The Day After Christmas
It’s the day after Christmas and all round the gaff
Lay the wrappings from presents, both splendid and naff.
Bottles upended and glasses on stairs,
Stains on the carpet, the curtains, the chairs.
Christmas tree fallen and blocking a door.
Bedrooms resounding to thunderous snores.
The remnants of turkey and all of its trimmings
Where e-coli blooms its unnoticed beginnings.
Upon the detritus, all twinkly and bright,
Shine fairy lights, forgotten, left on overnight.
Booze fumes and *** smoke still hang in the air.
It’s a mess that would make the most pious saint swear.
Under the sink on their cheap plastic tray,
Lurk brushes and sponges, the all-surface spray.
For after the fun, the excess celebration
Comes the down-side, the chore, the clean-up operation.
Sanity must be returned to the house
Where nothing’s displaced, not even a mouse.
Was it worth it for one day of party and cheer?
You bet! And we’ll do the same nonsense next year!
SPEAK ME TO THOSE YOU WISH
TO KNOW THAT I AM YOUR LOVER
SPEAK ME AS NOW AND FOREVER
MORE
THOSE WHO OPPOSE OUR
TOGETHERNESS MIGHT
THAN SHALL BE STRANGE
AMONG THEIR OWN
AS THEY SPEAK OF US
AND THOSE WHO SHALL HEAR
THEM SHALL SPONOLI COLI
THEM
SO THAT A WORLD CAN SPEAK
OF THEM AS STRANGE
THEN WE SHALL BE TOGETHER
WE SHALL BE IN LOVE
A cosmonaut called Anatoli was diagnosed with acute E.coli
When he became somewhat delirious, they thought it was Bacillus cereus
When plated out under a prism, it looked instead like Botulism
Have you all gone off your rockers, it’s a strain of Staphlycoccus
And then thrown in just as a bonus, a rumour spread of Pseudomonas
No way you nincompoops cried Hans, it’s Candida albicans.
We’re all agreed the team replied........ just after Anatoli died!
She wasnt certified by the USDA when she grew on him likes she was a colony of E.coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef. Then started eating healthy turkey bacon then she started mistaken. When she realized she buried me in the bedroom where I, I can sing you to sleep all night.... And last night she recited every reason. Why she was so contagious when hitting on me by her love spells, got me catching vibe and connecting me by her chemistry, contagious that got me sick of her but dont wanna relieve her like an ex-girlfriend.
The smell of stale french fries
and E.coli coated beef
the raw onions and garlic cloves
stunk up the kitchen and watered my eyes
no ice in the drink machines...
but plenty of warm pop
Chicken nuggets with 16 new herbs
and spices and hot fudge Sundays, without the hot fudge
banana splits with rotten bananas
and the tomatoes weren't that fresh either
the cheese was moldy and the buns, moldier
The advertisements claimed "Have it your way"
it wasn't my way, it was their way
I paid a dollar fifty ordering off the dollar menu
it was a ripoff....
I spoke to the manager
and the manager spit in my face
and said "Have a nice day"
it wasn't a nice day, it wasn't a nice day at all....
If It Tastes Good, Spit It Out
By Elton Camp
Some diets for weight control
Fat-free, sugar-free do extol
Those who wouldn’t be fat
May have to eat a lot of that
Bran cereal that tastes like hay
And there’s even more to say
A muffin that is fat-free
Tastes very bad to me
With a salad I’m not thrilled
With E. coli, it may be filled
From now on, you must lack
A luscious, juicy Big Mac
French fries you eat no more
Their fat and sodium to abhor
Never think you can try
A slice of chocolate pie
Also quite hard to take
No more red velvet cake
The diet rule to recall
If good, don’t eat at all
Names You Will Never See
By Elton Camp
The image of a place or product is high on its list
Names that would damage it will always be missed
The names “Cheat and Swindle” for a law firm
Would make the two esquires sweat and squirm
“Dr. Payne’s Dentistry” conveys the wrong thought
“Crook’s Realty” honest Mr. Crook shouldn’t ought
“Greasy Spoon” would never be the name of a café
From “E. Coli Market,” a wise merchant stays away
The name “Adolph” for a boy is a very nasty trick
“Benedict” for Arnold’s son won’t be a good pick
“Roach’s Bakery” would be a major mistake
“Fair Weather Insurance,” nobody would take
No parents would name their daughter “Jezebel,”
And “Judas” for a son would be rejected as well
That there can be quite a lot, indeed, to a name
Romeo and Juliet found the outcome a shame
MEDICAL MIRACLES
What happened to mad cow disease?
