H ealth forsakes you
O ver and over magic tonics promise recovery
P otential healing lures promising in the trees, again
E ven Eve knows better than to pick and eat, again
I am simply trying to stay afloat
In an otherwise sinking land
An escape between past and future
An island of pain
Treaded up
Barefoot in the sand
Grains of memories stuck in the creases
Standing is sore
Walking is sore
On my hands and knees I beg
Relief is all I pray for
The physical and mental torment
Occupying a vessel that doesn’t know how to swim
My head hurts from thinking
My hands hurt from holding on
The sun hasn’t risen in a while now
But the clouds bare a similar resemblance
To the ache that wants to be unearthed
Tears and rain, all in the same
A necessary cleansing so we can grow beyond
I love the winter, the way it whirls my breath
Away; reminds me I am alive, there's hope.
I love the ferns bejeweled in snow, the heath
As it patterns our legs, walking forest-roads.
I love the spring, that washes snow away,
Brings flowers, strong roots, fragile and pale-
Seeming. I love the summer, storm-blaze
Lazy lightning, theater of stars, golden corn
That nourishes body and soul. Yet much more
I love my friend, Artemis-twin, born
Under the weight of July, dice against the score,
Surviving, with lightning bolt in her spine.
Her autumn rain, soft and healing, but strong,
Metallic purple dancing in wind-song.
Chronic
Fool, that I was, I thought to be more
Only to be gutted, and left on the shore.
To Doctor’s appointments, I dutifully arrived
To be sent away, told lie after lie.
You look so good, you must feel fine?
The only explanation, “it’s all in your mind”.
The package so shinny, the skin, so bright,
The body inside, it’s tainted with blight.
So many years, I lobbied and I strived,
Wanting more, than just to survive.
Nothing’s possible, all dreams, gone
Once, I danced, now, pain’s pawn.
The day’s are listless, seas, becalmed,
Waiting for light, without hope of dawn.
I feel riddled with sickness,
plagued by all infirmity.
Like a fiddle playing a -
score of sombre tunes.
(Kouta form - Japanese quatrain, 7,7,7,5)
03.20.2024
Waking moments feel like eternity,
When pain swallows the serenity,
Everyday life is no longer the same,
"You seem to have Chronic pain"
Doctors can't find the cause or solution,
I cry and scream,
Who is there to blame,
Not everything can be proven,
but not everyone believes,
"Its nothing but laziness",
I scream mercy but they are all merciless,
Chronic pain,
Feeling shame,
Takes me away,
From the ones I love,
The person I was feels like a shadow,
The person I am now feels like a husk,
Chronic, makes me feel stuck,
The words "Are you okay?"
makes me feel sick to my stomach,
So I put on a smile and lie,
and say I'm fine,
its just "chronic".
She
Swallowed
Love and it
Became chronic
Love disease in her life,some folks blaimed her
while ignoring her true love toward him.
Yes, she defined
True love at
Him the
Most.
1. know your limits
-don't exceed them when you know it will only cause you more pain
-push past them every day and embrace the sting
2. you aren't alone
-not only this, but you alone are not enough
-don't let them tell you that you are
-you will only get through this with help
3. don't be afraid to cry
-you will hate yourself, your life, your circumstances
-basically, everything you are and have and do and...
-but you are not defined by the times you trip, stumble, fall down, or crash and burn
-you are defined by the times you rise from the ashes, wipe off your bloody and scraped palms, and fight again
4. vulnerability is ok
-even if it's just you and your cat
5. tomorrow will be better than today
-life is what you choose to make it
-if you believe that tomorrow will be better, it will be
-if you tell yourself you'll get through this, you will
-even when it's not
6. you are stronger than you know
-that body of yours can take a whole lot more punishment than you could ever believe
-your mind is even stronger than your body
-you are beautiful and powerful
-the struggle is what makes everything worth it
When traveling a stretch of life's highway
Does it feel like it's uphill both ways?
Does it feel like winter's twelve months long?
Do you work like a dog for small pay?
