Best Cleaning Lady Poems
Hounds from Hell take their toll on your soul
as you walk the mainstreet of mainstream
and watch Saturn and Neptune dance to a simple tone
of silence in the outer space.
As you sit in the middle of the world
alone;
free yourself from the sense of hopelessness,
only see yourself in the mirror of deception
as your reflection laughs at you and looks right through you,
and doesn't have remorse for what it says or does to you.
Hounds from Hell take your soul,
chock you, cut of your air,
the smog and fog blind you in the city of ash.
Hear the hounds from hell howl for your soul,
go now, barracade your soul behind sins and temptation,
Alone, listening to your soul die away,
watch love go away from you, with suitcase in hand,
picture frames broken and collect dust through the sands of time.
Till the cleaning lady comes on Monday, to clean the mess
that you left behind.
You are gone, without a trace of ever returning.
Looks of the Hounds of Hell came for you and stole you from
comfort and warmth,
till the sorrowed heart cracks and pain spills out
and you look at it all spill out over the floor.
The Hounds from Hell have paid a consumable harmage to you,
and your rich soul of sorrowness burns away... slowly.
Fear darkens souls,
innocent souls burn with a new day,
a slumber that has no end
with nightmares haunting every light of hope
there is left in this desolate Wasteland.
Fear and darkness tears a hole in the darkened universe
and we all go to hell to see the Hounds,
who come for us all.
The graveyards fill,
and death guards the tombstones of the dead,
and the flowers burn away on the feet of the dead.
-10/14/2013-
A sweet young thing comes to our humble abode
Once every month without fail
Sure ain't your average cleaner type person
She zooms through the place like a gale
A neighbour once noticed she had a cute li'l bum
I told him I wholeheartedly concur
We both could wind up with marital problems
Accused of being a couple of voyeurs
Once we thought of adopting this young sweetie
But her hubby would never agree
We had to settle for her once a month visits
Such a shame between you and me
It seems I might have lost my train of thought
My engine almost left the station
To get back to the fabulous job that she does
Sure appreciate her monthly visitation
© Jack Ellison 2013
Jack Ellison wasn't from Nantucket
I read prose that his cleaning lady had a nice bucket
But he vowed to look in silence quite as a mouse
For fear of sleeping in the perpetual doghouse
PD, appears and disappears like whoodini
I have seen the poems where she's a meanie
She also wrote about trading seeds for a donkey
She could have just as easily traded seeds for her monkey
Thephilosopher, what a silly nick indeed
He would trade if he only had a seed
A good monkey he could certainly use
Or would the ass he choose?
I would write about a Star I once knew
But from sight has she flew
Entering contest after contest without fail
A questionable close here could lead to hell
Wayland Bunch mentioned afore
He often rambles and can bore
His idea of humor often misconstrued
If he were a famous writer he'd be sued
There is a poet here named gigno
What is up with him though
Commenting with three exclamations
Does he think they equal explanations?
The Gaijin, clerihew after clerihew he did write
He gave up being Haijin, mostly out of spite
Who wants to write only three lines of poetry, he mopes
Haikus are for dopes (haha, that one should draw some attention)
He's called NietzscheThePhilosipher on Mocospace
Beware moco is a dirty dirty place
He went there often just to chat
But found out that perversion was the welcome mat
The boy from Texas wasn't scared though
He heard much worse, although he says it aint so
One time or two he wrote a clerihew
Becareful lest the next clerihew be about you
He read Jack's quatrains almost everday
They were medicine to the soul he would say
Maybe vodka to the inhibitions explains it best
If not, he'll just drink the vodka and forget the rest
I think I should mention Linda once more
I won't even write what you think, I don't need the war
I live by peace for all, that's the key
What happens if this last line contains piece and monkey (hahahaha)
Me
ACCEPTANCE SPEECH
I would like to thank all my readers and fans for supporting me and making this award I received so meaningful. I would like to thank PoetySoup and the poetic academy for all their accolades. I wish to thank my ex wives, my numerous children, and all the flowers I have planted over the years. I realize I am great, and I realize I am making poetry great again, and as much of a burden as this is for me to carry, I do so with honor. I wish to thank Pizza Hut and MacDonald's, as well as my personal friend the Kernel Saunders for the buckets of support he have given me.
