Up here, so much do we lose
In a mist.
Home life's relatableness.
All the while
What is left unrecognized:
Its roof's tile!
More for its good, this grateful.
Dissolved quite!
What, boulder- like, dragged behind
For care-weights
Had been, for mind's strain, til now;
From these heights.
I am drowning.
not because I cannot swim,
not because the raft is out of sight,
but because I keep reaching for you.
And no matter how far I sink,
you seem to drift further
just beyond the reach of everything I have left to give.
I find myself questioning
whether you were ever really there at all
or if I am slowly becoming paranoid, delusional,
lost in something I can no longer name.
Because every time I think I’ve found you,
every time I feel close enough to breathe again,
you vanish
like something that was never meant
to be held.
Sometimes I look up,
toward the surface,
and I think about letting go.
But then I hear you
faint, distant,
calling out to me.
And suddenly,
I am drowning all over again.
It is exhausting
this cycle of reaching,
of losing,
of hoping.
And maybe…
it is easier to drown
than to keep swimming toward something
that keeps slipping away.
Or maybe
somewhere between the depths and the surface
I have lost myself entirely.
Soaring on a cloud
gently numbed
in esoteric heights
beyond the strident boom
and strobe glare
of leviathan
rearing to lasso multitudes
into cavernous jaws
that never rest
forever famished
in a perpetual stasis
of angry craving.
To loosen Life — from eager hands —
And set the Spirit free —
Is not the loss the timid fear —
But rarest Alchemy —
To watch Desire — unfastened — walk
Beyond the margin’s keep —
To bless its flight with silent eyes
And no attempt to leap —
Detachment is not cold — nor hard —
It is the higher Flame —
That warms without consuming things —
And leaves the Ash untouched by name —
I held the World — too close — once —
It bruised me with its weight —
Now I behold it — as a Star —
Adored — but separate —
The Heart instructed yet renounced
Learns richer How to feel —
For what it dares not clutch at all
It knows at last — is real —
Her float was shallow.
Her pyramid was a beautiful theme
of dreams she wished time would,
first of all,
let float.
What could she have done
with so many butterflies?
She respected her furious nature.
Her beehive held a limitless wealth,
but she never forgot
how it was almost empty.
“Allow nature to emerge in your belly and drink.
Beautiful rain can fall on stones
and still make voices that represent God too.
Allow the honey to heal you,
and dance with its sage.
Let lavender flowers bloom on your forehead.
Pursue the romantic desires of motion,
and just let things float."
Bernice Zoleka Mannie
LYAIOZ MANNIE
I was looking at a dying man who was asking me for a stone I had in my pocket. He wanted it to survive, but he was a sinner—because a book said he made fun of people and abused them. I watched him grow pale and wondered: should I help him because of his situation, or let him die because of his deeds? Then I thought, why should I care? And I continued walking along the footpath.
(“Splendid Isolation Merit Badge”, 2010, original oil)
Not My Battle
It’s not my battle
Not my hill to die on
Or claim as king.
I’d rather just sit peacefully
On some lonely mountain
Enjoying the sounds of silence.
Sure I can see the dust rise
And hear occasional horns blow
Of the little battles raging far below.
But it’s not my battle
Nor hill to die on,
At least not on this fine day…
(8/9/25)
The background is loud and crowded with plots;
blended conversations, a threat to my thoughts.
Clusters of shapes invade my blank space,
shifting without an object to chase.
You float like a figure, just passing through,
with the lighting too sheen to hold on to you.
When the background is different, you have changed
like an undone puzzle, rearranged.
Do you remember me, who sat at your table?
One leg was wobbly, grape juice unstable.
The roll edges were crisp but hollowish inside
like an unreceived hug, uneven beside.
You spoke about me, but never to me
as if autistics weren't part of humanity.
My mouth was mute, but yet my mind spoke.
I pondered your uneven sleeves like an obscure joke.
Is this still you, in a blue tee, without your mom?
My hands are waxy like Grandma's lip balm.
Speaking is arduous; how does one say, "Hi?"
What if it's not you in the background of my eye?
10-16-2024
Embracing and releasing
moments of life that flow by,
there is no rear view mirror,
which we look into.
Detach to man's fool,
The enemy of your soul
Attach to God's rule.
Please do not leave me in the ocean of pain and fire
Grave is your angriness, the hell of chain and fire
What I got after crossing limits you established in world
The lust which was of no use, all in vain and fire
The each and every suggestion you have in mind, is crazy
What is real? I'm sure you can not pertain and fire
Do you remember the soft moment when you were my mate in bed?
We wandered and loved whether 'twas thick rain and fire
What is religion you can't perceive, keep in heart, dead spirited
The comprehension is in need of arcane and fire
Smile is fake, after you the heart says "am not happy"
Friends of night after you 're just cocaine and fire
January 20, 2023
she's kind towards me, she's so nice;
and I'm sincere to her as well,
we are in something more than love,
what are our dreams, it's hard to tell.
and last night, outside college gate
we met and she said she's afraid
about my love and our careers:
dreams price by detachment'll be paid.
retreat is not good for my dreams,
only to get her skin for love:
skin whose pleasures ain't eternal,
eroding derms are all above.
fire and it's works are my int'rest,
I want to be a volcanist;
she wants to increase production
for people, being a botanist.
I've to spend my life in rocks
by watching curves and sediments;
It's hard for me to be with her
checking insects, impediments.
so, we should not be one in life,
she should marry a botanist,
who loves her and her green wheat farms,
for love who's not an arsonist.
love and marriage are not the same,
we'll be in love though not in arms,
whene'er we'll meet aft that in life,
we'll be happy, not without charms!
September 23, 2022
detachment
as you detach,
i fasten.
loving you,
you grasp me
scared,
to love
i spot a shooting star
you spot it too
and for the first time
we are glaring at different skies.
I am living alone
In barren universe.
My soul seeks a soulmate,
To be so terse.
I stretch my hand in rain,
But, drops don't know my pain.
My heart says there is none
Who can realize love,
I want you to know that,
Love's all above,
This is not such a clue
You know that I need you.
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