bought for Right's price who'll opine wood's the dipstick of God!
If this poem notes flaws that some have, it's not 'Ballade
of Self' meant to hint my perspective's like gold. Who but cur
would suggest, "Sure, my excrements yellow, hair too! Do
you get it? I've Midas's touch." Check out Emperor's threads! (1)
He wears ties whose broad parts make a fig leaf sing Joke's praise!
His lack of refinement, of values? Wow! Pond scum's faux art?
But discernment's still ours, though we swing with the fairies,
He's Putin a*s kisser, wealth's fool, fake brass carney's 'gold ring!'
Long Tooth
December 19th in 2022
Poet's Notes:
Like many, I'm hoping that Republican friends will recover from their
mysterious ailments of loving obfuscation, lack of transparency, flirtation
with both fascism and lingering racism, lack of basic humanity (their homo-
phobic predilections), hatred for the very concept of religious freedom, and
disrespect for women and our Constitution! Whew! Need I say more?
There, but for the Grace of God (I suspect), go I! God help us! Please!
(1) A humorous and 'transparent' (I hope) reference to a famous children's story from my childhood called "The Emperor's New Clothes" (that some may recall).
Categories:
dipstick, humor, love, political,
Form:
Rhyme
Farcical characters of ill gestures,
they be no friends of mime
Mute clown suits
wearing viol marionette smiles
all of the puppet string time
I tell you, of a silent truth,
those pretzel-tongue jester troupes
are theatrical buffoons
spoofing on a global would trivial comedy stage
These ol' pantomime hucksters,
dipstick lip syncing on babble timer delay rage —
Crying out loud,
them cold quip cheeky blusters
never were any spoken for friends of mine
Just some dumb glow, dim enemies ...
who always pearly grinned a dumber shine
Categories:
dipstick, allusion, how i feel,
Form:
Free verse
That old cattle rustler, called Moron Mick
boasted about his thefts near Sheriff Nick
A noon shootout was planned
Nick had the faster hand
Moron Mick was a boneheaded dipstick
May 6, 2022
High Noon Poetry Contest
Hosted by Joseph May
Categories:
dipstick, conflict,
Form:
Limerick
I live in Hazzard County and I am Deputy Enos Strate.
I'm a virgin because Daisy Duke is the only girl I want to date.
People like me because I'm Hazzard's only honest cop.
I had my own show over 30 years ago but it was a flop.
I work for Sheriff Coltrane and J.D. Hogg and if you deal with them, you will get conned.
I eat the General Lee's dust and I constantly drive my patrol car into the Hazzard Pond.
I wreck a lot of cars because the Duke Boys are who I have to chase.
People make fun of me because I always have a silly grin on my face.
I was humiliated when Bo and Luke hung me on the wall like a side of beef.
Rosco always calls me a dipstick and because of him, I've seen a lot of grief.
Daisy won't marry me even though I try again and again.
I guess that I'm doomed to die a sexually frustrated virgin.
(This poem was inspired by The Dukes of Hazzard TV show.)
Categories:
dipstick, funny, humor, humorous,
Form:
Rhyme
My guy is the man at the local garage.
He fixes cars for a living.
When it comes to making me feel good,
No other guy is so giving.
As for me,I raise and breed some bees
At my place on the edge of town.
Between the honey I get and the honey I've got,
It's the sweetest life around.
My buzzer is buzzing. It's 8 o clock at night.
I know he is there at the door.
I open it up and then I softly say,
Give me what I've waited for.
Sting me with your Dipstick tonight.
Sting me,Sting me with your Dipstick.
Your classy chassis really turns me on.
Your sleek lines make my motor race.
I'm so excited that I can hardly wait,
To put you in my wrap around embrace.
When our passions begin to merge as one,
We will fly through the clouds high above.
Blissful ecstacy will be our reward.
As we drown in the nectar of love.
Get over here! You big bad drone!
Come sit upon your Queen Bee's Throne.
When you pollinate with your V-8,
You put my hive into overdrive! Overdriiiive!!
So,sting me with your Dipstick tonight.
Sting me,sting me with your Dipstick.
With your Dipstick, Tonight,Tonight.All Night,All Night!
Categories:
dipstick, body, fire, how i
Form:
Rhyme
A life of doublespeak,
Means I think you're weak,
Never mind, (you're a dipstick),
Means,"I don't give a blip,"
Blip happens,
Means, "You're crapping,"
Do stop moaning,
And all your groaning,
Dull contemplation
of ex manipulation,
Yes, doublespeak,
Means I think you're weak,
'Have a good day', so long,
Who carries why the ex carries on?
Categories:
dipstick, divorce, feelings, freedom,
Form:
Free verse
Sun Rays dance on my Bed.
Sunlight arrives early
A few friendly rays
Sit on my duvet warming it.
I pat the sunlight
Still half asleep
Trying to remember the night`s dreams,
It is difficult,
Before they slip under the radar
Of my alertness.
I do not write anymore deep poetry
Only light things enter my mind
Water in the car
checking the oil using the dipstick
And air in tires.
To think a week ago my heart stopped
But the ambulance people
Got it ticking again.
Spring and sunlight, yes this will be
A beautiful day.
Categories:
dipstick, blessing,
Form:
Blank verse
As par and parcel of being
alive wire impossible aye
to maintain totally tubularly
literarily celibate by and bye
with parochial restraint antiseptic dry
as dust poetic refrains
asper this healthy older guy
devoid of physical whim zee
unlike a inscrutable eunuch...so hi
there dear reader experienced
by this self contrived Zen
minded nonestablishmentarian outlier,
whose nonconformist yen
tries to steer clear of controversy,
heresy, prurient wen
unless one happened
to be eunuchized,
i.e. sexless as a cold oven,
but similar to generic men
this writerly hen
pecked husband dully
drumming, droning, and
dribbling as a lix spittle
aged chap housed within
Schwenksville, Pennsylvania bailiwick
though far less inclined
to whet ma lil atrophied dipstick
than some young buck
at the peak of his sexual prowess
every now and again viz,
aye feel a much slighter sensation
drubbing, crackling, and
buckling mine body electric
and attempt to record
re: font ten blue type
boldface and/or Italic
such infrequently occurring
fleeting Johnson magic
speculating why the
hoo ha regarding mystic
spell binding codas,
dogmas, and enigmas,
an integral component naturalistic
within the calculus of life,
when human species
(parenthetically), naturally, inherently,
and biologically opportunistic
akin to other organisms whose quixotic
antics allow NON GMO,
MSG, and gluten free,
and uncensored discussion
asper reproductive habits rhapsodic
with floral and/or faunal symphonic
emanations donning each their own
"NON FAKE" trumpeting
spectacular humbly modest
rubric, yet...universalistic
as being linkedin
within the cosmic whirled wide web.
Categories:
dipstick, 10th grade, 12th grade,
Form:
Free verse