creepy crabby Cruella was a cracking crackpot
criticizing creatures until they cringed on the spot
cruel and crosswise, Cruella earned exactly what she got
a crazy, crusty, crotchety old man who smoked yesterday’s pot
They had never seen or heard of a wedding before
But they wanted one that would last forever more
Just a few humans, they cautioned me, not so many.
Would you rather have ten, or could I invite twenty?
No photos, except maybe one, to take back on our ship.
I noted a bunch of rules coming out of my alien friend Hip.
Do we have to wear clothes? She asked me, concerned about it.
It would probably be the best, I said, hoping she would not have a fit.
They dressed up in colors, that matched their triple-toned skin.
He had never looked more handsome, her groom Old Finn.
We gave them a sendoff and a wedding to boot.
Then they had to blast off, the bride and her crotchety coot.
Hearing of a sitting mouse is as rare as a sock without a hole.
But today we have a knitting mouse, an afghan is her goal.
She has already made one for a fox, a frog and a foal.
This one is for her crotchety great uncle named mean Joel.
There must be something besides love
Another good topic for a poem
Perhaps I'll write about nature and stuff
And the chilly winds a-blowin'
November in Canada has that nip in the air
That foretells of the season ahead
For those that are into those winter sports
Bet you're can't get it out of your head
Well maybe when I was a very young'un
Snow time meant barrels of fun
But this guy's quite old and crotchety now
Snow means falling on me bum
Can't wait for spring just six months to go
The months can't go by fast enough
Perhaps I'll hibernate just like the bears
Then wake up and brush of the dust
Don't get me wrong, I'm Canadian eh!
It's the law, I'm required to like winter
They could lock me up, throw away the key
It's also against the law to whimper
(sniff!)
Helen Marie was a petulant clown
Pettish, prickly, persnickety all around
She got upset at every perceived double cross
She was especially upset with her brother Ross
She is cantankerous and crotchety her mother said.
Because of her curmudgeonly ways, she needs to go to bed.
But Helen did not agree, and was ready to flare up
Her abnormally loud temper scared her dad and pup.
How can we deal with this? He asked her mother.
Let me have at it, she told Dad and Ross, the brother.
She had grown up with six sisters, so this was not new.
As the oldest of seven females, she knew what to do.
She told Helen all the great things she had going for her.
She gave her optimism, and a hope that was pure.
She assured her things would be better soon.
Then she tucked in Helen by the light of the moon.
There go the Sundersons, someone said with a laugh
It was Norris, the notoriously crotchety old man giraffe
The triplets, riding their bike, a sight to see said a frog.
The ostrich twins were irritated now, chased by a dog.
They are so identical, I wonder if they share a brain said one.
I was not amused, being a twin, this bullying is not fun.
Maybe you share a brain with their triple bike, I said.
The Sundersons rode by, and one yelled out “Hi Ned!”
So Ned was his name, and now being an enemy was his game.
He glared at me hard, and I did exactly the same.
The Sundersons are hard to tell apart, said Norris, you have to admit.
I did not like hearing this either; I did not like it one bit.
Six months from now and it's curtains for me
I'll crash through the barrier of 88
I'll officially be old and crotchety and senile
Pablum after my morning pee
Oh for the days had no trouble getting dressed
Now I forget my darn Jockeys
Don't wanna share this bod with anyone else
Everything's become kinda floppy
Once had tight abs... now who am I kidding
The tightest my abs get now
Is when I try bending down to tie up my laces
At times feel like a pregnant cow
I grunt and strain and been known to curse
Saying bad things like, “holy heck"
Can remember those real naughty old phrases
Like “go to blazes” or “pain in the neck”
Guess six months won't make a hugh difference
I'm pretty well ready for the pasture
One thing I've noticed since reaching “maturity”
Time seems to be going a lot faster
So here's some advice for all you young'uns
Enjoy life while you still can
Before you know it, the darn jig will be up
And you'll just be an also ran
There was an old lady who lived with a frog.
Not sure how it happened, but she lost her dog.
This crotchety hopper appeared on her porch;
He looked pretty grim, for the day was a scorch.
He asked for some water and shade for a rest,
And she thought old Fido’s soft bed might be best.
He was rather grateful, restored pretty soon,
And now they take walks by the light of the moon.
They often stroll down to the edge of the swamp;
He calls to his friends and they’re off for a romp.
