Educating Rachel
Now, let us try this again to write a document
With one letter marching nicely in front of the other
Like adding instead of using numbers to give the written
words prettiness, even if the theme is about unnatural sex.
The fact is that there is a diesel smell at the bus terminal
At six in the morning, when the cleaning lady starts her
low-paid work has nothing to do with anything, had they
They're going to university, they could sit in fine offices
and go to the hairdresser at nine, a woman who can just
read and write, luckily for the ladies, she skipped school.
The driver of the bus enters farts loudly, and that is ok
But I could have shown some respect. It is odd to think
If all women had higher education and looked up to the blue
sky, who should make my dinner?
The Valley of the Forbidden
Sat under an oak in the valley of the naked woman
admiring her rounded breasts, a malevolent oak
took offence, not that I minded, after all, it had been
at the same spot for a hundred years, long before the valley had a name.
Suddenly, the tree slapped me
a leathery branch
Oh, pain makes me strong
I forgave the oak and
thought of the pope who, every Thursday evening
flagellated himself, in remembrance
of the day
When he was training for the priesthood, he nearly lost
His manhood to the cleaning lady
The Valley of the Naked Woman has a hidden fountain
is guarded by thorny thistles and impotent apple trees
Those who have drunk her loveliness will never be
sane again, loll in the sunlight of lost ambition
The wicked eye of the oak kept glaring when I hugged
An olive tree, the oak knew I was a lover of the ethical.
Where do you work, what is your career?
Well, I'm glad you asked, I have many titles it would appear.
I'm proud of these titles, non of which require a degree.
One of my favorite titles is mom of three.
I'm a homemaker, a cleaning lady, a chef, and a maid;
a run the monsters away when they are afraid.
I'm a librarian and teacher of every subject;
a cheer leader and manager of every school project.
A counselor, a therapist, both physical and mental;
a manager of any and all incidentals.
One may also call me a chauffeur.
Some days all this driving seems much like a blur.
I'm an event planner and activities director,
and I'm putting my years in for debt collector.
A private investigator, a hostage negotiator,
a disciplinary, and a mediator.
A soul protector, security, a body guard;
and a safe place to go when life gets too hard.
I'm a personal shopper, a stylist and a hairdresser;
a go-to for advice when they want to impress her.
I'm a wife to the most wonderful husband and father;
and a listening ear when something's a bother.
Last but not least, I am a spiritual guidance;
a child of God who will always follow in His abidance.
the writer
Now let us try this again to write a document
With one letter marching nicely in front of the other
Like adding instead of using numbers to give the written
words prettiness, even if the theme is about unnatural sex.
The fact is the diesel smell at the bus terminal
Six o`clock in the morning, when the cleaning lady starts her
low-paid work has nothing to do with anything had they
here going to university, they could sit in fine offices
and go to the hairdresser at nine, a woman who can just
read and write, luckily for the ladies, she skipped school.
The driver of the bus enters farts loudly, and that is ok
But I could have shown some respect. It is odd to think
if all women had higher education and looked up to the blue
sky, who should make my dinner?
Erin was our young cleaning lady
Came in to clean our abode
Welcomed dear Erin in every fortnight
For her regular cleaning episode
Sweet Erin confessed her love for me
More love than her real Poppa
That was really quite difficult to hear
Never really knew her saga
Once asked if I could adopt sweet Erin
She agreed, with no hesitation
So sweet to know she loves me that much
But so sad to hear this revelation
Her Mommy and Daddy were separated
Many years before we met
Apparently he was never a good Daddy
Erin harbours the anger yet!
Such a sweetie, my dear dear Erin
Loved her to bits and more
A daughter I wished I had always had
She makes this Poppa's heart soar
Winner takes all
He sat on the sofa feeling disgruntled, watching TV
about a young woman who read a poem about hill climbing.
I have climbed many hills, he said to himself,
but there was always a steeper hill to conquer.
Take sport, he said, women win everything you care to mention
even football and ice-hockey the last bastion for men has been invaded
to the newspapers delight, of course, the editors are women,
as are the contributors; it isn’t fair.
His wife enters. She has been on the treadmill for an hour,
asks him if he has done the dishes? No! He says folding his arms in protest.
Do them now the cleaning lady is coming, she may think badly about us.
Triumph, at last, he thinks, typical female worries about silly things.
The king of a snowy country
the king sat on his throne in his underwear
his wife, the queen, was ironing his uniform.
The ambassador of Mongolia was arriving today
presenting his credential a word that made
the king giggle.
The king of Scandinavia is not well paid and
he has to pay for having a cleaning lady
comes twice a week, the good thing is he gets invited
out often as his presence lends kudos to a party
with plenty of food and wine.
The king sighs, his idiot son, is cycling around the park
dressed in jeans and disturbing the gardener.
The monarch has tried to tell his son he is a crown-prince
and should act with decorum.
The king didn´t want to be a king, a title he inherited
when his father died.
His wife comes in with the uniform he puts it on and
feels quite royal while putting all his medals to his chest.
His wife is going to a hairdresser, the king will open a tin
of sardines for his lunch.
I glance at my favorite ring.
The one I wear every day now.
The large pear shaped blue topaz is gone.
The opal band looks bereft without it.
I think of all the groceries I have sacked in the last four hours.
Wishing I had not cleaned the storeroom too now.
Want me to help you look? My manager asks.
I am a check-out girl who also had to clean a freezer today.