I would love to thank my editors, my agent, my illustrators, my cleaning lady and also my very talented chef. Much deep appreciation also for my chauffeur and butler Keith. I am in gratitude also to my dentist for which without her talent of the mouth, I would not be smiling now. I would like to also thank all my village, and also the company that supplies all my cafe lattes, they filter so well, is so very much appreciated.
Finally, I must also thank my travel agent, my plumber and twelve stone masons for all their rock solid support.
God bless you all
I find that as the years roll by,
the little things give me a high.
A phone call from my sweet granddaughter,
will keep me smiling for hours after.
My cleaning lady came today,
dusted and scrubbed all dirt away.
With my little habitat all shining,
you certainly won’t catch me whining.
While she was cleaning I went out
in my little grandma run about.
I went to the store to buy some toys
for some needy little girls and boys.
It makes me happy to think they
will have a joyous Christmas Day.
My box will go on the big church pile.
We’re trying to make the whole world smile.
One of my poems has made top ten.
What fun, I think I’ll try again.
I wish my mom had been given a chance
to write a poem that could reach to France.
I awoke this morning without pain.
The bright sunshine has chased the rain.
I realize as my two cats play,
I’ve had a very pleasant day.
By: Joyce Johnson 11/5/11 For Francine’s “Happy” contest
Came in no. 6
Better take his wife to lunch
after what he said yesterday.
A slip of the tongue.
But where to take her?
The Chinese buffet?
The Indian buffet?
Maybe the Japanese place.
She likes sushi and tempura.
But when he asks about lunch
she says not a chance.
She has to clean the house.
Cleaning lady comes today.
Donal Mahoney
The woman who comes and clean the house
once a week, has a voice like a foghorn, she speaks with
a Gypsy accent I have to guess what she says,
anyway she ignores me when I say: no need to water the plants
there will be rain tomorrow; well, it is morrow now.
Now rain has fallen seraph-like clouds drift about as they should
have a day off and decide to have a lazy day.
The sun is up to modest now in October, tries to make up for
the summer when it forced me indoors for two months.
The cleaner has tremendous energy, up at dawn and works all day,
my wife has given her a lot of clothes which she and her
husband, a used car dealer, sells at the market on Sundays
When hearing her voice – and don`t I hear- she brightens up my day
like sunlight on a grumpy day, and I think she`s blessed.
The Workaholic
By Elton Camp
To Sam his job is his principal delight
He seldom sees his house except at night
And so long at his office Sam does stay
That his kids are usually tucked away
His wife doesn’t hurry in from her date
As she knows for certain he’ll be late
If his cellular phone rings at night or day
“The XYZ Company,” is what he’ll say
To develop other interest he doesn’t try
For he is thinking of demand & supply
The office cleaning lady made him realize
Her words to him came as a great surprise
“Minimum wage is the extent of my pay
But I’d rather that than to live your way.”
Please Officer, Mr. Clean is not like that,
though will admit that we had a little spat.
I used Pine Sol, and he wasn’t really happy,
but assure you that it never made him slappy.
Little Joy was there and Dawn saw it all,
I swear I never used any of the old Lysol,
Brillo in my hand and dab of OxiClean,
I’ll admit that once I turned to Mr. Sheen.
Okay, all right! I’ve cheated other times,
it is hard to write all these dirty rhymes,
I loved Borax and was a real big fan,
Did ménage a tois with spicy Spic & Span,
Slept with Comet, but he wasn’t really bright,
that didn’t help when we got into this fight,
and know that once I really made him boil,
when he found out about Mr. Murphy’s Oil.
But it's such a mess and I needed extra lift,
it never should have been such a kitchen tiff,
news of my betrayal really made him stammer,
When he heard of Ajax, brought Arm & Hammer,
But love him so, locking him up is not my wish,
and don’t want to be left with only this Vanish.