Though it seems unlikely, defies rationale,
Comes back to her shortly, hops home with his gal.
I am feeling crotchety.
It doesn’t make me proud
But, even though I’m female,
At my age it is allowed.
So many things get on my nerves –
Today, alone, a lot.
Enough to get, as sayings go,
My knickers in a knot.
We’re all entitled to a mood
That’s grouchy, grumpy, cross,
Yet some folks never get that way,
And why? I’m at a loss.
Fireworks are still popping in my neighborhood
Long after July 4th; I keep thinking they’ll stop,
And hope so soon for the sake of brotherhood!
Celebrations are meaningful on their special day
Noisy and loud merriment are par for the course
But now, I wish the noises would simply go away!
You might suggest I am getting old and crotchety
And I suppose you wouldn’t be far from the truth
Can you imagine a city block blasting ubiquitously?
Written July 10, 2022
I need only two things
Every day after school
Silence and solitude
To replenish my batteries
To rev my engine, so I can return to work tomorrow
Refreshed, eager, ready to give it another try
My husband loves solitude
He relishes it
He revels in it
He can entertain himself daily
He entertains our dogs too
The only one he refuses to entertain is Shark
Shark is our cat
Shark is older now
Raccoons have invaded his outside space
So I have locked him into my office
Giving him solitude
Everyone gets solitude here except the dogs.
The pony horse dog follows the crotchety old lady dog
In and out, around and through, all day long
There is lots of silence too.
Until a Prime delivery truck arrives
Then all hell breaks loose.
I'd much rather just go shopping and play.
But, alas,hordes of humanity enmasked?
I wish not to see!
Nor my own masked countenance
In a mirror be.
Fear runs thick as dark sludge, just everywhere.
Vaccination stations, injectors, rule, who cares?
Methinks, clotting blood?
Not for this crotchety fool.
The Lord will take me one brisk sunny day.
His servant shall not into her crimson blood allow to run,
Poisonous liquid promises that protect no one!
Heinous lies, a vaccination nation?
Not by this poet, nor do I sleep in foolish, fearful, death
anticipation.
Each must decide for himself, make a choice!
Let us respect each individual's voice!
3/21/2021
~2~
Now at an advanced crotchety age
namely three score plus one Earth
orbitz around the nearest star,
yours truly revisits
poignant episodes foisting
launching snapchatting
one after another crisis
sidelining ability to cope
pursuing life, liberty
and pursuit of happiness
whiz hard by at light speed.
Though just a kid during third industrial revolution,
I remember feeling lost in space (age) and agog
at being on the cusp, when infrastructure
(regarding blueprint describing
information superhighway,
technological/computer transformation
would when soon after graduating
Methacton high school
(mine alma mater)
quickly usher The Fourth Industrial Revolution
a way of describing the blurring of boundaries
between the physical, digital, and biological worlds,
a fusion of advances in artificial intelligence (AI),
robotics, the Internet of Things (IoT), 3D printing,
genetic engineering, quantum computing,
and other technologies.
Cantankerous, crotchety, crass, crude, crazily charismatic and confident.
Hold my own with the best of the grumps, forcing them to back down.
Ornery in my abilities to build a door on which you are too fearful to knock.
Long days and night spent doing exactly what I want, bothered by no friends.
Enthusiastically excited about my solid undisturbed pursuits.
Recklessly irritated when the phone rings, or someone interjects a voice.
Iconic in my love for being alone and unperturbed, loving my freedom.
Creativity taking me by the hand and leading me into imaginative sole pursuits.
Old Saint Nick was mean on Christmas eve
his reindeers were tired and quite deceived
he wanted to get home so the gifts were heaved
reindeers now were all really peeved.
they were quite ready to rock ‘n’ roll
they sneered and said what a pathetic soul
Mrs Claus commented, ‘you’re home early to the pole”
he replied “all the kids were bad so I just dropped some coal”
She replied “those poor little children will be so sad”
“you ruined their spirit and I bet you’re glad”
“”I’m sure all of them were not that bad”
“you sure must be crotchety and mad”
The reindeer gathered to make a pay back
when he comes to the shop we’ll grab his sack
dump him in and then give him a whack
Rudolph will lead as he knows the track
We’ll dash away when the moon’s a glow
let him grumble in the sleigh we tow
over the rooftops all covered with snow
reindeers galloped without a whoa.
“and to all a goodnight”
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