Well welcome to a newly formed club
The Association of Chronic Bellyachers
We meet every Thursday at the crack of dawn
We're a bunch of cranky “whine” makers
No grins, guffaws, or laughter allowed
Could be thrown out on your rear
We've a couple of burly guards at the door
Wearing scowls from ear to ear
So if there's really nothing that bugs you
You ain't welcome at one of our meetings
Especially if you're really content with your life
You could even end up with a beating
We take this bellyaching seriously you know
It's developed into a new kind of art
The technique we've developed is really simple
Happiness never invades our heart
Now, if the real truth of the matter be known
With tongue planted firmly in my cheek
I'm really this sweet, kind hearted old codger
Never gripes, never lets out a peep!
is it my weight or my age or both?
is it arthritis in my spine?
I can barely walk today
or straighten out my back
spinal cord anguish
bad vertebrae?
need to stretch
chronic
ache
duskfall creature,
tipsy on the blood of the covenant,
tell me, when did you pull the ninth card?
when your fangs grew in
and your eyes grew tired,
what made you build the castle walls?
the sunlight burns, you protest,
every silver-backed mirror a reminder to forget.
close the books, put down your stakes,
because the real world doesn’t work like that, creature of the night.
shame hasn’t cured the illness.
you paint a picture of their stares in the back of your eyelids
etch their whispers into the corners of your mind,
bear the weight of their crosses.
duskfall creature,
drunkenly playing the hermit,
why do you push the wooden stake against your own chest?
Shingles is something I live with daily
Chosen for me by whom?
I have no idea.
I doubt it is my choice, as it is painful.
My skin is tender; shingles is red, raw, sore, and rough.
This disease is something I try to forget about every day.
I can push it back into the farthest corners of my brain.
If I am deeply engaged in painting, cartooning, or writing.
But then BAM it comes back in full force, unbidden, unwelcome.
This malady is something I have lived with for over two years.
My doctor has told me it might be until the end of my life.
I remember staring at a bottle of morphine and codeine one time.
The doctor had warned me if I took them both, I would die.
I was in enough pain at that moment to almost do it.
I have no idea why I didn’t.
I threw the morphine pills away,
so I cannot ever be tempted with that again.
In case the pain gets worse.
I feel broken, incapacitated
This Migraine Disease has stolen
So much time from my life
But also the relationships
So many cannot cope
With someone with chronic pain
So we become unworthy
Slowly people lose touch
Or some create stories
To fit their agenda that
We don’t fit into anymore
We are not believed
We are histrionic
No one can have chronic pain that long
If we are lucky, we may have a few
Mostly our favorite Doctor, or a friend
That really truly get it but
It’s few and far between
Our families cannot cope
Because were broken
Unable to function in their world
So what were left is the loneliness
Of chronic pain
Let alone the pain
Our hearts are torn apart
As we
Become
Discarded.
Taoists recognize
all outside exposed inside egos
feel watched
when walking through
a new or, some stressed times,
even a long familiar
housed human eco-habitat
But some of us feel marginal,
suspected,
anxious about being judged
and shamed
and blamed
for assumed insufficiencies
at aggressively playing monoculturing win/lose
Straight
WesternWhite
Patriarchal
eco-political games
And sometimes we feel anticipation,
privileged multicultural excitement
and active hope
That the multigenerational family
moving in next door
will have kids our win/win needy age
Still health/wealth co-empathic
feeling ego/ecosystemic healing memories
Of past
RedYang/GreenYintegrity walking
waking small revolutionary
repurposing
transportive
transcendent communion experiences
ReStorying Earth's polyculturing just Ways,
PolyPathic Means,
CoMediations of health-felt cooperative experience
In Ego/Eco-Pedestrian NonZero Zones
of active co-mediation,
win/win strategic and healing game designers
bilaterally co-passioned,
walking along 1/0 binomial
double-binary
boundaries
Anticipating ego/eco-systemic
compassionately progressing
communions.
Ever wonder what difference it might make
To relinquish a trophy for someone else's sake
Who needs a win in their life right then
When you have a history of getting the win?
Ever wonder what difference it might make
To give up what would be easy to take
To realize the other fellow needs to score
While you only crave one laurel more?
Ever wonder what difference it might make
To pass up that honor without being fake
By genuinely setting your own need aside
Helping someone else to crest the tide?
Ever wonder what difference it might make
To learn the value of being opaque?
While seeing another enjoy the limelight
You might gain for yourself a valuable insight.
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