Buffalo Bill
wants to fight the edl like the people smugglers
Lawyers acumen
of a bewildering kind
but will he succeed on both counts
she was homely and plain
Buffalo Bill dressed her poster up, pretending pretty
the men would not come to watch her shoot
if they knew the truth about Annie Oakley
Long time ago in town of El Paso
there's a handsome cowboy named Hunter Joe.
Charming as Buffalo Bill,
his mere looks could even kill;
Ladies flocked him like a wild Wild West show.
May 1, 2023
A Funny Or Bawdy Limerick Poetry Contest (4th place)
Sponsored By: Tania Kitchin
Benjamin Buffalo came on my tele show
For he had written a book
The world’s oldest Buffalo with tales of long ago
Gave a retrospective look
I asked Benji Buffalo, here’s what I’d like to know
Did you know Buffalo Bill
He said let the record show that I’m a Buffalo
Listen to this if you will
Bill was a nice ’en but he herded Bison
His rope never wrapped around me
For Bison were smaller, us Buffalo, taller
But each of us need to roam free
On one lucky pass he slapped me on my ass
He did have a very warm hand
Back then I was thicker but not a lot quicker
It turns out I’m sporting his brand
Hydro bill
Visa bill
Food bill
Toilet paper bill
Heating bill
Wine bill
Car bill
Phone bill
Clothing bill
Duck bill
Buffalo bill
Entertainment bill
Anti acids tablets bill
Insurance bill
Bar bill
House bill
Weed bill
Bakery bill
Starbucks bill
Medical bill
Psychotic drugs bill
Dental bill
Legal bill
( for murdering dentist)
Lawn bill
Maid bill
Sexy maid bill
Super sexy maid bill
Misc hookers bill
Feminists lawsuit bill
Internet bill
Cable bill
Speeding ticket bill
Second speeding ticket bill
(to pay first bill)
Drivers license bill
Tic-Tac bill
Kidney replacement bill
Second wine bill
Netflix bill
Barber bill
Uber bill
Russian translation bill
Predator Bill
Y-Bush bill
Donald Trump
Assassination bill
Legal bill
Alimony bill
Stormy bill
Few now look back on those times that are gone
When Hoodoo and Rudebaugh rode rough stock;
When Clantons and Cowboys carved out Tombstone
And the West was legend with Wyatt and Doc.
There's Jesse amd Frank and Youngers of course--
Daltons and Wild Bunch and many forgot;
Billy the Kid and that Wild Bill Hickok--
John Wesley Hardin: another hard lot.
Too few now know of old Buffalo Bill--
Cowboys are just jokes and those to be feared;
Good western movies are rare and too few--
Ranch land is shrinking and too often cleared.
The Old West is fading and few give a damn--
Long gone are Bat Masterson and Luke Short;
There's no more Blackjack Ketchem or Black Bart--
Belle Starr's forgotten and Judge Roy Bean's court.
Few now look back on those times that are gone
When Hoodoo and Rudebaugh rode rough stock;
When Clantons and cowboys carved out Tombstone
And the West was legend with Wyatt and Doc.
Out here in "Colo-rah-dee"
It's dry as dry can be
Dustbowls do get rowdy
As far as you can see
Ranchers cook upon the fire
Some coffee and some beans,
There something to admire
Have been many movie themes
Buffalo Bill did travel here
Many years ago
Drive up to see, have no fear
There's lots they have to show
Travel up to the plains
Where buffalo and antelope roam
You will never be the same
It may become your home
For out here we live simply
Our clothes and boots are worn
Our middles may be dimply
Our shirts they may be torn
Mountains may surround us
And blaze in summers sun
Gold has caused many to fuss
That's how the west was won.
So come on out to see
The country at its best
I chose to live here for me
Because I love the West.
If it’s possible to close my eyes
Then by clicking my heels
I could go back in time anywhere
The Wild West, that’s my deal
Back in time to the gun slinging days
A big iron on my hip
The beer so cheap it’s almost free
A nickel’s a big tip
I want to ride a horse named Sugar
Meet old Buffalo Bill
Walk the streets with Wyatt Earp
Stroll around on Boot Hill
I want to be at OK corral
When the shooting begins
Just be there as part of the crowd
See if the Earp’s will win
I want to belly up to the bar
Put my boot on the rail
Spit into one of brass spittoons
Ask the bar keep for ale
Just experience the Wild West life
Not sure what lies ahead
But when I wake up, I hope to be
Nice and safe in my bed
"Close your eyes and click your heels" Contest
Charles Sides
The wild west created many cowboys with the will to win;
some were robbers and didn't care whom they hurt,
others true gentlemen who courted beautiful women
and fought for justice's sake making everyone shout.