And bird flu from Thailand? I ask myself.
Legionnaire’s disease? Minimata? E - coli ?
Did they succumb to medical expertise?
Or just disappear from the current-panic shelf?
Will you survive the next wave? Will I ?
Germs on Your Money
By Elton Camp
Who can know where your money has been
Was stuffed into shorts at a male stripper den
Or the prostitute stuffed it away safely hid
As the of Venereal Disease John she got rid
Oh, you say my money’s never been such places
But still, of germs and viruses it may have traces
Actually, of careful studies there have been few
And more are needed to know what is really true
In 1972, the AMA studied both coins and bills
Their findings could easily enough give chills
On 13 percent of coins, harmful germs were found
And 42 percent of bank notes also had them around
A University of California study is cause for care,
Finding Staphylococcus aureus and E. coli there
Making it even worse, pathogens such as these
Come from nasal mucus and from human feces
But to cause disease, even threats like those
Require that we scratch our eyes or our nose
Mother knew the best bet for us to stay well
“Always wash your hands,” is what she’d tell.
E. coli On the Rampage Again
By Elton Camp
Once again, bad cases of sickness from E. coli are seen
As before, it’s because our food supply just isn’t clean
It’s in animal feces we find these bacteria’s natural location
Thus, for them to be found on food should be rare aberration
Both all the health authorities and the public should have a fit
Because, to be utterly stark and crude, our food has what's unfit
This time it appears that vegetables from Europe are to blame,
But other foods from various countries have also been the same
The solution to this serious problem I am not able to supply
But eating changes and preparation techniques we might try
Unless vegetables we ourselves carefully grew & protected
To eat them without washing and cooking shouldn’t be elected
Meats can also be dangerous, especially if they’ve been ground
So we can cook them thoroughly, not just until they are browned
That the foods we must buy and eat are unsafe we shouldn’t fear
Hey there, governments, how about giving us a little help here?
I’m well aware it’s not discreet
to walk barefoot upon the street.
In summer too hot, in winter cold
and more than that, I’m much too old.
But it was not so long ago
that I was just a child you know
And living in the country-side
where comfort only was my guide.
With the school’s end and no more classes
I knew the velvet of spring grasses
as I ran through the morning dews,
quite unencumbered by my shoes.
Blood poison was our only fear.
My mother warned me every year,
“Be careful where you’re running dear.”
as she bandaged me and wiped a tear.
We’d never heard of E.coli
nor that from Mersa we might die.
Unaware of dangers everywhere
we ran barefoot, without a care.
I’m sorry for the modern child
who cannot know the feel of wild
abandon in the long hot summer.
She must wear shoes and that’s a bummer.
For Francine's "Barefoot" contest
do not alter the distance of the peaceful march that his bet swooped on towers of
respect and glorious times that thrive in the sun, the president of the word is the
sound of the voice comes to the reader of my words, the friendly social stream
between the dolphin and the brie coli in language that is described in the axes of
the roof where a box of letters that inspire inhabited
Errant clusters germinating tightly,
I invite them in.
I welcome them.
Fighting infection is far from the possible.
Didn’t you know that laughter is infectious?
Tiny colonies spread dis-ease,
a ribbon of cellular folly along angry red flesh.
They flourish on the vanguard, quiet in the deep.
Ebola, e-coli, erroneous children born and buried.
I rest with infection running rampant.
I live with the germs enclosed.
cartoon character's
favorite veggie is off
the market. oh drat!
-- This is for all of us who like spinach and can't eat it until the E. Coli
outbreak has been fixed.