It could be in six dozen places, all of them in this store.
Or at home, under a couch, or swept up in a vacuum bag.
This is the day the cleaning lady comes and she only vacuums.
I blink back tears. It could have gone home with a customer.
My beautiful blue topaz will be thrown away by someone
Who might not even see it. Maybe it is in a paper bag crease.
Believe it or not someone has found it and brings it back to the store.
Here it is now, safe and sound, at the jewelers, getting new prongs.
People are basically not only good, but sometimes great.
Me
ACCEPTANCE SPEECH
I would like to thank all my readers and fans for supporting me and making this award I received so meaningful. I would like to thank PoetySoup and the poetic academy for all their accolades. I wish to thank my ex wives, my numerous children, and all the flowers I have planted over the years. I realize I am great, and I realize I am making poetry great again, and as much of a burden as this is for me to carry, I do so with honor. I wish to thank Pizza Hut and MacDonald's, as well as my personal friend the Kernel Saunders for the buckets of support he have given me.
I would love to thank my editors, my agent, my illustrators, my cleaning lady and also my very talented chef. Much deep appreciation also for my chauffeur and butler Keith. I am in gratitude also to my dentist for which without her talent of the mouth, I would not be smiling now. I would like to also thank all my village, and also the company that supplies all my cafe lattes, they filter so well, is so very much appreciated.
Finally, I must also thank my travel agent, my plumber and twelve stone masons for all their rock solid support.
God bless you all
Every month he cuts and styles your hair
She delivers your paper in darkness when you are not there
He mows your lawn and trims the grass' edges
She plants your flowers and shapes the hedges
She vacuums your carpets and mops your wood floors
She takes care of your children when you're out of doors
The barber, delivery person, landscaper and florist
The cleaning lady, child care specialist, and so many more of us
We take care of what you're too busy for throughout the year
What would life be like without us if we just disappeared?
Hello!
Yes, I got your number from my sister.
She got it from the bulletin board at the “Stop, Shop and Save-a-lot”
I’m calling about the ad for “cleaning lady needed”
I have a couple of questions.
How many bathrooms are in the home?
I have a problem holding water. I don’t mean like, in a bucket!
I mean holding my water. When I have to go, I need a bathroom close by.
But, don’t worry, if I make wet, I’ll clean it up good, and you’d never know it.
On my last job, there were three facilities and that worked out great, except for the time
the grandbaby stuffed a tomato in the upstairs toilet and the water overflowed.
It leaked all the way down to the first floor; I felt it dripping on my head.
Boy, I cleaned that up fast, didn’t want them to blame it on me!
What’s that you say?
You didn’t post an ad to the board?
Well, could you put me through the family who did?
And hurry - I gotta go!
Thank you
Dedicated to my favorite cleaning lady, Evelyn!!!
The woman who comes and clean the house
once a week, has a voice like a foghorn, she speaks with
a Gypsy accent I have to guess what she says,
anyway she ignores me when I say: no need to water the plants
there will be rain tomorrow; well, it is morrow now.
Now rain has fallen seraph-like clouds drift about as they should
have a day off and decide to have a lazy day.
The sun is up to modest now in October, tries to make up for
the summer when it forced me indoors for two months.
The cleaner has tremendous energy, up at dawn and works all day,
my wife has given her a lot of clothes which she and her
husband, a used car dealer, sells at the market on Sundays
When hearing her voice – and don`t I hear- she brightens up my day
like sunlight on a grumpy day, and I think she`s blessed.
Better take his wife to lunch
after what he said yesterday.
A slip of the tongue.
But where to take her?
The Chinese buffet?
The Indian buffet?
Maybe the Japanese place.
She likes sushi and tempura.
But when he asks about lunch
she says not a chance.
She has to clean the house.
Cleaning lady comes today.
Donal Mahoney
Tuesday afternoon in November.
Well this is, the ending of another day I’m looking out
of the window the road is clean and tidy after rain.
The sun is coming out of hiding and strews golden dust
on the window ledge, it is a sort of thank you since I’m
taking care of a sunray I found huddled behind the gas
bottle in the back yard. It was too cold for it to get back
so I put it under my bed – I need only one blanket now-
so there are times being kind can be helpful.
The sunray, not talkative, hides behind the china I bought
for my daughter’s wedding only I never had a child; it
was a dream I mistook for the real thing; but never mind
the cleaning lady likes to drink tea and pretend she is
a grand dame. It is darker outside than inside so I lit the fire
drink a cup of coffee, at this end of a beautiful day.
Please Officer, Mr. Clean is not like that,
though will admit that we had a little spat.
I used Pine Sol, and he wasn’t really happy,
but assure you that it never made him slappy.
Little Joy was there and Dawn saw it all,
I swear I never used any of the old Lysol,
Brillo in my hand and dab of OxiClean,
I’ll admit that once I turned to Mr. Sheen.
Okay, all right! I’ve cheated other times,
it is hard to write all these dirty rhymes,
I loved Borax and was a real big fan,
Did ménage a tois with spicy Spic & Span,
Slept with Comet, but he wasn’t really bright,
that didn’t help when we got into this fight,
and know that once I really made him boil,
when he found out about Mr. Murphy’s Oil.
But it's such a mess and I needed extra lift,
it never should have been such a kitchen tiff,
news of my betrayal really made him stammer,
When he heard of Ajax, brought Arm & Hammer,
But love him so, locking him up is not my wish,
and don’t want to be left with only this Vanish.
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