Buffalo Bill must have been the most famous of all,
he delt with the Native Indians and was admired as well;
his horse was swift and his tracker's mind was always alert,
many trails he left behind and those stories evolved into legend.
Hollywood created its own cowboys: John Wayne and Clint Eastwood,
both were known for their sarcasm and good looks, but faithful they remained
to their steed with those images of fearless cowboys, but they couldn't be compared
to the Lonely Ranger for speed and shrewdness everywhere his keen eyes turned.
Buffalo Bill
Stood in the rain and caught a chill
Was very ill and in some pain
He moaned and groaned…"This is a calamity, Jane!!"
My oldest possession is a spittoon
My spittoon goes back a ways into history
Where it originated is a bit of a mystery
It has a bullet hole right aboutOhere
I’m told that Buffalo Bill Cody put it there
From over across the street to impress his girl
The Lass who went by the name of Annie Oakley
She could ride and shoot with the very best of all men
She would beat all of them at their very own game
Riding and roping, trick shots gathering fame
She out shot Frank Butler who fell for her
and he was forever happy as her lover.
In Cody’s wild west show she pleased a lot
of people who loved her as “Little Sure Shot”
May 11 2010 For Amy's "Complete Concrete" contest
Pretty funny name for a girl—her name traveled ‘round the world,
“little Miss Sure=Shot” they called her everywhere.
She sure shootin’ earned her fame—“Annie Oakley” was her other name—
She blasted those little glass balls right out of the air…
And a Winchester rifle became that girl’s best friend!
Little Miss Sure-Shot, you shot through our hearts back then;
And the likes of your marksmanship won’t be seen again.
Little Miss Sure-Shot you shot through our hearts back then…
In your cowgirl costume you rode through our Western dream.
Her Daddy died when she was ten—she picked up a rifle and then
She filled up the table with rabbits and quail to eat.
At fifteen she met her man—good lookin’ with a gun in his hand;
He tried to outshoot her but that hero, he got beat.
So he married little Annie—they hit the bull’s eve with their love!
She done pretty good for a girl Her boss he took her ‘round the world—
Buffalo Bill on that Wild West show-biz trail.
From Memphis to Cheyenne—she shook Queen Victoria’s hand,
Little Miss sure-Shot, her aim it never failed….
And she shot a cigarette out of Kaiser Wilhelm’s mouth!
Pretty funny name for a girl—her name traveled ‘round the world,
“little Miss Sure-Shot” they called her everywhere.
She sure shootin’ earned her fame—“Annie Oakley” was her other name—
She blasted those little glass balls right out of the air…
And a Winchester rifle became that girl’s best friend!
Little Miss Sure-Shot, you shot through our hearts back then;
And the likes of your marksmanship won’t be seen again.
Little Miss Sure-Shot you shot through our hearts back then…
In your cowgirl costume you rode through our Western dream.
Her Daddy died when she was ten—she picked up a rifle and then
She filled up the table with rabbits and quail to eat.
At fifteen she met her man—good lookin’ with a gun in his hand;
He tried to outshoot her but that hero, he got beat.
So he married little Annie—they hit the bull’s eve with their love!
She done pretty good for a girl Her boss he took her ‘round the world—
Buffalo Bill on that Wild West show-biz trail.
From Memphis to Cheyenne—she shook Queen Victoria’s hand,
Little Miss sure-Shot, her aim it never failed….
And she shot a cigarette out of Kaiser Wilhelm’s mouth!
It doesn’t seem like that long ago I was heading to the park
Meet some friends and play until well after dark
It was a special time being young and free
Riding the sliding board or climbing a tree
An innocence searching for a pot of gold
Never dreaming of growing old
I was king of the mountain, on top of the hill
I was Robin Hood and Buffalo Bill
Pony tails and freckles were in style
My heart would race when I’d see her smile
We’d light up a lucky because we were men
Filters were for girls way back then
In the pavilion we’d meet the rest of the crowd
While a transistor radio played music out loud
Sometimes we’d lie in the grass and count the stars
Or look at taillights and identify cars
We’d ride our bicycles home at night
On the handlebars we’d tie a flashlight
We shared our happiness, joys and sorrow
Living for today, not worrying about tomorrow
I’m still king of the mountain and there I’ll stay
Enjoying each moment with each passing day
This is the story of Buffalo Bill
An ordinary buffalo was he - until
A beautiful flower he saw on a hill
Instead of grazing
He just stood gazing
With joy the flower did him fill
Soon left behind was Buffalo Bill
The herd thinking he might be ill
Not knowing why he stood so still
The flower - swaying
To Bill was saying
Stay here forever Do say you will
Everyone heard about Buffalo Bill
First from Jack and then from Jill
They all went running up the hill
To see this flower
That had such power
To discover an ordinary daffodil
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