our home is a dream
its very clean
tho house keeper is mean
her name sade
she is our
CLEANNING LADY
any superstitious peasants
out there tonight
TV junkies gossipy groupies
smooth talking saxophonists
am I talking too fast
for couple's therapy
uh oh here comes
another scar on my head
the optimist would say
the scar of opportunity
fortunately digression is an art
that never plays for keeps
you don't want to become
the unwitting tool
of smarter people do you
you do
it's your worst nightmare
instead let's play museum
you have eye
you have other eye
you will however need an augury
let's step onto the showroom floor
where we have our latest models
Bill the mechanic seer
could tell your fate
from a pile of tossed grease rags
he was right almost every time
he even told 3 circus anteaters
they would run for President
and they did
Edwina the cleaning lady sibyl
could swing a vacuum bag
round her head and tell from the
dust cloud if you were gonna die
from gall bladder or aphrodisiac
Zaza the 1 trick pony
could hoof the innards of a road kill
and you'd find love
an astronomer named Ziggy
told our planet that a big rock
was coming from the sky like a freight train
that's why I'm appearing before you
in this ethereal minimum medium
you'll have to forgive me
if I show a lack of enthusiasm
for this dangerous matter
I may have fallen captive to the tow
of the clandestine echelons
working their hands like bug legs
in a sign language
that horrifies the deaf
I've scanned this
for alien message implants
you won't need a map of area 51
just a chicken wire cage
which is always as refreshing as
another lash of the cane
take permission out behind the toadstools
and put a bullet up its shirt
they just hand me the script
and I broadcast what I'm told
radio free Carthage
From "Engine of Didactic Beauty" available on Amazon
Artist Portfolio: http://walteralter.site11.com/
Aunt Elsa’s Maid
By Elton Camp
Aunt Elsa always had a thing to tell
Each visit she picked up a silver bell
“To call my maid, this is what I use.
She comes and does what I choose.”
But, somehow the maid was away
Whenever it was our visiting day
Aunt Elsa had a most ordinary job
Yet she had the demeanor of a snob
But her sophistication she did parade
Continually reminded us of her maid
We all acted just so very impressed
Did no harm to go along, we guessed
We didn’t the actual fact misconstrue
The “maid” when the words were true
Wasn’t a servant the bell could seek
But a cleaning lady one day a week
But I am Retired
By Elton Camp
From far too many old men that I know,
If wife wants help, this is how it will go
Because they have been put on the dole
Virtual inactivity had become the goal
Even if the wife has worked as long as he,
No reason to share housework can he see
She is supposed to wash, cook, and clean
But to mow the yard, he just might deign
It seems to me this is simply quite unfair
In the housework he certainly should share
She doesn’t eat all the food or wear all clothes
Why shouldn’t he participate in jobs like those?
“Then how about you?” someone will surely say
In your home does it actually work out that way?
Yes. I did a share of the housework even before
Now that I’m retired, I am doing a whole lot more
Every morning, a hot breakfast I carefully prepare
And at every meal, for washing dishes I take care
I would wash clothes, but that she won’t allow
Cause she doesn’t approve of my sorting somehow
But for the worst jobs that both of us have hated
To a weekly cleaning lady they now are delegated
I should work hard as her as far as I am able to see
Necessary tasks I think should really be gender free
But there are some things that I simply never choose
Never, ever would I think I should move her shoes
But if I happen to leave mine just inside the door,
They will vanish where I can’t find them anymore
Hello!
Yes, I got your number from my sister.
She got it from the bulletin board at the “Stop, Shop and Save-a-lot”
I’m calling about the ad for “cleaning lady needed”
I have a couple of questions.
How many bathrooms are in the home?
I have a problem holding water. I don’t mean like, in a bucket!
I mean holding my water. When I have to go, I need a bathroom close by.
But, don’t worry, if I make wet, I’ll clean it up good, and you’d never know it.
On my last job, there were three facilities and that worked out great, except for the time
the grandbaby stuffed a tomato in the upstairs toilet and the water overflowed.
It leaked all the way down to the first floor; I felt it dripping on my head.
Boy, I cleaned that up fast, didn’t want them to blame it on me!
What’s that you say?
You didn’t post an ad to the board?
Well, could you put me through the family who did?
And hurry - I gotta go!
Thank you
Dedicated to my favorite cleaning lady, Evelyn!!!
Tuesday afternoon in November.
Well this is, the ending of another day I’m looking out
of the window the road is clean and tidy after rain.
The sun is coming out of hiding and strews golden dust
on the window ledge, it is a sort of thank you since I’m
taking care of a sunray I found huddled behind the gas
bottle in the back yard. It was too cold for it to get back
so I put it under my bed – I need only one blanket now-
so there are times being kind can be helpful.
The sunray, not talkative, hides behind the china I bought
for my daughter’s wedding only I never had a child; it
was a dream I mistook for the real thing; but never mind
the cleaning lady likes to drink tea and pretend she is
a grand dame. It is darker outside than inside so I lit the fire
drink a cup of coffee, at this end of a beautiful day.